Among all the gods and buddhas of heaven, there was one famous laughingstock of the three

realms.

Legends have it that, eight hundred years ago, there was an ancient kingdom in the Midlands

called the Kingdom of Xianle.

The Kingdom of Xianle was vast in land and bountiful in resources. There were four treasures

within the kingdom: cloud-like beauties, vibrant music and marvelous literature, gold and gems,

and their one infamous crown prince.

What would be the best way to describe this crown prince? Well, he was a unique man.

He was beloved by the king and the queen, extremely doted upon. They would often say: “My

son will become a great ruler in the future, his renown will echo through history.”

However, the crown prince wasn’t interested in imperial power or wealth in the common world in

the least.

What he was interested in, in his own words, was——

“I will save the common people!”

-

When he was young, the crown prince focused only on his cultivation, and there were two little

stories that were widespread of his path of cultivation.

The first story happened when he was seventeen years old.

That year, a grand Shangyuan1 Heavenly Ceremonial Procession took place in the Kingdom of

Xianle.

Although the custom of conducting these divine ceremonies has since fallen out of fashion for

centuries, it is still possible to deduce what a grand occasion of jubilation it must have been from

remnants of ancient books and oral tradition.

The wondrous Shangyuan Festival, upon the Great Martial Avenue.

1 Shangyuan Festival is also known as the Lantern Festival, marking the 15th and last day of the Lunar

New Year. It’s a day for worshipping and celebrating the celestial heavens.

Seas of people gathered on either side of the grand street, there were royals and nobles talking

and laughing in merriment atop the high platforms. The glorious royal warriors donned in armour

opened the paths while the maidens danced elegantly, their fair hands scattering flowers; who

was to say whether the flowers or the maidens were the more beautiful. From within the golden

carriage came melodious music that drifted in the air across the entire imperial city, and coming

last of the procession was a grand stage pulled by sixteen white horses in golden bridles.

And upon this towering grand stage was the God-Pleasing Warrior, on whom all focused their

attention.

At the Heavenly Ceremonial Procession, the God-Pleasing Warrior wore a golden mask.

Donning glamorous attire and with a sacred sword in hand, he played the role of the number

one martial god of a thousand years who subdued evil: The Heavenly Martial Emperor, Jun Wu.

It was the greatest of honours to be chosen to play the God-Pleasing Warrior; thus, the

selection criteria were exceedingly strict. The one chosen this year was that crown prince.

Everyone from all over the kingdom believed that he would bring about the most thrilling

performance of the God-Pleasing Warrior.

However, an accident happened that day.

During the third tour of the procession, it passed by a city wall that was dozens of meters tall. At

the time, the martial god upon the grand stage was just about to slay the demon with a strike. It

was the climax scene of the performance, both sides of the street were at the height of

excitement. The top of the city wall was also swarming with people fighting to watch the show,

pushing and shoving each other.

Right then, a small child fell from the edge of the wall.

Screams reached the heavens. Just when everyone thought this small child would stain the

Great Martial Avenue with blood, the crown prince looked up, leapt into flight, and caught the

boy.

The people only caught a glimpse of a white silhouette that flew like a soaring bird before the

crown prince already landed with that small child in his arms. The golden mask fell and revealed

that young and handsome face behind the mask.

In the next second, cheers erupted.

The people were thrilled and joyous, but the Guoshi2 of the royal cultivation hall were troubled.

2 "Guoshi" can be translated as "Imperial/State Preceptor". It is a high-ranking government position that

also has significant religious responsibilities. Guoshi serve as the religious heads of state under the

Emperor, and are the tutors, chaplains, and confidants of the Emperor and his direct heirs. Read more

here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Imperial\_Preceptor

They had never imagined such a huge problem would occur. This was ominous luck! The

gravest of misfortunes!

The guoshi were so distraught, they were losing hair as fast as the rain fell. After much

contemplation, they called over the crown prince.

