A Love So Beautiful (致我们单纯的小美好) – Chapter 1

Comrade Old Chen, aka my dad, formally retired February of this year. Old Chen who has been doing hard labour his whole life couldn’t sit still after having spent half a month just idling at home. It so happened that the Senior Citizen’s club in our town was recruiting members so off he went. Once he got there, he then found out that his 50-something age was considered the young backbone in the Senior Citizen’s club where the average age was 70. Because of that, Old Chen’s passion from long ago was igjnited. Every day, he’d be pedalling his bike towards the club to organize their recreational activities. This kind of passion, is the kind that has been burning for years.

It’s just that his passion also hasn’t been burning for quite some time, and had only given him an initial show of strength for the first few years. This old man got on a stool to hang their activity banner when his foot stepped on air, causing him to fall down.

When I got a call from my mom, I was on the highway, looking out at the billboards. My entire body broke out into a cold sweat though it was one sunny day. Even though I was always being beaten by Old Chen when I was young, I was also thinking of beating him as soon as I grew up. But despite that, I really love him.

On the way to the hospital, I kept on crying while talking endlessly with the cab driver about how good my dad was. The driver, a 7-feet tall sturdy-looking man, was seemingly moved by me, and floored the gas to its maximum extent. When I paid him, he offered to just round up the fare, and told me, “Young child, remember my plate number, XXXX, by all means, don’t flag down my cab again. I have a blabbermouth wife and mom at home so when I listen to other people talking nonstop I can’t help but tremble. Forgive me, I wish your father a speedy recovery.”

………

I rushed inside the hospital, crying. When I got there my mom was paring apples while scolding my dad, “Your weary old body is still considered backbone? Fall one more time and I’ll push you straight to cremation. Your backbone I’ll upgrade it into bone ash.

I held unto the door frame, in tears, “Mom, how’s dad?”

Mom looked up at me, “Oh, stop crying, what are you crying for, I’ve endured so much to raise you just so your face won’t be covered in snot and tears.”

I held back my tears and went over to sympathize with the old man who has been oppressed for such a long time, “Dad, are you alright?”

My dad looked helplessly at the apple mom was holding, “No, your mom already pared three apples, and didn’t even give me one to eat.”

I‘ve been thinking there was no way of knowing things straight from their mouth, hence, I simply picked up the thermos and said, “I’ll go get hot water.”

I went straight to the nurse’s station carrying the thermos, and didn’t mind my mom who was shouting behind me, “This damn child, the thermos is full!”

Probably because I looked too menacing, the nurse quickly got the doctor. The doctor described my dad’s condition with a blank face, he said the fall affected his lower back — the vertebra was compressing the nerves. In other words, he needs to go through surgery, and made me prepare 30,000 bucks.

I asked the doctor a few specific questions but he gave me a pointed look, “If I were to explain it to you, you still wouldn’t be able to understand it, just prepare the money alright? Leave the rest to us doctors.” I asked again, “Then, when’s the surgery?”

He said impatiently, “Line up, when it reaches your turn then we’ll do it.”

I was itching to cough out a big mouthful of thick phlegm on his face, and then tell him, “Sorry, I have tuberculosis.”

But I couldn’t, I could only fish out a few hundred bills from my pocket, and force it on him, “Then, I can only bother you to take care of it……”

He glared at me and pushed away the money, “What are you doing?! I understand your sentiments as a family member but this is against the hospital regulations! You really don’t have to worry, I will find time to give you a detailed explanation.”

I was so beside myself with guilt, thinking that I pinned my narrow-minded yardstick* to gauge a gentleman‘s heart. Indeed, some doctors were just born ill-tempered. As I was deeply reflecting on my personal integrity, the doctor then turned around to leave, but before leaving, he raised his chin and gave me a meaningful look. I pondered for a long while if he was having cramps or if he was implying something else with his action, till I copied him and raised my chin as well, only then did I understand — a CCTV was mounted on the wall…… (T/N: To judge a person’s actions with one’s narrowed perspective.)

I was just about to ask the nurse where the doctor’s office was located when my phone rang. I fished it out and looked at who it was. My heartbeat quickly went downhill at lightning speed, as if stepping on an accelerator, that I’ve almost wanted to go to to the Cardiology department to get myself checked.

Jiang Chen, my ex-boyfriend.

Shaking, I politely picked up the call, “Hello?”

I’ve been saying ‘hello’ for a very long time, but all I could hear was a cacophonous of noise, it seems as though he had just accidentally pressed the phone. I was about to hang up the call but I heard a delicate female voice saying, “Doc, my chest hurts.”

It was only then that I remembered how Jiang Chen as a doctor now, was said to have a bit of reputation. I hung up the phone, confused for a while, then finally decided that if I have to wallow in the darkness of our motherland’s healthcare system, I might as well be transferred to the hospital where Jiang Chen was working. On the account that I’ve helped him peel around thousands of tea eggs back in the days, he has to consider that somehow, right?

