"Darkness" do i hate it because all the emptiness it brings in or i love it for hiding my pathetic self from the outside world. I was lying down on my bed in the room i rented for studies, it had a damp smell like something had started to rot. The clock struck 3 am, and i still couldn't sleep. Struggling to sleep i closed my eyes once again to have the tears flow down my cheeks. And soon my mind was filled with the same old voices 'kill yourself' 'you don't deserve to live' 'you don't deserve to be happy' 'do you think you have done good things in your last because everyone admires you?' 'not everyone knows about your dark past does it? do you think they will still love you after knowing about you? do you think even your parents will love you after knowing about your heinous act?'

i started to suffocate i came out in the balcony to have the cold breeze embrace my lonely self it even wiped away my tears. I smiled stupidly, i looked down 'i would definitely die if i jump from here' i thought. i went closer to the end of the balcony to have my heartbeat race and sweat profoundly. i fell back down, i was coward to even kill myself. I started staring at the stars they looked beautiful. i wished for a star in my life too so that my lonely dark life could shine prettily like that.

"achoooo" i sneezed loudly enough to make the neighbours turn on their lights to see who is it. i quickly ran inside my room, and pretended to be asleep on the bed until the people went back to sleep. i took out my phone and started to scroll down the reels as to distract myself. Half of my fyp was filled with anime content and other half with gym guys flexing their muscles. Getting inspired by the reels i decided to do a workout post midnight at 3:30 am. i started doing pushups not more after 20 i started panting. i picked the water bottle and chugged half of it in a few seconds. After wiping off the sweat i took a seat on the bed.

Thinking for a while i decided to watch the 'one piece' anime to calm down my suicidal thoughts. For me anime was a good option to run away from the lonely world. And in all of animes the 'one piece' was like an antidote to my depression with its will of D! Having watched a few episodes i noticed from window that the darkness was slowly dissipating. i looked at my watch the time was 6:30! at 7:00 the class starts! 'Ah i haven't slept properly in days i don't want to go i, i don't want to do anything.' As soon as I thought that my father's image appeared in my mind the way their hopeful eyes were looking at me after knowing my talent in board examinations before, there was not a speck of doubt in that stare. Not having the courage to disappoint father i took heavy steps towards the coaching classes after getting ready.

As i was nearing the building everything started to go dark and i fainted. 'Am i finally dying?' there was relief in my heart. Just when i noticed someone coming towards me, it was someone familiar to me with his skinny body and the silver bracelet he wore in his hand. It was me from 5 years ago. i wasn't surprised because it wasn't the first time i was hallucinating this shit. I thought he was gonna say the same thing as the incident before, but he sat beside me and asked, "how come the once intelligent and smart person had come to this condition". Hearing this sympathising words i cried and bawled for a long time. My past self didn't try to stop me and i was thankful for that because i felt the burden on my heart lighten by a bit. I decided to tell him about the mistakes i made so he could avoid them and live an happy life. So this was my story filled with love and regrets ...............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................