The dream catcher in my room suddenly broke!

I guess it realised that my dreams are gonna crash and that now I have to stop dreaming and accept the reality!

It was midnight...I ran away from my home...I kept running into the darkness..those voices behind me, trying to stop me, I could hear them but I didn’t want to hear them so I kept ignoring them and kept running! Running away from truth!

My legs gave way and I found myself engulfed with darkness but you know what in that darkness I found solace!

I couldn’t see anything and I was contented cause now I don’t have to see my reality!

You know what hurts the most?

-When you give your all to please that person and in return you only get betrayal!

-When you showered him with all your love and he acted along!

-When you were so busy making place in his heart that you lost your real self!

-When you cried and spent those long dreadful nights without his shoulder!

-When you needed him the most and he would be there for everyone, but you!

-When you realised you wanna get out of this darkness but this darkness is engraved in your heart and you can’t ever come out!

Cause I realised only this darkness will be always with me! I don’t want any ray of light who’ll come and go...

I’ll find my nyctophilia!

I’m Irana. I’m 21 and I’m single and happy. I live alone in Busan, Korea. I’m half Korean and half Japanese. My mom is from Tokyo. My family lives in Toyama. I’m living in Busan since past three years and I’m doing my majors in Psychology. I’m an atheist and I’m also Philophobic. So basically I don’t believe in God neither do I in love. I was always distant with my parents since I was a child. I come from a wealthy family and I believe that my looks are enough to make any normal guy fall for me. I know my limits. I also know my potentials very well but I never tried to go beyond my limits. I never worked hard to strive anything. I was a good student and I believe if I would have worked a little more than my potential I would have topped my High School but I never tried that hard. I made my life as simple as possible. I never wanted any thrill or adventures. I just wanted to live a simple life. My parents were also happy with my good performance so they never pestered me. Though one thing that I really enjoyed doing was watching K-dramas and loving BTS. Yes, I’m half Korean of course I’ll have to love K-pop and BTS!

I did my High Schooling from Tokyo itself and I studied in an all- girls school. Till I was 17 I really never cared about my life. I was fine with my simple, peaceful life until the day that person appeared...

Present:

“You must be going on a date today!” Exclaimed my hair artist. “What nonsense are you spouting”, I grinned at her. “You know that’s impossible. I’m doing this for myself. I’m flying to Osaka tomorrow to attend BTS’ concert.” I’m getting my hair done and this hair stylist Kim Yoona is my friend and apparently she knows about my terrible love life.

I live alone in Korea and my parents live in Japan. Currently I’m in my last year of college and I’m single. I’m a philophobic that is I strongly don’t believe in “love”. I would say circumstances made me this way. Its not like I’m asexual because I do feel attracted to people sometimes but falling in love and starting a relationship is just not my cup of tea. It’s been five years since I have fallen for someone. People ask me if I feel lonely or don’t I want someone to comfort me? Well I do feel lonely but I always tell myself that I’m enough for myself and if somebody actually cared about me then it won’t last long eventually. So instead of getting hurt again just be yourself. Yes I don’t need anyone, I’ll be fine myself. Thats what I think. But honestly there are times where I need someone. I have my parents but I don’t want to trouble them with my problems and also you can’t share everything with them. I don’t drink much. There are times when I see my friends getting drunk and doing all sorts of aegyo infront of their boyfriends. To me this is so cringy but I can’t get drunk because there’s no one to bare my aegyo. At such times I feel I do need someone. But I’m too afraid to handle all the misery again.

“Irana, where are you lost? Your hair is all done. Oh you look so pretty, BTS will surely notice you”, said Yoona mockingly. “As if!” I smirked. “Ahh! I’m so late, I have to pack my stuff. I’ll be meeting my parents too since I’m going to Japan,” I said. “Don't forget to meet the guy I was talking about”, said Yoona.

“Aigoo, seriously!” I flustered. I quickly went back home and the next day I went to Osaka and finally watched BTS’ concert. This was indeed the best day of my life.

I was coming back from Osaka to visit my parents in Toyama. It's been so long since I last visited them. My relationship with my family; I won’t say we are too close but and I feel a little awkward when I meet them after a long time.

As soon as the taxi moved along the allies of this peaceful city, I could see those beautiful cherry blossoms and immediately all those pent-up memories flooded my mind. I was running away from this city. I ran away from the people who were in this memory and most importantly I was running away from myself.

My father was a navy officer so we always have to change cities. I was born in Daegu, a small city in Korea but soon we left this beautiful city and shifted to Japan. Originally I have lived in many different cities in Japan and that’s why I never made friends that were too close to me because I knew eventually I have to leave them because of my dad’s job. I never had what people call a “best friend” until my dad got transferred to Toyama.

PAST:

Apparently my dad got transferred to Toyama. Since I had changed so many schools I was quiet comfortable with talking to new people. I can easily adjust to new environment. But this time I got admitted to an all- girls school. I have always studied in a co-ed school so this was something new for me. I thought that studying with only girls would be extremely boring.

My dad dropped me to school and 15 years old me, a little nervous and intrigued waited for my class teacher to call me inside. While I was waiting outside, a girl who looked a little plump with long lashes passed by me and suddenly stopped and said, “Hey, why are you punished so early in the morning? You must be nuts!” Before I could explain her my situation the teacher suddenly called me and she left. I was already agitated by that girl’s stupid remark and I wasn’t able to throw a smile infront of my new classmates. After that 2-minute brief introduction (where all eyes are on you and you feel no less than an “idol”) I finally managed to escape from all those 30 girls looking at me. My seat mate was a cute girl and soon the news of a new student getting punished on her first day of school spread just like that of Jin leaving BTS cause he’s going to join army!(Haha whatever)

Studying in this school was not as bad as I thought it would be in fact we could do literally anything. Since there were not many male teachers girls won’t care about getting embarrass for asking sanitary napkins or feeling ashamed if their skirts are blown off because there were no perverts to see. We used to have physical education class where all sections would play together. Luckily that girl was also in the same class as me but in different section. I saw her in one of my physical education class and I asked my classmate about her and she told me that she is the President of her class and her name was Aiko. Such a cute name I thought. Looking carefully she had a figure which every guy would prefer. She had short hair and eyes were really beautiful. She had green coloured eyes but they were so intimidating, as if she was disgusted by the people around her. My friend told me that she is really cold and that I should maintain my distance from her and I shouldn’t get involved into her business otherwise she would make my school life hell.