Deepest Pit Of Mind: Silent Battle
When Did It Started?
Leaf
I am Leaf of Hopes, 15 years old, and by the way, you can call me Leaf.
Leaf
Today I will share you my story.
Leaf
Way back in my first grade, at the age of 6, I was chosen to be a representative of our school on an academic competition of our district and it continued until my sixth grade in elementary.
Leaf
Everytime there will be a competition, months ahead it, the teachers will review me and I will be stressed.
Leaf
And I think that was where my mental problem started.
Leaf
Maybe you're thinking right now that I'm a crazy person, but NO! I am not.
Leaf
On my first grade in secondary. I thought even if I don't study well, everything would be fine, because I was used to it in my elementary days that even if I didn't studied I'll pass the test, but I was wrong.
Leaf
In secondary "NO PAIN, NO GAIN"
First Experience
Leaf
I am an honor student and I graduated salutatorian in my elementary days.
Leaf
But on my first year I didn't became an honor student.
Leaf
It made me sad for a whole week.
Leaf
And at the end of the school year, I wasn't recognized at all.
Leaf
At that time, I didn't know how to tell my parents about it because I know they'll be disappointed.
Leaf
They were used of being recognized too due to my achievements.
Leaf
And when the recognition day came, the mother of our valedictorian in our elementary days posted her daughter's award.
Leaf
I didn't expected their reaction.
Leaf
I thought it was already fine with them but I was wrong.
Leaf
My father even compared me to her and he admitted that he was jealous. And that made me really sad.
Leaf
What my father said to me planted on my mind.
Leaf
I pressured myself too to become an honor student so that my parents won't be upset because of me.
Leaf
I tried my very best.
Leaf
I even went to a point wherein I'm too tired of everything.
Leaf
I'm just crying with no reasons at all.
Leaf
It's just I can't take it anymore.
Leaf
And my tears fell on their own.
Leaf
I told my friends about what I feel and it seems like they don't care at all.
Leaf
At the same time, my younger brother passed away.
Second Experience
Leaf
After some weeks that kind of feeling already passed.
Leaf
And I thought I was just sad for some weeks and there is no continuation at all.
Leaf
After many months, I felt the same thing again.
Leaf
Being sad for no particular reasons and making me overthink.
Leaf
By the way, at the end of the school year I was recognized for being an honor student. The seed of my hard work bears.
Leaf
Back to the main topic.
Leaf
I though it was normal to feel long term sadness because of my adolescence.
Leaf
So I never told my parents about it.
Leaf
That kind of feeling gave me insomnia, loss of appetite, and it made me lost interest in my hobbies. I always like being alone and there is something I also noticed. I always stay in dark rooms.
Leaf
My moods changed too. I'm always irritated and I don't know why.
Leaf
I always feel emotionless, except from being sad.
Leaf
These feelings are only some of what I experience.
Download MangaToon APP on App Store and Google Play
