This is the start of my new life ,I hope everything goes well .

Coming here, after leaving my family I don't feel anything because we have never been like a happy family...

My mom married my dad when she was young ,when he doesn't have a stable job and no one supported.

She was happy for a month after marriage ....after that she conceived a baby with my father then my father started to show his disinterest ..

My mom suffered a lot..but even though she didn't give up on me and my sister.

My childhood was like a hell , I watched my parents fight , I received dislikeness from my grandparents ,they treated us as beggars even though we are there grandchildren and we lived in poverty..

After quite a years I happened to know a sad truth that my father betrayed us without telling a word he started a family with another women ,when we were still a children.

When we were still a kids my father comes home like once or twice in a month and stays for a night and the next day he goes out by saying he was busy..

without knowing we got used to that and my mom's health was mentally unstable so we don't know what was going between them ...

Few years have passed like that , even though we know that my father has another family we can't ask him why ? why did you do that? Because we are in no position to ask him and my mom's condition was still the same she takes her meds day after day .so we don't want to stress her anymore...

So I decided to come to a far place to study so that I can atleast have some peace..

I know leaving my family is one of the hardest decision in my life but I did it so that I can start a new life.

So I decided to not to fall in love with anyone and not to suffer like my mother and I don't want to give a life like me to my children even though having a father but cannot feel the love of him , cannot spend some quality time with him and hesitation to ask him anything...

So I decided to became a girl who loves only money and not men ..

But I do have some happy moments and memories and that is because of my friends there is a phrase saying that "*we cannot choose our family members but we have the chance to choose our friends*" .

I have friends who helps me to get through my difficult situations, where I can cry whole heartedly , where I can share my thoughts , where I can talk whatever I want without any hesitation.....

One of the best thing I did in my life is making friends and I don't want to lose them for anybody's sake .

Ahh " I totally forgot that I came here to start a new life but here again I am thinking about my past"

I need to move on and I need to work hard for my future and for my family . fighting!

Today is my first day of my college .I hope everything will goes well.

Everything seems simple because I have already experienced most of the hurtful things in my growing years .

I came to another country for my further studies and I hope it goes well without any disturbances.

Before I came to the college I made a guy friend that is pretty unusual . Even though it is just making a friend but it was a hard thing for me . His name is Rony

I stopped believing in guys , and making a guy to be my friend it was a big deal for me ...

He made me think that there are also guys in the world that are nice .

Going to college , listening to lectures and coming back and again going to college happened quite a few days

I made a few friends and happened to hang out with them . They made me feel warm ..

I started to talk with my classmates and became somewhat close . without noticing it I became friends with guys .

Making jokes on each other , pranking , fighting with them made my days filled with joy

I started to believe them but not too much because of my past experiences I cannot trust a guy too much...

Everything seems good and I started to chat with my friend Rony . He was quite a good friend he makes jokes when I am down , he took me out when I want to eat something or for having fun and those days are good .

He tells me about his family about his friends and the stupid things he did and we became much closer like best friends..

Six months passed without knowing and I went to my home for my summer vacation and my journey to my home is quite troublesome..

Funny thing during my journey is "I missed my flight " and I was like hell no..... because no flights were there for the next few next few days.

But Thank God , I got a seat in another flight and reached my home safely . My father didn't come to pick me up even though it was my first time going to other country and returning home after six months .

Days went quite well , returning to home after six months. so my family didn't object about whatever I want to eat or wherever I want to go or whatever I want to do.

Rony also came to my house every day to take me out to have fun . As I said my father won't come to house every day to take me out for fun so my mom asked Rony to take me out and spend some time so that I won't feel lonely

I became much close to Rony these days going out to eat to have fun and playing with him everyday .My days went quite happy .

After spending one and half month in home , I happened to return to my college.

Again my days went quitely , going college having fun with my friends and talking to my family through phone and talking with Rony .

Sometimes it gives me chill in my spine because Rony started to talk to me everyday through phone , making jokes everyday so that I could feel better , cares about me like whether I ate well or not , or slept well or not , but somewhere in my heart I think this is not good.

Because when a guy shows too much care or attention it scares me even though it is my best friend.

Whatever I just don't want to think these kind of things .

I became close to one of my friend olivia she is a good girl but sometimes she is stubborn .

She makes me happy but sometimes I wish that I could hit her hard because she is stupid she worries like hell for simple reasons and makes people tensed for no reason.

But whatever I like to spend time with her .

'Soon after that Olivia became my best friend , I started to hang out with her a lot , sharing my personal secrets , talking whatever I want to talk ,made me feel relaxed..'

There is a phrase saying that "having one good friend is better than having thousands of fake friends"

Because I came to Germany with Olivia for my medical education but I made friends who are good at the start but after sometime I happened to know their true colors .

So trusting others once again became hard for me , it made me think why most of the people around me tries to be good at the start and betrays me later .

So once again expecting some love from my friends made me think that I make mistakes again and again.

But , whatever I don't care about love anymore but I believe in friends .

So , Olivia came in to my life . without knowing I became very close .

But funny thing after spending sometime with me and listening to my past made her to lose her hope in love .

But I hope that she can get her true love even though I don't believe in it

As I said no one will experience the same so I wish that one day she should be blessed with true love ....

But once I do hoped about having a good life with a guy who can love , cares about me , trusting me ..

