"I think I'm dating the wrong woman," Chakotay confessed.

B'Elanna snorted as she shifted the sleeping five month old Miral higher on her shoulder and stretched her legs a little. "You only think you're dating the wrong woman?" she countered incredulously.

Chakotay lifted his eyes miserably. "Alright, I am dating the wrong woman. I know you warned me. I know I didn't listen, but I was enjoying myself...until I began to realise how much a hole someone else's absence from my life has left."

"We are talking about the Admiral, right?"

"Yes. Kathryn's been avoiding me. There was a time when we were such good friends and our relationship held such promise. We never said the words, but there was so much meaning in what was unsaid. We showed how we felt with looks and gestures. I swear it wasn't just my imagination. She's been the better part of me since the day we met. It never appeared to worry her when I had some minor dalliance though, but it plagued the hell out of me when she was interested in someone else. We were always so close and I hate the distance that's come between us ever since I started dating Seven. I miss her like crazy. Did I read her wrong all these years? Did she never care the way I thought she did? Or was her initial indifference to my dating Seven simply self-preservation? Has she said anything to you, B'E?"

"She's hurting alright, although she is loathe to admit it, and I would say she is very far from not caring about you. She probably is avoiding the two of you, but I don't for a second think she'd do anything that would deliberately hurt you or Seven. I doubt she'd come clean even if you challenged her."

"I have challenged her. It didn't go well."

"What happened?"

Chakotay leaned back and thought about the awkward moments they had shared at the annual Charity Ball. For a while, he had tried to be content with Seven. He had told himself that he was over Kathryn and that he was doing exactly the right thing to try to move on. There had been something refreshingly different about dating the young woman, although the novelty had started to wear off very quickly. He had at one time foolishly begun to think he could have it all, Seven as a lover and Kathryn as a friend, but the reality hadn't panned out like that and he had ended up nursing a fair degree of disappointment about it. Then Seven had become increasingly prone to mood swings. She had begun acting like a hormone-infused teenager and he hadn't much cared for that side of her. He was finding her increasingly difficult to deal with.

On the night in question, he and Seven had arrived at the Charity Ball to find the majority of Voyager's senior staff already present. Then reality had hit like a gut punch and he had known in that moment that he couldn't fool himself any longer. Kathryn had arrived on the arm of some puffed-up, suave, but annoyingly handsome ambassador, and she had simply blown his breath away. He was filled with admiration for one and jealousy for the other. Kathryn was looking resplendent in a long red evening gown and he'd had to stifle the gasp that threatened on first seeing her. He was reminded yet again of the aura that seemed to set her apart from every other person in the room. She energised people, captivated them. There was something very magnetic about Kathryn Janeway's personality and it was a little disturbing to be one of the multitude so drawn to her, like bees around a honey pot. Yet he knew that his attraction to her ran far, far deeper. He had a genuine connection with her. There was a time when he would have said that they knew each other inside and out, had been able to read each others' minds.

And in that moment, he also knew that he must try to speak to Kathryn about it or he would regret it for the rest of his life. However, it didn't prove that easy to catch her alone. She had greeted them politely, and perhaps only he could tell that her smile was somewhat forced. She'd introduced him to her partner, Ambassador Will Franklin, perhaps the fifth or sixth man in a list of partners the media had reported her as dating. Then she'd moved on. It was several hours before he'd spotted her slip outside into a walled courtyard to catch a breath of fresh air, and he excused himself to seize the opportunity.

In the darkness of a covered open gallery which flanked the courtyard like a cloister, he caught sight of her sighing. She always found such events tedious...they both did...and often took the opportunity for a moment's time-out.

"Kathryn?"

She half-turned towards him and let out a resigned laugh, as if she had known escape was too good to be true.

"Chakotay."

"How are you?"

"Good, all things considered... a little exhausted from the heat..."

"Taking a breather?"

"Yes."

"It is rather hot in there."

They smiled awkwardly at each other, both understanding the need for a few moments' respite.

"I've missed you!" he confessed.

Her eyes widened. "And I've missed you."

"I've missed you rather a lot, actually, and I want to talk to you about it."

"I'm sure you've been rather too busy with Seven to miss me."

He took a deep breath. He might as well go straight for it. They'd danced around the subject for years, never voicing the words, and he knew that had to change.

"Yes...she has needed a lot of support. But it's you I love. It's you I want to spend the rest of my life with."

The shock registered on her face, even in the dim light.

"You can't be serious."

"I am...deadly serious."

