PROLOGUE

...A Christmas Eve with heavy snow....

The busy streets were full of brilliant lights and carols were ringing everywhere. Trees that were sometimes fully decorated or shining brightly wrapped around by light bulbs catch people’s eyes. The streets were crowded with those who wanted to enjoy Christmas in advance.

“Ah, I’m so lonely! Damn it!”

Suddenly, a shout drew the attention of countless people walking on the street. Some of them giggled and laughed at him.

Yi-Gyeol looked at his friend and awkwardly smiled. Then he stabbed his friend’s side, who shouted a while ago, with his fingertips.

“Argh!”

“Shut up. Aren’t you embarrassed?”

The male student, wearing a coat over a school uniform, pouted his lips while rubbing his side that was stabbed by Yi-Gyeol. 

“Yeol, they’re all couples. It breaks my heart just looking at them.”

“If you’re jealous, you can just find a lover yourself.”

“It’s easy for you to say since you aren’t the one you’re suggesting to do it.”

The student put both his hands in his pocket and glanced at the cake box in Yi-Gyeol’s hand. It was a Christmas cake he bought a little while ago from a famous franchised bakery. It’s also cute and prettily decorated with red strawberries. 

“Hey, do you have a girlfriend?”

Yi-Gyeol grinned when he noticed that the male student’s suspicious eyes were directed at the cake box.

“Where do I have the time to get one? I’m busy preparing for college.”

Although his grades were originally good, he got a particularly good score on this CSAT[1]. Thanks to this, he was able to enter the prestigious university he was aiming for, so he started preparing for college early. 

“Really? Then what’s that?”

“My sister’s.”

After hearing Yi-Gyeol’s answer, the student fell one step away and trembled.

“Uhhh, so much for denying you’re a siscon….”

“What, you punk?”

He jokingly raised his fist, and the male student quickly apologized and stuck next to him again.

“But isn’t it too much to buy a cake for your sister on Christmas Eve?”

“What’s wrong with it? Christmas is originally meant to be spent with your family, don’t you know that?”

“That’s what kids without lovers say at Christmas.”

“Then you’re the one who should be saying that even more than me.”

“Right. I also think that Christmas should be spent with your family. Seriously.” 

Yi-Gyeol burst into a small laugh when he saw the male student nodded boldly with a serious expression on his face. 

Then suddenly, Yi-Gyeol felt a throbbing headache.

“Urgh….”

Yi-Gyeol closed his eyes tightly with one hand on his forehead, distorted his face, and shook his head due to the headache.

“Hey, are you okay?”

The headache quickly began to subside but the momentary pain was so severe that his complexion became worse. After removing his hand from his forehead, Yi-Gyeol tried to smile and shook his hand as if implying he was okay. The male student looked at Yi-Gyeol’s pale face and sighed.

“Have you visited the hospital? You frequently have headaches these days.”

“I’ve been there and they said it’s just a normal headache. Probably because of stress.”

“Well, the stress of entrance exams is indeed no joke.”

The male student clicked his tongue and recalled two months ago. Every time he remembers when he was studying until his head almost broke for the CSAT, he thought he would have a headache, too.

“Make sure to take your meds. You’ll be in trouble if it turns into a chronic disease.”

“I know. I’m taking them even without you reminding me.”

Although Yi-Gyeol answered in that manner, his complexion gave him away.

It hasn’t been too long since he started getting headaches he has never had in his entire life before. It was just before the CSAT, so he thought it was caused by stress as the hospital said. He was afraid that the headache would interfere with the CSAT, so he took medicine and went to the hospital often, but it seemed that the frequency and pain were getting worse, let alone getting better.

‘Should I go to a bigger hospital?’ 

Even today, it was already the fifth time he’s having a headache. As many modern people suffer from stress-related headaches, he thought his case would be the same, but nevertheless, he’s also worried that something else might be the cause. When he visited a hospital for an examination previously, nothing wrong was found with his brain, so it could be just a simple headache as the doctor said, but sometimes, unknown anxiety chilled his spine.

After parting with his friend, his anxiety reached its peak when a headache wound him up again in the alley heading to his home.

“Euurgh-!”

A pain more severe than he had ever experienced came. It hurt so much that Yi-Gyeol wrapped his head with his hands, and was so distracted that he didn’t even notice he dropped the cake box he was holding in his hands.

