Among the gods of the heavens, there was a famous laughing stock known throughout the three realms.

Legend has it that eight hundred years ago, there was an ancient country within the Central Plains called Xian Le nation.

The ancient nation of Xian Le had vast territory, abundant resources and content citizens. The country had four treasures: delicate beauties aplenty, thriving arts & literature, treasures of gold and jewels and last but not least, their renown Royal Highness the Crown Prince.

This person, His Royal Highness the Crown Prince....you could say.... was a strange man.

The Emperor and Empress considered him to be the apple of their eyes. They doted on him immensely and would often proudly proclaim: “In the future, my son will surely become a wise monarch, leaving a reputable impression for generations to come .”

Yet, in the regards of what came with royalty, of riches, power and honor, the Crown Prince had no interest.

What he was interested in, quoting the very words he often said to himself, was——

“I want to save the common folks!”

.

The young prince cultivated in earnest. During this time, two short stories became widely circulated. .

The first story occurred when he was seventeen years old.

That year, the nation of Xian Le held a magnificent Offering to the Gods parade.

Although this tradition had already been abandoned for numerous centuries, through surviving ancient texts and verbal stories, one could imagine the grandeur of the event..

Offering to the Gods day, Martial God Main Street.

Both sides of the Main Street were overflowing with a sea of people. The aristocrats were seated on top of high buildings as they exchanged friendly chatter; while the imperial guards cleared the way with their impressive armours clinking. Young girls danced gracefully as their snow-white hands scattered flower petals like rain, filling the sky as far as the eye could see. It made people question whether the dancing maidens were more beautiful or the flowers themselves. Melodious notes sounded from within golden carriages and floated throughout the whole Imperial City. Behind honorable guards, sixteen white horses with golden bridles walked side-by-side as they pulled forward a magnificent platform.

Located on top of the tall, magnificent platform was the focus of everyone’s attention, there stood the martial artist to perform a show to please the Gods.

During the festive heavenly parade, the martial artist would adorn a golden mask, don splendid garments and wield a sword in one hand. He would perform the role of the first military deity in a millennium to have subdued demonic beasts——Martial God Heavenly Emperor Jun Wu.

Being selected as the martial artist to perform such a show could be considered equivalent as to receiving the utmost honour, and thus the selection criteria was extremely strict. This year, the one who was chosen was none other than His Royal Highness the Crown Prince. The entire nation was convinced that he would surely be able to become the most marvellous martial artist to perform such a performance since the beginning of time.

However, on that day, something unexpected occurred.

The guard of honour made his third lap around the city walls, passing through one side with a dozen or more tall city walls.

During that time, the martial god on the magnificent stage was just about to land a killing blow on a demon.

This was the most exciting scene, and thus the people on both sides of the Main Street were fired up with passion. The people on the city walls were also becoming more rowdy as they started outdoing each other in sticking their heads out to see, both struggling and shoving.

Right at this moment, a young child fell from the top of the city gate tower.

Earsplitting screams pierced the heavens. Just when everyone thought that the young child was about to splash blood onto the Martial God Main Street, the Crown Prince lifted his head slightly before he leapt up and caught him.

The people only had enough time to glimpse a bird-like, white figure flit through the empty sky before the Crown Prince landed safely with the young child. His golden mask fell off, revealing the young and handsome face previously hidden behind it.

In the next moment, a crowd of ten thousand began to cheer.

The common people were delighted, but the Taoist ministers from the Imperial Household had some headaches.

They would never have thought in a million years that such a gigantic mistake would have occurred.

It was ominous, too ominous!

Every lap the magnificent platform does around the Imperial City represents a prayer for a year of the country’s peace and prosperity. Now that it had been interrupted, wasn’t that the same as incurring disaster?!

The ministers were worried to the point they lost hair like rain. After they pondered over the past and the now probable events that might occur in the future, they invited over the Crown Prince and tactfully suggested, Your Highness, can you face the wall for a month2 to show your repentance? You don’t have to actually do it, just the gesture to show your intent would be enough.

The Crown Prince smiled before replying, “No need.”

He explained his thoughts, “Saving people isn’t something bad. How could the Heavens fault me because I did the right thing?”

...And if by chance the Heavens do decide to blame you?

“Then the Heavens would be the ones who are wrong. Why should the people who are right apologize to the ones who are wrong?”

The ministers were speechless.

His Royal Highness the Crown Prince was exactly this type of person.

He’d never encountered anything he wasn’t able to accomplish, and he also never met anyone who didn’t love him. He was always right, and he was the heart of the world.

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Thus, the ministers felt deep pain in their hearts as they thought, “What the hell do you know!?”

However, it wasn’t convenient for them to say more, and they also didn’t dare do it. His Highness wouldn’t listen to them anyway.

·

The second story also took place in the year the Crown Prince was seventeen.

According to the legends, on the south side of the Yellow River existed a bridge called the Yi Nian3 Bridge, where a famous ghost wandered for many years.

This ghost was utterly terrifying—dressed in ruined armor with flames from hell following its footsteps; its whole body was also covered in blood and pierced by numerous blades and arrows. Every step he took left behind the traces of both blood and fire. Every few years, it would suddenly appear during the night, wandering at the foot of the bridge and stopping travellers to ask them three questions: “Where is this?” “Who am I?” “What will you do now?”

If one did not answer correctly, they would be completely swallowed by the ghost in one bite. However, nobody knew what the correct answers were supposed to be. Thus, after several years, this ghost already swallowed countless pedestrians.

