Chapter 1

Today the house was completely full, my father's family was

visiting, they had some kind of meeting, of which I could not participate, and

possibly never will be able to.

My adoptive father is the head of one of the most important

families in the mafia, and I'm just the shame of my mother's family, my

grandparents hated me, they always remind me that I should not be alive, my

mother committed suicide when I was born, according to what I have been told

and what I have heard, she was kidnapped months after marrying my father,

nobody knows what she really lived there, but what was clear was that she had

been abused, and from that abuse, I was born, it was no wonder that nobody

loved me, I was nobody's son! a bad joke, the bastard son.

- Hey bastard! What are you doing here?

I looked up from my book and looked at Silvio, what a

nuisance! Why couldn't they just leave me alone?

- I'm reading\, don't you know what a book is?

He ripped the book out of my hands and threw it on the

floor, I took a deep breath trying to control myself.

- Aren't you ashamed to be living here? Uncle only keeps you

because he feels sorry for you! Not even your grandparents love you, you

bastard! Because of you my aunt committed suicide!

I took a deep breath, this asshole wanted a beating!

- Silvio\, what are you doing with the weirdo? Let's go

inside -

My "brother" had arrived with two more guys.

- He's bothering me! How do you put up with him?

Silvio asked my brother Mariano.

- Get out! -

I shouted at them and bent down to pick up the book.

Silvio kicked me in the face, I felt a terrible pain in my

nose.

- You bastard! You deserved that! You don't belong here!

I looked upstairs, everyone in the room was laughing at me

and then ran away, fucking cowards.

I went into the house, Piero my father was there with his

brothers, he looked at me.

- What happened?

He asked me nonchalantly.

- Now you fall alone?

My father asked me, I smiled, and went up to my room.

I walked through the garden with a bat in my hand, this was

my limit, I wasn't going to let anyone walk all over me anymore, if I wasn't

going to have their acceptance to goodness, I would make them fear me! I....

Fabien De Santi would be a devil! Feared by all!

- Hey!

My brother shouted, but it was too late! I hit with the bat

with all my strength the wretch who dared to hit me! Nobody had the right to

touch me.

The asshole was on the ground crying, I threw the bat aside

and grabbed him by the hair and made him look at me.

- Next time I'm going to kill you -

I warned him and smiled at him, my dear cousin had a

dislocated jaw.

- You bastard! -

My brother shouted at me and pushed me.

- Dad is going to kill you! I'll tell him everything!

He shouted at me, helping our cousin to get up.

I wiped my nose with the back of my hand, there was a lot of

blood.

- I should be thankful I didn't find my knife\, I would have

loved to cut his face from end to end.

mariano looked at me angrily and left with silvio.

*

Father slapped me in front of everyone, I didn't lower my

head, I didn't regret what I had done.

- Do you want me to take you back to your grandparents? You

know they will treat you worse than shit!

He shouted at me and gave me another blow.

- You think you're evil? I'm going to show you what it's

like to be evil!

Dad grabbed me by the hair and took me to the kitchen, made

me open my hand on the counter.

- Are you going to apologize?

He asked me, I shook my head, I was going to take the

consequences with pleasure.

- Don't move your hand\, if you do\, I'll cut it off and make

you watch the dogs eat it.

I held my breath, father stabbed my hand with a knife, I

held back a moan of pain, I looked at him out of the corner of my eye and he

smiled at me.

- You've got balls boy –

He pulled out the knife and held it in the air.

- Take it -

I was going to grab it with the other hand, but he refused.

- The other -

I raised my injured hand and he put the knife in my palm.

- You're lucky I didn't cut your finger - I looked him

straight in the eye.

I looked him straight in the eye, he was smiling.

- Go get the wound treated\, I don't want it to get infected

- I squeezed the knife and went out.

I tightened my grip on the knife and left the kitchen.

Everyone gathered there looked at me, I smiled at them and

left.

*

Today it was raining cats and dogs, and today I was not

allowed to go with Mariano in the car to school, I was very cold and the way

things were I was going to be late.

I started to run to get there faster, but I ended up in a

puddle.

- Damn it!

I shouted with frustration, a little cat came out of

nowhere, it was crying, maybe it was cold like me, I carried it and looked at

it, it was in the bones.

- Do you want to go home with me?

I asked him and he started meowing, I put him inside my bag

and went back home.

*

I hid the cat in my room, I had named him onix, since he was

very black.

- I'm going to school\, don't make any noise!

I put him in a box and hid him in the closet.

I left the room and ran to the car that was waiting for us.

*

When I came back from school I went straight to the room,

onix was probably hungry.

I opened the closet but the box was gone, I went downstairs

and bumped into my father, who was holding onix in his hands.

- You were looking for this?

I nodded and he smiled at me.

- You know what happens when you get emotionally attached to

something?

I nodded.

- It hurts when it's gone.

I replied.

- That's right! And tell me\, do you want it?

I swallowed dryly and shook my head, father took the cat by

the neck and began to squeeze, onix began to cry and try to escape.

- Stop it!

I screamed and he stopped.

- Does it hurt?

