Do you sometimes feel that something is different from your feelings?

That you can't explain.

When you want to say goodbye

But suddenly you feel scared.

Sometimes , we just want no one to love us , because whenever we say goodbye , we find it hard to do that , because our heart is not ready to say goodbye.

No matter how many times we think , and how many times our mind says that it is easy.

But when the hearts speaks , and when we are doing it , we suddenly want to fight , but until then we really need to say

𝘎𝘰𝘰𝘥 𝘉𝘺𝘦.

How much i feel every time i speak , that it becomes more beautiful if you use your imagination at the same time you can see the color and beauty.

I hope you like it

My name is Elvira name in Darkness

I'm 18 years old.

my height is 5'1

My life started with being a baby where silence became life, where everyone around me was happy to see me, just like my parents how they feel seeing me in this world.

I'm just a baby who has a peaceful life, that's how much I want now that I'm grown up to have a peaceful life like I was born into this world.

no one will not like the love and support of a parent to his child. Because all children want to be loved forever by a parent.

maybe I experienced love when I was a baby, but now that I'm older I feel like I'm a grown-up when I made a mistake in living in this world.

maybe it's wrong for me to think like this, but no matter what every person feels, that's the right thing, why because someone important to them makes them feel what they're thinking. we get hurt because we love the person who hurts us.

What our heart feels that our mouth says is never wrong, because that's what we feel, that's what the people we love make us feel.

We make mistakes so we can learn to correct our mistakes, because if we know it's wrong why would we do it. Because while we are young we make mistakes, because as we grow up we gradually learn from life.

Our heart Desire for nothing but a quiet life and peace, that's why it's so hard to reach like ourselves that we think we accept our humanity, as long as you don't accept yourself you will never reach the freedom you seek.

We should enjoy life because in our life we ​​cannot say how long we will have.

maybe my life is always here and it will only end if I leave the world.

This the first i wrote my feelings in my paper ,

just like what i feel someone listen to my

problem.

I just sit in the corner in my room , while listen the song just like my life is " Like A Film " ,

The first i don't know how to start to show my feelings , but immediately just i wrote my heart feel .

while i wrote my problem suddenly my tears goes down in my paper.

thinking why i need suffer?! ( sigh)

have you ever feel.... what i'm feel?

I don't know why , But i know that every time i write

my feelings on paper i feel better.

The paper and pen that i always have whenever i have a problem , they lighten my feelings , and

because of that i feel someone listen to me.

e'm ok.... These past few days , I've been in a lot of pain , sick , and the slightest movement makes me immediately tired and out of breath , it's natural for me because i have asthma.

I don't know why i'm saying all this , but that's what my mind is saying that i have to do this i'm writing as if one day something will happen to me , that might make me lose more time to do these things.

with each passing day , little by little (sigh)

i'm getting tired , i'm so tired that i feel like i want to rest .

Why i need to do this these thing ?

have you ever might think of that,

i know! it's kinda weird? or just this is a story..

ugh....(sigh) maybe the life i spent in this world is enough to get tired of this early.

I want to do so many things and one of them is to be happy all the days of my life.

and maybe when that's done i can maybe rest.

Have you experienced like you... just want a rest , because you are too much tired of this life?

It's just sad that they can't ask questions about what' happening to you! ... they just judge you like they don't know what you're going through.

"Many Times you wanted to give up but you though that if you give up , will all the pain and hardship that you are going through disappear.

It's not that instead if giving up , you fought , because while you were fighting , you didn't notice that your hard work is ending , all sadness is replaced with happiness.

because of giving up , we will not get anything , but for what we are fighting for , we will get a lot.

so choose to fight , rather than surrender."

every time i wanted to surrender , this is my mind always say to me.

But why ?.... why i'm still sad ?

i'm still in the pain..

(sigh) i'm not afraid at anything but every time i look my mom i have so many reason to not give up , but every time everyone feels me that i'm big mistake in their life.....ugh i just wanna to give up.

