Serein
let go of me
I made a regrettable choice...
I never should've loved him..
they said the love you have at 19 is the worst one...it'll break you..tear you apart...
I'm just staring at the ceiling...in his bed
he no longer cares about me or my existence anymore..I probably messed up too much..
All he wants now is my body..this relationship became so much toxic . I constantly feel suffocated .
Leo
you should get dressed.. Mum will be here any minute.
Carina
why do you keep calling me if you hate me so much ??
knew it..he wouldn't reply..
But wait ..we are no longer in a relationship anymore...it's just him still having sex with me. And I'm still holding onto him . Thinking at least he loves my body..
Is he the same boy who was so obsessed with me. Put so much efforts. he's still loyal .. The only thing changed is he doesn't put much efforts like he did.
if he cheated.. or did something..it probably wouldn't have been this painful. He just suddenly stopped liking me..loving me. He suddenly started hating me..
Leo
are you free next weekend?
I couldn't muster the courage to say that I'm leaving this country..either he'll go rough again or just say something to insult me..it's normal for me now
Leo
you're coming next Friday..I don't give a fuck about you being busy..
Carina
Mum is...forcing me for marriage..she said she wanted to talk to you..
Leo
I'm not talking to her..
Carina
Bt I don't want to marry anyone else!! Do I look like one of those girls who just fuck around? For fun?
Leo
who would marry a person like you?? Someone who just falls on other guys?
Carina
I never did...be careful of what you say!! I gave you my every first! you're the guy I ever held hand with! First guy I ever dated...and you still have the audacity to say something like that .
Carina
At least tell what did I do!!! For gods sake
Leo
I don't need to tell you that...
Carina
Then stop fucking around with me!
Leo
Why? Do you want me to fuck around with somebody else?
My eyes were already teary ..
Leo
I own your body..even if you have a shitty disgusting personality..
Leo
And talking about first ..you're also the first woman I ever became intimate with..
Leo
And I honestly regret that the most..
Carina
I don't want to continue this kind of relationship..I feel disgusted..I have nothing to offer to the person who'll probably expect love from me..do you think I dont regret meeting you???
Carina
I didn't even consent for the first time? You promised you won't have sex with me before marriage! You didn't keep you promise..I kept shouting stop..you didn't
Carina
You ruined me so much! That I don't know what to do!
Leo
Do whatever you want don't bother me..
I didn't have anything else to say
Leo
We are still...in this relationship..keep that in mind
Carina
delete those pics..
Carina
you are disgusting..
Leo
If you don't come next weekend, I'll be sure to send your pics to you mum..
I didn't know what to do...my life was in such a mess..
I gave up my passion my dreams for this coward man
it's hurtful how a person can change so much over time..
escaping
he's weird...he doesn't let go when I'm mentally prepared to let go..
When I decide I'd hold onto this relationship he just throws me away and I keep begging
Throughout my whole life I always planned that if I enter into a relationship that'll be my first and last
Because I gave him my everything..every firsts...I couldn't accept this fact..the first man I loved so much..would ruin me this way..
park Erika
Carina! Are you listening to me?
I came back to my senses...I was in a restaurant with my friend ..she knows I'm leaving soon .
park Erika
So , how did Leo react!? Was he happy? Did he celebrate ?
Carina
Uhh..he was happy...I wasn't really into celebrating this .it's our departure.
park Erika
he was happy at least...you'll be fulfilling your dream...your parents know about him.. he'll also move to Germany soon..that's it...you're finally settled!
Carina
Yeah I guess (smiles)
She doesn't know anything
I don't talk about my issues with anyone...I dont have any best friend..or any very close friend...she's probably the only friend I talk abt the least of my life
I'll probably tell her after i go there
Maybe that's why I became so much suicidal. I keep things to myself..try so much to swallow my emotions as much as possible
Carina
by the way! Lily's getting engaged to her boyfriend..next month .
park Erika
That lad lasted longer than we expected.. Your one relationship= her 4 relationship 2 breadcrumbing and 1 situationship...A-mazing
park Erika
I'm happy that Leo loves you so much..and he's loyal ..he doesn't even talk to us if we try to have a conversation..or even reply to a hi..
park Erika
That might sound rude bt I think that's the best compliment a girl can hear Abt her man
that is true..Leo doesn't have any female friends ..not even in his group. His routine is simple..sleep , hangout with few friends.. he's a Reserved person..
that's what attracted me the most..
A boy who's shy and reserved is so much devoted to me in private..cares so much for me..