He fell on his knees in the snow-covered ground and screamed as he sat down. It seemed as if someone was squeezing his head and beating him without mercy. Along with the smashing headache, his whole body convulsed and leaped, running wild. From his hands and feet, to everywhere in his body that has muscles aches terribly.

The severe headache stopped Yi-Gyeol’s thoughts. The only thing left in his head was the thought of being in excruciating pain. He couldn’t even think of picking up his cell phone, calling an ambulance, or asking someone for help. He grabbed his sore head and groaned, hoping and praying that this pain would pass quickly. 

Then at some point, he couldn’t stand the severe headache any longer and lost consciousness.

When Yi-Gyeol opened his eyes again, what he saw was a pure white ceiling.

Looking up at the strange cool-looking ceiling, his head, which seemed to have been paralyzed, began to hurt. Only then did he recall that he lost consciousness due to the headache that overcame him and lifted his arms.

“Aarrgh-!”

More shock was delivered to his head as he tried to raise his arm. The pain that was as if an ice pick was poking through his head seemed to be a little less if he avoided moving.

“Oppa[2], are you okay?!”

Yi-Gyeol, who was groaning, slowly turned his head to the worried voice from his side. That alone led to pain, but he clenched his teeth and endured, and looked at his sister. He felt sorry as he looked at his sister’s face that was covered with tears as if she had been crying for a long time.

Next to her, was their likewise tearful mother and distressed father. As soon as he saw their faces, his heart dropped and an unfamiliar fear surrounded his whole body.

He frowned and narrowed his eyes because of the headache but still tried to squeeze out a voice. He asked why he was in the hospital and why everyone was crying so much. 

Did he catch an incurable disease?

His eyes turned dark before he could even hear the answer. The sun had already risen while he was out of consciousness, and even though bright sunlight was coming from the outside, it seemed that every side of the room was immersed in darkness.

“Yi-Gyeol…. Hic….”

His mother, who slightly opened her mouth as if to tell him something, eventually sat down and wailed loudly. Her younger sister tried to raise their crying mother and was also on the verge of tears, but eventually, they just hugged and cried together. Yi-Gyeol’s face rapidly darkened by their reaction. The thought that something was definitely wrong with him made his head hurt even more.

“Stop crying! He doesn’t have a terminal disease, what’s wrong with all of you?! You’re just making him nervous!”

My father scolded with a loud voice. However, his face wasn’t good either.

Yi-Gyeol was belatedly relieved when he realized from his father’s words that he was not suffering from a deadly disease. And as if the blockage in his heart had been cleared, he breathed out a loud breath and spat out a despondent voice.

“What is it, you all made me so nervous, I thought I was dying.”

“I’m sorry. It’s not like that. Why would you even die?”

His father forcibly smiled and stroked his head. Yi-Gyeol couldn’t feel any relief as he looked at his deeply sunken eyes and sad face. Prickling anxiety struck him.

“Then what is it? Why am I in the hospital?” 

He could tell why he was in the hospital even without asking the fact. He collapsed due to a severe headache, and even now after he came to his senses, not only were his hands and feet numb but his head was still also hurting. The reason why he is in the hospital is probably because of these symptoms.

His father painfully smiled and trembled. His father, who repeatedly opened and closed his mouth as if he was choosing the correct words to say, slowly voiced out, hiding his agitation as much as possible.

“Yi-Gyeol, don’t be surprised and listen. The truth is….”

His father’s voice endlessly trembled as it resonated. The more his sad words went on, the more Yi-Gyeol’s face gradually turned pale like a corpse.

⋆♚⋆♛⋆♚⋆

Rostov Syndrome.

A rare incurable disease that affects 1 in 1 million people. 

They can only stay awake for two hours a day.

Even with a small movement of the muscles, toxins flow out of the body and move forward to damage the brain. To relieve this toxin, 22 hours of sleep must be taken every day, otherwise, the toxin will soon become pain and you will suffer from severe headaches. Nevertheless, it is a terrible disease that can eventually lead to death if the toxins continue to accumulate in the brain.

Joo Yi-Gyeol became such a rare terminally ill patient that he had to spend 22 hours a day sleeping. The only time he could move with his eyes open was when he’s awake for those two hours.