She let out a long breath and turned aside, no longer holding his gaze.

"I can't...I won't...I'd never try to come between you and Seven."

"You already are."

"Then you'd better deal with it...I couldn't do that to either of you."

"And you can't expect me to live a lie either."

"It's your mess, Chakotay. You made your bed and you should lie in it. I sincerely hope you are not stringing Seven along."

"Okay. So I admit I have some sorting out to do. But I need to know what your feelings are for me."

"What do you want me to say?"

"The truth for once. I want some honesty here."

"Well I'm not going to dignify your question with an answer. How dare you ask me my feelings after all this time and while you're dating Seven!"

"Come on, Kathryn. Our friendship held such promise. You flirted outrageously with me for years. I can't believe you have never wondered how we'd be together. It's a tragedy we never found out."

She glared at him.

"And now we never will," she admonished. Brushing past him, she took herself off in a huff to the ballroom door.

"Kathryn...Kathryn...wait!" he called.

"Our time has gone and I have nothing more to say!" she responded, low and angry.

"There are no protocols now to stand in our way," he called after her.

"Only the one that says you already have a girlfriend and you chose her over me when we got home. Live with it, Chakotay!" Then she was gone, disappearing back into the throng of merrymakers.

Chakotay gazed miserably at B'Elanna after recanting his tale, and, reading it in his eyes, she bit back the "I told you so" remark. Kahless, the man was a doofus, but perhaps now wasn't the time to remind him.

"So...she didn't say she didn't love you."

"No, she didn't," he replied, his misery lifting a little. The thought had occurred to him.

"And she would have said it, if she didn't. Because it would have put an end to the conversation once and for all. Kathryn is too generous to lead you on with false hope."

Chakotay glanced up in astonishment. "She did it all the time...on Voyager."

"Did she? I thought you said the words were never said, regardless of any unspoken promise for when you got home. Don't blame her because you got off the ship with the wrong woman."

"I gave up hope," he admitted sadly.

"But you should have done something about it as soon as you got home."

"I know that now...at the time the thing with Seven was novel and exciting."

"And now? Do you see your relationship with Seven progressing?"

"No...not anymore. She runs the home as if it's a Borg collective. Not a thing is allowed to be out of place. She argues with me about the slightest thing. She's so needy and attention-seeking. Her emotions are swinging all over the place. She engages in sex as if it's a fitness exercise that it she is duty bound to perform and, despite everything, she still thinks everything is perfect between us. She's even mentioned the m word."

"M word?"

"Marriage. And I'm sorry, the more I think about it, the more the idea fills me with dread. I can't imagine trying to build a life with her now. She isn't the one to fill the void in my life."

"Chakotay, if you feel like this, you need to get out now."

"I know. I've been putting it off...trying to find the right moment."

"Which may never come. It's not fair on Seven to drag it on."

"I know, but I'm just not looking forward to that conversation."

"You need to get it done. Get a clean break."

"And Kathryn?"

"Give her time. Let her absorb the fact that you're single again and let her mull it over. Look, she pretty much said that Seven was the reason nothing could happen between you. So, if you take Seven out of the picture..."

"That's true, but she's also got to forgive me for walking off the ship with Seven and not her....I'm beginning to think that's a bigger deal than I ever realised."

"You said it, big guy. Look...don't expect things to happen overnight."

"No, and it's not like I'm getting much chance to see Kathryn anyway. She doesn't answer my messages or take my calls..."

"You'll just have to patient. I can't think of anyone with a more forgiving spirit. There must be a way to get through to her. Maybe you could accidentally drop in when she's visiting us."

"She visits you?"

"Quite often, actually. Although I'm sure the main attraction is Miral." She gave the sleeping baby a pat on the back, as if to reassure her of her importance.

"There's a rumour that we might be working together at HQ next month, reviewing our contact with the Borg."

"Well...there's your opportunity to mend fences..."

"The project will take several weeks, maybe until Voyager's refit is completed." He sighed as he thought of the obstacles to a reconciliation. "Then there's Will Franklin. Do you know what's going on there?"

"Pfft! I shouldn't worry about him. He's just the latest in a long list of boyfriends...and she didn't mention him as a reason you couldn't be together."

Chakotay grinned at last. That had not occurred to him before. "No, she didn't."