I went back to tell my mom regarding this matter, and she told me, “Jiang Chen, that kid whom you had a puppy love back then?”

Uh……..your memory sure knows the more important parts.

Mom asked again, “If we go to the hospital he’s working at, will he help us? I mean does both of you still have mutual affection?”

Truly a “hit the nail on the head” question, I stammered, “He will help us that’s for sure, it’s just that……..”

“Just what?”

“It’s only that, our current situation is something scissors couldn’t sever, and when sorted out, is tangled again*.”  (T/N: too complicated)

The old lady scoffed, “Stop using big words on me. Can’t cut with scissors then you shave it all up! You are going to contact him right now. Your dad must be transferred tomorrow. I can’t stand that bastard doctor here anymore.I was expecting for my mom to tell me lovingly, “Child, we must have integrity, ex-boyfriends and what not, one shouldn’t go around bothering them.” But sure enough, I’ve really overestimated my mom this time.

Jiang Chen showed no hints of being surprised when he got my call that it makes me want to become a doctor, so used to seeing strong winds and big waves*, even dead bodies and internal organs don’t scare him, how can I, an ex-girlfriend, scare him. (T/N: difficulties, struggles)

I was stuttering the entire time I was explaining the situation to him, but managed to get the most important point across, “Is it okay to transfer my dad to your hospital?”

“Okay.” He replied concisely that I was too ashamed to mention the thing about helping him peel tea eggs before.

He added, “Get everything ready, I’ll find an ambulance to pick up your dad for the transfer.”

Finally, he was silent for a long time, and then asked me, “You okay?”

Okay.

After hanging up the phone, I clutched my chest and leaned against the wall of the lobby, breathing heavily. A young nurse next to me helped me up, “Are you alright?”

I shook my head, also feeling very glad that at long last I have finally seen the light of humanity in this hospital.

She then went on, “Who did you just call? Seems like you’re going to be transferred. Do you know some bigshot in other hospitals? Can you introduce me? I only have a month before I finish my internship but I still haven’t found a hospital who would hire me. Can you help me? My grades are actually very good, it’s just that I don’t want to accompany hospital directors to bed.”

There’s really no other way but for me to be entangled with her, so without any better option I said, “Actually, that person I called is a janitor in a hospital, I promised to accompany him to bed, so he promised to help me ask around to see if I could transfer.”

………

Three hours later, Jiang Chen, with an ambulance whizzed in front of me. I haven’t seen him in 3 years yet I didn’t dare raise my head to take a good look at him. I just kept on staring at what seems like a very expensive fountain pen inside the pocket of his white coat. I don’t know if he already learnt how to write the new characters used in medicine.

When I was at university, I’ve always been worried about Jiang Chen, for fear that his beautiful penmanship’s small script would face difficulties in the medical profession. In order for him to achieve a penmanship that would let him evade responsibility even if he prescribed the wrong drug, I once forced him to copy my penmanship. It’s a pity that in the end, he failed to learn its true essence.

Discharging procedures, admitting procedures, Jiang Chen settled everything by himself. My mom and I were terribly idle, just chatting near the hospital entrance, each holding an apple.

Mom said, “This young man is indeed whom I looked after growing up, really good.”

She made it sound like she should be given credit for looking after him when growing up because he turned out be a good, young man, really shameless.

She added, “Such excellent goods, how did you miss it back then? You’ve almost succeeded.”

I took a bite out of the apple, “Dad is bored being alone in the ambulance, you go eat an apple and make him watch.”

Mom heaved a sigh, then gladly and diligently went to where the ambulance was, yelling while running, “Old man, your daughter made me eat an apple for you to watch.”

Jiang Chen was holding a large document and some small receipts, when he chanced upon this scene, he smiled and looked doubtfully at me, “You’re really too filial.”

I looked up at him, he was slightly bent over, bowing his head to look at me. The tips of his hair that were drooping were glowing in the morning light. He smiled at me like how he used to, his left cheek was squeezing out a deep dimple, it was as though we just ate and watched movies together yesterday.

I averted my gaze, this is a sinister dimple. Back then my little heart was drunk and fell in this dimple. Now that I think about it, this pit in his face was just a giant fraud.

Jiang Chen’s existence used to be just like one of those lamp post in the alley. He lives in the house across ours, the mayor’s son, the class monitor, looks good, could play the piano, writes calligraphy, has good grades, and speaks nice Mandarin. Television and novels label us boys and girls who are friends, and live awfully close together since young as “childhood sweethearts”, moreover, they generally divide it into two categories: one, the “in love with each other” type. Two people who are close together like siblings, poking honeycombs and getting stung by bees together, stealing sweet potatoes and getting beaten together. By the time the two would look back, only then would they realize that the friendship from long ago has slowly blossomed into love. The other one is the “sees and hates each other” type. Two people who opposes the other with equal intensity, already itching to rush ahead to bite the other when spotted from a distance. When they get the chance, they’d pull the tire valve of each other’s bikes. But later on, when the two would grow up, they would suddenly realize — Ah! This is true love.

