"You took everything away from me! "

    I could laugh at her ridiculous assumption. This girl has never been that clever, but to think she could pull this off, I wonder who's behind this stupid game of death. 

    "Don't push the blame on me your highness, if you're smarter than your stupid brain, you won't lose everything."

    I said, laughing yet enough to make me cough blood. The water underneath me is getting colder, my blood runs all over me while contaminating the clear blue lake with my shed blood. I clench my teeth and continue seeking for air. Even if I wanna move, my body won't and I can't help but to snore since I feel like I am nearing my limits. 

    The arrows pierced through my body. It was so deep that I think I'd lose my consciousness at this moment. I could feel the cold metal of the arrows deep within me, as well as the glares of those deadly eyes of men holding a bow within the back of the trees and bushes.

    I had a bad feeling about this encounter but Iris' father begged me to go, I know the risk but I went anyway without fearing the pitfalls. I even left my blade in the idea of having to talk with Iris in peace, however, it turns out the opposite of what I originally imagined.

    I cough blood once again. 

    "You have the guts to blame me!? If you didn't come I would have him by myself! Why can't you just die! Dammit, die! "

    She yelled, she yelled until her eyes widened to the point that she wishes to see me dead. 

    This is ridiculous, not only that she mistook everything but she thought I have special feelings for the prince, she really is nothing but an immature foolish tool. She let herself be manipulated so that she could get her pathetic revenge on me. 

    Ah!

    "You're so ridiculous at this age, no wonder they thought about using you, not only that you are naive, but you're also idle to realize that you are being manipulated, haha, what a misery. "

    I could laugh until I die, who even cares? my life is fading away but I'm not sad, in fact, I'm happy and here I am ready to welcome death... I could be freed from this duty, from this responsibility... How much could I endure watching them die? How much I could carry their sorrow and pain? 

    I would rather choose death over this responsibility, death is the only way a Shinigami can be freed from their pitiful life. 

    "I can't believe this, your so close to death yet you're still displeasing!"

    I looked at her and she looked at me. The way she looked is not something I could see within her eyes, she's sad, desperate but also think of me as a pitiful being, she gazes as if she didn't want this to happen, she looked at me with the hopes of apologizing but the only thing that came out of her mouth is the opposite of what she really wanna say to me. 

    I know why. It's because they were watching. I and she is neither pathetic fools, we are both a product and tools. She's no different from me, someone who can't be free from her own duty like a contract bound to stay unscathed.

    "Your highness, did you know that the prince had always told me about you? He praised you as a kind and innocent loving woman, he always thought of you as his hope and his life in this vicious unfair world."

    The prince is not someone I can spend my life with, he and I are more than just a contracted partner of the war room, we are nothing but war maniacs who happen to have the same interests in this world. However, the prince only thought about nothing but Lady Iris, he had told me more about her than himself, the prince looked at her like a saint and his hope. 

    He told me that Lady Iris's smile is the most beautiful thing he had ever seen, her hair that gives the chill of a lily, her lips of tempting radiant hope, she was everything to him. 

    The prince didn't like other women beside her... I guess this is a twisted fate for them, cause someone had used Iris's jealousy for their own gain. She was in love with him and he felt the same, but they don't know how to convey their own feelings for each other ━ not that I talk like I'm experienced it. 

    Who am I to talk to... Ah! 

    I cough more of my blood that splash all over my boy and I'm losing my sight, I'm losing my breath and my voice, but this didn't stop me from talking.

    She looked so shocked and she looked at me with desperation. She immediately took off the knife on her hands and got closer to me, she held me off when I was about to fall, then she began crying.

    "I--I'm sorry! I didn't know, I was a coward! Please forgive me, I didn't know better, I'm ignorant, I'm sorry!"

    She finally spoke what was truly on her mind, this gave me the time to smile and nodded. 

    "Don't be manipulated by people you choose your fate Lady Iris, be the one that controls your life, don't let them use your weakness for their own gain-- *cough!*"

    "No wait, please live! I don't want this, please!"

    She begged enough to make me flutter. Even though my life is filled with emptiness and darkness, I didn't imagine dying with someone who would shed tears for me. Even if this would be my finale, it doesn't mean it is my last, I will soon get a new life from a new leaf. 

    "The prince once told me 'Iris's smile is the most beautiful thing I've seen in this world'. It shines enough to take away every worry he carries."

    With the last of my strength and energy, I left her gripped and stood proudly in front of her. 

    She looked at me and she nodded before she smiled. I can feel the force of her lips yet enough to make me wonder if it was sincere or not. Despite the indecision, she looked at me proudly and that was the most beautiful moment I have ever witnessed in my entire life. 