Why?.... why i need suffer .... like this!!!

Elvira my name means darkness.

SOCIAL ANXIETY

Social anxiety disorder, also called social phobia, is a long-term and overwhelming fear of social situations. It's a common problem that usually starts during the teenage years. It can be very distressing and have a big impact on your life. For some people it gets better as they get older.

Family conflicts , bullying ..

However, social anxiety disorder is treatable. Talking therapy, cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), and medications can help people overcome their symptoms.

They all laughed while they all looked at me.

I took the earphone from my bag and I listened to music, when I was walking I couldn't hear a voice. but why is that even though I can't hear them, I can feel the pain they are telling me.

every time I walk into the classroom, everyone looks at me, and they start talking about me. I couldn't do anything but put my bag down next to me and sit on the chair like a famous actress with almost everyone looking at me, I was shaking with the fear I felt. as if I wanted to run away but it felt like there was glue on my feet that I could hardly move.

Going to school is scary for someone like me who has social anxiety. All I want is to go to school quietly without anyone judging, if only there was a school for people like me, maybe the fear I feel will slowly disappear.

When the teacher calls me, I'm very scared, because I might not be able to answer what he might ask me. and when that happens all my classmates look at me again, and the more I get nervous and feel the fear, if you don't answer your professor's question, you get more nervous because you don't know what to say to you, because usually all you hear are hurtful words.

you will sit without answering your professor's question, and all of your classmates will suddenly say something to you , what can you do if something happened that you can't take back.

you will come home and your parents will yelling you, they will be angry with you, that they don't know how much you are struggling in school. when you go home you think you have escaped the hurtful words you hear every day, minute by minute it will be worse when you go home. you hardly know what to do.

You will look into the eyes of your parents who are so angry, that I can hardly say anything, but listening to everything he says will hurt me. that if at school the hurtful words my classmates and the professor say to me, I just listen to them all until they voluntarily stop saying the hurtful words to me. and I'm waiting to hear no more hurtful words.

I wonder why I have to go through this. every day is like this, when will the day be when I can be free?

maybe it's nice to feel the joy without fear.

I always say to myself that if I had been smart, studying would have been easy for me, but that's why I wasn't smart, because I was only able to do what I could in my studies and that's it.

if I'm smart, I'm sure my dad will be proud of me, I won't hear hurtful words from him.

sometimes I wonder why the world is unfair, the people who like peace, why is it not given to them, why is it only suffering and sacrificing what they experience.

Meanwhile, the others who feel the peace, why are they wasting what they experience, they have almost everything, but why do they ignore it and let it disappear from them. Why is the world unfair?

Why do we have to experience suffering early? Is it really easy to answer, or do we have an answer because we experience it?

Having social anxiety is very difficult, you always prefer to stay at home, because you feel more free when you are alone.

You are not afraid to be alone, because the person who has social anxiety is always alone, when almost everything is lost to you, you will not feel the sadness because before they came you were already hurting too much, now that they are gone there is nothing new.

In everyday life, I don't know how to get out of the suffering I always suffer.

whatever you do is lost that suffer but... , if someone does that.... you can't leave.

"I read something and I want to share it with you."

-I decided to live as me-

Written as a to do list for everyone struggling with adulting in today’s world

Translated from Korean

Its goal is to comfort its readers as they figure out for themselves who they are and what life means for them.

BTS Jungkook recommended book.

Quotes from I Decided To Live As Me

Even if we want to believe that time will heal everything, there are problems that can’t be solved by time, like we can’t rely on fairies for doing our delayed assignments for us while we sleep.

People who will exploit our anxiety to earn profit are everywhere and we can be easily lured. Therefore, stop doing your best anxiously only to prove yourself or to conform with the crowd.

But trying to be good to those who are recklessly judging me as if they were somebody means having lost my self-defense mechanism. I’m equal with them but not weaker. Even if someone hates me, that fact will not damage my life.

Don’t feel ashamed for things that aren’t shameful.