They very courteously requested him thus: “Your Highness, might you be willing to face the wall

in reflection for a month? It doesn’t really need to be a month, as long as the intention’s there.”

The crown prince smiled, and replied as such: “No.”

This was how he said it: “Saving people is not anything bad. Why would the heavens condemn

me for something I’ve done right?”

Uh…but what if the heavens do condemn you?

“Then, it’s the heavens who are wrong. Why would I apologize to those who are wrong?”

The guoshi could not argue.

This crown prince was thus such a person.

He had never run into anything he couldn’t do, nor had he ever met anyone who didn’t love him.

He was the justice of the mortal realm, he was the centre of the world.

So, even though the guoshi were frustrated—“What the hell do you know?!”—it wasn’t their

place to say much, and they didn’t dare say too much regardless. His Highness wouldn’t listen

either way.

-

The second story also happened in the year the crown prince was seventeen.

Legends have it that in the south of the Yellow River, there was a bridge called Yinian3

. Upon

this bridge, there was a ghost that had been lingering for years.

This ghost was exceedingly fearsome: it was donned in broken armour, the flames of karma

burned beneath its feet, and its body was covered in blood and pierced by all manner of sharp

weapons. Every step it took, it would leave behind a footprint of blood and fire. Every few years,

3 [一念] means “One Thought” or “Fleeting Thought”. This is also the first half of the idiom, “Wrong

decision made in a moment of weakness.”

it would suddenly appear at night and wander back and forth at the head of the bridge, blocking

travelers to ask them three questions:

“What is this place?”

“Who am I?”

“What is to be done?”

The ghost would then devour whoever answered incorrectly. However, no one knew what the

correct answers were. As the years went by, this ghost devoured countless travelers.

During his errant wandering, the crown prince caught word of this. So, he went and found Yinian

Bridge, guarding it night after night, until finally, one night, he met the haunting ghost.

When that ghost appeared, it was indeed as horrifying as the legends said. It asked the crown

prince the first question, and the crown prince answered with a smile.

“This place is the human world.”

However, that ghost replied, “This place is the abyss.”

An auspicious start. The first answer was already incorrect.

“Well, all three answers are going to be wrong anyway,” the crown prince thought. “So why

should I wait ‘til you’re done?”

And so he pulled out his weapon and lunged.

This fight was complete chaos. The crown prince was skilled in martial arts, but that ghost was

terrifying and dauntless. The one man and the one ghost fought so hard the sun and the moon

were toppling. In the end, the ghost was finally defeated.

After the ghost vanished, the crown prince planted a flowering tree at the head of the bridge.

Just then, a cultivator passed by and happened to see him sprinkle a handful of dirt to send the

ghost off.

He asked, “What are you doing?”

And thus, the crown prince said the famous words: “Body in abyss, heart in paradise.”

To Be Continued...

When that cultivator heard, he gave a light smile. He then transformed into a divine warrior

donned in white armour, with auspicious clouds beneath his feet, and rode off in wind and holy light. Only then did the crown prince realize that he had accidentally met the Heavenly Martial

Emperor, who had personally descended the mortal realm to defeat evil.

All the gods and celestial beings had already noticed this exceedingly outstanding God-Pleasing

Warrior when he did that leap during the Shangyuan Heavenly Procession.

So, after this meeting at Yinian Bridge, the deities asked the emperor: “How does my lord find

this royal highness?”

The emperor answered: “This child’s future is infinite.”

That night, a celestial phenomenon manifested in the skies above the palace, and storms raged.

Amidst the flashes of lightning and the roars of thunder, the crown prince ascended.

Every time a mortal ascended, the heavenly realm would always shake. When this crown prince

ascended, the entire heavenly realm shook with three times the normal tremors.

To achieve a fruitful cultivation truly was much too difficult. It required talent, training, and

chance. It was often a long road of a hundred years in order for a god to be born.