    "Live peacefully with the prince and bring prosperity to this kingdom."

    I took the arrow right beside my chest, and after taking off the arrow, blood sprinkled through everywhere, and ended up losing my left leg. 

    "I curse this body and this life, with my own blood take this as your retribution but remember that souls are scattered everywhere. No mattter who you killed, no matter where they are, they will stay beside you cursing your name in the name of there souls! Yet with the reaper gone, they will be freed and so you are."

    I removed another arrow that caused me to fall off from the water, devouring me inside the lake and the only thing I've seen is the blue moon above the water in that lake.

When I was a child, and before I become mature, my time as a kid wasn't as good as other children do, one day I suffer a foot injury in the upper top of my knees and it was bleeding, when I came home filled with nothing but bruises and painful twist in the back of my head, my father who's drunk and violence took his anger of losing in gambling on me.

I was a child back then, maybe 7 or 8-years-old, and I didn't have a mother, nor did my father care for me. I always blame myself for my father's suffering throughout the years where he had lost his loving wife, but slowly the beating, the violence, and the blaming. I got used to his words and always remembered what he had told me several times.

It wasn't my fault, I said, but if I wasn't born that day then my mother would have lived because this is all my fault. I push all the blame on me from my father's misfortune and his despair, so even if he beats me up, kicks me, hits me, punches me, drowns me, I feel so numb that the pain I felt at a young age becomes nothing and I haven't cried even once.

I got used to my life being treated like nothing, I'm used to blaming myself for all of my father's doing and accepted my moments where I can die without the worth and meaning to this world. I lost my ability to feel, the emotions that I kept hidden and my tears that never shed.

Long after that, my drunkard father died on the streets. He was beaten to death by 4 men who leave no trace of recognition on his face, he was painfully tortured until he lost his breath because of his age and his illness. He was robbed and lost possession of my mother's necklace which was worth hundreds of gold.

That time I didn't know what to feel nor do I feel sad, but I felt so empty, and lost at the same time. I lost my parents but I didn't shed tears not even once when my father was buried beside my mother's grave where both of their names had been sculpted through the stones with no design. I was the only one present and no one came because they hated my father.

I glared at his tomb and asked him a simple question. "Why? " I didn't know what to feel nor what to say when he died, but I always thought that every despair and misfortune that he suffered was my fault, but now I know that I didn't do anything.

Even asking about his tomb, I never got an answer, nor did I care anymore. When my father died, they took all of his possessions, forcing me into the orphanage. I was 10-years-old back then, unlike other children in the orphanage, I was different.

They looked at me like a monster, someone who doesn't change much of her expression and someone who cannot smile despite the occasion, they all were terrified of me, even the sisters who were taking care of us didn't like me, they looked into my eyes like I was a spawn of demon and they neglected me.

Until one day came... "Does you wanna survive? Do you wanna be free? Do you want to feel like you belong in a place? Then take my hands and do that." I was a child who didn't know better, I doubted but in the end, my hands accepted her offer.

Even though I knew she was lying, I can't help but accept her hands and accept my fate. I'm no longer in control of my life so what use am I then becoming a tool, it was my mistake but I accepted it.

That was the moment I met the Shamans... A group of civil ladies who came across the world who had created the name Shaman, do they mean 'Honorable Pride Of The Female Warrior' or so how they describe. The Shamans are an association of ladies from both commoners, royalty and nobles. They created the 'Haiken Village' residing in the Fai Province.

While hiding from the outside world, the Shamans had trained their female warriors into fine soldiers that could be of use to the royalties. The Shaman only serves one master after arriving at their destination, the Shamans associate with an empire to bring them a mighty warrior that will help them with needs and battlefields.

I was given to the Lu Kingdom when I was 14, it took me about 3 years to train and 5 more years since I arrived at the palace. I become a tutor of the crown prince and advisors of the second prince who happens to be the same age as me.

Finally, I became of use on the battlefield when I became 16, they sent me on the front line instead of the prince who should show power with their own ability but the emperor did not consider sacrificing the life of his son and decided to send me off since I'm simply a tool for them.

I brought back countless victories in one year, after a year, the Shaman declared my new title. I didn't know what it feels like, but when they turned their gazes on me with aspiration, I knew for sure that something would happen.

"You have been given the role 'Reaper' Congratulations!" they said happily because they didn't know its meaning. I heard once that the repear is a role only given to a hopeless Shaman who does not feel anything. The reaper must collect the souls and possessions of every man dying on the battlefield, it is her duty to bury and send their souls to the heavens like a soaring angel.