December 25.

It must be a happy Christmas for some, but for Joo Yi-Gyeol, it was the day when the future he had dreamed of was shattered and his warm daily life began to collapse. 

BOOK 1

Day by day, time passed quickly. 

Yi-Gyeol felt it worse and more desperately than others.

It has already been nearly five years since he got the disease called Rostov Syndrome. His father, who looked much younger than his peers, suddenly grew white hair as if he was older than them, and the wrinkles on his mother’s face increased as days went by. His younger sister, who was a middle school student, was stuck in the reading room and his room because she was busy preparing for the college entrance exam.

Every time he closed and opened his eyes, it seemed that the whole world was changing except for himself. He couldn’t adapt to the passage of time just by waking up for a couple of hours a day or so at the most.

Yi-Gyeol, lying upright and looking up at the ceiling, barely raised his creaking body and sat down. Thanks to getting enough sleep, he didn’t have a headache

As the life of having to sleep more than 22 hours a day repeats, his muscles also began to be difficult to control. Like at the moment, just lifting his body made him harder to breathe, so actions such as standing up and walking were impossible at all.

He raised his hand that didn’t have enough strength and put it on his hollowed stomach. A few minutes ago, his mother, who finished her part-time job, hurriedly made porridge and fed it to him quite generously but the thin belly did not change much. He said he was generously fed but because of his weakened digestive system and small stomach, he could barely eat a bowl of rice. .

The hand that went up from the stomach touched the ribs that stood out above it. His body is so skinny that he can feel the curves of each of his bones.

As his day quickly went by, he had only grappled with his body for a while, but his throat was already dry and his mouth tasted bitter. He picked up the tumbler that was placed near where he was lying and put his parched lips to it but only a sip of water flowed in. His mother might have forgotten to fill it up when she dropped by. After drinking a sip that couldn’t even moisten his lips, he felt even more parched.

‘I’m thirsty….’

While holding an empty tumbler in his hand, he lifted his eyes and looked at the door. The tightly closed door as if it was not going to open felt exceptionally large

He put down the tumbler and picked up the old phone next to

it. Without internet or gaming features, it was only being used as a means to contact someone. And there were only three of them.

‘Who could be at home right now…. Dad’s still at work and mom went to her next job….’

It’s past 9 p.m.

The only person at home was his younger sister, Joo Yi-Jin. Yi-Gyeol’s face quickly darkened.

His family made sure that one of them should unconditionally stay at home for Yi-Gyeol. When Yi-Gyeol woke up, that person had to be with him when he needed someone to support him, whether he was going to wash up or go to the bathroom and had to feed him something. Furthermore, the cost of using a caregiver or being hospitalized is never cheap.

He put down the phone he was holding. No matter how his current condition is, his younger sister was staying at home for her studies, and he doesn’t want to break the flow of her studies and disturb her just for something like this.

He removed the blanket and touched the floor with both hands. His forearm wobbled for a moment, but it wasn’t enough to hinder him from touching the floor. He was using a thick mattress instead of a bed because he could get hurt if he fell down, so he could do enough to crawl out of the floor by himself.

By the time he reached the front of the door by dragging his body, his forehead was already filled with sweats. While lying on his stomach, he reached as far as he could and turned the doorknob. As he forced himself to turn it with his lack of strength, he failed a couple of times, but soon he was able to open the door wide.

He passed through the room where Yi-Jin would be and reached the kitchen. Like a person who had been running a race, he was already profusely sweating and dizzy. He also regretted that he should have just ignored his thirst.

‘I’m almost there.’

Lying down, he grabbed the side of the refrigerator door and opened it. The heaviness made it difficult to open, so he had to hold his breath, but thanks to the cold air from the refrigerator that suddenly came, he somehow felt better. He reached out and picked up the lightest-looking water bottle in the refrigerator door.

However, it was never light for Yi-Gyeol.

Unable to hold the weight, the bottle of water fell to the floor. As a result of the shock, water poured out of the water bottle with the lid open, and some even soaked the front of Yi-Gyeol’s clothes.

As Yi-Gyeol panicked and quickly raised the water bottle with little water left, Yi-Jin’s closed door suddenly opened.

“What the…. Oppa, what are you doing?!”