It wasn’t that there weren’t any fortunate souls who became deities at a young age. But, there

largely existed those who exhausted themselves for their entire lives and trained for a hundred

years, and still there’d be no heavenly calamities4 to dawn upon them. Even if they did come to

face a heavenly calamity, they would die if they couldn’t pass such a trial; even if they didn’t die,

they’d be ruined. Their numbers were as numerous as the sands of the Ganges, but most were

simply ignorant mortals who would spend their entire lives as nothing more than ordinary, never

finding their own paths.

Yet this royal highness was no doubt the darling of the heavens. Whatever he wanted, he got;

whatever he wanted to do, he succeeded; he wanted to ascend and become a god, so at the

age of seventeen, he actually ascended and became a god.

He had always followed the will of the people, and the king and queen loved their son and

missed him dearly. So the king ordered for great temples and shrines to be built all across the

land, and for the crown prince’s statues to be erected and worshipped by all. The more

believers there were, the more temples there’d be, and thus the longer his life and the stronger

his spiritual powers. Thus, in a few short years, the Xianle Palace of the Crown Prince became

incomparably glorious, and for a time, its prosperity and splendour reached the peak.

4 Before a Daoist Cultivator can ascend, they must go through the trial of a Heavenly Calamity in order to

pass to the heavens. It’s usually a fierce storm full of piercing lightning.

——### Until three years later, Xianle fell into chaos.

The cause of the chaos was tyranny, and rebels rose in revolt. However, while the flames of war

were set ablaze all over the mortal world, the deities of the heavenly realm couldn’t easily

intervene. Unless it was ghosts, monsters, and demons encroaching on the borders—otherwise,

whatever was, was.

Imagine: conflicts were everywhere in the mortal realm, and everyone believed they had reason.

So if anyone were to stick a foot in, today you would back your former kingdom, tomorrow

another would avenge his descendents. Thus, wouldn’t there be gods who’d want to fight each

other all the time and fall into a life of disgrace?

A situation like this for the crown prince meant he must keep his distance. But, he didn’t care at

all.

He said to the Heavenly Emperor: “I will save the common people.”

The Heavenly Emperor was in possession of a thousand years of divine power, but even he

didn’t dare hang those words off his lips. When he heard this, it was easy to imagine how he

felt, yet he couldn’t do anything about the crown prince.

So he said, “You can’t save everyone.”

“I can,” the crown prince declared.

Thus, he descended to the mortal realm without looking back.

Naturally, the people of Xianle rejoiced. However, ever since ancient times there had been one

truth the people had always spoken of in the human world: when gods descended to the mortal

realm without permission, there was never a good outcome.

Thus, not only were the flames of war not extinguished, they blazed even wilder.

It wasn’t that the crown prince didn’t work hard, but it would’ve been better had he not tried at

all. The harder he worked, the more of a mess the war became; the people of Xianle were

devastatingly battered and crushed, the number of wounded and casualties severe, and in the

end, a plague swept through the entire imperial city, the rebel army broke through to the palace,

and so ended the war.

If it was said Xianle was originally hanging by a thread, then the crown prince came and cut it

directly. After the kingdom had fallen, the people finally came to realize one thing: the crown prince they

worshipped as a god was never as perfect or strong as they imagined.

More harshly, wasn’t he just some useless trash who couldn’t do anything right?!

Without anywhere to vent the anguish and pain of losing homes and families, the battered

people furiously poured into the Palaces of the Crown Prince, toppled his divine statues, and

burned down the divine temples.

Eight thousand temples burned for seven days and seven nights, and burned until there was

nothing left. From that moment on, the martial god who guarded peace and safety vanished,

and a God of Misfortune who brought disasters was born.

When the people call you a god, then you are a god. If they call you crap, then you’re crap. You

are whatever they said you were. It has always been thus.

The crown prince couldn’t accept this reality no matter what, and what he couldn’t accept even

more was the punishment he was sentenced: Banishment.

