Chapter One

September 15, 2022. 9:53 p.m.

“Just why the hell can’t you listen?? After all those times I tried pleasing you, this is what I’m left with? You just leave me here, standing in the pouring rain, and you don’t even give a damn??” I ask, fury burning up in me. I look skyward, feeling each and every drop of rain pour like tiny bullets on my face. “you know what? **** it. **** this whole relationship. It must’ve meant nothing to you, right?” I watch as Yoojung gazes at me with such a pitiful expression.

“fine. If that’s how you want it to be, then let it be. We were never really meant to be anyways.” He shouted from 3 meters away from me.

“and…that’s a wrap! Good work everybody! I’ll see you lot tomorrow,” the director said as the crew applauded us. Since Junji left for his tour in America, I haven’t heard from him since. And that was a year ago. I’d already graduated from uni by now, and I took a major of acting, since it was all I really desired to achieve in life.

I watch as the camera crew take down all the equipment from the set, the headlights of the cars and vans shining brightly within the deep autumn night that loomed above us. I hop into one of the vans and flick on the lights on the roof of the van, and God it was bright. I flinched away right when the light was on, and I could barely even see probably without squinting hard. I guess I was too used to working in that darkness the set had, to the point where I couldn’t handle such a relatively dim light.

Every time, after work; after any event, I’d message Junji, hoping for some answer, regardless of what it was. So what if its dry? I wouldn’t care at this point. I just needed at least a word from him. But still, nothing. Not a single response since the first month he’d left me for his tour. And I understand. I understand that he’s busy and he has other things to do, and I wouldn’t want to put him under any pressure for anything. But a year without a response? I feel like that’s too much.

I stare soullessly upon every message I sent to him, from when it was my first Christmas without him; when it was his birthday; when I finally got accepted to my job; or times when I just worried about him.

“Junji!! Guess what? I graduated today!!”

“Hello?”

“You must be rather busy, right?”

“If you read this, merry Christmas! I hope you enjoyed it…wherever you are…”

“Junji, if you’re there, happy birthday!!”

“I don’t even know if you ever read these anymore, but I just hope you’re doing alright!”

“I saw you on Billboard today! Top 50, right? Congrats!!”

And the messages go on, and on. Just reading them made me worry even more about him, even though he might not even be acknowledging me at this moment. I scroll up and up to our first messages with each other.

Junji: “so I see you really do care about me to the extent where you added my number, right?”

Me: “I just wanted to see if it really was you, that’s all.”

Junji: “Well that’s just boring. I thought you actually cared ;(“

Me: “Fuck it. I’m going to sleep now.”

Junji: “So soon? Don’t you want to catch up?”

Me: “Hell no. I’m leaving now.”

Junji: “Fine, goodnight, my Rie~ (and love you~)”

Just looking at each message, each word…each letter he sent. I wanted to cry at that point. I could already feel my eyes burning up with tears, until they already started streaming down my cheeks. Where the hell are you, Junji? I thought. As I sat quietly at the back seat waiting for the rest of the crew to come in, I watch as rain started showering down to the ground, each drop making a soft thump against the car window. The thumps started becoming a strong, drum that pattered against the tinted glass like the beat of a sweet tune. I then hear the gentle shift of the car door opening, which got me back to my senses. I immediately dried my eyes and tried to act as normal as possible, though it was physically impossible to do so in this state. I then move my glance over to who entered. It was Yoojung, the actor I was to work with in this show, and also one of my best friends that I’ve ever had. He then glances back at me. “Rie, you okay? Why are your eyes so bloodshot?” he asked with a tone of worry in his voice. “nah, it’s nothing,” I said, which was definitely a lie. “I guess I’m just tired. Acting can be tiring sometimes, y’know?”

“are you sure? Because if you need anyone to rely on, or at least to help you, then I’ll always be there for you to talk anything out. Besides, we’re gonna be alone in the car for a while. The others are busy getting some tteokbokki for this cold weather.”