The Crown Prince heard about this matter one day while he was wandering about. After he found Yi Nian Bridge, he began to guard the foot of the bridge continuously until he finally met the ghost haunting the bridge one night.

The ghost appeared in a flash; and sure enough, it was as eerie and terrifying as what the rumors had claimed. It opened its mouth to ask the Crown Prince the first question, which the Crown Prince replied to him with a smile, “This is the human realm.”

However, the ghost replied, “This is the abyss.”

Beginner’s luck, it was only the first question, but he had already gotten it wrong.

The Crown Prince thought to himself, he was going to answer the questions wrong anyway, so why wait for the ghost to finish asking? Thus, he pulled out his weapon and began to fight.

This battle lasted until the sky became twilight and the land was covered in darkness. The Crown Prince was highly skilled in martial arts, while the ghost became even more daunting and dreadful. One man and one ghost fought on that bridge until the positions of the sun and moon had practically switched, before finally, the ghost was defeated.

After the ghost disappeared, the Crown Prince planted a flowering tree at the foot of the bridge. At that moment, a Taoist had been passing through and saw him scatter a handful of golden soil to help escort the ghost to its next life. He asked, “What are you doing?”

The Crown Prince then spoke his famous eight words: “Body in the abyss, but heart in paradise.”

When the Taoist heard that, he smiled slightly before transforming into a General deity clad in white armor. He stepped onto a magical cloud, summoned a strong wind, and then flew into the sunlight. The Crown Prince only realized then that, by a lucky coincidence, he had unexpectedly encountered the Martial God Heavenly Emperor himself who had descended to the human realm to subdue demonic beasts.

All the Gods were already paying attention to this extremely outstanding martial god after he had leapt into the sky on the day of the Offering to the Gods Parade. After meeting him at the foot of the Yi Nian Bridge, immortals began asking the Emperor: “What do you think of this Royal Highness, the Crown Prince?”

Emperor Jun also answered with eight words: “This child’s future is limitless, impossible to measure.”

That same evening, the sky above the Royal Palace became unnatural as wind and rain caused havoc.

And among the lightning flashes and thundering rolls, His Royal Highness the Crown Prince ascended into godhood.

·

As long as someone ascends, the Heavens would always quake once. When His Royal Highness the Crown Prince ascended, it immediately made the entire Heavens shake three times.

To achieve immortality through one’s efforts and insights was truly hard.

It required innate talent, high cultivation, and the right opportunity.

To be reborn as a respected god, more often than not, was an endless, lifetime journey.

A youngster ascending into godhood and becoming an arrogant brat in the Heavens wasn’t something that hadn’t happened, but there was also plenty of people who bitterly exhausted their entire life cultivating yet still did not achieve immortality. Even if they came across a chance from Heaven, if they didn’t overcome the heavenly tribulation, they would either die or become a waste. Countless humans, like the grains of sand in a desert, had a lives of mediocrity from start to finish, unable to find their right paths due to ignorance.

And so this Royal Highness, the Crown Prince, was undoubtedly the Heaven’s beloved darling. The things he wanted, there was nothing he could not obtain. The things he wanted to do, there was nothing that was impossible for him to accomplish. And when he wanted to ascend into godhood, he really ascended into godhood at age seventeen.

Originally, the Crown Prince was already popular with his people. Coupled with how he was the Emperor’s and Empress’ greatly missed beloved son, they commanded temples in the Crown Prince’s name to be built vigorously in many parts of the country. Statues were erected and everyone assembled to pay their respects. The more believers he had, the more shrines were built, so he lived longer and became more powerful. As a result, in just a couple of years, Xian Le country’s Crown Prince flourished and reached the peak of his power.

——Until three years later, when Xian Le descended into chaos.

·

The reason for the chaos was due to the Emperor’s cruel governing, prompting a rebel army to rise for justice. However, though the fire of war had already started flaming in the human realm, Heaven’s Godly officials could not meddle according to their wishes. Unless it was a result of demons and ghouls overstepping or violating their bounds, what happened must be allowed to happen. Disputes happened everywhere in the world, and every person believed their own actions were justified. If every deity interfered—today you will help and support your country, while tomorrow he helps his descendants take revenge. Wouldn’t that result in immortals coming to blows so frequently that it might eventually cause all life to be destroyed? In his Royal Highness the Crown Prince’s case, it was something he should keep out of even more.

But he didn’t care about that. He told Emperor Jun, “I want to save the common people.”

Though Emperor Jun had accumulated spiritual Godly power for thousands of years, even he did not dare to lightly say those words out loud. When he heard the Crown Prince, his mood could be easily imagined. However, Emperor Jun couldn’t do anything about him and could only helplessly say, “You cannot save everybody.”

The Crown Prince replied, “I can.”

Therefore, he descended to the human realm with no second thoughts.

The people of the entire Xian Le country naturally celebrated. However, since ancient times, folk tales had long tried to warn people of a truth. The event of an unauthorized immortal descending to the human realm would absolutely not bear a good result.

Thus, the fires from the war did not die down, and instead began burning even more wildly.

It wasn’t that His Highness the Crown Prince did not do his best, yet it would have been better had he had not done his best. The more he strived, the more complicated the war became. The people of Xian Le were beaten til their heads fell and their blood flowed, suffering disastrous casualties. Finally, a plague swept throughout the whole Imperial City and the rebels broke into the palace, ending the war.

One could say that when Xian Le country had been struggling on whilst at death’s door, His Royal Highness the Crown Prince had been the one to directly suffocate them.