Other woman was never an issue in our relationship..it was always me the reason why things were messy...it was my first relationship..I did make mistakes ..small mistakes that probably other guy would've ignored.. but you know...good things come with high value..small things mattered to him..
park Erika
as I was saying...you have to bring these things for me! Okay?
I didn't really Listen to her
Carina
text me the list...you won't have to wait for my return ..
park Erika
That'll be so nice of youuu...mwahh..
I was confused between should I commit suicide ..or should I give my life a chance...
it was really tough to manage the session fee for university in Singapore..I took loans..
I wonder how Leo will react..will he post those pic online? ..no ..I don't think he will something so cheap..he has morals....just not a heart
ik he will be happy ..he won't have the pressure to do something anymore..
Author: soon the day of her departure came near. her parents ask her so many times why didn't he come to visit..she ignored..the only two people who knew about her departure were Erica and Sam. while she was on board, Sam texted her, . Sam, who was a common friend of Mike and Carina. Was one of the reason why Leo was angry with her.. Leo didn't like his friend talk to his gf even for trivial matter..
Carina
For God sake. Don't
Samuel
You know he loves u a lot .he never loved anyone like you... He'll be real mad and upset
Carina
He won't... he'll continue living his life well..
Samuel
that's what you think..that won't be happening
Carina
Do me a favor..if he tells you.. don't act like you knew.
Samuel
I swear I didn't ..
[She answered her phone.]
Carina
I ... nothing just scrolling.
An air hostess: ma'am please turn off your phone
Carina
a friend.. Why did you call suddenly.?
a new life
Leo
Are you free tomorrow?
Carina
if you want sex again, I'm on my period..
Leo
Darn that mouth of yours..
Leo
Yes, I do...but there's something else..i want to talk about
Leo
such conversation can't be done over call..
Leo
you have been pressuring me so much mentally since this relationship..and i think now its time i can finally get rid of that.
I knew that .. he'll probably ready fo end this fucked up toxic relationship..
Carina
i never intended to bother you like this
Carina
Things just turned out this way..
Carina
And i did warn you before we started this
Leo
Stop talking like some mature person..and use that brain of yours in something other than overthinking
Air hostess: Ma'am please turn off your device.. we'll take off shortly
i couldn't help myself caring for him..after he was my everything.. I'm unsure if I'll be able move on from him
Leo
*frowned* what the fuck are you upto again..where are you ?
Leo
You fucking idiot I ASKED WHERE ARE YOU?
Leo
Dont do anything stupid
Carina
chill. Im not committing suicide or anything
Leo
Die if you want .i don't give a fuck about that
he knew i was sensitive. Being suicidal over trivial is something expected from a person like me
i was holding back for so long ..i didnt realize i started crying like a kid. that is how i ended up here in Singapore..To give myself a second chance
this time too..i ran away from a mess created by me.
National University of Singapore
I'm finally living a better life..
Authors Pov: Carina Started working in a Café. She struggled a lot to gather her fees. Sometimes 2.. sometime even more part time jobs ensnared her schedule.. That is what helped her to stay ignorant of her inner conflicts.
Reggie
Ms.! How can anybody be so bad at making a simple latte! Its just espresso shot and Milk..i wanna talk to your manager!
Carina
*chuckle* is that how she reacts?
Reggie
Exactly! That wench literally bashed at me!!
Reggie
A cutie like Reggie!
Reggie
Yeahh this faceee( showing off his none existing jawline)
Judith
Makes everybody wanna punch it
Judith
Hey carina.. We have a group gathering..with department students .will you come
Reggie
Tell her Emanuel will be there! She'll cràwl to go
Carina
Hey no! There's nothing like that...i just know him from my hometown.
Carina
Just a school senior
Judith
Bt you did have crush on him once..😏
Carina
Seriously Judith...please Quit talking to Erica
Judith
She hopes that you two will date this time
Carina
She's delusional...
Carina
There's no way I'm dating him again..
The first and foremost reason is a kind soul like his doesnt deserve a trashy, mess like me..i already hate myself..
The truth is...that night, I had to choose between Leo Or Emanuel. Me and Emanuel used to talk a lot.. We had a lot in common..he was my crush for 2 long years. There was only genuine care and friendship...Love ? Was it there ? Im not sure
A misunderstanding changed everything. i distanced myself. When he finally opened up , I was already committed to Leo. The Leo i met.. makes me not regret the choice i made.
But the leo from last few years. created a Battlefield inside my head..
I haven't really heard anything about him. I also blocked Samuel. That was rude and sudden . I know that
I just wanted to keep no trace of That Carina
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