“Well…there is something…You see, you and Jin Young are the only people who know I’m…gay. So you’re the only one that can understand me in this…”

“Then go ahead! I’ll listen no matter what!”

“So…before I came to the company, I had a boyfriend…and he was the famous, Kim Junji, as everyone knows him by. And our relationship was quite healthy for the circumstances between our personal lives. But…after he went for his tour in America, the both of us were never in contact anymore. Not even a message…and now, I don’t even know where the hell he is, or if he’s even doing alright or not,” I manage to say through sobs and tears. “So all I just want to know is if he’s okay, and if he just wants to end this relationship if it’s too much for him, ‘cause we can’t just break up without even saying anything to each other…”

I hear Yoojung give out a deep sigh, the look of empathy in his eyes just piercing through my soul. “you don’t deserve to be treated like such shit. Tell you what, tomorrow, I’m going to try finding Junji’s whereabouts, and when I do (or at least if I do), then I’ll tell you!” he says, rather determined.

As I gaze at him more and more, I start to burst into tears, the woe inside me taking over completely. “You need a hug?” Yoojung asks, his tone calm and gentle. I nod, as I might’ve really needed it by now. All I wanted was to just feel the warmth of someone’s arms after so long. Last time I’ve ever gotten hugged was…the day before Junji left me. When I was to see him off…and when we had our last kiss. All in LyOn’s Den…

The feeling of being hugged had never felt this needed in so long, which made me want to cry even more. Once again, I hear the car door slowly shift open, along with the chatting and blabbing of the rest of the crew. They were all holding a plastic cup in their hands, which I’m guessing was filled with tteokbokki, or fish cake skewers. Jin Young, the main director of our show then glanced at me and Yoojung, who were still in each other’s arms that time. “Rie, you alright? I don’t really see you in such a state of grief before,” he asked, quite concerned for me.

“He’s not really feeling too good. So let’s get him back to the flat as soon as possible…” Yoojung said. I then raise my head up from Yoojung’s shoulder and glance at Jin Young. “Trust me, I’m fine,” I say, rather sarcastically, even though I knew that he could definitely see how bloodshot my eyes were because of all the crying.

“Rie, you know that if you’ve got an issue with something; anything, you can always talk to us!” Jin Young said from the driver’s seat. As we drive along the darkness of the main street, I sit at the back, still sobbing even after all this time. I hadn’t dared to turn on my phone. Not now, at least. When I get home, maybe? But even when I did get home, I could barely even do anything at that point. All I did was isolate myself in my room, not wanting to ever come out again. It’d felt like I’ve been sleep-deprived for days, and yet I could barely even close my eyes because of how much was spinning through my mind. Throughout the cold darkness that engulfed me in my room, my eyes still lay wide open. I was pretty sure I was a mess at that point. Then slowly, very slowly, my eyes start to close, and I could feel my body become more relaxed than it used to. At last, I slept, even though it was mostly through tears and sobs, all that mattered was that I wasn’t tense anymore. It basically felt like I was dead, just I knew I’d come alive once again.

When I’d woken up, however, I noticed my body was still tense. I knew I barely gotten any sleep. I checked my phone to see the time. “6:40 a.m.” it read. Just then, I received a message from Yoojung, which I was rather confused by, because what would he be doing awake this early in the morning?

“Rie! Guess what??” he exclaimed.

Me: “What now? How are you even up this early?”

Yoojung: “I managed to find Junji’s whereabouts! (With the help of KB, of course…)”

Me: “You did?? How??”

Yoojung: “yep! I’ll send you the address.”

“********** St. Haebangchon”

Me: “Haebangchon??”

Yoojung: “Yep. What’s the problem with—oh. Wait. That’s where you two met, right?”

Me: “exactly.”

Yoojung: “well good luck, because I already booked you a train to go there this weekend.”

Me: “oh **** you.”

Yoojung: “love you, bye~”

Well now I’m fucked. I’m gonna meet Junji face to face this weekend, and I am not ready. Perhaps it’s because I didn’t see him in a while? Or maybe because I think he hates me? I’ll never know if I don’t try, right? The weekends are literally in two days, and yet, I wasn’t informed that I’ll be meeting someone whom I haven’t seen nor talked to in a year or so.