Yi-Jin, who tied up her long hair like an apple as if even a single hair was disturbing, crumpled her face. Yi-Gyeol tried to raise his upper body first, saying he was sorry for making a loud noise, but his weak arm kept slipping in the water.

“Why do you have to make everything worse, why?!”

Yi-Jin, who quickly grasped the situation, shouted and raised Yi-Gyeol’s upper body. Leaning him against the bottom of the sink, Yi-Jin took a towel from the bathroom and sharp-temperedly wiped off the water.

“Ah, really! So annoying!”

At Yi-Jin’s angry roar, Yi-Gyeol could just smile, feeling sorry, and lowered his eyes.

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“…Sorry. I was trying not to disturb you…”

“Is this not disturbing right now?! I’d rather you called me?!”

“But you’re studying… No, I’m sorry, sis.”

After wiping the water off the floor, Yi-Jin took off Yi-Gyeol’s soaked top and threw it into the laundry basket with the towel. After putting the water bottle that fell on the floor back into the refrigerator and turned around, Yi-Gyeol, who was trembling with his fleshless body, faintly laughed. Which made Yi-Jin even angrier.

“Is this the situation to laugh right now? Stop laughing like a fool!”

Although he lowered his eyes again, the awkward smile on Yi-Gyeol’s mouth did not disappear. Seeing Yi-Jin’s annoyed voice made Yi-Gyeol’s shoulders shrink even more.

“From what time have you been awake? I think mom gave you food before she went earlier.”

It sounded as if he was treating him like a dog, but Yi-Gyeol didn’t express his feelings.

“I’ve been up from around 7:30.”

“What? It’s been two hours. You have to go to sleep quickly, why did you come out?!”

After estimating the time, Yi-Jin became angry again like fire lashing out. She put her hands under Yi-Gyeol’s armpits and dragged him to the room.

“If time runs out and you have a headache again, you’re not the only one who suffers. Can’t you think of us, too?”

“…Sorry.”

That’s the only thing that Yi-Gyeol could say. Even though he was dragged by his younger sister like a sack of hot potato, he couldn’t think of raising his lowered eyes even slightly.

Yi-Jin, who barely managed to lay Yi-Gyeol on the mat, took out an appropriate shirt and put it on him. She covered him with a blanket then checked the time, and again, she made an annoyed expression on her face. She told Yi-Gyeol, who is still wearing an awkward smile, to quickly go to sleep with a disapproving voice, and then left the room without looking back.

He heard Yi-Jin making annoyed sounds as she went to the door. Soon, with the bang of the door closing, there were no more other sounds heard.

The darkened room was as quiet as if nothing had happened. All he could hear was the faint ticking sound of the wall clock.

The smile on Yi-Gyeol’s lips gradually disappeared.

A useless lump of nuisance.

He can’t even drink a sip of water without the help of others, he can’t also find anything to do on his own. It was not enough that he brought trouble to his family, but he makes it even more difficult for them as time goes by.

Yi-Gyeol’s parents dragged money from all over the place just to try to overcome the incurable disease somehow, and now they are in debt. They became so busy working just to pay off their debts, but Yi-Gyeol’s body, which actually cost them the money, only got worse day by day. Even now, even though he had been visiting the hospital every two weeks and receiving a generous amount of nutritional supplements after a long IV, there was no sign of improvement at all.

‘Maybe it’s much better to just die.’

He sneered at himself and closed his eyes. The thought that living itself was nothing less than tormenting his family quickly brought tears to his eyes.

He squeezed his trembling hand under the blanket. Is there anything he can do to help everyone if he stays alive?

He couldn’t drink water, so his throat hurt, but he tried to ignore it and forced himself to sleep. It seemed that being asleep is the best thing he can do for his family. He thought that it would be much better if he could just completely fall asleep like this, never to wake up.

He slept until he was fed-up with it, but sleep always comes to him as he will it. That’s the only advantage to him.

At some point that he doesn’t know when, the moment he fell asleep, he felt freer than when he’s awake. When he was asleep, he didn’t have to lie down and stay locked in his room like a rat. He doesn’t have to worry about anything, let alone pressure someone just to help him.

In fact, he also thought it was strange to say he could feel something as he was asleep. How can someone sense anything when he is asleep?