His spiritual powers were sealed, and his person knocked back down to the mortal realm.

He grew up endlessly coddled and pampered, he had never tasted the suffering of the human

world before, yet this punishment threw him from the clouds down into mud. And in this mud, for

the first time, he understood the taste of hunger, poverty, and filth. This was also the first time

that he did things he never thought he’d do willingly: stealing, robbing, loudly cursing, and giving

up on himself. He’d lost all dignity, there was no self-esteem left, and he was as unkempt as

one could be. Even his most loyal servant couldn’t accept this change in him and chose to

leave.

“Body in abyss, heart in paradise”. This phrase was engraved on stone monuments and plaques

everywhere in Xianle. If it wasn’t for the war that burned almost all of the kingdom to the ground,

if the crown prince were to see the remnants of those words, he’d probably be the first to rush

up to destroy what remained.

The person who had said those words had personally proven that, when the body was in the

abyss, the heart couldn’t be in paradise. He ascended to the heavens quickly, but he fell from grace even faster. That awe-inspiring

glance upon the Great Martial Avenue, having met evil at Yinian Bridge; it was as if it was only

yesterday. However, after the heavenly realm whispered for a while, what was past was past.

Until after many years, one day, a huge rumble thundered from the sky. This royal highness

ascended for the second time.

Throughout history, heavenly officials who were banished either never regained themselves, or

fell into the ghost realm. There had never been many who were able to turn a new leaf after

having been banished. The second ascension was fully grand and spectacular.

What was even more spectacular was that, after he ascended, he charged all the way into the

heavenly realm and rampaged in full fury. Thus, he had only been ascended for the spanse of

one incense time before he was knocked back down again.

One incense time. This could be considered the swiftest and the shortest ascension in history.

If the first ascension could be considered a beautiful tale, then the second ascension was a

farce.

Having been banished twice, the heavenly realm looked upon this crown prince with full

contempt. And in this contempt, there was also caution. After all, he was already threatening

and on edge after the first banishment; now that he was banished twice, wasn’t he going to go

berserk and avenge himself against the world?

Yet who knew, after getting banished this time, he didn’t go berserk, and was even adjusting to

the banished life honestly. There were no issues at all, the only problem was…maybe he was

taking things a little too seriously?

Sometimes he’d busk at the end of the street, expertly playing any instrument and singing any

songs, and even shattering boulders on his chest was not beyond him. While there had long

been word that this royal highness could sing and dance and was a master of many talents,

unbelievably, all of his talents were being witnessed in such a fashion, truly making one feel

complicated. Sometimes, he would diligently and humbly collect junk.

All the deities were shocked to the core.

Unthinkable, that things would reach this point; the point where now, if anyone was to say “the

son you gave birth to is the Crown Prince of Xianle”, it’d be a curse more malicious than “may

you die without sons”. He was once the noble and gracious crown prince, a heavenly official who made part of the

divine ranks. But to have screwed up to this point, there really was no one else. And so, this

was the story of the man who was known as the laughingstock of the three realms.

After laughing, those who were more sentimental might also sigh. That darling of the heavens,

who once stood at such a height, had truly and thoroughly disappeared.

Divine statues collapsed, native kingdom destroyed, not a single believer remained. Gradually,

he was forgotten by the world. Thus, no one knew where he drifted afterwards.

Another many years passed. Suddenly one day, there was another huge rumble in the sky. The

heaven fell and the earth cracked, the ground trembled and the mountains shook.

The lanterns of everlasting light shuddered, the firelights danced in fury, and all the heavenly

officials jolted awake inside their own golden palaces, every one of them running out to ask

each other:

Which new dignitary ascended? Such a grandiose entrance!

Yet who knew—they’d only exclaimed in wonder the first second, when in the next second, all

the gods and buddhas of heaven were thunderstruck.

Weren’t you done?!