·

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After the country was wiped out, the people suddenly realized something:

So, it turned out that their Crown Prince deity was not as formidable or perfect as they had imagined.

To put it more vulgarly, wasn’t he just an useless figure who was unable to accomplish anything, but liable to spoiling everything else?

Unable to vent the suffering they had felt after losing both their homes and their beloved ones, angry people covered in wounds rushed into the Crown Prince’s palace hall. They pushed down his Godly statue and burned his shrines.

Eight thousand temples burned for seven days and seven nights—burning until they completely disappeared.

From then on, a Martial God known for protection and peace faded away, and a demonic God who attracted disasters was born.

When people said you were a god, then you were a god. If they said you were sh*t, then you were sh*t. Whatever the people said you were, that was what you became. It had always been like this.

·

No matter what, His Highness the Crown Prince couldn’t accept this fact. What he could not accept even more was the punishment given to him: banishment.

His cultivation was destroyed, and he was to be thrown into the human realm.

From childhood, he had been spoiled a thousand ways as he grew up, so he never suffered the pains and difficulties of normal people. Thus, this penalty made him fall from high in the clouds down into the mud. And in this mud, it was the first time he experienced starvation, poverty, and the feeling of filth. It was also the first time he did things he had never imagined himself ever doing: pilfering, robbing, violently cursing, and abandoning himself to despair. Prestige entirely lost, self-esteem completely gone, he became as ugly as one wanted him to be. Even the most devoted attendants were unable to accept him changing in this way, and thus they chose to leave.

Body in the abyss, but heart in paradise. These eight words were carved almost everywhere in the stone tablets and boards of Xian Le country. Had they not been almost entirely burned away in the war, if His Royal Highness the Crown Prince were to see them again, he would be the first to rush up smash them.

Because the one who personally said the phrase had already proved that when his body was in the abyss, his heart was not in paradise.

·

He ascended quickly, and descended even quicker. The Martial God’s words and his graceful glance, having met both demon and god by chance on Yi Nian Bridge. They seemed as if they were things that had happened yesterday. The Heavens sighed for a bit, for the things that happened in the past remained in the past.

Many years passed when one day, a loud sound shook the Heavens. That Royal Highness the Crown Prince, ascended to Godhood for the second time.

Since ancient times, Gods who had been banished treated it as a setback leading to a total collapse, before degenerating into a ghost or a demon. There were absolutely very little people who were able to reverse their fortunes and return after being banished. This event of ascending for a second time was something entirely worthy of only the vigorous and the strong.

What was even more vigorous was that right after he ascended, he charged into the Heavens to beat up and murder everyone in all four directions. Thus, the Crown Prince had only ascended for about the time it took to burn one incense stick before he was kicked down again.

One incense stick4. It could be said that it was history’s quickest and most violent, yet brief ascension.

If one said that his first ascension was something to be praised, then his second ascending could only be called a farce.

·

After these two times, everyone in Heaven turned their backs on this Crown Prince. But although they abandoned him, they still felt a bit on guard. After all, after he was demoted once, he was driven to such a state of desperation. Now he was banished twice, would he become a demon and retaliate by abusing the common people?

Who knew that after he was demoted again, he did not become a demon and quite sincerely adapted to his banished lifestyle. There were no problems at all, and the only problem was just he was really too earnest.

Sometimes he performed on the streets, masterfully singing or playing both wind and bowed instruments of all kinds. Even breaking a giant stone on his chest was nothing difficult for him. Although they had long heard that His Royal Highness the Crown Prince could sing and dance and was multi-talented, to actually see it in a situation like this really made one’s mood become complicated. Sometimes, he even industriously and conscientiously accepted rubbish.

All the gods were astonished.

For things to become like this, it was really unimaginable. It was to the extent that nowadays, if someone told the other that, “You gave birth to a son who is Xian Le’s Crown Prince”, that would be much more malicious than cursing out the other party’s descendants.

In any case, he was once the peerless beauty His Royal Highness the Crown Prince, who had been ranked as Heaven’s official. To be muddled to this state, there really wasn’t anyone else like him. The so-called laughingstock of the three realms was exactly due to this reason.

After laughing, those who were more sentimental would perhaps sigh. The proud and aloof son of the Heavens from the past truly disappeared.

His Godly statues toppled over, and his ancient country was destroyed with not a single believer left. Slowly, he became someone gradually forgotten by the world. Thus, no one knew where he had wandered off to.

To be banished once was already extraordinary shame and humiliation. To be banished twice, no one could ever climb up again.

·

After many more years, there was suddenly a day where the Heavens was once again disturbed by a loud noise.

It was extremely violent as the ground quaked and the mountains shook.

The altar lamps that burned day and night trembled as their flames danced violently. Godly officials who were awakened departed from their own palace halls, rushing about as they asked, who is the upstart that ascended? This place is shaking so much!

Who knew, just after sighing ‘how amazing, how amazing’, at the next glance, all of Heaven’s Gods felt as if they were struck by lightning over and over again.

Are you still not finished?!

That famous weirdo, the laughingstock of the three realms, His Royal Highness the Crown Prince from the legends, he he he —— he f*cking ascended to godhood again!

The country is named Xian Le, which can also be read as Xian Yue. However, the author made a note saying that we should read it as Xian Le. Xian Le means Heavenly Happiness while Xian Yue would have meant Heavenly Music.”

Facing the wall and meditating, AKA the ministers want the prince to reflect on his actions.”

Yi Nian Bridge has a lot of meanings. Yi \= One, while Nian could mean thought, memory, longing, yearning. I kept it in pinyin because I wasn’t sure which meaning it was trying to convey.”