And here I am now, standing in the train station leading to Haebangchon. As I watch the train slowly pull up to my stop, I started feeling sick. I was sick with every sound; every crank it made, and I just felt nauseous. I glace at Yoojung, who was also tagging along with me. “you really sure about this?” I ask, doubtful that I should be going to see him or not after all this time. “definitely! I mean, I was the one who planned this, and besides, you miss him, don’t you?” He suggests.

“I mean, I do miss him…but what if he doesn’t miss me? What if he hates me now?” I ask.

“He wouldn’t, I’m sure! He was probably just…really, really, busy.” But no. He was wrong. Very, very wrong.

. . .

I stare blankly upon the train window, watching as me and Yoojung pulled up to Haebangchon station. Haebangchon, as I remember it, was a rather small country side. Nothing major had changed over the year I haven’t been there. It was still the old little town I used to live in, but all that changed was time. Time and my feelings towards this place. I’m sure, by the time I meet Junji face to face, all my feelings would’ve changed.

As we hopped out of the train capsule, I look back at the address Yoojung sent me. It’d seemed like the address close to LyOn’s Den. It was my old house. Though I now live in Seoul and am a rather popular actor, I still do pay the rent to this place. I just see it as somewhere to go whenever I’m off work, like a kind of hideout, almost. That, along with an abandoned church that sat near the outskirts of Haebangchon. It always gave this fairytale vibe that’d always get me whenever I step foot into it. And that feeling still haunts me sometimes, even though it can be such a beautiful feeling as well. We even passed by it at some point on the train ride. As I unlocked the main door, I felt as though I would be greeted by something bad…really bad.

I looked upon my surroundings. Just how I left it before I left last summer. Nothing seemed different. The furniture was all in place, all covered with a silky white cloth for protection. Everything was just as I left it since around a year ago…except one thing. A pale, white card that sat at the main table in front of the couch. I picked it up and turned it around, revealing an incredibly messy handwriting, like it was almost, and most definitely hurried.

“I don’t think we can go on like this anymore. Let’s end it here.”

As I read through each letter; each word; each sentence, my eyes were blurring. I hated what I’d just seen. Though it doesn’t specify who sent it, I knew it was Junji, judging by his handwriting and vocab. My heart had already sunken all the way down to my stomach, and all I felt was just emptiness. But even though, I still wanted to confront him in person. It can’t just end like this. It really can’t. And it shouldn’t. I’d always thought we were meant to be, and I still do. So I’m determined to convince him that I really do have time for him. I can’t let all those memories we had together fade into bygone ones. They’re too special to be treated like that. I slam the card onto the table and glance back to Yoojung. “do you have an idea on where Junji might really be in?” I ask him.

“You know the locals here, right? So then we can ask one of them! Do you know anyone in particular?”

“Umm…ah, right! The ajussi that lives across the street. Mr. Chanyeol. He was one of my wisest best friends I had here in Haebangchon. I absolutely loved and trusted him quite a lot. So maybe he knows where Junji could be!”

“Then let’s go ahead and meet him today. Right now. At this very moment.” Yoojung said with determination in his voice.

. . .

And here I see ourselves in Mr. Chanyeol’s front door, hope and anxiety running through our veins. I knock on the door of his vintage looking house, the floorboards already starting to form holes in themselves. No answer. I knock again. And the door bursts open, slamming open right on my face. “who’s there??” Mr. Chanyeol asks with an alarmed look on his face. Casual thing he’d do. I’ve gotten hit on the face by him a majority of times. It wasn’t not normal that he’d do that. “Oh. Rie. It’s been a while since I saw you around. Where have you been?” Mr. Chanyeol asks in his casual rough, old voice.

