Huff… Huffs......, panting…,

Whining and crying…sobbing....

Dripping, drop..... (raining)…

As you can see, yes! I'm running but why I'm running while crying how do I become this kind of person first and who I'm running for....

**THIS SUMMER **

(waking up from sleep)

Mom yelling from distance, Hey Aster! Get up, don't be late on your first day at school.

Ahhhh, yes it's my first at school, I should better hurry up...

Yes, my name is Aster, and I'm in 1st year high school, and I'm currently late for school.

(Rushing over for school)

At School,

Aggggrhhh, What's the point of rushing over, I'm late anyway.

Being late, I'm pro at that, it really goes wayyyyyyy back.

****The day Aster born **(**flashback 1)

At hospital

Nurse 1: The baby is taking a long time to come.

Nurse 2: yeah, It's really giving so much pain to mother.

Aster mother (screaming in pain)

Nurse 1 : Thank god, finally she is born. Why did you take long time to come!

Aster at 2***(flashback 2)***

Aster dad : say daddy

Aster mother : say mommy

why she isn't saying anything is something wrong with her. (at the age of three, I started talking)

And do you know what the doctor about it.

Doctor : There is nothing wrong, I think she doesn't want to talk.

Yes! I was like that. Always behind at time.

And why do they even start school in summer, it's hot in summer. Ahhh, I want my leave again.

You'll be wondering why I hate school right, because I've no friends to began with, and I'm shy(^///^) but I do have a bestie from my childhood, she was my only BBF :-D.

But I'm not the only one like my whole class is like every one is weirdo....o((⊙﹏⊙))o.

I've my own world, the world where everything is about only me. It's none other than my imagination

(*^▽^*). My imagination comes from my comic. Yes\, I'm a comic addict\, I read different kinds of stories and I imagine myself as lead that's how I kept my self entertain.

And you know in comics the lead will always come as unexpected time, but why does something feel like it's going to happen.

(In the middle of lecture) footsteps at distance...

(curiously) AAAA, something just cross this window, haaaaaaaaa, the smell is good.

(Sliding doors)  who is that ?

Is this the main lead entry?.................

(Foot steps approaching).......

Nova : I'm sorry for being late.

Teacher : It's okay, just go and sit.

Main lead, my foot(* ￣︿￣). He is the total weirdo of my class. Look at his face, that eye bags and that hair. I bet he even didn't take bath, ahhhh He probably uses scent, that's why I smelled a good scent while ago.

But I'm just witnessed the unfairness and partiality. It happens regularly because, He is the school's chairman son but not only chairman's son, but he also gets ranked at top 5 in this school. But it was really a mystery, as you can see.

Yes, he never listens to lecture, all he does is sleep in bench but how does he even study. Rumor has it that he receives questions beforehand. But in my point he receives private tutor and study at night. Ahhhh, why do I even bother. I should just go back to sleep.

(Suddenly)  Foot steps approaching........

Sliding doors.......

Aden: Ahhh, my bad this was my first, so I was kinda lost, sorry being late teacher. (greeting the teacher)

Teacher : you must be the new student, it's okay. Just introduced your self.

Aden : Hello, Everyone, I'm Aden.

What's this unfamiliar voice, the voice is even good.

Aster: Woooahhhh, awesome.

Just look at him\, his broad shoulders\, that sharp eyebrows and the sparking eyes\, that plumpy lips. Height is above 170 cm. and his shiny hair. He is really a main lead. Like his name\, he is really handsome. Our name also starts with same alphabetヾ(≧▽≦*)o\, Ahhhhh what's this\, is it fate???......§(*￣▽￣*)§

(Eyes met)   what ? What is this?, I just made an eye contact with him. Did he just saw my jaw dropping?

Aishhh, it's embarrassing. Did he hear it? What should I do????? It's crazy...... ahhhh really.....

Teacher : Go and sit

(Walking towards the bench) 

The last and final thing to qualification to be a lead, if he sat on the last bench with window seat. He is really a main lead.

OMG, he is really a main lead.

Then who will be a female lead, Is it me?????

Aster's conscience : Hey! You idiot, you are female lead, what a load of bull shit! You know the qualification of female lead, do you even have one qualification?

Yeahh, that's right, for a lead there will be qualification

QUALIFICATION NO.1

She must be pretty.

Aster's conscience: Pretty...... Hey first get rid of your dark circles, you just look like a panda, pretty in your dreams.

QUALIFICATION NO .2

She must be good at study

Aster's conscience : Hey, don't you remember that time during final exam, you study for the whole night even though you just got PASS! Mark. Who are you kidding with!!!!!

QUALIFICATION NO.3

She must be good at sports.

Aster conscience ; Sports suu.... hahhhaha. Don't even get me to start. Do you even know the difference between the football and basket ball?

QUALIFICATION NO.4

She must be feminine style.

Aster's Conscience : Hey! You killed a snake just with broom. Do you call that feminine style?

QUALIFICATION NO.5

She must be a talented student.

Aster's conscience : Don't even ask me.......

Yeahhhh, I'm not good at anything, not an even ordinary student. I'm just a low-key student. And I'm not even beautiful.

(sighhhhhh) 

But who need qualification to become a lead.

**I'm the f*cking female lead in MY LIFE! **(Smirk).

(In phone)

"How've you been, Anna?" (Anna is my only BFF)

"Yes! I'm fine, How've you been?"

I'm just fine.

What's with the tone, is something is wrong?

No, It's not like that. Enough about me. You said something important, come on, tell me.

Guess, what, I got a boyfriend. HEHEHE, it's funny right, but it's really true. Hey! Even I can't believe myself.

HEY! Awesome, really, good for you Anna. Go…go... girl.

Are not you going to get a boyfriend, in here they are in love with each other from 7th grade. We're really far away from love Aster, so get your self work up.

Me! Love, you know that I can't even know how to talk with boys.... anyway, bye. Let's talk another time.

"Love" What is really love? Does anybody have an answer about it? . I've never been in love, so I was just curious about what it would feel when you're loved by someone. I really want to feel it. But I'm afraid, I don't know that I'm afraid of love or just I'm afraid of me. (sighs...)

(Alarm blaring)

But nowadays, I'm pretty much interested to make my self pretty. Because I want to good look in front of him

It's been a week since Aden came, as soon as he came he became a class president, and he is very kind and generous. He became friends with everyone, and even he is the teacher favorite. How can a person is such a handsome and lovely man.

He is my crush, my school crush in 12th grade. I really want to get to know him and get closer to him. Became his friend and receiving his love...... How would it feel?

But for people like me, always overthinking, has anxiety and having trust issues. It's not easy to love, when you can't even love yourself, constantly fighting with thoughts. Just living with depression. It's not even easy to breathe.

Do you remember, when we were kid whenever we built sand house some friends came and destroy it, so we built it one more time, in this time we protect it from them by building a fence, We are still following that

That's why I build a barrier around me, where no one can enter, in here it's just me and my thoughts. In here it's just dark, the real self lies here. Sometimes when I think that I should tell that how I feel. The mere first thought was just shut up, everyone leaves you if you said that and everyone will hate her (you).

"Because, I know her and I hate her."

The real me is a

liar,

thief,

manipulative,

envious,

hater.

But in deep down, we all are kids who are failed to protect.