One incense stick \= approximately 5 minutes RIP poor MC.”

EVER SINCE THEN, things had gone out of control. Less than one hundred years after that first incident, there had been a total of seventeen brides who went missing in the Mount Yujun area. Sometimes there’d be a couple of decades of peace, and sometimes two would go missing in the short span of one month. A horrific legend quickly spread of a ghost groom who lived on Mount Yujun, and if a woman caught his eye, he would kidnap her on the road and devour the marriage procession.

Ordinarily, this affair wouldn’t have been reported to the heavens. Although seventeen brides had gone missing, there were thousands more who were perfectly fine. Either way, the girls couldn’t be found, and they couldn’t be protected even if everyone wanted to do so; they could only make do with the status quo. Now there were fewer families willing to marry their daughters into this area, and the locals didn’t dare make a fanfare of their weddings, that was all.

But it just so happened that the father of the seventeenth bride was a lord official who doted on his daughter. When he heard of the local legend, he meticulously selected forty valiant and capable military officials to escort the marriage procession of his daughter. But the daughter was spirited off anyway.

This ghost groom had really stirred up the hornet’s nest this time. No one this old lord official sought in the Mortal Realm could do anything about it, so in a fit of outrage, he assembled a group of government friends and conducted a wave of crazed religious services. He even followed the guidance of a great master and opened his stores to feed the poor, among other similar deeds. It was a huge uproar that shook the city, until finally this alerted a few heavenly officials above. Without going to such ends, it was practically impossible for the voices of insignificant mortals to reach the ears of gods in heaven.

“That’s the gist of it,” Xie Lian said.

Since those two still looked very uncooperative, he couldn’t tell if they had actually been listening. If they didn’t listen, he’d have to tell the story again. Nan Feng looked up though, and frowned. “Are there any similarities between the missing brides?”

“There are those who are poor and those who are rich, those who are beautiful and those who are ugly, there are lawful wives and there are concubines. In short: there’s no pattern,” Xie Lian said. “We can’t determine at all what this ghost groom’s preference is.”

Nan Feng mn-ed and picked up his teacup to take a sip, seeming to be thinking now. Fu Yao, on the other hand, never touched the tea Xie Lian had pushed in his direction and had been languidly cleaning his fingers with a white handkerchief this entire time.

He said coolly as he wiped, “Your Highness, how would you know that it must be a ghost groom? This can’t be certain, since no one’s ever seen it before. So how can we know if it’s male or female, if it’s old or young? Aren’t you a little too quick to judge?”

Xie Lian grinned. “This scroll is a summary provided by a civil official from the Palace of Ling Wen. The ghost groom is just the common name for it. However, what you’ve said makes a lot of sense.”

They spoke a bit more, and Xie Lian realized that these two junior martial officials’ reasoning and logic were quite coherent. While they didn’t appear very friendly, they weren’t muddled at all when discussing important matters.

Xie Lian felt relieved. Looking out the window, the hour was getting late, so the three left the small shop for the time being. Xie Lian put on his bamboo hat and walked for a bit before abruptly realizing the two behind him weren’t following, so he looked back, puzzled. T urned out, the other two were also watching him in equal bemusement.

Nan Feng asked, “Where are you going?”

“T o find some place to settle for the night,” Xie Lian replied. “Fu Yao, why are you rolling your eyes again?”

Nan Feng continued his questions, still puzzled. “Then why are you heading to the wild bushes?”

Xie Lian often camped out in the wild and slept on the streets, and he could lay out a cloth on the ground and spend the night just like that. So naturally, he was ready to find some cave to start a campfire in as he’d always done.

But it was with Nan Feng’s reminder that he suddenly realized that Nan Feng and Fu Yao were both martial officials under a martial god; if there were any Nan Yang temples or Xuan Zhen temples around, then they could enter directly, so what need was there to sleep out in the wild?

A short while later, the three found a broken-down T udi3 shrine in an incredibly inconspicuous little corner that worshipped a round, small, stone Lord of the Soil and Ground. With incense residue and shattered platters, it looked exceedingly desolate. Xie Lian called out a few times.

This Lord of the Soil and Ground hadn’t been worshipped or called by anyone for years, so when he suddenly heard the call, he snapped open his eyes and saw three people standing before his shrine. The two on the left and right respectively were both enveloped in a sheen of spiritual light abundant like some nouveau riche, their faces barely visible. The deity jumped in alarm.

His voice trembled. “Do the three heavenly officials have anything to command of this humble one?”

Xie Lian inclined his head. “No commands. I just wanted to ask if there are any local temples that worship either General Nan Yang or General Xuan Zhen?”

The Lord of Soil and Ground didn’t dare to affront him and replied, “Um um um…” Then, in a quick divination with the pinch of his fingers, he answered, “There’s a local town temple about two-and-a-half kilometers from here, and the one worshipped is…is…is the General Nan Yang.”

Xie Lian put his hands together in prayer. “Many thanks.”

However, that Lord of Soil and Ground was blinded by the two balls of spiritual power on both sides of Xie Lian, so he quickly vanished. Xie Lian fumbled out a few coins and placed them in front of the altar shrine, and when he saw there were fallen remnants of burned incense sticks on the ground, he picked them up and relit them. Throughout the entire thing, Fu Yao was rolling his eyes so hard that Xie Lian almost wanted to ask if his eyes were tired.

About two-and-a-half kilometers later, they indeed spotted a local town temple standing fiery red by the roadside. While the temple was small, it had everything.