He asked me and I nodded.

- You kill him\, or I will kill him in front of you.

I took onix out of his hands and broke his neck, I know he

didn't suffer, and that's what comforts me.

- Don't let it happen again\, understood?

I nodded and went to the garden with onyx in my hands, I sat

down and put him aside, I started to dig a hole and then I buried him there.

Chapter

2

I arrived at my grandparents' house for a visit, they as

usual completely ignored me, today I had finished my penultimate year with

honors and I wanted to show them, maybe they would feel proud of me, if only

for once, I really wanted that in my soul!

My grandmother looked at me with irritation as soon as she

saw me.

- At least you're not retarded! -

My grandmother said to me when I showed her my grades, I

wanted so badly to scream everything inside me at her, but that would only make

things worse.

- Why are you here? De Santi already got bored of you? or

you just came to show me this shit? because if so you wasted your time?

I kept the notes in my bag, I felt disappointed, I had

expected something that obviously wasn't going to happen, she was a bitch! she

didn't deserve to be alive!

- I'm not to blame for what happened to her\, why do you have

to blame me for her death, she was just a baby! -

My grandmother looked at me angrily and punched me hard in

the face, I took a deep breath and stood still.

- It's your fault she died! Of course it's your fault!

You're a demon!

I didn't say or do anything, I just let him take his

frustration out on me, after all that's what they wanted.

When he got tired of hitting and beating me I left the

place, I would never come back, it was a waste of time.

*

When I arrived at the house Piero was already there.

- I see your grandmother is softening up -

He said looking at my bruised face.

- The headmistress called me\, and told me you were the best

in the whole school, I didn't know you spoke three languages, according to me,

I never paid you for language classes- I shrugged.

I shrugged my shoulders.

- I can do it myself\, I'm not useless.

He smiled and handed me a small package.

- I hope you appreciate it.

I opened the package and smiled, it was a knife with a

beautiful golden handle, and the best thing was that it had my name on it.

- Do you want to use it?

He asked me, I nodded without asking what for.

*

There was a ***** guy tied up in one of the rooms where

Mariano and I were forbidden to go.

- What would you do to him?

The father asked me, I took out my knife and approached the

guy.

- You can kill him\, consider it a gift for your

grades".

I held the knife tightly in my hand, the guy looked at me

pleadingly.

- If you are afraid you can come out\, I will-.

I put the knife to his neck, turned and pulled it out

quickly, the guy started to bleed out.

- Perfect! You're a good boy -

I watched as the blood ran down his body, splashing my

school pants.

- Do you want to cut it? -

I looked at my father and he laughed.

- I'm kidding! I'm kidding! I'll buy you a drink -

I turned away from the man I had killed and threw up, I had

never felt like that, it was like something wasn't there anymore, I felt

different.

- That's normal! Now let's get the drink\, I think you need

it.

Father pulled me out of there and took the knife I still had

in my hand.

- Did Mariano do it?

I asked walking with him.

I looked at my hands that were stained by the man's blood.

- Not yet\, but soon he will.

He answered me.

*

It was the first time I drank alcohol, at first it tasted

very bitter to me, but now it seemed sweet as honey.

- What do you want to be a boy? Everyone has dreams\, what's

yours?

I looked at him over the glass, drank more liquid and put it

down.

- I want to be better than you\, better than everyone! -

He smiled and poured me more alcohol.

- Then you have to become a demon\, because only then you can

be better than me.

I smiled at him.

- I have already started\, I will be the most feared in

Sicily, and all your family will kneel before me - I smiled.

Father smiled, he seemed quite pleased by my answer.

- I want to see him -

He answered me and took a drink from his glass.

- You will see him soon\, you can be sure of that.

*

Every day after school I went to practice with the pistols,

I liked it, and I was quite good at it, no! I was perfect! I had to be, I

couldn't be less than that, all those who made fun of me were going to regret

it.

After practicing for a couple of hours, I went home, when I

arrived I could notice that there were men everywhere, I ran in, dad was

pointing the gun at one of his buddies, Mariano was next to him, but he looked

quite nervous.

- Kill him!

ordered the father to Mariano, but he didn't even know how

to hold the gun.

- I can't!

said Mariano, his hand was shaking.

I took the knife out of the bag and walked over, grabbed the

guy by the hair and ran the knife blade from end to end across his neck, and

then threw it at Mariano's feet, this time I didn't feel the discomfort of the

other time, on the contrary, I felt powerful.

- You are crazy -

Mariano said looking at me with fear, I smiled at him, I

tightened the knife in my hand.

- I just did something you couldn't do\, it's not that hard

to kill - I lifted the guy grabbing him and grabbed him.

I lifted the guy up grabbing him by the hair, he was still

alive, so I put him out of his misery, I plunged the knife into his heart.

- Now he's dead.

I pulled the knife out and threw him back on the ground.

- Well done boy\, now I want you to chop him up\, someone will

take care of the remains later.

The father called another man and helped me with the body.

When we took him to a room, the one with me gave me an axe.

- First the feet and hands -

I lifted the axe and gave a heavy blow to one hand, which

immediately fell off, and then went on with my work.