Unfortunately, Jiang Chen and I are neither of the above mentioned. In a very long time, me and him were simply just neighbours who live across each other. Him playing his piano daily, me watching Chibi Maruko-chan with gusto. Occasionally, when I’d forget the content in our homework, I would press the doorbell of their house. He would always mock me, and impatiently ask why I didn’t remember. Probably, because I’m seeking out a favour, so I never bickered with him. Of course, it might also be because I don’t like to argue with people since young. I’m someone calm and collected, a bit extraordinarily.

Summer vacation of 2nd year middle school going 3rd year, our class secretly organized a picnic after the exams. During the picnic, Jiang Chen and I was assigned to wash the sweet potatoes. There were 40 people in our class but we bought 44 sweet potatoes. Jiang Chen just washed those four extra sweet potatoes, and after that, played skipping stones with the boys on the side.

I was crouching at the lakeside, forced to keep my anger in check as I was washing the potatoes. The more I wash, the more I get mad. By then a small slab of rock was dropped right in front of me, and splashed me on the face. As I looked up, Jiang Chen was putting on an air of nonchalance as though nothing happened. He raised his hand, and a stone skipped across the water surface, piercing its stillness in four beautiful successive skips, along with it were ripples of varying sizes, colliding together and then dissolving.

It was pretty logical for me to have scolded him, splashed water on him, pressed his head into the water, or perhaps, pushed him into the lake to drown.

But I did nothing. I just stared at him with a silly look on my face.

The breeze lifted his loose, white school uniform. The sun was casting a golden light on his lashes and the tips of his hair. The slightly raised corner of his mouth was squeezing out a proud smile adorning his left cheek.

Right there and then, time and space froze leaving only the furious thumping of my heart

A Love So Beautiful (致我们单纯的小美好) – Chapter 2

After summer, we stepped into the busy year of Junior 3. I have always prioritized important matters above everything else, hence things like immersing myself in romantic love were promptly kicked to a side. Plus, Meteor Garden was airing fervently back then, so I changed to being crazy about Dao Ming Si instead.

The event that caused me to confirm my resolution to have being infatuated/fangirling over Jiang Chen as my life goal happened half a year later. The night before the mock exams, amidst my mom’s beatings and scoldings of, “How did I raise up such a forgetful pig-headed daughter like you?!”, I hurriedly rushed to the Xue You* Bookshop to buy the 2B pencils I needed to shade the OAS for my mock exams the next day. (T/N: direct translation of Xue You – study friend)

Even though Xue You Bookstore claims to be a bookstore, but it sells a variety of things – from books and stationery to stickers and toys, basically, whatever was trending among students, it would sell. Later on after muddling through life in the outside world, I discovered that the two words “Xue You” was a name that all non-franchise stationery shops and book shops in the country liked to use. I didn’t know if this was because this name would cause numerous students to feel a sense of familiarity akin to seeing a friend, or if it was because everyone was lazy to come up with names. But if there was a day where I decide to give back to society, I would also want to open a Xue You shop, on the surface it would sell books and stationery, but it would actually be a centre of students to pay a fee and make friends, especially female students, though if there were special requests, we could also sell male students at a high price.

I entered Xue You and grabbed a bunch of 2B pencils. At that point in time, using computers to mark papers had just come into vogue. I thought that the 2B pencil would appreciate in price in the near future, and I had to stock up. But the truth proved otherwise. While the price of pencils did rise by ten cents, there were many pencils specially made for shading the OAS that were produced. While everyone else was using mechanical pencils to shade their OAS, I still had to pitifully use a knife to shave my pencils. Prophets are all lonely people.

As I clutched a bunch of pencils, about to pay, Jiang Chen entered through the door. Perhaps out of a strange adolescent voyeuristic mentality, I subconsciously grabbed a book off the shelf, using it to block my face as I secretly watched him.

Jiang Chen upon entering made an immediate beeline for the counter. The lady boss saw him, and smilingly carried up a pile of books from under the counter. “The embroidered collector’s edition of the Four Classic Novels of Chinese Literature* you wanted, I specially went into the city to obtain its stock.” (T/N: namely Romance of Three Kingdoms, Journey to the West, Water Margin and Dream of Red Mansions)

Jiang Chen smiled and said, “Thank you Lady Boss, how much is it?”

“853 RMB, I’ll take 850 from you.” The lady boss took his money. “I’m not even counting in the transport fees.”

Jiang Chen smilingly nodded his head. “Thank you Lady Boss.”