People were going in and out, extraordinarily lively. The three concealed their forms and entered the temple. The one worshipped within the hall was a clay divine statue of the martial god Nan Yang, bedecked in armor with a bow in hand.

When Xie Lian saw this divine statue, he hummed inwardly.

In a small temple in the countryside, the craft and painting of divine statues could be expected to be rough.

But on the whole, this statue was still significantly different from Xie Lian’s own impression of Feng Xin.

However, distorted divine statues were something that every heavenly official had long since gotten used to. Never mind that their own mothers wouldn’t recognize them sometimes, there were heavenly officials who didn’t even recognize themselves when they saw their own statues.

After all, there weren’t many artisan masters who had actually seen the real forms of the heavenly officials, so the statues were either distorted beautifully or hideously. One could only rely on the posture, spiritual apparatus, attire, and crown to determine which heavenly official it was.

Usually, the more affluent the area, the more the divine statue would please the heavenly official. The more impoverished a place, the worse the taste of the craftsmanship, and the more tragic the sculpture became.

T o speak of the present, there was only General Xuan Zhen whose divine statues were in a better situation. Why?

Because for everyone else, if their statues were ugly, then whatever, leave it be. But when Mu Qing saw that his statues had been hideously sculpted, he would either secretly destroy them and make people start over, or appear in dreams to express his displeasure. This went on for a long time until the grand believers all learned that they had to find an artisan master who could sculpt beautifully!

All the temples of Xuan Zhen were exactly the same as their general: particular and tasteful. But after Fu Yao entered the T emple of Nan Yang, for two whole hours he thoroughly criticized the statue of Nan Yang from head to toe: how the design was deformed, the colors tacky, the craftsmanship crude, the taste bizarre. Xie Lian watched as the blue veins on Nan Feng’s forehead slowly popped out, and thought he best quickly find another topic of conversation.

It just so happened that there was a girl who entered to pray, and she very sincerely knelt. Xie Lian said warmly, “Speaking of, Nan Yang-zhenjun’s main domain is in the southeast. I never imagined you guys would have such a following in the north too.”

When people constructed temples, they were imitating the divine palaces of the Heavenly Realm, and divine statues were reflections of the heavenly officials’ venerable selves. T emples attracted worship and were where believers gathered, becoming an important source of spiritual power for heavenly officials. And due to various reasons—such as geography, history, and customs—people of different regions often worshipped different gods. A heavenly official’s spiritual power would be maximized on their own turf, and this was the main advantage of having a domain.

Only to a heavenly official like the Heavenly Emperor, who had believers from all over the world and possessed temples everywhere, was the notion of a main domain meaningless.

It was a good thing that the holy temple of Nan Feng’s own general was so popular even outside his main domain. He should have been proud, but judging by his expression, this was very much not the case.

On the side, Fu Yao gave a light smirk. “Yes, yes, he’s deeply loved.”

Xie Lian said, “But I just have a question that I don’t know if…” “If you’re going to say ‘you don’t know if it’s appropriate,’ then don’t say anything,” Nan Feng interrupted.

No, I was going to say “don’t know if anyone has the answer,” Xie Lian thought.

But he had a feeling that it’d be bad if he said it, so in the end, he decided to change the subject again.

Yet unexpectedly, Fu Yao languidly said, “I know what you want to ask. You must be wondering why there are so many female believers coming to worship?”

That was indeed the question Xie Lian had in mind.

There had always been fewer female believers than male in the martial gods’ stream; only Xie Lian himself was an exception, eight hundred years ago. However, the reason for this exception was very simple, and it was also only two words: good-looking.

He knew very well that it wasn’t because he was distinguished or because he had extraordinary spiritual powers. It was merely due to the fact that his divine statue was good-looking, and his palace temples were handsome too. Practically all of his palace temples were constructed by the royal family, and the highest-skilled experts and artisans of the kingdom were summoned to sculpt the divine statues exactly in accordance with his face. Besides, because of that phrase “Body in the abyss, heart in paradise,” the artisans liked adding flowers to his divine statues and planting seas of flowering trees at his temples. Thus, at the time, he had another title: “The Flower-Crowned Martial God.” The lady believers liked that his divine statues were good-looking and that his palace temples were filled with flowers, and due to that alone, they were willing to casually enter to pray.

The usual martial gods were too heavy in killing aura and often had their faces sculpted to be serious, savage, and cold, so when lady believers saw, they would rather pray to the bodhisattvas instead. While this statue of Nan Yang had none of the killing aura, it was far from good-looking, and yet there still seemed to be more female believers praying than male. Nan Feng obviously didn’t want to answer this question either, which was making Xie Lian even more curious. It just so happened that right then, that girl finished her worship. She rose to her feet to reach for the incense, then spun around.

While she was turned away, Xie Lian nudged the other two. They were already very annoyed, and with his nudge, they looked, and whoosh, both their faces dropped.

“T oo ugly!” Fu Yao exclaimed.

Xie Lian choked for a moment, then chided, “Fu Yao, you can’t talk about girls like that.”

If he had to be honest, what Fu Yao said was true. That girl’s face was incomparably flat, looking exactly like someone had leveled it with a slap. It would almost be an insult to say her features were plain; if they must be described, then only “crooked nose and slanted eyes” could be used.

However, Xie Lian didn’t register whether she was beautiful or ugly at all. The main thing was, when she spun around, there was an enormous tear on the back of her skirt, and he really couldn’t pretend he didn’t see it.