He wasted no more time in breaking up with Seven. The conversation was even more difficult than Chakotay had anticipated. Seven did not take the news well. She asked him if there was someone else, which he denied. He didn't want Kathryn to be in any way associated with their break up. Had their copulation been inadequate? Had she not performed her duty well? Had she not thought of sufficiently diverting topics for conversation or organized engaging joint activities? The mere fact that she thought that everything could be put to rights by trying to tick off a check-list of planned exercises reinforced Chakotay's decision that everything was wrong with this relationship. He told her their age gap was too wide, they had too dissimilar interests and that he cared for her in a way that was not enough for a long-term relationship. She deserved better; someone more in tune with her needs and closer in age.

There were tears...something which would never have happened before she had had her emotional fail-safe device deactivated. There were tantrums. There were objects thrown around the room. There was pitiful pleading. Chakotay decided to pack up his things and leave straight away so as not to prolong the agony. He moved into the Captain's quarters on Voyager...they were his now that all the remodelling had been completed in the crew quarters. Meanwhile, he enlisted the Doctor's help to support Seven. She was endlessly calling him on the comm., messaging him, even trying to come up to Voyager without permission. After three days, he told her not to contact him and blocked her calls.

After two weeks of hiding on Voyager on the excuse of supervising the refitting and preparation for the next voyage, orders came through for Chakotay to join the project team reviewing Voyager's contact with the Borg at Headquarters. The logs would be gone through in fine detail, questions asked of the senior officers. To his delight, Kathryn and he would be working together on this for at least six weeks. Seven and Icheb might be called upon at times, but he hoped somehow he would be able to avoid being too near Seven.

On his first day at HQ, he was relieved to find Kathryn being perfectly pleasant and normally communicative with him. If he wondered that this was just her being professional, it was at least dispelled when she asked him how he was after the break-up. He was pleased that the news had somehow reached her and that she seemed concerned for his well being. He told her was fine, relieved actually. It had all been for the best. There had been no future in the relationship. Kathryn seemed a little surprised by this. Seven, he told her, hadn't taken it that well and might need her support. Kathryn seemed to think that he should have been more understanding of Seven's emotional immaturity and never have let it go on for so long. He couldn't argue with that.

Chakotay was walking on air. Suddenly he felt a burden lifted from himself and Kathryn's proximity was intoxicating. The chance to spend time just acting normally around her, talking, discussing, analysing, sharing coffee breaks, albeit with others around, was wonderful, especially after a famine of five months. There were some lunches too, although she sometimes slipped out to share lunch with Will (he tried hard not to feel jealous) or some of the Voyager former crew. She went to see Seven several times, although she did not divulge what was shared. He hoped that Seven had not been supplying her with some awful character assassination of him.

Chakotay thought Kathryn was looking a lot happier and more relaxed than he'd seen her in years. The absence of the daily struggle to survive, together with the new challenges of her status as Admiral, seemed to be suiting her. Chakotay wanted not to rush things. After all, he'd only just split up with Seven. For the sake of both women, he did not want to dive straight into a new relationship with indecent haste. He didn't want Kathryn to overtly be the reason for his ending things with Seven, even if it was ultimately the truth.

But Kathryn went away for the weekend with Will. He spent the whole time on edge and his patience ran thin, so he couldn't help himself. When Kathryn breezed in on Monday morning fresh as a daisy and full of her usual spunk, he asked her out to lunch. He had a lot he wanted to discuss with her...they needed to spend some time together. Alone. She cried off the first three days of the week, but eventually agreed to Friday. They would have less to do that day, as there was a huge drinks reception in the evening for Federation dignitaries, arrangements for which they could mostly leave to their staff.

Kathryn didn't want a lot of media fuss...the press followed her everywhere she went and lunch with her former First Officer was bound to excite some attention...so they decided on a picnic on the Starfleet campus, well away from the prying eyes of the media. Chakotay knew exactly the spot from his Academy days...a place mid-campus and out of the range of the perimeter security scanners (which he covertly double checked to see if anything had changed.) Kathryn was highly amused at replicating one of his youthful trysts.

Chakotay, nervous and excited, prepared the picnic with the greatest of care, and chose an expensive bottle of wine. After a morning digging over their alliance with the Borg, for which Kathryn didn't seem the slightest bit uncomfortable and defended her actions with ease, they headed out onto the campus. Chakotay spread a blanket on a patch of grass between four of Boothby's flower beds. There were no other people close by, just a few people on distant benches admiring the sweep of the bay. The view from where they settled was less diverting, but the fragrance of the roses was stronger and their privacy was greater. The June weather was cool but thankfully clear and dry. The hamper was unpacked and Kathryn expressed her delight at the fare, particularly the wine.