As I rub the part of my face that the door hit out of pain, I then glance back at him. “oh…umm…just visiting! Say, did you perhaps stumble upon a guy called something like “Junji” or anything? Because at the moment, me and my friend here is looking for him…” I ask, desperate for an answer. As I gaze at him more, his expression looks rather lost in thought, seeming like he was trying quite hard to remember the name “Junji.” His eyes then sparkle with a realization. “ah, yes! Is it the tall man with slightly blonde, long hair?” He asks. “Just who I was looking for,” I say. “do you perhaps know where or when you last seen him?”

“Just today. At the square—”

“That’s all I need. Thanks again, Mr. C!” I say, cutting him off as I run straight to the direction to the square.

Chapter Two

I ran, and ran. I ran until breathless. Right when I reached the entrance of the main square, Junji had caught my glance, watching as I struggle to catch my breath after completing a whole 0.5 mile run. I glance back up at him. He was with a girl. He seemed to ignore me, and paid all his attention to the girl, not even looking back at me once. From a distance, I could tell he was sending her off somewhere. I could see the joy his expression was full of. The warmth of it. The sweetness of it. I watched as the two of them hugged each other goodbye with disgust. Was it really because he didn’t love me anymore? Or was it because he was cheating on me? The fury inside me was rising rapidly, but I tried to contain it. After all those months together, this is what I end up with? Betrayal? I slowly walk up to him once that person he was with was gone. My footsteps felt heavy with each step. I take a deep breath before I talk.

“Junji, it’s been a while, right?” I ask, trying to sound as casual as possible. He glances at me, his gaze cold and piercing. I could feel the tension between the two of us, knowing that this won’t end well.

“Yeah. It has.” He said, his voice and expression dull and cold. He clearly had no interest for me, and barely even made any eye contact.

“So…how’ve you been over the year we didn’t talk for?” I ask, trying to emphasize my point.

“Good. It was much better without you there,” he said. My heart dropped right at the last word. So the truth was he didn’t like my presence?

“And you…?” he asks. I take a long pause. So long that it’d seemed like I’d completely forgot what he’d just said.

“I’ve been better. Glad to know you’re alright.” I say, not knowing what else I could say. We both then stood there in an awkward silence, barely even taking any glances towards each other. Junji then breaks it.

“Also, why would you think of seeing me again when I clearly said in the note that we’d ended it here?” he asked, with a tone of annoyance in his voice.

“Well, I at least wanted a proper confrontation between each other. First of all, where the hell were you all this time? I waited for a whole year for you to come back, and yet you never came. You basically left me.” I say, a tone of pity in my voice.

“I don’t want to talk about it. So it’s either you get heartbroken, or just leave. We’ve ended long ago. Alright? We’re done here.” he states broadly. He was just about to walk past me, but I stop him right in his tracks.

“And who said I was done?” I ask. I hear him give out an annoyed grunt, and he turns back to face me.

“Then what is it? Because if it’s not useful, then keep that mouth of yours shut. I’ve got better things to do,” he said, the atmosphere becoming ice cold.

“Second of all, why haven’t you been answering my texts?” I ask. It was truly a genuine question.

“Because I removed my SD card from my old phone. Now I don’t know where the hell it went. Look, I don’t have time for this, and I have to leave really soon. So we’re just gonna end things here. For good. We’re over completely.” He said as he ran over to the gate of main square.

“So I’m guessing you don’t even have the promise rings, right?” I shout from over 5 meters.

“If I did still have it, what the hell would I even do with it?” he asks. “Anyway, I threw it away. Somewhere in the forest…but I can tell you didn’t. So go ahead and think whatever you want. But just note, don’t ever think that we’re getting back together.” I heard him mutter. But still, these words didn’t stop me.

Immediately, I ran up to the gate and tugged him back to me by his wrist. He pulls away right when he felt my touch and looked back at me. “Just how many times do have to tell you—” he said in a tone that I’d never thought I would hear him speak in.

“But just why did you leave me in the first place??” I ask, my quiet voice starting to turn into a shout.

“Because I don’t love you anymore!” he shouted at me. “You always thought what you wanted to think, and you never thought about what others thought! You never thought or gave a **** about me, and you only thought about yourself, even when I tried everything I could do to make you happy!”