That infamous weirdo, the laughingstock of the three realms, the legendary royal highness the

crown prince, he—he—he—he fucking ascended again!

To Be Continued...

*Hi guys it's your Arthur Bilyana-12 I just wanted to say that the translation might not be completely correct for those wondering I only know a bit of Chinese, i also used translate to help me a bit for the translations in English that's why it might not be completely correct sorry about that. I also want to say that my English might not be perfect because it is not my first language I am sorry if there are any mistakes please feel free to correct me, hope you enjoy.

P.s. This novel is just a translation of Heaven Official’s Blessing, it does not belong to me.*

“Congratulations, Your Highness.”

Hearing this, Xie Lian looked up, and he smiled before saying anything. “Thank you. But can I

ask what you’re congratulating me for?”

Ling Wen Zhenjun5 stood tall, with her hands folded behind her back. “Congratulations, you

have won first place on the chart of ‘Heavenly Official Most Hoped to be Banished Down to the

Mortal Realm’ of this calendar term6

.

“Well, no matter what, first place is first place,” Xie Lian said. “But since you’re congratulating

me, is there anything that’s actually worth being happy about?”

“Yes,” Ling Wen replied. “First place on this chart can receive one hundred merits.”

Xie Lian immediately said, “If there are any similar charts in the future, please absolutely call me

up.”

“Do you know who the second place is?” Ling Wen asked.

Xie Lian pondered for a moment, then replied, “That’s too hard to guess. After all, in terms of

ability, I should be able to take the first three places myself.”

“Pretty much,” Ling Wen said. “There isn’t a second place. You are so far ahead that you’ve left

everyone in the dust.”

“That’s too great of an honour,” Xie Lian replied. “Then who was first place in the previous

calendar term?”

“There isn’t one,” Lin Wen said. “Because this chart was established as of today.”

“Huh?” Xie Lian was taken aback. “You don’t mean to say that this was a chart set up just for

me?”

Ling Wen replied, “You can think of it as, you just so happened to have made it in time, and just

so happened to steal first place.”

5 [真君] Zhenjun is a Daoist title meaning “True Lord”, because an immortal, those who have achieved

enlightenment are perfect beings.

6 [甲子] First year of the sixty-year cycle.

Xie Lian grinned with crescent eyes. “Alright. I’ll be happier if I think of it that way.”

“Do you know why you got first place?” Ling Wen continued.

“By popular demand?” Xie Lian said.

“Let me explain to you the reason,” Ling Wen said. “Please look at that bell.”

Xie Lian turned his head to gaze toward where she pointed, and what he saw was an extremely

beautiful sight. There was a grand palace temple made of white jade, and there were abundant

towers, pavilions, and gazebos with heavenly clouds lingering about. Streams flowed and birds

danced.

He looked for a good while, then asked, “Did you perhaps point in the wrong direction? There’s

no bell anywhere?”

“I didn’t,” Ling Wen said. “It’s right there, don’t you see it?”

Xie Lian looked again seriously, then answered honestly, “I don’t.”

Line Wen replied, “It’s right if you don’t. There used to be a bell there, but when you ascended, it

fell off because of the quakes.”

“...”

“That clock is older than you, but it has a spirited character and enjoyed a good spectacle.

Whenever someone ascends, it would toll a few times to applaud. The day you ascended, the

quakes were so strong the bell tolled like mad and couldn’t stop at all. In the end, it made itself

fall off the belltower before it finally ceased. And when it fell, it crashed into one of the heavenly

officials passing by.”

“Um…then is everything better now?” Xie Lian inquired.

“Not yet, it’s still under repairs,” Ling Wen replied.

“I meant that heavenly official who was hurt,” Xie Lian clarified.

“The one it hit was a martial god,” Ling Wen said. “A flip of his hand and the bell was chopped

into two right then and there. Now, please look over at that golden palace. Do you see it?”