Fu Yao was startled at first, but he quickly regained himself. The popped veins on the corners of Nan Feng’s forehead also instantly vanished.

Seeing his face change colors so drastically, Xie Lian quickly soothed, “Don’t be nervous, don’t be nervous.”

The girl took incense and knelt down anew, and said as she prayed, “May General Nan Yang give his blessings. This believer Xiao-Ying prays for that ghost groom to be captured soon, so no other innocents will be harmed by him…” She was sincere and devout in her prayers and didn’t sense anything peculiar going on behind her at all, nor was she aware that there were three men crouching next to the foot of the divine statue she was praying to.

Xie Lian fretted. “What do we do? We can’t let her walk out like this. Everyone on her way home will see.”

Besides, judging by that tear on the back of her skirt, it was obvious someone had intentionally ripped it with a sharp object. She probably wouldn’t just be seen by a crowd of onlookers, she would also be publicly laughed at, and that would truly be considerable humiliation.

Fu Yao was unconcerned. “Don’t ask me. The one she’s praying to isn’t my General Xuan Zhen. ‘Do not look at what is improper.’ I saw nothing.”

Meanwhile, blood was draining from Nan Feng’s handsome face. He only knew to wave, not talk; a perfectly fine, unbridled, strapping young man was forcibly rendered mute, completely hopeless. And so Xie Lian had no choice but to take action himself, taking off his outer robe and throwing it down below. The outer robe flapped in the air for a moment and drifted down onto the body of that girl, blocking the very inelegant tear on the back of her skirt. The three sighed a breath in unison.

However, that breeze was strange, and it startled the girl. She looked around, took off the robe, and hesitated briefly before she placed it onto the altar. She was completely unaware, and after sticking the incense in the burner, she made her way out. If they let her out to walk around like that, the little maiden would probably not have the face to look at anyone ever again. The two on Xie Lian’s right and left were either frozen or frozen, completely useless however you wanted them, and he sighed. Nan Feng and Fu Yao felt the space beside their bodies empty suddenly. Xie Lian had already taken form and jumped down.

The lamplight inside the temple was dim, and a small gust rose from his leap, causing the firelight to flicker. The girl Xiao-Ying only saw a blur before a man suddenly emerged from the darkness, reaching out to her with his upper body bare, and she was scared out of her wits right then and there.

As expected, she screamed. Just when Xie Lian was about to speak, the girl’s slap already struck out in a flash, and she yelled “harassment!”

Thwack! And Xie Lian was slapped just like that.

The slap was clear and crisp, and the two crouching on top of the altar both felt the side of their faces twitch at the same time.

Xie Lian wasn’t mad at the strike, however, and only forcefully stuffed the outer robe into her arms, swiftly whispering something. The girl was greatly alarmed, felt her behind, and suddenly flushed red in the face. T ears welled up in her eyes; who knew whether it was anger or indignation. She clutched the outer robe Xie Lian gave her and dashed out covering her face, leaving Xie Lian standing there half-bare. With the girl gone, the temple was now deserted. A cool breeze wafted through the hall, and it was suddenly a little chilly.

He rubbed his cheek, and with that red hand-mark on half of his face, he turned to the other two. “All right, everything’s resolved.”

Nan Feng pointed at him. “Did…you tear your wounds?”

Xie Lian looked down and oh-ed.

After undressing, what was revealed was a body smooth and fair like jade. Except his chest was heavily wrapped in layer after layer of white cloth, firmly bound.

Even his neck and wrists were wrapped in bandages.

Innumerable small cuts crawled out from the edges of the white bandages, truly a startling sight.

He figured his sprained neck was pretty much recovered by now, so Xie Lian started unbinding his bandages. Fu Yao glanced at him, then questioned, “Who was it?”

“What?” Xie Lian asked.

“Who fought you?” Fu Yao demanded.

“Fought?” Xie Lian was confused. “No one?”

“Then all those injuries on your body…” Nan Feng was hesitant.

Xie Lian looked at them blankly. “I fell on my own.”

“…” Those were indeed the injuries from when he tumbled down from heaven three days ago. If it were from a fight with another person, then he actually might not have been hurt so badly.

Fu Yao grumbled something, but it wasn’t clear. Either way, it definitely wasn’t praising him for his fortitude, so Xie Lian didn’t bother to ask, focusing only on removing the heavy layer of bandages from his neck. The next second, Nan Feng and Fu Yao’s gazes hardened as their eyes fell on his throat.

A black collar encircled his snow-white neck.

Sensing their stare, Xie Lian gave a light smile and turned around. “First time seeing a real cursed shackle?”

Cursed shackle. Like its name implied, it was a shackle formed by a particular curse.

Heavenly officials who were banished from heaven would have the mark of sin, forged by the wrath of heaven, branded onto their bodies. This brand formed a fetter that sealed spiritual powers away, never to be freed. Just like a brand on the face, or chains shackling hands and feet, this was a form of punishment, and a warning. It was both terrifying and humiliating.

As the laughingstock of the three realms who was banished twice, of course Xie Lian had such a cursed shackle on his body. It was impossible for those two junior martial officials not to have heard of this before, but there was still a little difference between having heard and seeing it personally. Thus, Xie Lian could understand why they would react the way they did.

He figured this might be making the two junior officials wary and uncomfortable. After all, it wasn’t like those shackles were a good thing.

At first, he used the excuse of going out to search for clothes in order to get a chance to step outside, but he was stopped in his tracks by Fu Yao’s eyeroll and his comment:

“It’d be incredibly indecent for you to go out in the street looking like that.”