We look at each other for a long while; I had tears slowly running down my cheeks in this rain, while he was just fuming in anger. This reminded me a lot of the scene I filmed earlier. In fact, it was so similar, I felt as though I was having déjà vu.

“You’re fucking crying now, aren’t you?” he asked, his voice much more normal, but it still provoked. “You’re fucking crying when you should know that you were the reason that I left you, huh? That’s it. I’m leaving. I’m not gonna stay here in this rain just to argue with you.”

I wanted to think this was all just a dream. I wanted to think that Junji would run back to me and hug me from behind, saying that this was all just a sick joke. I wanted to feel the warmth of his arms again. That’s how I thought his reaction would be when I’d finally meet him. But no. It just had to be the exact opposite. I wanted to cry. I really did. But I knew I could better. He already gave me what I’d wanted. At least a word from him. Regardless of what it was. By this time, I could feel tears slowly running down my cheeks. I shouldn’t be crying though. I could do better than this. I’m a strong man. And I should be strong with situations like this. This should’ve been nothing to me.

As I stand, alone, in the slowly darkening square, I hear footsteps splashing through the rainwater that lined the pavements. “Rie!!” Yoojung said from behind me. He lays a hand on my shoulder. “you alright, Rie? I saw what happened…Junji was just being a jerk at that time. He didn’t acknowledge you and everything you did just to get him to talk to you.” He said. “c’mon, let’s go back to the van. Jin Young drove all the way here to pick us up.” He then leads me back to the van, and I’m just barely walking there, sobbing and about to cry my heart out. As I took a seat right at the back, Jin Young looks back from the driver’s seat, all the way to me and Yoojung. “Rie, you alright?” he asks. “What happened while I was gone, Yoojung?”

“His boyfriend, well…ex-boyfriend. I guess he was heartbroken by him…”

“Aw, damn whoever that bastard was. Rie, you don’t deserve such a man like him…” he said with much empathy in his voice.

At that point, I could barely even talk. My chest started to hurt because of all that sobbing, and my eyes felt dry like they were burning. I had to stop crying at some point, right? But I just couldn’t . I was in such a state of agony at that time, that I could barely even concentrate to my surroundings.

“Rie, if you want, I can give you an few days off, depending on the time it’ll take you to be a tiny bit better than your current state,” Jin Young suggests. I still say nothing. More like I couldn’t say anything. I just didn’t have any energy left in me anymore.

“What about the show?” I manage to say through sobs.

“It can be on hiatus. We have plenty of prerecorded episodes. We’ll be fine with a week out of work.” He says. I gaze out the car’s window and watched as we drove through the pouring rain, the tires splashing through the road that was filled with almost an inch of rain. We then come into a halt. Traffic lights again. The hazy red light glowed amongst the darkness of the sky. Then flicked to yellow. Then to green. We drove off again. Back into the darkness that surrounded us, with only a tiny bit of streetlight, as all you could see was the mist from the rain.

. . .

I see myself back in my flat after a two hour drive, exhausted and tired after all that’d just happened throughout a 5 hour timestamp. I lay in my bed, staring at the ceiling through the dark, not a slight bit of light coming from my window or anything. I flicked on my lampshade on the bedside table, knowing that I can’t stay in this darkness forever. Why? I thought. Why did it have to end like this with me and Junji? Couldn’t the ending be better, at least? I turned to my right and picked up my phone. No new messages. Only one. From Yoojung.

“you okay?” He asked. No. I wasn’t okay. But I should be. It shouldn’t be the end of the world just because I broke up with my loved one. My world wouldn’t change without him. I’ll still be living my own life. My own everything.

Me: “yeah, we’re doing great at the moment.”

Yoojung: “Do you really mean that, though?”

Me: “no. I don’t.”

Yoojung: “Rie, like we said, if something’s wrong, talk to us. I get why you don’t want to, but it won’t just help if you stay silent.”