At that point in time our school fees were 200 RMB per semester, Jiang Chen was using money worth two school years or four semesters to buy a few rotten books, if he had so much spare money, he might as well… Actually I also didn’t know what he might as well have done, I’ve never had so much money, so I was really didn’t understand. Previously, someone told me this joke – a news reporter asked an old woman who lived deep in the mountains, “What would you do if I gave you 100000 RMB?” She replied, “Eat vegetable steamed buns everyday.” He asked again, “What if I gave you 200000 RMB?” She replied, “Eat meat steamed buns everyday.” Lastly he asked, “What if I gave you 1000000 RMB?” She replied, “I would have a vegetable steamed bun in one hand and a meat steamed bun in the other everyday.” I actually really empathized with the old woman’s plight.

“Gege*, gege.” A child who had come out of nowhere was calling as he tugged on Jiang Chen’s trousers. (T/N: meaning older brother)

Jiang Chen squatted down and caressed his head. Blinking, he asked him, “Little friend, are you a boy or a girl?”

The little child sucked on his tiny thumb, and very seriously replied, “Boy.”

Jiang Chen was dissatisfied. “I don’t like boys.”

He was preparing to get up as he said that, the little child hurriedly tugged on his clothes.

“I’m a girl.”

Jiang Chen laughed. “So you’re actually a girl. Okay then, what did you call me for?”

The little child fished out a box of colour pencils and two crumpled ten-cent notes from the large pocket of his overalls, lifting them high up to demonstrate how he couldn’t reach the counter. “I’m buying this.”

Jiang Chen took the box and stood up to pass it to the lady boss. “Boss, how much is this?”

“Ten RMB.”

Jiang Chen fished out ten RMB. After paying the money, he then squatted back down to pass the box to the little child. He patted his head and said, “Here, your color pencils.”

The little child chortled as he took the box. “Thank you gege.”

After saying “you’re welcome”, Jiang Chen prepared to stand up straight. The little child once again pulled at his trouser bottoms, so he could only squat back down again. The little child clumsily opened the box of colour pencils, and picking out a pink coloured one, said, “Drawing is very pretty.”

“I don’t know how to draw.” Jiang Chen said as he smiled. “You keep it for yourself to draw.”

The little child shook his head, and pointing at the books in his hand, said, “No, I draw.”

Jiang Chen stared blankly for a moment, then his face broke into a smile. He took out “Romance of the Three Kingdoms” and handed it over to the little child.

The little child held up the book and sat on the floor, lowering his head to draw something on it very seriously, while muttering something to himself. At last he clapped his hands and said, “Done.”

I tiptoed and stuck out my head to peep at it, that design looked like a rabbit at first glance, then looked like a dog when you looked more closely, yet its poise and charm also somewhat resembled a tiger.

Jiang Chen, taking back the book, looked at it very seriously, then said seriously, “The dog you drew is very beautiful, thank you.”

The little child, fluttering his round eyes, said, “It’s a cat.”

Jiang Chen did a double take, then laughed. “So it’s actually a cat.”

I stared at his dimple, it seemed to have deepened somewhat, I really wanted to go up to him and poke it.

What is known as “being stunned by beauty”, what is known as “being killed in a second”. Li Bi Hua* once said – being stunned by beauty back at that time, was wholly because one had seen little of the world. But this wasn’t the case for me, in the times to come, I would repeatedly embellish these two scenes in my mind, just like the post-production editing for movies and television. I would adjust the angle of the scene, add light and shadow variation, layer on sound effects…… (T/N: a famous Chinese author/scriptwriter – she wrote Farewell My Concubine)

“How long are you going to squat at the hospital entrance for?”

“Ah?” With my great post-production editing project being interrupted, I was momentarily a little lost. Gazing into Jiang Chen’s somewhat impatient-looking face, I again sounded, “Ah?”

“Get up.” He stretched out his hand and with one grab pulled me up from the floor, dragging me towards the ambulance. In fact, I really wanted to ask him if he had forgotten to let go of my hand, and also if he was in poor health lately, his hand was so sweaty…

When we got onto the ambulance, the driver and my mom simultaneously showed facial expressions looking like they had just caught us in bed together. I helplessly rolled my eyes, and peeped at Jiang Chen a little apprehensively. He on the other hand seemed to be totally unaffected and sat by my side. “Little Li, start driving.”

After that, he turned his head around to tell my mom, “Auntie, I’ve already spoken to my colleague in orthopedics, when we reach the hospital, we’ll take another x-ray, if there is no issue, we’ll do the operation this afternoon. Please do not worry, my colleague is one of the very best orthopedic surgeons in the industry.”

My mom hurriedly nodded her head incessantly, and gave a really motherly smile. “We’re really troubling you.”

“It’s no trouble, it’s what I should do.” Jiang Chen was also really smiling like a filial son.

“So noisy!” My dad suddenly spoke up loudly.