Again, Xie Lian looked to where she was pointing, and saw amidst the haze of clouds the bright

glass golden roof. “Ah, this time I see it.”

“It’s not right if you see it,” Ling Wen said. “There didn’t use to be anything there.” “...”

“When you ascended, the golden pillars of the golden palaces of a number of heavenly officials

collapsed from the quakes, and their glass tiles shattered. There are some that won’t be so

easily fixed, so the heavenly officials could only put together some last-minute palaces to make

do for the time being.”

“And I’m the one responsible?”

“You’re the one responsible.”

“Mm…” Xie Lian asked to confirm, “So, I have offended many heavenly officials the moment I

arrived?”

“If you can make amends, maybe not,” Ling Wen said.

“How do I make amends?”

“Easy. With eight million, eight hundred and eighty thousand merits.”

Xie Lian grinned again.

Ling Wen added, “Of course, I know you don’t have even a tenth of that amount.”

Xie Lian replied earnestly, “How do I say this? Even though I’m very sorry, even if you want just

ten thousandth of that amount, I don’t have it.”

The faith of mortal believers was converted into a heavenly official’s spiritual power, and every

stick of incense they lit and every offering they gave were thus called “merits”.

Xie Lian turned solemn and asked seriously, “Are you willing to kick me down from here and

give me eight million, eight hundred and eighty thousand merits for it?”

“I’m a civil god,” Ling Wen said. “If you’re looking for someone to kick you down under, you’ll

need to find a martial god for it. The harder they kick, the more merits they’ll give.”

Xie Lian heaved a long sigh. “Please allow me to think on what to do.”

Ling Wen patted his shoulder. “Don’t worry, there will always be a way when the carriage

reaches the mountain.”

“Boats always sink when they reach the pier-head for me, though7

,” Xie Lian said.

If this was eight hundred years ago, when the Palace of Xianle was at its peak of prosperity,

eight million eight hundred and eighty thousand merits would be nothing; the crown prince could

throw it out without batting an eye. But the present wasn’t the same as the past, and all of his

temples in the mortal realm had long since been burned to the ground. He had no believers, no

incense, and no offerings.

There was no need to say more on the subject. Either way he had nothing, nothing, absolutely

nothing!

He crouched on the side of the large main street of the Heavenly Capital by himself feeling

distraught for a while, before suddenly remembering—he had ascended for almost three days

now, but he still hadn’t entered the communication array of the Upper Court. He forgot to ask

what the verbal password was earlier.

The heavenly officials of the Upper Court had gotten together and set up an array8 that could

allow the consciousness to communicate and pass on messages within the array

instantaneously. Once ascended, one must enter the array, but the password was required in

order for the consciousness to find the designated communication array. The last time Xie Lian

had entered the array was eight hundred years ago, and he didn’t remember the password at

all. He let his consciousness scatter to search, and saw an array that seemed to be what he

was looking for, so he just went in. The moment he entered the array, he was blown away by

the whirlwind of yelling pouring from all over.

“Place your bets and no take-backs, let’s wager on how long our royal highness the crown

prince can last before going down again!!”

“I bet one year!”

“One year is too long, last time it was only one incense time; it’ll be three days this time, I think. I

put my merits down on three days, three days!”

“Don’t, you dimwit! Three days is almost over already, do you even know how to gamble?!”

...Xie Lian silently exited the array.

He got in the wrong one. That definitely wasn’t it.

The heavenly officials of the Upper Court of Heaven were all bigwigs who ruled over a given

region, widely known by every household, and were kept occupied by a myriad of state affairs.

7 “When the boat gets to the pier-head, it will go straight with the current” is a proverb that means

“Everything will be alright”.

8 Think alchemy circle, a la Full Metal Alchemist

*Hope you enjoy reading.

P.s. The numbers next to some words are number to help you understand some meanings of names, things and places. If you don't know what a word means then all you have to do is at the end of that paragraph find the number and see the meaning hope you understand.*