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I’m missing you right now

Thinking of you wherever I wander

All regrets are not the future

All love is inevitable in the end

Cannot escape from the pain

- NanHai by Liang Bo

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It’s been 3 years since I spent the most intense moment of my life. It all began in late spring of 2018. It seemed like it lasted an eternity, or maybe too short to be real, all I could say is it was the most mesmerizing experience that branded me forever.

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As a professional performer, I travelled all over China and sometimes to overseas. So, there I was, unpacking my trunk yet again in a hotel room I was to stay for the next few weeks for a concert when I sensed a ping from my phone.

As soon as I saw the screen, I halted and swallowed the urge to throw it very far away or destroy it right then and there. I didn’t need to see from whose it was nor what it was written.

— Hi. Hope life has treated you kind, my little star. Miss you. XZ

So it’s already been a year since I last received the same message. A message from an unknown number. It was always from an unregistered sender because I changed my number randomly for security reasons, yet this message never failed to reach me.

I sighed in resignation knowing the effect it’d have on me and opened up the message. I traced after the signature as if in search for a non-existent warmth emanating from him. It brought back painful memories.

Him calling me “little star” was an inside joke between us. He used to call me that when we were just the two of us. Still too vivid and still too raw to reminisce. I suppose it hasn’t passed enough time to disregard such a short and seemingly meaningless message.

Although it was an affair meant to end since the beginning, I seemed incapable to let it go even after all these years. That annoyed me and destroyed me all at once. I wish I could just be done and get it over with. Yet the message that comes timely every time the same day of the year was enough to ignite my emotions and that was when I realized I’m still chained down to him.

He refused to stay with me when I begged him to, yet after all these years apart, his presence still silently hovered around me. I gritted my my teeth.

He’s cruel that way.

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We met in a private party of a high ranked military officer that invited me as his daughter’s chaperone, claiming she was a great fan of mine and whatnot.

I let out a heavy sigh when my manager handed me a blank envelope with no signature that meant no names were to be mentioned. Clearly, I had no say in this job since if you want to keep a job in China, you had to be on the good side of the government. When you are summoned, you simply obey, no questions asked.

Being this a highly exclusive private party, they made me sign a confidentiality contract where I had to swear that anything and everything I see or hear must not be divulged. Did I mention I had no say in this? There was little I could do as a rookie actor that I was, but to comply.

So when the day came, very reluctantly, I wore the tux they gifted me for the occasion.

Silver tux with black embroidery, seriously? Well, whatever. I’m no better than a dress-up doll tonight.

As exclusive and ostentatious party that it was, the venue was the Liu Mansion in a secluded suburbs that could only be reached by helicopter and I resigned myself to became a clown and perhaps something else for the night.

At the ball room, I was introduced to the General Liu Guohua, the host of the party and then to his daughter, Liu Yuxi, who just turned of age. And tonight was her first introduction to the inner-circle of the General.

When I approached him to exchange greetings, he subtly drew closer and whispered to my ear that I was not to put a finger on his daughter, if I wanted to see another day. Like I wanted anything else. I wholeheartedly agreed and swore an oath contentedly.

The Liu girl had a square jaw with overall small facial features and was very short. I totally looked like a ludicrous silver peacock beside her. So it was a matter of enduring the excruciatingly boring evening, wearing a fake smile on my face. Not that I wasn’t good at it, but I wished to be anywhere else but here. The Liu girl preened all evening among the guests with me in tow. The majority of the guests were elderly military officers and government officials clad in either dark uniforms or formal tux. Everywhere I trudged along with her, I felt scrutinized by the male guests and felt, ogling gazes on me in more than a few occasions. Old creeps.

As night deepened and the guests were scattering from the main ball room, I was summoned to another room for gentlemen only reunion. I was half relieved to finally be excused and half perplexed as to what to expect next.

When I entered the dimly lit room, I spotted him. A tall, young man with clear-cut features, pristinely dressed in a tailored black tux. He stood out from the crowd right away, as though a spotlight was chasing him. He had fair skin, dark, lush hair and the most amazing brown eyes.

Much to my luck, the other man seemed to notice me as well and with a feline grace, he snaked his way toward me.

“Hi, there, little star. Enjoying the night?”