Ever since my dad was informed that we were going to transfer hospitals with the help of Jiang Chen, he had been throwing a tantrum. Later on, the moment my mom walked away, he gave me a tongue-lashing, its contents being nothing else but one word – backbone! He felt that after how Jiang Chen’s mother treated me back in the day, I should stay far, far away from him. It was best that I spit him in the face with saliva when I saw him to express my disdain, but now I had gone as far as to accept his favor!

Three years ago, I graduated from X University’s art design faculty. Jiang Chen was studying both his bachelor’s and master’s degree consecutively in medical school and had to study for seven years, but due to his excellent performance, he had already begun to intern at the various major departments at X University’s subsidiary hospital by his fourth year.

Back then, Jiang Chen was really good to me, the moment he saw me receive my graduation certificate, he said that he wanted to marry me. Of course, this was mainly because I was always making baseless fabrications about a bunch of the so-called elite in society to scare him. For example, the manager who helped me open the door every day (whose original form was the security guard of our company, for I always forgot to bring my entrance card to tap in and out); the director who was always giving me flowers (whose original form was the person who sold flowers downstairs – when I was working overtime late into the night, I would always run into him throwing away the spoilt flowers that couldn’t be sold while on my way home, with my fervent hints, he would give the flowers to me); the client who treated me to watch a movie (whose original form was indeed a client, and I did indeed watch a movie, it was just that I had to write a publicity proposal report for them after watching it)…… An artistic creation requires an original form.

Once Jiang Chen heard that I was so popular, he became anxious, he said that the four years’ worth of breakfasts he delivered in university must not be delivered in vain, we had better get married.

I agreed with no sense of shame whatsoever. My thoughts were very simple, the faculty of medicine in X University was ranked no. 1 in the entire country, and Jiang Chen was getting the top-tier scholarship every year, there was basically no suspense that he was a stock with great potential. I had to capture him as soon as possible, such that when he became a blue chip stock*, I would be the grain-husk wife who had suffered trials and tribulations together with him, if he dared to divorce me, I would dare to ask for a half of his assets……(T/N: aka stocks of financially stable and well-known companies that have good returns)

Of course, actually the simplest thought was that I loved him very much, and I was afraid he would be snatched away by someone else. One time, I went to the hospital he was interning at to look for him, and within one hour I saw three patients giving him their business cards, with one of them even being a guy. This society was too terrifying, and Jiang Chen’s charisma seemed to slay both men and women.

It was just that back in the day, I was almost completely poisoned by television dramas and novels, and I thought that my love was invincible. But Jiang Chen’s mother made me realise, once my love experienced disturbances, it changed as it pleased.

One fine afternoon, Jiang Chen’s mother paid a visit to my mom. My mom’s status in my household, being a professional housewife, was akin to that of Wu Ze Tian*, but for the first time, I saw that plucky mother of mine being at such a complete loss of what to do, becoming meek without herself even noticing. To be fair, Jiang Chen’s mother didn’t say any undue remark, and she hadn’t fished out a cheque and said, “Leave my son, tell me how much money you want.” She was calmly discussing with my mom some wedding customs, but it was just the condescending attitude, like she was lowering herself to talk to my mom, that she exuded that caused my mom to be filled with trepidation. Watching my mom from the side as she rubbed her hands, saying, “We’ll cooperate, we’ll cooperate”, my heart was tart and painful, like it had been soaked in old vinegar. (T/N: the only female emperor in the history of China)

Jiang Chen’s mother then sought me out one-to-one for a chat. She gave me a few pieces of paper and told me to take a good look, and if I agreed, to give my signature. It was a prenuptial agreement, with its contents roughly being something along the lines of how I was not marrying Jiang Chen for his family’s money, and if we divorced, I wouldn’t be able to get any assets, etcetera.

At that point in time, I was really bewildered. His dad was just the mayor of a small town, how much money could he possibly have? Was there really a need to act like we were in a television drama?

I’ve already forgotten what I was thinking at that time, perhaps it was some noble matters like love and self-respect, but later I simply could not make up my mind, so I went to ask my dad. All I can say is that, that was a historic mistake.

Jiang Chen’s dad was my dad’s indirect supervisor. My dad felt that he was already such a wimp, being bullied and pushed around by these supervisors on a day-to-day basis, but for the family of his supervisor to bully his own family members, this was a matter that he simply couldn’t stand. Therefore he told me that if I dared sign, he would disown me as his daughter.