However, Yi-Gyeol was feeling a strange sensation all over his body as if denying the possibility of such thoughts. The moment he felt like falling asleep, his whole body seemed to finely shake and seemed to rock up and down and repeat over and over again.

By the time the vibration stopped, Yi-Gyeol slowly opened his eyes. He could see the same surrounding area exactly as if he hadn’t closed his eyes from the beginning.

The ceiling looks much closer than when he was lying down. Nevertheless, Yi-Gyeol looked away without showing any signs of being surprised. With the feeling of floating in the air, his vision gradually returned.

In Yi-Gyeol’s eyes, he could see himself sleeping deeply with a thin and gaunt face.

He couldn’t remember when it started. Everything was ambiguous about what day of the month he was awake, whether it was morning, day, evening, or night.

Countless hours were filled with his long sleep. The only thing he gained from the passing of time was a body that was getting weaker day by day and a dream.

Originally, he could hardly remember even if he had a dream. However, as his sleep time increased, he was able to remember his dreams from time to time, and he also had occasional lucid dreams. Even though he knew that the scenery he was seeing, the sound he was hearing, and the pleasant conversation he had with someone, was all a dream, he moved as much as he wanted with the thought in his mind “it was all just a dream.”

He was so free in his dreams.

That’s why there was nothing more difficult every time he opens his eyes and faces reality. The bitter taste that he felt right after he tasted the sweetness made his mind devastated beyond control.

There were times when a surge of extreme depression hit him and he wanted to just stop breathing and fall asleep forever. Still, he didn’t delve into such feelings thinking that his family would feel sad and guilty the moment he died. In order not to worry his family, he would always smile every time his eyes met with them, and when he couldn’t fall asleep in time, he would hold back the pain from his headache until he could finally fall asleep.

His dreams were his only refuge.

And at some point, his place of refuge began to gradually change.

At first, he thought he just woke up from his sleep. He looked up dazedly because he could see the ceiling of his room in front of him when he suddenly realized that his body was fluttering as if he was floating into the sea. Realizing that, he tried to get up and was able to sit down without any difficulty.

He discovered it only after turning his head in surprise. That his body is still quietly sleeping.

It is commonly called an out-of-body phenomenon. The moment Yi-Gyeol realized that he was experiencing the out-of-body experience that he had heard only with words, he felt the feeling of being sucked into his body at the same time. Shortly after returning to his body, he opened his eyes with an unbelievable expression on his face.

Since then, this phenomenon has occurred frequently. From the first time in which he woke out his body, the range of activities widened as the days passed by. He was able to go out freely without having to open the door, which was closed and heavy as an iron gate, and he could see and hear what his sister was doing in the next room, and what his father and mother were fighting about for the day.

Yi-Gyeol, who wished that he could leave for a while before going to sleep, was able to escape from his body due to the phenomenon and left the house that was filled with heavy atmosphere and wandered outside. Nobody could see him, but the fact that he could fly through the air and go somewhere according to his will soothed Yi-Gyeol’s exhausted heart.

This time again, Yi-Gyeol left his body and came out freely. Perhaps because it was night, there were especially few people walking around.

Meanwhile, he saw some small shiny white butterflies flying around. He’s been able to see them occasionally since a few months ago, and instinctively, he knew it was a ‘soul’.

‘Who knows, I might look like that too.’

He wondered because he could not see his own appearance no matter how much he turned his eyes.

Yi-Gyeol, who was following the shining butterfly, was surprised to see a good-looking middle-aged man suddenly popping out of the corner in front of him. The middle-aged man passed through Yi-Gyeol and was walking behind him.

−Oh, that surprised me….

He muttered as if he had a mouth. The middle-aged man, as expected, did not hear Yi-Gyeol’s words and strode along.

Even the spirits just like him couldn’t hear him. The same was true of his family, and so was everyone he met outside. He talked to the white butterflies just in case, but they flew away as if they couldn’t see him.

But that didn’t make him depressed. Even if no one could hear his voice, it was enough just to be able to fly outside and feel the unrecognizable passage of time rather than when he was locked up inside his room. It would be considered a luxury if he asked for more than that.

He soared up high in the sky while gauging his bitter heart. He was planning to go to the main street today after a long time.