Just like how ocean water doesn’t go bad because of 3 percent salt, if some things are not working in the world, perhaps we each lack 3 percent effort. So, let us do what we can do. The sole savior of our society is an individual who does not ignore it.

No matter how I live my life,

I will support myself.No matter how I live my life,

I will support myself.

I DECIDED TO LIVE AS ME

BY KIM SOO-HYUN.

Love , how does it feel when someone loves you.

Have you ever asked yourself? That how it feels to be loved?

You thought of asking yourself because.....Because you are hurt.

you're hurting and you don't know why?....why do you have to get hurt.

When you are thinking of where you went wrong , to get hurt like that.

You've already done everything but....but it's still not enough , it won't be enough even if you worked so hard for everything...

if it's still not enough, in the end you're still a loser.

Why are we having a hard time? even though everything looks good for others , because they see us happy like there is no problem so they say you can handle all your problem.

They don't know how much you want to give up , but you can do it because you are waiting for the hope that one day everything will change.

No matter what you do give up , if it's not your time you can overcome everything.

Because when your time comes , you won't have a hard time because you will just close eyes and your heart will slowly stop beating and when it happens , will you feel peace.

How happy was your life in this world.

Can you ever imagine how unfair the world is?

Why is it so unfair?

Because maybe you've experienced all the hardships in the world? that's why you said that the world is unfair.

Maybe that's why you are saying it because you are experiencing it , that's why there's nothing you can do because even if you run away from suffering , it will be harder if you always run away from everything.

it's normal to be sad to feel the sadness in life.

because you are trying to be happy but you can't be happy.

Why is it? because your heart doesn't feel peace around you.

you don't try to be happy,

because if you do you're afraid of what might happen in return.

even though you know you will still be sad , even if you never experienced being happy.

that's why some people even though they are hurt , they still continue to be happy.

because you never know when you're gonna be sad or hurt.

That's why even though they are having a hard time in life , they chose to be happy , they chose that because that's what their heart desires.

But when my heart desires,

Destiny doesn't like it because destiny becomes more elusive for me.

Daisy just wants to be loved.

I don't know how to release the pain I feel from my family, I don't know where to start, sometimes I just want to end my life.

" I'm tired!... (lay down) i was the only stupid one in my family!... B-but that's not my FAULT!!... I..... WAS.... I WAS JUST BORN A LITTLE DUMB!..and thinking my parents reaction to see me in this world..

argh!!(How happy too see me)

sometimes I thought how happy my family was to see me. and why all of a sudden everything changed they don't love me the way they made me feel when I was a baby.

It's just sad to think that why a parent's love for a child has to be lost, just because the child can't properly do what his parents want for me.

He hit me because I didn't get good grades , not intelligent like my cousin ! my siblings , He looked down on me because i couldn't understand properly!

He locked me up for causing trouble...

You know!!... I mean....I'm also his daughter! But he treated me like i was invisible..I just wanted his all attention, i want to see my hardworking , how i am grateful.

I want Love , please stop comparing me! stop yelling me and say painful words!

I'm still little dumb that i need a support and love.

Even if i wanted to... I know that i will never be able to feel what it feels like to love and care for you.

everything will be more difficult . when will the suffering of life end?

Is the ending of my life going to be like a fairytale, that when we are able to be happy. will we consider our last moment to be a fairytale?

Because the fairytale is full of love , the fairytale will make you happier , no one will hurt you , you won't feel pain and sadness , in the fairytale you can feel the life you dreamed of.

Until when will i be hurt like this?

when will the day that my suffering will end?,

NO MATTER WHAT I DO IF I HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH THE SITUATION I AM IN , I WILL KEEP ASKING FOR HELP AND WAIT FOR THE DAY THAT MY SYMBOL WILL COME AND SOMEONE WILL BE READY TO HELP ME.

LET'S CHOOSE TO BE HAPPY EVEN IF IT HURTS.

I ASPIRE TO HAVE A HAPPY LIFE AND FEEL PEACE.