Thus, I again did yet another stupid thing, which was to give Jiang Chen the prenuptial agreement for him to return it to his mother. Jiang Chen was really agitated and furious, and went home to quarrel with his mother. Later on, his mother gave me a phone call, with the main idea being, if I dared get married to Jiang Chen, she would dare to die at our wedding. Back then, I had little experience in society, so I was immediately psyched out by her. I totally didn’t think of any other ways to resolve the issue, for example to not hold a wedding ceremony, so that she wouldn’t have a place to die……

The matter of marriage was hence left unsettled just like that, after that, I didn’t know why, but perhaps work started to get busy, I was busy getting scolded by my manager, while Jiang Chen was busy attending classes and interning. Plus, most likely I started bearing grudges in my heart, I would incessantly nit-pick and needle him, and would provoke him over the most trivial and inconsequential matters. I tested our love by testing his tolerance.

When I said, “Jiang Chen, let’s break up.”

He was silent for a long time before saying, “Don’t you regret it.” Then he slammed the door with a bang and left.

I thought that for two people who loved each other to break up, there should at least be some large-scale major event, for example, a third party; for example, suddenly discovering that I was his father’s illegitimate daughter; for example, either him or I contracting a terminal illness…… But in fact, there was no need for that. Uneasiness, busyness and weariness were enough.

We split up just like that. It was quite amazing, two people who had originally agreed to be together for a whole lifetime, now had absolutely nothing to do with each other in just a flash. For a long period of time, I even suspected that perhaps someone had pressed the fast-forward button for us, causing me to omit some plot circumstances that made the break-up an inevitability.

My dad was the happiest about my breakup with Jiang Chen. He most likely felt that this was one victory he had in his confrontation with those of a supervisor social class. But towards a later stage, my constant inability to find a boyfriend caused him to feel that the fruits of victory were sometimes bitter as well.

So I guess my dad’s feelings towards Jiang Chen were complicated. On one hand, he hoped that there would be someone who would take over the slow-moving product* that I was, yet on the other hand, he also felt that he would much rather I be a slow-moving product than to sell me to Jiang Chen. He was probably experiencing internal turmoil akin to that of the capitalists existing during the Great Depression mentioned in our high school politics textbook who would rather pour milk into the river than give it to the poor. (T/N: meaning a product that sells poorly)



My dad underwent the operation early in the morning the next day. Jiang Chen had recommended a female doctor, her surname was Su, her beauty had an air of intelligence and intellect to it, and standing next to Jiang Chen, together they were a talented man and beautiful woman.* (T/N: a Chinese idiom referring to a very well-suited ideal couple).

Initially, my mom didn’t trust Doctor Su very much, she felt that all beautiful women were in general, quite useless. Because of this stubborn notion she had, I used to think that my mom considered me a beautiful woman in her heart for the longest time.

Doctor Su pointed out that she previously had, with bare hands, beaten up a gangster till his shoulder joint dislocated, then once again with bare hands relocated the shoulder joint. We, one after another, professed our utmost confidence in her medical expertise.

Jiang Chen accompanied us at the entrance of the surgical theatre. My mom clutched my hand tightly, while I patted the back of her hand comfortingly.

After sitting for about ten minutes or so, my mom started to forget about her uneasiness. She first looked at Jiang Chen and me, her eyes spinning back and forth between the two of us, then she gave a motherly smile. “You see, back when you and Xiaoxi were dating, we didn’t have the time to sit down and chat, instead now……” She paused, then gave a long sigh. “The heavens makes fools of us all.”

I was basically in a frozen state, and I wanted to dig a hole and dive right into it.

Jiang Chen smiled, and said, “I wasn’t sensible back then, and didn’t know how to cherish Xiaoxi.”

I couldn’t help but take a stealthy glance at Jiang Chen. Such a beautiful pleasantry.

My mom chuckled, “That’s not the case, it’s our Xiaoxi who doesn’t have the good fortune.”

Time passed quickly under their sham exchange of pleasantries. Perhaps because it wasn’t a complicated surgery by far, or perhaps it was because of Doctor Su’s excellent medical skills, in any case, the lights of the operating theatre dimmed and Doctor Su came out wearing a mask.

My mom suddenly grabbed my arm again. Her fingernails dug into me till I really wanted to send greetings to my maternal grandmother. (T/N: basically Xiaoxi is cursing)

Doctor Su unhurriedly took off her mask, revealing her upturned corner of her mouth. “The operation was successful.”

My mom let go of my hand and leapt onto her, looking like she wanted to hug and kiss her. Thankfully, all she did was just hold and pull on Doctor Su’s hand, patting it repeatedly. “Thank you so much, thank you so much.”

I was extremely moved and intoxicated by this display of how the miraculous hands of a healer could move the heavens. Jiang Chen standing by my side used his elbow to gently bump against me, and spoke softly, “If you don’t pull your mom away soon, Doctor Su’s hand is going to become crippled.”

I took a look. Indeed, there was a large patch on the back of Doctor Su’s hand that had reddened. My mom had lately been learning paisha* from the old Traditional Chinese Medicine doctor on the Hunan channel and had achieved quite some success. There was one day when she couldn’t find a knife to smash garlic, so she used her bare hands to smash the garlic into pieces on the chopping board. ((T/N: a traditional Chinese medicine healing method where you hit the skin to produce light bruising to release toxins in your body etc)

I hurriedly went over to pull my mom away. “Mom, you should hurry and see Dad.”