Me: “I know…it’s just that…I should know that I should be stronger in these situations. I’ve just…never been through things like this in my life…so now I just don’t know what I’m supposed to do.”

As I typed in each word to our chat, I could feel the tears starting to burn through. I’ve cried enough today, and yet I still am. God…I’m such a weakling. Just why can’t I handle this? Am I that heartbroken? We haven’t even talked in a year. What’s the point of crying over someone who doesn’t even give a **** about you anymore? I then look back at my phone.

Yoojung: “You should try to make him listen to you. You said that when you talked to him before, he said he so-called “didn’t have time for you,” right?”

Me: “Yeah…”

Yoojung: “then tell him if you both can have a personal talk with each other. That way you can get a better answer from him. And if he still says shit about you, then you should know that you shouldn’t be crying over some bastard like him. You’re just too good for him.”

I’ve never appreciated Yoojung this much. And he’s never been smarter than this. He was right. Definitely right. But even though he was, I still didn’t want to go back to Haebangchon just to have a talk with Junji. It’s rather a waist of time, and it wouldn’t benefit the both of us. Only me. “Thanks,” I tell him, with a few other things, then I place my phone back to its charging station, flicking off the light after. I was exhausted. My eyes felt so dry that even closing them hurt. I stare at the ceiling, not even blinking once. My eyes then start to feel hazy, and I start to drift off to sleep.

. . .

1 week later…

My eyes then flash open with the sound of my alarm, making it’s annoying, repetitive sound. I haven’t gone to work or did much for the past week, since Jin Young allowed me to have a break for a while. I guess you could say that I’m doing much better than my state last week, which was rather an improvement, because I thought I’d never get better (stupid, Rie). I haven’t been crying much. Nor have I been thinking about Junji. But I still wanted to have a proper talk with him. I just didn’t know when. I couldn’t say it through text, as he removed his SD card, and nor could I talk in person, as Haebangchon was a two hour drive from Seoul. So then what was I supposed to do? I drowsily walk into the bathroom and glare upon myself on the mirror. God, I’m a mess. I thought. After washing up, I had a quick breakfast and immediately headed for the company. I’d be marked late if I took my time. I’d only had 10 minutes to get there. I threw my bag off my shoulder and started the car.

The autumn had suddenly become so cold and meanings less. I gazed out from my window when I’d reached a stop light. I would’ve found this beautiful. But I don’t. Why? I don’t know. It’s just been so long since I’d actually been out. I watched as the reddening leaves fell onto the ground and pavement, just to get stepped on later. What a pity. I then flick my view back to the traffic light. Yellow. Then green. That was my turn to go. I stepped on the gas pedal and kept my foot on it. I was going too fast. I was sure of that. Each turn I made became a drift, making an uneasy screech. My car then came into an abrupt stop once I reached the second stop light today. ****. I almost killed myself. “good god…” I muttered to myself as I stared down to the wheel. What have I gotten myself into?

I then pull up to the parking lot of the filming set, meeting Yoojung there. Right when he laid his eyes on me, his eyes sparked with joy, happy to see me after all this time. “Rie!! You’re back!! I was all lonely for this past week, doing all my single scenes for the whole day…” he said, sounding pitiful by the last sentence. I did a little run up to him and gave him a hug.

“I was also lonely this week…” I say, my tone quiet and could barely be heard. As we walk through the front door, everyone started to lay their eyes on me, like I was a completely different person. Was it because they hadn’t seen me for a while? But I didn’t care. As long as I was back and happy. Well…maybe the “happy” part was a lie, but at least I’m doing much better than last week.

Director Jin Young then walked up to me. “Rie! You feeling a bit better now?” He asks.

“Yeah…I guess. How sincere of you.” I say, tired of the question if I’m alright. Because it was clear I wasn’t alright. At least I thought it was.

“We’ve started to run out of scenes to film without you here. But right now, that doesn’t matter. As long as you’re alright with getting straight into the filming, then we’ll do it. If you can’t, just tell us anytime.”