He said lightly and handed me an extra glass of Champaign he snatched from a waiter on his way. But my eyes were transfixed to his luscious red lips.

“Uh, er, hi yourself. Thanks for the drink.”

*I blurted. Damn, Yibo, how smart of you! *I cursed under my breath. What am I, a school boy or something?

He looked me in the eye and then smiled, the most enticing smile I’ve ever seen and I couldn’t help but gawk.

“So, I assume you’re the one to offer your service tonight?”

“Uh, service? What service? You mean the chaperone thing, is it?”

Bewildered, I asked him back. Suddenly, the gorgeous man seemed alarmed.

“You haven’t been informed?”

“Excuse me, but what am I missing?”

“Come with me. Quick!”

Never mind my puzzlement, he pulled me by my arm and went out to the ground level balcony and jumped off of it, all the while pulling me with him. We promptly crossed the perfectly pruned garden and after some more jogging, a mortar building appeared from among the carefully planted fruit trees and well-trimmed bushes.

He opened the door to the square construction and shoved me inside.

“Be a good pup and stay put, okay? I’ll be back soon”

“What? Wait! Hey!!”

Before I knew it, he locked the door from the outside and I was a captive.

TBC…

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Was it all in my fantasy?

Where are you now?

Were you only imaginary?

Where are you now?

- Faded, Alan Walker

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Who the hell does he think he is to lock me up in a fucking cell!!

I kicked and punched at the menacing iron gate that closed behind me, but to no avail.

An iron gate?! Who uses an iron gate nowadays for a building, geesh.

For a fleeting moment, I thought of screaming for help, but a realization dawned on me that we rushed across a woodsy garden for more than a few minutes after we jumped off the main mansion. This thick mortar cell must be isolated in a vast site and it would be quite useless to waist my voice.

The more I looked around, the more I was convinced this building was constructed to confine. This square edifice had 15 ft tall mortar walls and narrow windows that bordered the ceiling. Clearly, the windows were not placed to enjoy the garden view. Plus the windows had tell-tale vertical iron bars. At least, it had floorboards and minimal furnishing; an antique wide iron bed and an eerily vintage divan with a side table to match. To top it off, the room had no lighting source, except for the full moon outside. The only sign of a daily life was the cleanliness of the room. The place was spotless and the perfectly made bedding didn’t even have a tiny crinkle.

Who in their right mind would lockdown a human in a dreary place like this? Or was the intention of this cell to drive them insane? They’ve done a great job, if that was the case.

As creepy as it was, I was more infuriated and wanted to punch myself for being so naively allured by a ravishing man to this place.

Because I admit it, he was nothing other than ravishing, even for the entertainment industry standards. His alabaster skin, his chiseled cheeks, his large expressive eyes and those succulent lips… but that’s no reason for me to be embroiled in a situation like this. I couldn’t swear filthy enough at my idiocy.

He said he’d be back soon. How long is “soon” exactly?

After I groped every nook and cranny reachable to a human being in the room looking for another way out, I came to the conclusion that, to my chagrin, there were no more escape routs.

By this time, I had unknotted my bowtie and thrown away my distasteful silver jacket. Exhausted, I laid down on the wooden floor thankful of the coolness against my sweaty body. Fortunately, it was late spring and the nights were becoming warmer by the day. Otherwise, I would have become a living popsicle.

Feeling the crispness of the night, once again, my mind drifted and once again, I was thinking about the man who was keeping me captive.

His large almond eyes glinted in the dark room, but casted some sort of, was that shadow…? His smile was so tempting, but it seemed… wistful? He must be a little older than me. Or not. Who knows, maybe his languishing air made him look more mature than he really was.

When I sighed for the umpteenth time and the moon was now low to the west, I heard someone rummaging the locks. I jumped out of the floor in anticipation.

The handsome man from earlier came into the room in a totally battered attire that it took me off guard. He was stumbling and barely standing on his feet. His hair was disheveled, his refined tux was a torn up mess and he was a mere shadow of its former dark glory.

I caught him in my arms before he struck the floor and took him to the only bed in the room.

“Hey, are you okay? Did you get into a fight? Who did this to you?!”