My mom struggled out of my hands and reproached me. “Your dad’s anesthesia hasn’t worn off yet, what is there to look at? I need to thank Doctor Su properly.”

Doctor Su took two steps back and repeatedly waved her hands. “Auntie, don’t be so courteous, this is what I ought to do. I still have a surgery later, I’ll head off first.”

Tch, a white-clothed person who fled when defeated.

My mom with great disappointment turned towards Jiang Chen. “Jiang Chen-ah, thank goodness for you this time ‘round…”

Jiang Chen placed his two hands behind his back, leaned over till he was beside my ear and softly said, “Save me.”

I couldn’t help but shrink my shoulders back. Suppressing a rush of emotion that made me want to bite my tongue and commit suicide, I pushed my mom and said, “Hurry and go take a look at Dad, Jiang Chen has outpatient clinic later on.”

Just at that moment, the nurse came out pushing my dad’s hospital bed, and so my mom followed them away.

There was just me and Jiang Chen left. I swallowed my saliva, raised my head and smiled as I said, “Thank you this time round.”

He nodded, “It’s nothing, I’ll head off first.”

The word escaped out of my mouth. “Huh?”

He smiled. “I have outpatient clinic.”

I watched Jiang Chen walk away, rubbing my ear and smiling stupidly.

It was the first year of university back then. Jiang Chen had gotten into X University’s medical school, while I, as an arts exam candidate had scraped through and just made it into X University’s art school. Jiang Chen’s faculty was having a welcome dinner for the freshman, and I had shamelessly begged him to take me along as someone who had had a one-sided love for him for many years with no results. This was mainly because I had heard that at the welcome dinner, the seniors would foot the bill no matter how much you ate, and I was really pleased with this way of doing things. Later on when I became the senior, whenever there were welcome dinners, I would have a stomachache and be unable to attend them.

There were quite a lot of people that day, with eight tables reserved at the small restaurant at the North entrance of the school. By the time Jiang Chen and I reached, there weren’t many seats left, and him and I were thus separated to join two tables. I gazed at him from afar, thinking that this was really great, for there was no one who would bother/manage me even if I ate too much.

After sufficient food and alcohol, the seniors brought the juniors over to the field to play games. There was a game which had originated from God-knows-what random place and then became a trend all around the world called “truth or dare.”

That beer bottle spun and spun till it stopped in front of a girl. Given that the student before her who had chosen to do a dare had had to pull at a stranger and say, “You see, this is my left liver lobe, this is a gallbladder sac, this is the right lung lobe, this is the kidney, here, there is a straight tube called the ureter……”, the girl therefore chose truth.

A male senior who was like a big grey wolf guided the questioning in a skillful and methodical manner, saying, “Junior, do you have a boyfriend? Or someone you like? Who is it?

I thought to myself that this question was too kind, for he should at least ask the color of her underwear or something along those lines. Then when that girl blushed and nodded, her eyes were flickering uncertainly towards Jiang Chen, I suddenly felt that this question was too hard-hitting……

Everyone started to hoot and cheer and wanted Jiang Chen to declare his stand. Jiang Chen who all along had been standing behind my back suddenly leaned down and spoke beside my ear, “Save me.”

I was momentarily dazed, feeling his breath from those two words tickling my neck causing it to itch. After scratching my neck, I grew some wits in the midst of anxiety and said, “My…… My…… stomach hurts.”

Behind me, Jiang Chen gave a long sigh, put his hands on my shoulders to support me, and said, “Everyone, sorry, my girlfriend’s stomach hurts, I’ll send her to the school hospital.”

I was dragged along by Jiang Chen for a few steps before I came out of my reverie and realised that what he had said just now was “girlfriend”, so I asked him while trembling, “I that…. That……just now, I seem to have…… Heard you say ‘girlfriend’……”

I seemed to see his face redden strangely, before he spoke boldly and with conviction*, “That’s right, what about it?” (T/N: referring to being assured when you think you are on on the side of reason)

My heart rate sped up instantaneously, and I almost vomited. Stammering, I said, “Nothing, about that… Welcome you.”

Every time I reminisced about the past, I was able to not feel regretful about wasting my years away, and not feel ashamed for not having much achievements. But I really wanted to die for saying something similar to the welcoming words of those in the female special services industry* at such a crucial moment. (T/N: referring to prostitution)

At night, I stayed in the hospital to take care of my dad, and made my mom go back to my place to rest. That old lady refused to initially, later on after I told her a few of the hospital’s ghost horror stories, she said that she suddenly felt utterly exhausted physically and mentally, and that she had better go back to rest, so that she could have sufficient vitality to take care of my dad tomorrow.