Many of those that have been chosen are neither numb nor heartless. The reaper is a responsibility to kill or to fulfill the dying wishes of its ally and the enemy. The emperor gave me applause like some kind of an idiot because they didn't know what the Shinigami (reaper) truly meant.

The Shinigami carries the ability to hear the voices of the dead, I was able to hear everything so even sleeping didn't help me relieve my stress. The voices kept on calling and chanting the title "Our Shinigami, Our Reaper" a dozen times.

The pleas, the wishes, their emotions, their anxiety, I've heard all of them... Until I had broken into pieces which led me to accept Iris's wish to meet up... Yes, I'm finally dead...

--+-•-+--

I wasn't dreaming... Nor I'm in heaven nor hell... I looked around a room that flutters every bone in my system, the design is to over exaggerate, the colors and the ceiling, the furniture and the white-veil curtains covering up this moshing bed sheets and blankets, I sense a pillow underneath my hands and the oversize bed that looks so big for me.

I opened the white-veil curtains and a full-length mirror had suddenly reflected on me. This time I didn't have the muscle to move, because I saw the most beautiful lady I had ever seen in my life. Strange though, it feels like I portray the girl inside the mirror.

She gazes the same way as I do, she moves the same way as I do, her lips curve the same way as I did, all was reflecting within me and one thing I could say. This girl is me.

I immediately stood up from the bed but my body lacked the energy that should pull me off from standing straight and I ended up falling off to the ground. I didn't waste much time walking and instead, I pulled myself closer to the mirror.

No way!

Despite the resemblance, she's not me! She represents a noble lady while my appearance is average. She looks like a doll, her face that looks so pale, and she has pure diamond blue hair like the pale satiny wispy shaggy hair after waking up, her eyes blossom in the night that looks so much like the navy blue moon that usually appears rarely or never, she is timid and weak, that her body is so slim and malnourished.

I suddenly touched her face, but I only touched mine. With the sudden feeling of her smooth skin that touches mine, her lips from her glossy hair, I was left speechless. Neither so, I understand the situation quite well.

It seems that after death, I got reincarnated into some kind of place that I'm not aware of. Something is missing in my memories that I can't answer where the hell I am and who this girl is.

Who is this girl? No, instead of who this girl is, what is going on? I remember that the Shaman believes in a life after death, which is precisely reincarnation, so the question is... How can I remember my past life memories? If I get reincarnated then why are my memories from the past life visible and my current memory of this life isn't coming back to me.

What's happening?

There's no way... This is against the law of the afterlife, this is not good... I feel so weak and my heart pounds so fast that I could hear the beat of my beating heart, I slowly began to feel the sense of panic when I'm not even that nervous... She's so weak that even a small raise of my heartbeat could actually raise her temperature to maximum.

Is she sick perhaps?

*Knock Knock*

"Are you awake milady? "

Before I could even move my body and force myself to stand up, the door opened and suddenly a figure of a woman appeared. She wore the usual uniform of western maids or servants; it is a ribbon white and black shaggy dress which has 4 layers and a white headband.

"Goodness, milady, what are you doing? You shouldn't force yourself up, you need to rest more after what happened, you fell on the lake 2 days ago, " the maid proclaims and she respectfully approaches me, she bows before she holds my shoulder helping me to move back to the bed.

What does she mean to fall on the lake?

"It's good to see you awake milady, please wait here, I'll call for the physician and your father, " before I can even react, the maid left in a hurry running around the corner. I was seriously looking at this feature in front of the mirror, I'm probably 10-years-old because I'm so tiny.

Before dying, I can never forget the feeling of that moment when Iris sincerely apologized to me. She was stubborn and never been that low nor does she care about anything but the prince. The warmth she had given me before coming here is still tickling on my shoulder that guided me even as I came here.

Iris showed her true self and it was not boring watching her cry... When my instinct told me that someone was coming, I immediately looked at the door expecting someone to enter. The door was open because the maid didn't close it after leaving so I could see the outside and the hallways that had vases in pots of flowers.

I sigh in disbelief and try walking on the white carpet that I hardly noticed earlier, I then use my hands to try and balance myself when I touch the carpet. Before I realized it, my feet started to crumble on their own like jelly, that's how I felt and began pulling myself up while forcing my feet to stand straight.

I remained holding on to the mattress of my bed and tried freeing myself but I wasn't sure if this body would hold up for more than how long.

I settled with a force on my trembling feet to move on its own like a baby practicing to walk, my feet were balancing themselves but my body is starting to give up. I pulled myself together and tried to walk once more but when I was about to take a step, rushing groans and steps arrived in my room.