“I’ll be okay, don’t you worry about me.” He whispered. “You will be free to go in the morning. No admonitions for you.”

“What? Admonitions? When was I at fault? Hey, you’re not gonna faint on me just yet. Wake up. I need an explanation and you need a doctor!!”

“I’m sorry, it’s almost dawn and I can’t seem to…”

“Hey, no, don’t you dare faint on me. Tell me your name at the least!!”

“Zhan…”

“Zhan…? What Zhan? Hey, what’s your family name?”

And just like that, the man who only managed to utter half of his name went unconscious.

I took off what was left of a bowtie and the ripped jacket, then loosened his neck to allow some air, but the pearly skin that was revealed underneath sported fresh bruises and bite marks. I froze.

At first, I thought he might have gotten into a fight and worse yet, on account of me, but who bites a grown man in the collar in a fist fight? The uncuffed sleeves were displaying bind marks on his wrists.

Okay, this may not be what it looked like in my first impression. Was Zhan-ge, for lack of a better name, into a wild kink? Was he in a heavy BDMS session, or something along that line?

I apologized under my breath and opened up his entire shirt to survey the extent of his injuries. That was when I realized, all the buttons in his shirt were already gone. But then, what I saw next appalled me. Bruises, bite marks, and traces of more bindings and, was it flogging??

This was so wrong. This was outright abuse or torture, way beyond a kink. I chewed on my lips. What to do with this guy? He urgently needed medical attention. I laced my fingers in my hair, not knowing how I could help.

Suddenly, the iron door creaked open.

“Mr. Wang, your ride back home is ready.” A servant with a toady smile came to fetch me.

“Oh, about time someone showed up! This man needs medical treatment, he’s badly wounded!”

“Yes, Mr. Wang, we will take good care of him. You need no worry. Now I suggest you hurry, Sir. The helicopter is ready for take-off.”

“I can’t just leave him like this!” I protested.

“Doctor is on his way.” He replied somewhat exasperatedly.

I had to resist the urge to grab him by the neck and shout at him that a doctor was more priority, but I also knew that even if I stayed, his situation wasn’t going to improve much. Finally, I tore myself from the bed where a very pale Zhan-ge was lying and walked out of the cell.

I looked up to see the day had just broke and the first rays of light were illuminating the night sky.

TBC…

Chapter 3

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Coming across my life

Unlike no other, you are the green light

The one and only

Green light I’m searching for you

-Green Light, Yanzi Sun

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It’s been a week since I walked out from the cell in Liu Mansion, leaving behind a very badly wounded and unconscious Zhan-ge lying on the bed.

The image of a battered Zhan-ge was haunting me ever since that it kept me waking up at nights to nightmares of a bloodied Zhan-ge. Yet nothing I’d seen or done could be disclosed to anyone because of the contract I had signed that I was regretting about.

What’s more, I was left in the dark as to what had happened to Zhan-ge and why I had to be locked out during the rest of the night in a dingy cell, when I thought my job was chaperoning some girl.

What did he mean by service? And by admonition? Was I supposed to provide another service I wasn’t informed about?

I was beyond baffled and needed a good and hefty explanation. But I had no way of contacting Zhan-ge.

After an intense week of dance lessons, dealing with a bunch of adolescent girls, I was thankful to be back at my apartment. I threw away my shoes, not caring where they landed and sank in the coziness of my couch. What with the sleepless nights and demanding TV shooting, I was worn-out, physically and mentally.

I could see the orange sunset from my terrace windows when I heard someone ringing the doorbell as though premeditated. Aside from my manager who drove me back home, no one really knew I was at my place already. I was determined to ignore the mystery visitor and started massaging my sore eyes. But the ringing grew persistent that left me no choice but to look through the intercom.

And there he was, the tall man in question wearing a stylish ensemble with a turtleneck all fitted in black and with gold rimmed aviator sunglasses covering his eyes. Just by standing there, he looked like a model cut out from a photograph. He had that air of exquisiteness about him. I couldn’t believe my eyes, but deep inside, I was probably craving so bad for this reencounter to happen. While I was surprised to see him at my door, I was also relieved.

I opened the door to meet him and leaned on the door frame, blocking the entrance. My heart was racing in glee, but my mouth spoke otherwise.