The busy street, which he flew in an instant, was as dazzling as the day when he collapsed. As he approached with anticipation that there was an event, he saw banners and signs everywhere saying, “Wish you pass the college entrance exam.”

‘CSAT….’

Yi-Jin’s face naturally came to his mind as he looked at the kiosk selling items that were blessed for an examinee’s acceptance. Yi-Jin would also take the CSAT just like he did ten days later.

‘Your Oppa couldn’t even do anything for you.’

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His heart stung. When he was about to take the CSAT before, Yi-Jin, who had saved up her pocket money, handed him a finely folded letter with chocolate wishing him to pass. His younger sister, who was a middle school student at that time, smiled cutely and encouraged him that he would do well on the test and pass the university he wanted. Although he could not go even after passing, he thinks that his younger sister’s encouragement played a big role for him to pass the exam.

Therefore, Yi-Gyeol also wanted to do something for his younger sister. However, because he was just lying at home, he had no money and couldn’t go to buy anything.

All he could do was write a letter. Since her younger sister had always liked folding things out of paper, he thought he should also write a letter and shape it prettily just as she did.

Yi-Gyeol felt better for some reason. He felt motivated thinking that there was something he could do.

The fact that there is something he can do for someone made him feel absolutely pleasant.

When suddenly, Yi-Gyeol, who was looking around with excitement, felt nervous all of a sudden. It was as if someone was calling for him with all its might. That was impossible, but still, Yi-Gyeol looked around with a feeling that he had never felt before.

What caught Yi-Gyeol’s eyes was a golden butterfly shining in the dark far away. It wasn’t like a real butterfly but like a soul as it is brightly shining, but for some reason, it seemed to be looking straight at this side.

He flew straight to the butterfly, being amazed by something strange that he experienced for the first time. The closer he got, the more confident he was that the butterfly was looking at him.

By the time that the butterfly was already so close that its wings could be clearly seen, the standing still butterfly turned half a turn from its place and started flying somewhere.

−Wait!

He unknowingly shouted and followed. The butterfly did not stop flapping its wings, scattering golden dust in its wake, and Yi Gyeol flew and flew as if he were being led by something.

The place where the golden butterfly headed was a dark alley a little far away from the busy street. The alleyway, which was narrow enough to be blocked when two people were standing side by side, gave Yi-Gyeol a sense of foreboding.

−Where do you even want to go?

He asked, but as expected, the butterfly did not respond. He could only just silently went deep into the alley.

Flying through a maze of narrow alleys, the butterfly only stopped until it reached a dead end. A dead-end wall where only darkness could be seen because of the lack of street lights made Yi-Gyeol disappointed. He thought that the butterfly was leading him to show him something, which caused a strange expectation to rise from his heart.

−Why did you bring me here?

He thought that the golden butterfly wouldn’t hear his voice like the other butterflies, but he was curious so he still tried to ask. Why did it bring him to this place?

The butterfly didn’t answer. But as if it heard his question, the butterfly turned around and looked his way. The light was so strong that the body was not completely visible, but the approximate shape of the butterfly was fully recognizable.

The butterfly’s slow flapping of its wings became a little faster. Then, it looked his way and slowly moved back. Soon, the butterfly’s body disappeared as if it had been sucked into the darkness-covered wall.

−Wait!

Normally, if a butterfly he was following passes through a wall, he would just let them go on their way, but this time it was different. He strongly felt that he should not send it just like this.

He chased the golden butterfly and rushed to the wall. And as expected, the golden butterfly was clearly across from it.

However, Yi-Gyeol had no choice but to stop as soon as he passed through the wall after chasing the butterfly.

−What the….

He stood absentmindedly and looked around. The space, completely contradictory to the dark alley where there was little light, made him a little dizzy.

The hallways that stretched out before his eyes reminded him of castles and mansions from medieval times. Not only the various metal decorations and splendid patterns but also the enchanting murals were drawn enough to captivate Yi-Gyeol’s attention. And as if to say that was not enough, a chandelier made of brilliant crystals shone on the ceiling, and even a luxurious red carpet was laid on the floor.

Yi-Gyeol, who was looking at the hallway in rapture, wondered if he was dreaming while he was still experiencing the out-of-body phenomenon. Otherwise, the current situation was completely incomprehensible.