Funny!! Isn't it...i started writing fragments of this months ago but still ...here i am , at square zero.

I didn't knew what to do.but I've always wanted to write it

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as you all don't know about me, it'll be ok to disclose the facts that i was going to throw this mortal body from height and wanted to let this soul free.

Someone told me , a writer only gets fame and acknowledgement after he gets free for this living cage and sets himself free.

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no these aren't the exact words, but to make them a bit fancy, i modified them.

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A writer gets what he wants after he dies...thats what they said. So i tried to unlock myself but it was getting more and more scaring with each step.

I admired people who could express how they want. I wanted to die ..slowly and painfully but never succeed.  Its greed that binds me and cages me more....and now it has become a reason for my dispair.

. I want to express but that day i wrote a bit of this , i didn't have anything to say...anything to write.

Maybe i did...

maybe i didn't .

Now im more confused

.  Its killing me

. Im scared. 

I don't want to say anything i want to shut up...but if i do, it doesn't turn out as planned.  And if i don't i end up spitting nonsense like a damned moron. It can't be helped.

Im scared. It makes me sick. Im tired of it.

This thing is killing me inside.  I want them to erase me before it does.

Its funny again, to think that I had to collect my thoughts of one month and when I post it, it's even less than five hundred words, and now I can only save this file in draft section where it'll be saved in for like days...it can extend to weeks too maybe...it's weird...it's not weird to have five hundred words, it sure is weird to think that you wrote your thoughts daily....four or maybe seven times at least in a single day but when you combine them, you end up cutting most of the lines …erasing and erasing again, and what you get is only two hundred and eighty-two words... and you don't actually feel sad about how many foolish things you finally chose to type and post, but you sure do feel sad when the number of words remaining are only two hundred and eighteen... and you don't have anything to write again. You can't think of anything..your mind is blank like piece of paper..and then you suddenly start thinking about the tree from where that paper came from...you visit deep earth where the tree was born...but still that paper is blank...

and that's how i managed to complete five hundred words and seven in few minutes

It wasn't me, I don't want to get blamed ... still I got the hit ...why ? I've thought about how depression really is, and I never got a clue, though. If someday it happened to me...will I be able to think the same way I do now?

Will I even be able to say...I'm happy? Will there be things I'll truly be glad about ?

What about now? Am I happy right now? It's easy to say, but right now, I am not in the right place to say that I am.

If I wanted to be something... I would like to be deaf. Pretty cruel

Seasons come and go, festivals brightened the world, but why... why my land drowned by never-ending darkness?

…have you ever thought about me?...but why? I still do about you. Im not a huge fan of being on the good side for a long.I never wanted anything but piece…

We both were the same, but why? ...

You got treated much better?

Why i can't speak my mind, but you can?

I hate every eye on me. This stupid why is stuck in my throat,, but I can't just let it out, but why.. ??

How you can slender everyone i hold dear and I can't?

How can you take the hard work i did ?

Im scared to look at you in eye...why.??.

We live together, but i have to smile at the point where it hurts the most

. I'm sad.

I'm scared to wish for you not to return home, but i do...

Just where did you go wrong so bad to get on my bad side ..please tell me why ?

You share everything, but I can't??

..I'm afraid

..i will never!!

Wonder why.

I'm not a princess they don't exist, I'm not a maiden... I lost my sanity long ago ...I'm a lost cause....i don't belong here.. I know it... maybe that's why !!

I want to get free ...why just you don't let me...please tell me why

But please tell me... I want to know. I just hate it so much that i can't even fake a smile

After having everything .. you still imitate me,

Answer me why??

. Im irritated by the hopeless chit-chat

. Im tired, that's why!!

. I want you all to vanish

Please die .

It's hatered for you all. i know it why!!

..

Today the sky is happy but im not.. but sky was my friend... wasn't it supposed to cry.

Later that night, Sky cried the most ....so did i.

and i hate it like always....like how can i pour all me feelings in this chapter and....it isn't even 500 words ....i think i have to remember that tree...but is it even worth it...it doesn't calm my mind anymore...it hurts more and more as my hunger to complete these five hundred words increases...