"What are you doing!? Your body is fragile so why are you forcing everything!?" I heard a frustrated voice coming at the back of my shoulder and I can feel the immense anger in his calm voice as well as the worry that he had kept hidden. I know that the voice is owned by a man because no woman can speak so highly pitched like him.

I was about to turn my body when I slipped on the floor and ended up losing the balance I kept until now. The face of the man appeared before me when I looked up. He has a cool appearance. Neither was he old but he looked so angry. I can see the resemblance between him and this girl's appearance from the color of her hair to the color of her rose lips.

Is she perhaps an acquaintance or her father?

"Look, I told you, why won't you listen to your father even once!? " I was right, he is her/my father. He lowered himself to match with me and tears fell off his cheeks like a river in the mountain, he gazed at the white carpets and he remained as it is.

I don't know why he's crying but I feel like I'm sad for some reason.

"Marquis, we have to check the lady if she's fine or she's suffering from any injuries, " another man appeared before us and this time the other man wore a thick glass with a little burn on his face, he patted the shoulder of her/my father and he looked at me.

"First of all, you need to rest, little lady, " he said as if I'm 5 years old, he then lifted me up from his shoulders and dropped me off back to the mattress.

"Are you hurt? " the man asked and I shrugged to answer him.

"Do you feel any achings on your head? " I shrugged and he nodded.

"Do you feel any pain from your recent injuries? " I shrugged.

"Do you feel sick for some reason? Or do your feet hurt? " I endured the pain when I was a kid so it didn't really matter.

"Do you remember what happens after you subside on the lake?" I shrugged cause my memory is so fuzzy that I don't remember much about her.

"Do you remember me? " the man asked, so I looked at him and thought for a while. If I say I don't, will they become suspicious of me? I remember that the western nobles don't believe in amnesia, so when someone of their family forgets about them they are deemed imposter and will die within the gallows.

I looked at him and nodded, forcing myself to remember but I failed anyway. "Do you remember the marquis?" I nodded and even though I'm not sure about their identity, it's better to keep it hidden for a while before I remember everything.

"Are you tired? If the miss is tired, I can check on you later on, " I looked at him and shrugged. I wasn't tired but this body might be...

"I see, I will prescribe you medicine, drink them 2 times a day, don't overuse water when drinking, it's good to drink less before gulping a glass of water. " He turned around and looked at my father who was seated beside the table. He looked at the man who happens to be the physician and he pointed outside before both of them went outside.

Honestly, I don't wanna stay indoors for much longer, I'm more than capable of walking outside or training my sword in the heavy heat of the sunlight. My soul is made of steel and without it, how can I move on? I'm a warrior, a soldier who had experience fighting on the front line and I know how the military works. I don't belong in the court, instead, I belong to the front line where fighting is all I care about.

"Milady, here have some cup of water, " the maid gave me the glass which contains water, so with the energy I have in my fingers, I accepted it without a doubt and drank it slowly just like the physician said.

"The marquis is only worried about you milady, you were after all is his only daughter and a child that mostly needs his protection, he loves you so much that what happened that day crushed him, I hope you understand milady, " what happened? I look at the maid and return the glass nodding my head slowly. She said that I was loved by my father, and that's the first time I even heard that sentence in my entire life.

A father who loved his daughter didn't exist in my world, I am nothing but the cause of my father's pain so I didn't feel affectionate when he died.

The maid remained smiling when I shifted back my gaze but I can see a glimpse of worry in her smile enough that she can't deceive me. She must be a good servant of this girl, she must be precious to her since this maid acted like a friend instead of a servant.

Moments later my father came back with a troubled look on his face. I can see his expression turn and change from worry to sadness, anger to frustration but he let out a sigh and he approached me.

"Atina, why did you do that? Why did you leave our residence and thought of killing yourself? Why? Am I so bad that even my daughter resents me? I know I've never been this close to you but I promise to be more of a father to you, so please don't do that again... Okay? " I looked at him with confused eyes... Atina? Is that my name? He looked at me with a face so pale...

He seems so sad and afraid. So that's why they said that she fell off the lake when the truth is, she tried killing herself but for what reason? I don't have her memories nor do I remember much about her. Maybe I'll remember soon like amnesia.

"I will keep that in mind, father, " I said, noticing that my voice seems too ladylike, unlike my voice which usually is mainly high pitched.

"For the rest of the day, you'll be resting in your room, don't go outside because your body is still weak, understand? " He seemed very nice to me. I wonder why she tried to kill herself, Atina? Is that your name? My name?

"Yes. "