But love is like a nightmare for me, it took the happiness of my mom, my sister and made my family into mess...

It lead my father to start another family and made us like living in hell without proper care or love . so I still hesitates to talk to my father whether whatever in my mind .

So when people tells me , that they love me truly I feel like haha funny , *The best joke ever*.....

I say them that "*I love money more than Men"

So\* don't try to fall in love with me because "my heart became a stone and it cannot me melted"...

On my way back to home from college I happened to see a guy . He was standing there and walking forward and backward for quite a sometime .

I don't know why but he came to me all of a sudden saying that he has a crush on me .

I passed away from him as if he was talking to someone but not me .

But he came to me again and told me that he has crush on me.

And I was like man you kidding me . I am not taking this shit . Many people tried to confront their feelings but I turned them down .

Because I know , in these days there is no true love .There is only just lust and greediness.

But I coldly rejected him. And I told him that I love only money and not men .

He didn't speak anything for sometime and after that he asked me ' if I have enough money that makes you happy, then would you love me' .

Then at that moment I struck . I cannot move or I cannot speak .

Many things rushed into my head like - is he stupid or is he a psycho or does he has any mental disorder.

Once again i told him that I love only money .

Then he said no problem and he asked me hey would you love me if have money.

Then I thought this guy came here to make fun of me

I asked him is it a prank ??

He said- No!! ( with a smiling face)

Then I asked him are you okay??

He said - yes ( again with a smile)

I asked him am I dreaming?

He hesitated for a minute and then he pinched my hand quite hardly

Ahhhhh!!!

I happened to know it was not a dream because the pain was like hell.

After sometime I told him again that I love only money and I cannot love a person truly , I don't have feelings for anyone.

He told me - ya it's okay .

Then I told him ohh it's okay , heh, then I will leave you anytime without even thinking , when you don't have money .

He said that's okay .

What!!!!! Are you kidding me I will leave you anytime if you don't have money . You will suffer if you stay with me.

He said - I would love to.

............I am speechless , for the first time a guy confronted me , who I have never seen before and who was a very headstrong person.

Then I thought in mind that he is too good to be with me , he will suffer a lot if he stays with me and I don't want to hurt someone .

Then I told him that I have a lot of boyfriends in the past and nobody lasted more than four or five months . so I am not good in relations .

( But funny thing I don't have even one boyfriend , let alone many . I must be crazy to come up with this kind of lie.)

He said that nobody lasted, because they were not true to you.

Ohh common what do you want , I already told you I cannot love a person truly so I dumped them . so that not their fault to leave me.

So could you please stop pestering me , I really can't love anyone and I need to go home .

so if you move away I will go back and also thank you for loving me but I am sorry I can't afford it...

He said stop , okay don't love me but atleast give me a chance .

I know you don't like anyone and you don't have any boyfriends . And even if you have I don't care it's all past so I doesn't matter .

( I don't know what to say . I am struck in my words , people always leave me after saying these kinds of things . But he still insisted on loving me )

( But wait how does he know that I don't have any boyfriend. whatever I don't care how he knows it)

But whatever I don't care even if you love me it doesn't change anything .

So I am sorry , move on . I don't know much about you but I think , the way you speak made me feel relaxed . so I think you are a good guy many girls would fall for you.

So don't be ridiculous and let it go .Be happy and I wish you success .

He said you don't have the right to stop me loving you .

And I won't leave you no matter what , so don't open your heart doors for others but except me .

( this is ridiculous he is saying not to open my heart as if I am going to open it for someone)

You are insane , and who said I would open my heart for others and for also you it won't open no matter what .

so stop making these kinds of jokes and don't let me see you again or else I don't know what I will do to you .

You can't get rid of me that easily as I said I love you no matter what and I will follow you until you accept.

Hahaha , did you watch too many dramas or what , because you are quite dramatic . whatever I am going.

I went to my flat without even turning back . After reaching my flat I laughed a lot and thought that he was insane..

People nowadays are watching too many Chinese and Korean dramas like me but I didn't expect that I would encounter this kind of situation.

I thought it only happens in movies or dramas , but who would have thought that it would happen to me .

Hahaha..... "Life is surely full of surprises"

Aghh whatever I need to forget that fastly and I need to move on.

I don't have time to think about these kinds of things.

Hoping that I will never encounter these kind of people .

I need to finish todays college work and should go to bet early.

...................

........... . ...Ahhhhh

I can't sleep , I can't sleep , I can't sleep , why the things said by that guy popping in my head again and again .

I need to stop thinking about him , wooo woo , I have college - go to sleep Susie go to sleep.

Hmmm , it's a nice morning but I want to sleep , but I need to go to college .

I am really tired of this , going to college , studying , taking tests . Aghh my life is really boring.

I need to wake up lalala and brush my teeth lalala do bathhhhh, eatttt and run run run lalala .

Cheer up! fighting !! you can do it Susie you can do it.

Hiiii..........

Hello ......

Who is that stupid yelling so loudly in the middle of the road .

Waitttt.......

Ayyaaaa I will kill this person surely , why he is shouting so loudly .As if my ears are going to bleed.

Susieeeee.....

Hah is someone calling me . No I must be dreaming I am still half sleeping while walking this is dangerous . I need to change my habit ..

Susie! stoppp !!! Susie.......

Susie..........

Who the hell is that ! yelling my name so loudly in the middle of the street ???