“Yeah…sure.” I mutter. I then walk into the changing room and look for the outfit I was meant to be in for this shot. It was much like my casual wear. I did most of the things myself. No one had seemed to be there. So I even put on the makeup myself. Just as I was in the middle of fixing my hair up, I hear a knock at the door.

“Rie, you done in there? Jin Young is looking for you,” Yoojung said through the other side of the door.

“Almost!” I shout from my side. I then rush back out and peek through the changing room door. Yoojung was standing there with Jin Young. It’d seemed like they were discussing something, I just couldn’t tell what. Their words sounded muffled, even though they were less than 3 meters from the door. I then walk out, and they flick their gaze to me.

“Ah, Rie! Perfect time for you to be here!” Jin Young says.

“What’s up?” I ask.

“So, a bit of a problem. Since this scene takes place 3 years later from the last one, the manager decided to let it be in a different place, other than Seoul, since she thought it would be odd for Jae Hyun (my character) to stay in the same place for such a long time…” He explained. But I could barely even tell what was so wrong about the idea, until he explained further. “and she decided to move our set to Haebangchon…” he stated. Well ****. I’m gonna have to move the film all the way to Haebangchon. The place I’ve been avoiding for long.

Chapter Three

I drag myself back into the van and take a seat where I’d always stay in. Out of all places, Haebangchon? She could’ve chosen Itaewon, Daegu, Anjong, or Busan, and yet she chooses Haebangchon. The place I dreaded to go to. I wipe off the mist that covered the windows and gazed out to the crew, watching them take down all the equipment and loading them into some big truck. I then hear the door gently shift open. It was Yoojung. He took a seat right next to me. He seemed busy on his phone, so I didn’t dare to talk. He then turns it off and glances back at me. “Right…about the problem you’re in…” he says.

“Don’t worry. I guess it’s nothing really. At least it’ll give me a chance to talk with Junji for once.” I say. I clearly didn’t have any emotion. At least, I couldn’t show it. In reality, I felt dreadful. Dreadful that I’d have to see Junji’s damn face after realizing what he’d done.

“You sure?” Yoojung asks.

“Yeah! Very sure, in fact!”

“Alright then…”

The rest of the crew then came into the van, and we drove off. Off to someplace I never wanted to go to in the first place. By an hour and 30 minutes into the drive, I can already start seeing the abandoned church that I’d always go to as a little hideout. God…we were already getting so close to the main street. I was not ready. But I knew we’d be fine, as I would only be here for around two weeks. I then step out of the car and gaze out to the distance. I could see the beach from here. The beach where me and Junji had that one talk about what we think of each other. The beach where Junji had finally found me after he’d broken my wrist. Now I hate that beach. I glance at Jin Young.

“Where are we gonna film?” I ask. He then points out to the beach.

“Right…there” he said. Great. This can’t be just a coincidence.

“Oh…alright then,” I say, trying to act as normal as I could.

The crew walks down to the shoreline and set up the equipment where we were to film. As I gazed upon the distance, I could see Junji. Great. I thought. I could see him, just sitting there, on the warm sand as he gazes ahead. To where, I don’t know. Please don’t see me, please. I thought, rather desperate. But what I found odd was that he wasn’t with that girl he was always with. Maybe he just wanted some alone time? Who the hell knows. He then looks at me. “Fuck,” I silently muttered to myself as I flicked my gaze away from him.

Discreetly, I glance back at him, too see if he was still looking. He was. So, I decided to lock our eye contact. We both glared at each other, like we were ready for a murder. I then flicked up my middle finger in the air, and finally looked away. Who cares about what he thought? I started to lose faith in him anyway. Yoojung then takes a seat next to me, and tries to fix his gaze to where I was looking. He then glances at me. “You okay?” he asks.

“yeah. We’re good,” I say. “but…” I then point a finger over my shoulder, gesturing to Junji. Yoojung then looks behind me and notices Junji.

“Oh shit,” I heard him mutter under his breath.

“I know. Right?” I say.