Today was my 17th birthday, I was lonelier than shit! I felt

so miserable! I... I didn't belong anywhere!

- Can I sit down? -

Mariano asked me, I shook my head, but he sat down anyway,

we were at school and it was lunch time.

- I've been wanting to talk to you for weeks\, you.... How

could you do it? -

I leaned back on the table and smiled at him.

- I had done it before\, so it was no big deal\, now get out\,

I don't want to see your face. -

Mariano gave me a dirty look.

- You bastard! -

I took a deep breath.

- When Piero dies\, I'm going to kill you\, and I'll take over

the business, you're no good for this, you're a fucking coward! -

Mariano got up and left, I stood there looking at everyone,

so smiling and happy, I.... I wanted some of that, I also wanted to know what

happiness is, to feel someone's embrace.

I got up and pushed those stupid thoughts away, I had to be

focused on what was really important.

*

When I got out of school, I went to practice, today I was

going to learn how to use a rifle, I was more than happy.

After practice I decided to go straight home, I was tired

and hungry.

Mariano and a couple of his friends intercepted me on the

way, I took a deep breath at the sight of them, what the ****, I knew how to

ruin a half decent day in my life!

- Why do you always have to come with more people\, aren't

you good enough to fight me, are you afraid of me? -

Mariano looked furious, and the other two guys were

laughing, each one had a piece of wood in his hands, what a bunch of assholes!

- I'm going to kill them both\, and I'm going to beat you up!

-

There was nobody where we were! Just the four of us, I was

going to have fun with them.

I took out the gun I had in my bag and shot them each in the

head, Mariano opened his eyes like saucers, I put the gun away and went over to

him, I grabbed Mariano by the shoulders and punched him.

- You are a sadist! -

He screamed as I hit him, I hit him so hard I felt my hand

dislocate, I pulled away from Mariano, his face looked like shit, he was crying

like an asshole.

- I warned you! Stop fucking with me! I've had enough of

you! -

I took out my cell phone and called Piero, I knew in advance

that the beating I was going to get was going to be epic! But I had to get rid

of the corpses.

- I killed two guys who were beating up Mariano\, and now I

don't know what to do, I need your help -

I looked at Mariano and he didn't say anything.

I looked at Mariano and he didn't say anything, he was so

angry that if he said anything I would rip his tongue out right here, and I

didn't give a shit if Piero heard me.

- I have already sent the men to solve the problem.

The father said to me with a hard voice, I hung up and

turned to Mariano.

- If you say anything\, I swear I will kill you\, I know I

will die too, but I will take with me the satisfaction of having done it,

understood? -

Mariano nodded his head, I sat down next to one of the

bodies, I looked at them and reproached myself for having wasted two bullets on

them.

- What will happen if they ask about them? some of them saw

me leaving school with them! what am I going to do? -

Mariano asked me crying.

- People get lost all the time\, don't worry\, they will end

up as food for pigs, nobody will know about this, now stop crying, it's

pathetic and depressing to see you like this- .

Mariano was crying and complaining.

Mariano was crying and complaining like a Magdalena, it was

unbelievable that he was Piero's son, they were so different! His mother had

definitely spoiled him too much.

- Stop crying! You're annoying me! Do you want another blow?

-

He shook his head and began to cry silently.

- You're a monster! -

she gasped at me.

- I'm not... I'm a demon! -

I said smiling.

*

The beating they gave me was equal or worse than I had

imagined, Mariano's asshole didn't say anything, or they would have already cut

off some limb, because my bones were already broken, but I didn't complain, I

didn't cry, I didn't even make a sound.

- Don't do anything rash like that again\, next time I won't

help you -

The father said to me, looking at me on the floor full of

blood.

- I defended your son\, and you punish me? -

he laughed.

- I know what really happened\, Mariano confessed to me after

a couple of blows - I rolled my eyes, stupid.

I rolled my eyes, stupid Mariano!

- He also told me that you threatened him\, are you going to

kill him? -

I shrugged my shoulders, making that little move made my

body ache.

- Mariano is not worthy to follow in your footsteps\, he is

weak and you know it - I shrugged my shoulders.

I shrugged my shoulders, making that little movement made my

body ache.

Father bent down and looked at me.

- Then make me think that too\, I know what you want son. -

He said stroking my hair.

- I'm almost perfect in everything\, I'm better than Mariano!

-

He nodded and gave me a couple of caresses on my cheek.

- Being better than Mariano is nothing! You yourself just

said he's weak, you have to be better than me! Do you think you can do it? -

I smiled and nodded.

- Do you know what waterboarding is?

Dad asked me and I shook my head.

- I'll show you\, I want to see how much you can endure\, if

you want to be a demon you have to live in hell. -

Father and another man tied me to a chair, put a piece of

cloth on my face and threw the chair on the floor, I endured the groan of pain

I felt when I fell.

Little by little the water started to fall on the cloth on

my face, after a moment the water started to flood my mouth and nose, I felt

the oxygen slowly leaving my lungs, I tried to hold it in as long as I could,

it was so fucking agonizing, I was going to die!