I may just be the funny friend, without the beautiful looks like my friends but a personality that makes me shine brighter than any star, at least that's what my mom says. Truly I hate myself... I always say I'm fine or I'm tired when anyone asks me if I'm okay but deep inside I know I'll never be okay. I just want to be like those girls in class that I hate while knowing I'm just jealous and could never hate them. I mean just look at them they look like goddesses while I'm a no-good side character. I mean I don't even know my favorite color or what I'm good at, I will never be someone like them.  As I wrote this in my diary, I sat there for a moment in complete silence daydreaming of everyone I would rather be then myself. I can name at least a hundred people. I looked out my window as tears hit my lap leaving a wet mark on my shorts. I noticed a shooting star and with all dignity and hope lost I wished on it, I wished to look like a superstar, to have the life of one. Though this was completely different from me I still had hope in it. I thought about how stupid I probably looked but I still wished whole heartedly. I went to sleep that night hoping that maybe just maybe I'll wake up and be someone else. I'm now twenty writing this, and this would probably be the best and worst day of my life. I wish my teenage self could have seen the light in her wasn't her personality, but her herself. If this was what made me realize that, I wouldn't be shocked. I woke up that day feeling more refreshed than ever, but it was probably because how tired I was from staying up so late every night. I looked around and I WAS IN A DIFFERENT ROOM! I ran to the bathroom attached to the room I was in and looked in the mirror and I LOOKED BEAUTIFUL! Someone walked into my room and asked if I was ready for breakfast, and I turned around to see A MAID. I HAD A MAID! she was beautiful too. I don't think I have ever smiled so much. I sat down at the huge table and there was so much food. There was even a full family at the table. I don't know when the last time was when I ate at the dinner table with my family, but I really did miss it. They were all talking about my career and how proud of me they were. It's like it was everything I had ever wanted came true. I was so happy but sadly that happiness wouldn't last forever. I checked my phone and looked me up super excited to see what I did and, the hate was insane. though I didn't know who this person was, and I knew it wasn't really me. All the words still hurt, like blades cutting into me. I had to get moving though so there was no time for sadness because I HAD A MEET AND GREET TO GO TO. I get there and see all these beautiful people all cheering for me and saying hi and how much they love me. though it wasn't me it made me feel loved for once. There was a cute little girl who came up to me, she reminded me of myself. She then told me how one day when she grows up, she wants to be just like me. I told her she can be anything but to never forget who she is and will always be. If only I could say that to myself. She then smiled at me and told me something I could never forget. "The person who you are in the body of isn't you, the person inside is who you really are". I wish I could tell her that if it wasn't for her, I wouldn't have found myself but, she wasn't real just like me...

When I got back, I had dinner with my new family, but it wasn't the same as before... I didn't have my siblings or mom here. Though I dislike those goofballs, I also could and would never replace them. That night I cried, cried more than I have ever, more than the night everything changed, and probably more than I ever will. It kinda confused me because wasn't this what I wanted? I'm now realizing maybe I didn't want this, maybe I just wanted to be happy. I always heard people say this was the dream life, but I don't think this was my dream life. Likewise, I went to sleep that night not knowing if I would wake up to see my old room or not. Disappointingly, I did not see my room, but instead I saw the maid telling me to wake up. I looked in the mirror just like yesterday, but this time it was different. The only thing I see now is not a superstar but a fake, a doll. A not real version of myself, like an expectation almost. It honestly felt like I had lost everything. I thought a wish created happiness, not regret. Then the maid walked in and told me the best news I could have heard that day. She told me there is a way out of this world, a way to go back home. I of course asked her how, and she said that it was simple, thankfully. She said all I have to do is find who I am. I then of course told her there's a reason I'm here, you know. And she told me something that has stuck to me even to this day. She said "there's a reason you want to leave it's not because of boredom but because of discovery, you now know that even if this is your dream life you had something much better before, love". I kinda just stood there for a moment taking it all in. Before she left, I asked her how I was supposed to do it and all she responded with was "you already know how, you just have to find it". I then said "find what", but she was gone. I tried my hardest to understand, but I couldn't figure it out. I asked myself, "will I ever find my way home". Now I'm not only lost in my mind, but in life. I had to find something, figure out anything that will help me find who I am. Something that I always struggled to answer was when people asked me my hobbies. I honestly had none and was kinda embarrassed about it. I of course lied and told them stuff my brother does. I'm just hoping that this will help me find who I am, or at least start it. I went on my phone to look up hobbies when one of my siblings entered my room and told me I had tennis lessons. At least this girl knows who she is and what she wants to do...