We then hear director Jin Young call us from behind, asking us to prepare for the scene we were to film. Yoojung stands up and runs up to Jin Young. He then glances back at me.

“You coming?” he asks.

“Yeah. I’ll be there in a bit.” I say. I let out a deep sigh and look downward for a while. What did I get myself into? I thought. I then stand up and run off to Jin Young. Before I leave, though, I glance back at Junji. He looks back at me, but all I do is glare like I despised him greatly. And I wouldn’t say I was wrong, though. At that moment, I did despise him. I despised him for just leaving me like that. All alone for more than a year.

I ran up to the set. Everyone seemed to be ready, while I was the only one who’d just gotten there. I check myself in the mirror one last time, just to see if I looked alright. But I couldn’t tell, since there was no one there to tell me I looked perfect. Or just to tell me that I looked alright, at least. Since…that person was gone. Gone from my life. Not dead, but just. Gone. We then prepared for the scene. I had to stand still, watching out to sea dramatically. “3, 2, 1, action!” Director Jin Young said as I heard the gentle clap of the slate.

The wind blew softly against my face as I hear the gentle crash of the waves that flowed slowly to shore. In, and out. In, and out. The waves went. I had to get really into my scene to master this. I was sat on the cool, grainy sand, gazing skyward to the air. I feel a tap to my right shoulder. Kang Ji Hoon (Yoojung’s name for the show) . It wasn’t intentional, but it still caught my attention. “sorry,” he muttered, picking up a coin that fell to my right. He then looked at me, realizing that it was the actual “Jae Hyun” (my character for the show) who was standing right upon him.

“Oh, Jae Hyun…” he stuttered.

“Nice to see you after all this time,” I say, standing up to face him. “how’ve you been?”

“Good,” he says, dryly.

“Is that all the response I get? After 3 years of not seeing each other, that’s the kind of wording I get?” I say, annoyed.

“What else am I supposed to say? How much I’ve missed you after all this time? Well if it is, then just note that I didn’t miss you. Not even once.”

“Jeez, that’s harsh. Anyway, I’ll allow you to go do whatever you were gonna do. I must’ve wasted you’re time, right?” I say, patting him on the back to gesture him to go. Before be walks away, he looks back at me. “what?” I ask.

“Nothing…” I hear him murmur. He then walks away, head down.

“And…Cut!” Director Jin Young said. “good job, guys. You both did incredibly well this scene.”

“Wait!” I say, stopping Jin Young in his tracks. “can we see the footage first?” I ask.

“Yeah, sure! That would be a pleasure,” Jin Young says. He then brings out the monitor and connects the camera memory with it. The screen shows the starting scene we began with. I watched through each movement me and Yoojung made with great intent. I thought it could’ve been better.

“Can we…retry this scene? I feel like I didn’t do good enough,” I suggest.

“If you say so,” Jin Young said.

We then get back into our places. “take 2! 3, 2, 1, action!” Jin Young shouted from the back of the set. Once again, I sit right in front of the shoreline, watching out to sea. God…I hated this. I hated knowing that Junji could be watching me with my horrible acting. I took a discreet glance at where I thought Junji was, but he was gone. Thank God he was. I then feel the tap on my shoulder. Thinking it was Yoojung, I glanced down to look for the coin He was to drop.

“Sorry,” The person said. I picked up the coin and was about to hand it to this person whom I thought was Yoojung, but instead I was met face to face with Junji. It was like he knew the script and decided to replace Yoojung. Everything matched up too well.

“Junji?” I say in shock. I cautiously peeked back to the cameras. They were still filming. Why, though? This wasn’t part of the script, and Junji has absolutely no say in this show. I look back to Junji.

“Sorry if I disrupted your show,” he muttered. He then snaked his hand through mine and took back the coin he dropped. “I’ll get going now.” He immediately walks away from the camera, all the way to the edge of the beach. I stare to his direction. Where he was to go was something I hadn’t been aware of, but I felt like I didn’t need to be. But still I part of me wanted to follow him. I glance back to the crew.

“Umm, guys? Time out for a minute,” I say.