Tonight, Doctor Su was on shift duty, after doing her ward rounds twice, she just settled herself down in my dad’s ward, and insisted on pulling me to chat.

Taking into consideration her status as a benefactor, I could only strive to prop up my eyelids and accompany her to chat.

She asked, “How did you and Doctor Jiang know each other?”

I answered, “Schoolmates.”

She muttered to herself, “I thought you were a couple, but seeing as how he didn’t stay behind to accompany you tonight, I guessed that too.”

After she had finished talking to herself, she asked again, “What kind of schoolmates?”

I answered, “Kindergarten, primary school, middle school, high school, university.”

She thought this merited much astonishment, and also pointed out that this was a fate that was hard to come by, she said, “Yo yo yo, childhood sweethearts, growing up looking at each other’s reproductive organs since young, you are really fated.”

I was so taken aback that my mouth that was open from yawning only closed itself after a long time. I wiped away the tears squeezed out during my yawn, and was just about to say something, when Doctor Su yet again asked a question. “Does he have a girlfriend or not?”

I replied honestly. “I don’t know.”

She enigmatically moved close to my ear. “I’ll tell you something, you can’t tell Doctor Jiang.”

I nodded.

She smiled with the air of a gossip monger*, “We all suspect that Doctor Jiang is gay.” (T/N: the original term literally means three-eight, often used to describe a woman being improper, frivolous, talking behind someone’s back)

I stared at her in astonishment, she then explained, “He never appears bringing a woman, plus he maintains his distance from all female doctors, female nurses and female patients. But it’s not surprising for people in our line to have such a problem, once you understand the female body too well, it loses its sense of mystery.”

I hesitated for a moment, and then asked still, “It seems like this industry of yours also understands the male body very well, right?”

She thought for a while dazedly, then clapped a hand to her head, suddenly enlightened and said, “That’s also true.”

Thus, both of us separately pondered for a few minutes. During these few minutes, the whole time I was pondering how exactly could I send her away to leave, I was really sleepy. Regretfully, Doctor Su asked again, “You’ve known him for so long, have you ever seen him have a girlfriend before?”

My sleepiness dissipated in an instant, I gave two forced laughs. “I have.”

“Ya, that’s such a pity.” She sighed in disappointment.

I gingerly probed. “What’s a pity? You like him?”

She laughed bashfully. “No, I have a partner. My partner is doing his PHD at X University, he’s studying psychology, the direction of his topic for his graduating thesis is the analysis of the psychology of homosexuals, mainly to research into the psychology of homosexuals belonging to the elite class in society. He was just vexing about being unable to find research subjects……”

After thinking for a bit, I suggested, “Why not you go online and find some novels for him to read? Aren’t danmei* novels in trend currently? Those male leads inside are CEOs, doctors, lawyers and military men, there’s every single elite industry. Art originates from real life, let your boyfriend see if he can find anything useful.” (T/N: boy-love novels)

She waved her hand and said, “I thought of that long ago, and I’ve researched into it before, I think it’s not reliable, those novels are almost all written by females. In the minds of females, men are animals who think with the lower halves of their bodies, and when two animals who think with their lower halves of their bodies gather together, if they are not using their lower halves of their bodies, they are using their lower halves of their bodies frequently and excessively. It’s not helpful for academic research.”

I thought for a bit, and felt that that made quite a bit of sense, so I made an “oh” sound to assent.

She then said, “Do you think Doctor Jiang has any tendencies towards homosexuality? I saw that those novels all say that you can make a man who isn’t gay become gay, what’s the scientific name for it again? Oh, it’s called “breaking crooked*”, why not I break him crooked, how about that?” (T/N: common phrase online, given that in Chinese, being straight is also called 直 which literally means straight so to break someone crooked is to become gay.)

I opened and shut my mouth repeatedly, and stammered as I said, “That’s… Not very good…”

She patted my shoulder. “Don’t be nervous, I was joking with you, you don’t get my humor.”

……

“Oh right, you make a guess as to why I chose to study medicine? And also why I chose orthopedics?” She requested suddenly with great excitement.

I hadn’t yet recovered from her previous display of humor, and said feebly, “Your family members are all doctors?”

She shook her head.

I guessed again. “You saw someone who suffered greatly because they had a bone disease when you were younger?”

She was still shaking her head.

I became serious. “You resolved to hang your gourd bottle and save the world?* You and your boyfriend agreed to try for medicine? You accidentally filled in the wrong college application choices during the time of the national college entrance examinations?” (T/N: in olden China, doctors would hang a gourd outside their shops to signify that this was a clinic. This idiom means to practise medicine to rescue the people of the world from their suffering)

“All of them are not,” she said triumphantly, “My family sells pork, I would feel very excited every time I saw my dad chopping pork.”

……

The corners of my mouth quirked. “Hehe, influenced by what you see and hear.”