In the end, it was thanks to Nan Feng, who tossed him a temple attendant’s robes that he’d grabbed from the back of the building, that Xie Lian was able to stop being so indecent. However, even after they’d settled back down, it felt like the incident earlier had caused the mood to become somewhat awkward. And so, Xie Lian took out the scroll given by the Palace of Ling Wen.

He said, “Do you guys want to take another look at this?”

Nan Feng raised his eyes and gave him a look. “I’ve looked through it already, I think he’s the one who needs to take a better look at it.”

“What do you mean I’m the one who needs to take a better look at it?” Fu Yao countered. “That scroll isn’t detailed at al, completely worthless, and you think it’s worth another look?”

Hearing him say the scroll was worthless, Xie Lian couldn’t help but feel a little sad for the ashen-faced junior civil officials at the Palace of Ling Wen who put this together.

Fu Yao then continued, “Oh yeah, where were we? The T emple of Nan Yang—why does Nan Yang have so many female believers, right?”

All right. Xie Lian put the scroll away and rubbed his pulsing forehead. He understood now. No one would be able to look through it tonight!

If they weren’t going to focus on the real business, then why not see what the side business was all about?

T urned out, other than the Royal Highness who spent centuries collecting scraps in the Mortal Realm, every deity knew that there was a period of time when Nan Yang-zhenjun—Feng Xin—was called “Ju Yang-zhenjun.” The man himself deeply detested this title, and everyone only had one word for his experience: injustice!

The original correct writing used the characters “Ju Yang,” which meant “Perfect Sun.” The incident that warped them happened many years ago. During that time, a king was constructing a great number of temples and palaces. T o demonstrate his faith and sincerity, he personally drafted the titles for every temple or palace’s establishment plaque.

But when it came to the Palace of Ju Yang, for some reason, he used characters for “Ju Yang” that meant “Tremendous Masculinity.”4 This gave the officials responsible for the construction much grief. They just couldn’t figure out whether His Majesty changed it intentionally or if it was an accident. If it was intentional, why wasn’t there a clear decree that indicated yes, this is what We want to change to? If it wasn’t intentional, why would their king commit such a low-level mistake? It wasn’t like they could say “Your Majesty, you’re wrong.” Who knew if His Majesty would mistake them for being sarcastic about his carelessness? That they were hinting that his knowledge was shallow? That his heart was insincere? This was His Majesty’s royal writing; were they going to trash it if they weren’t going to use it?

Divine beings had hearts most difficult to discern, and the officials were in pure agony. After much deliberation, instead of causing grief for His Majesty, they thought they might as well cause grief for Ju Yang-zhenjun.

It had to be said that they made the right decision.

When the king discovered that Perfect Sun had become Tremendous Masculinity, he didn’t make any statements, but instead invited a bunch of scholars to scour the ancient texts with great vigor to find countless miniscule reasons and compose many essays to painstakingly prove that it should’ve been Tremendous Masculinity in the first place, and that Perfect Sun was wrong. In any case, every Palace of Perfect Sun in the country became a Palace of Tremendous Masculinity overnight.

Feng Xin, whose divine title changed so randomly, didn’t find this out until decades later. He basically had never bothered to look closely at the signs of his own temples, but one day, he suddenly felt rather baffled. Why were there so many women coming to pray in his temples, each of them flushed with shyness on her cheeks? And what in the world were they praying for when offering incense?!

After he figured it out, he charged up to the peak of the ninth sky and shouted his curses to the scorching sun and the vast skies.

He shocked every heavenly official.

After he was done cursing, there was nothing he could do, so he could only relent. It wasn’t like he could pick on those women who were praying so sincerely, so he forced himself to listen for many years. It wasn’t until a decent ruler came along who thought Tremendous Masculinity was horribly obscene that it was changed to “Nan Yang,” for “Southern Sun.” Nonetheless, no one forgot what else he could grant beyond his duties as a martial god. However, everyone also upheld an unspoken rule: never call him by that name. At the same time, they also upheld a general consensus: how to evaluate this Nan Yang-zhenjun? With one word: good!

Don’t let him open his mouth to yell at people and everything should be good!

Nan Feng’s face was already as dark as the bottom of an aged wok, yet Fu Yao was suddenly feeling poetic, and he recited demurely:

“Friend of women A trusty companion;

Ask for a son Most powerful is he, The secret formula To bolster masculinity, A son in your prayers Nan Yang delivers.

Aha ha, aha ha, aha ha ha ha ha ha…” Xie Lian very kindly held back his laugh, leaving a bit of face for Nan Yang in front of his divine statue. Nan Feng, however, was outraged. “Don’t you act all sarcastic here! If you’re really that bored, go sweep the floor!”

The moment those words were spat, Fu Yao’s face also darkened to the color of a pot bottom. If the Palace of Nan Yang couldn’t stand to hear the words Tremendous Masculinity, then the Palace of Xuan Zhen couldn’t stand to hear people bring up the term “sweep.” This was because, when Mu Qing was still an errand boy at the Royal Holy T emple, all he did all day was serve tea, deliver water, sweep, and change the sheets for Xie Lian at the Palace of the Crown Prince. One day, Xie Lian saw him silently reciting training incantations while sweeping. He was thus moved by his spirit for learning and hard work under such harsh and difficult circumstances, and persuaded the state preceptor to take him in as a disciple.

How to best describe this incident? It could be considered grand or insignificant, it could be humiliating or a compliment; it depended entirely on the individual in question. Obviously, the individual in question had taken it as the humiliation of his life, since Mu Qing and every martial warrior under his command would flip out whenever they heard the word “sweep.”