“Why, look who’s here? How’d you know where I live? How’d you know I was home? I have a lot of questions and now that you’re here, you better have a good explanation. You owe me that much, Zhan-ge.”

Even after my venomous words, he slowly took off his sunglasses, revealing those eyes, and smiled at me with a twinkle in his eyes.

“Yes, that’s why I’ve come. May I…?”

“You bet.” I gestured him to come inside and offered him a lounge chair next to my couch and set a glass of ginger ale in front of him. That was all I could muster for the moment, having just returned from a demanding TV shooting session.

“So, Zhan-ge, huh?” Xiao Zhan cocked one of his brows, which made me fluster.

“What was I supposed to call you when you just told me half of your name?”

“It’s okay, I like that. In fact, I like that so very much, Bo-di.” He snickered and his eyes glinted with genuine mirth this time, unlike the last time I saw him woeful in every aspect.

“Now you know my name, the place I live, and from the looks of it, even my work schedule… Is there anything you don’t know about me?” I quipped. That wasn’t fair now, was it? He knows everything about me, but I, on the other hand, do not know anything about him.

“I’m Xiao Zhan.” He said softly, almost shyly.

“Wang Yibo, you must already know it, though.” I offered my hand, occidental style, and he shook it shyly. I noted his cooler temperature and how silky smooth his hand was, I could keep caressing it forever. Once the brief introductions were over, Xiao Zhan started slowly.

“So, where to start? I am not allowed to talk a lot, but I do owe you some explaining.” He laced his fingers and closed his eyes for a moment as if in repentance. When he opened his eyes, though, he looked me in the eyes, unwavering.

“Let’s just say that I have certain skills that the Chinese government requires and in exchange, some very powerful people grant me my favors. That’s how I obtained your private information.”

“Skills??” Now it was my turn to cock my brow. He just smiled wryly in return.

“Let’s talk about that some other time, shall we? I’m here to talk about that night. I was summoned to, ah, conduct a ceremony for the guests, and you were to collaborate with me, but there must’ve been some miscommunication because they didn’t inform you about it. I find it quite disturbing when people I get involved with don’t give their prior consent. So, I had to make my point clear that that’s not the way I work with them, but there’s always a sort of quid pro quo exchange. The guests couldn’t leave empty handed, so instead of me conducting the ceremony, they decided to conduct the ceremony themselves and I had to collaborate as they wished.”

My jaw literally dropped.

“That’s what you were going to do to me, if you hadn’t locked me up, is that what you’re saying?!”

“No!” He snapped. “Let me be clear, in my ceremony, no one gets hurt that way. That night, I let them have it their way.”

“You let them?!” My voice went up a notch too high. I was huffing. “Who in their right mind let those old creeps do that to yourself?! Do you know how badly injured you were? You were knocked unconscious! They could’ve… you could have…” I just couldn’t utter the next word, but he understood.

“But I’m fine, now, Bo-di.” He reached out for my clenched fists and held them in his hands.

“You are too kind to me, Yibo. This has happened before, and I know how to handle it. They like to fondle with the idea that they can control me, so I let them have that illusion to my advantage. I’m sorry Bo-di, that this seems more confusing than convincing, and that you got caught in between such a predicament on account of me, but I can assure you I’ll be okay; because they need me, and I need them. I’m sorry I can’t tell you more than this. But believe me no one can really hurt me. In fact, all my wounds from that day were healed… Do you want to see for yourself?”

Zhan-ge almost cooed the last words and pulled his collar to show me his smooth nape. He sure knew how to cool my rage down. A lot of emotions were storming inside of me, anger, confusion, frustration, powerlessness, but quickly subsided at the sight of his supple flesh. I gulped at his sudden demonstration of vulnerability. Before I knew it, I was tracing my fingers over his pale skin that felt just a little cooler than my own. As he had assured earlier, that part of his skin had no visible signs of abuse whatsoever. He then guided my hand to his button and meeting my eyes, nodded. I had to swallow hard at the cue and mustered my strength, so my hand would not shake too bad.

One by one, the buttons of his shirt came undone and revealed his exquisite skin underneath. At that, Zhan-ge smiled seductively from under his lashes.

TBC…