Sure enough, Fu Yao steadied himself, then after throwing a look at Xie Lian—who was waving his hand, appearing fully innocent—he sneered.

“Listening to you, those who don’t know would think your Palace of Nan Yang sides with the Palace of the Crown Prince and fights hard to right the injustices against him.”

Nan Feng sneered too. “Your general certainly is the ungrateful one that bites the hand that feeds him, what more can I say?”

“Um…” Xie Lian was just trying to intercept when Fu Yao aha ha-ed and said, “The kettle is calling the pot black, what right do you have to point fingers?”

“…” Listening to them turn him into the mallet with which they took turns to beat the heavenly official standing right up there on the altar, Xie Lian finally couldn’t take it any longer. “Wait, hold up. Stop, stop.”

Of course no one paid him any mind, and they even started throwing fists. Who knew who threw the first punch, but either way, the altar was split in half just like that, and platters of fruit rolled all over the ground. Seeing how there was no way he could stop this fight anymore, Xie Lian sat himself in the corner and heaved a sigh.

“What a sin.”

Then, he picked up a small steamed bun that had rolled to his feet. He dusted off its skin and was about to bite down when Nan Feng saw him from the corner of his eye and immediately slapped it away.

“DON’T EAT THAT!”

Fu Yao stopped too, and appeared shaken and disgusted. “How can you eat it when it’s rolled in the dirt?!”

Xie Lian used this chance to raise his hand. “Stop, stop, stop. I have something to say.”

He separated the two and said, looking amicable, “First, That Highness the Crown Prince you two speak of happens to be me. This Highness hasn’t even said anything, so don’t sling me around like a weapon to attack each other.” He paused for a moment, then added, “I don’t think your generals would ever behave like this. If you two act so indecorously, you’ll ruin their reputations.”

When those words were spoken, the faces of the other two changed to something indiscernible. Xie Lian continued, “Second, you two are here to help me, right? So is it you who listens to me, or is it me who listens to you?”

It was a moment before the two replied, “We listen to you.”

While their faces looked like they were saying “Listen to you? Dream on,” Xie Lian was already very satisfied.

Then, pah! He put his hands together in prayer.

“Good. Now thirdly, the most important thing: if you must throw something, then please throw me instead of food.”

Nan Feng finally pried away the steamed bun that Xie Lian had clutched in his grip hoping for a chance to eat it.

He said, looking like he couldn’t take it anymore, “If it’s fallen to the ground, don’t eat it!”

*** The next day, back at the Little Shop of Chance Encounters.

The tea master was once again by the entrance relaxing with his leg up when he saw the three approaching from a distance. The cultivator in light, simple white robes with a bamboo hat hung on his back led the way, while two tall, black-clad youths trailed behind him.

That cultivator strolled up languidly with crossed arms, and he spoke equally languidly, sounding more idle than the old man. “Shopkeeper, three cups of tea, please.”

The tea master smiled. “Coming!”

Then he thought to himself, Those three silly guys are here again. What a shame, each looks sightlier than the other, but each of their brains is more damaged than the next. What god, what ghost, what heavens? When you’re crazy, what good is a decent face?

Xie Lian still picked the spot next to the window, and after they settled, Nan Feng spoke up. “Why do we have to come here to discuss things? You sure there won’t be people listening in?”

Xie Lian replied warmly, “It’s fine. Even if other people hear us, they won’t care, they’ll only think we’re insane.”

“…” “In order to avoid the three of us continuing to waste each other’s time like this, let’s lay it all out,” Xie Lian said.

“Now that we’ve calmed down overnight, have you guys thought of any ideas?”

Fu Yao’s eyes flashed, and he said coldly, “Kill it!”

“No shit!” Nan Feng said.

“Nan Feng, don’t be so rude. Fu Yao didn’t say anything wrong,” Xie Lian said. “The way to solve this problem is to kill the creature, but the bigger issue is, where do we go?

What are we killing? How do we kill it? I suggest…” At that moment, the sound of gongs and drums came from the main street, and the three looked out the window.

It was that bleak and tragic wedding procession again.

This party of men and horses blew their instruments to the utmost, hollering and cheering as if they were afraid people couldn’t hear what they were about.

Nan Feng frowned. “Isn’t it said that the people around Mount Yujun don’t make spectacles of these rituals anymore?”

This procession consisted of large, strong, buff men.

Their expressions and muscles were both taut, and cold sweat oozed from their foreheads. It was like they weren’t carrying a festive and cheery bridal sedan but rather a guillotine that’d end their lives early. It made one wonder just what sort of person was seated in that sedan.

After hesitating for a moment, just as Xie Lian was thinking of going to check things out, a sinister wind blew past, raising one of the curtains on the side of the sedan.

The figure behind the curtain was lying slumped in a very strange position inside. Her head was bent in an awkward angle, and underneath the bridal veil there were bright red lips curled in an overly exaggerated smile. The sedan tipped and the covering fell, exposing a pair of bulging eyes staring their way.

From the looks of it, this was clearly a woman who’d had her neck wrung, and who was now laughing at them uproariously but soundlessly.

Perhaps it was because the sedan carriers were shaking too hard, but that bridal sedan wasn’t steady in the least, so the woman’s head bounced along with the bumps.

They bumped and bumped, and THUD, the head fell off and rolled onto the street.

The headless body sitting inside the sedan also fell forward with a bang, and the whole person crashed out of the sedan.