Its one of the times i wish it never ever happened. I sit on the pavements just outside our house as i pick a stone and throw it among the lavender bushes ahead of me. 'It's a mess right now!' I exclaim as i give a sarcastic smile across my face. Since the tragedy my mum,Tina,never goes out to clear the weeds.I remember her singing as she trimmed its branches and the smile on her face gave life to them. As if she was chanting some spell to bloom them fresh. Atimes dad could do it too.However, it is a different story now. 'I guess life is like a flower after all.' I say to myself.

I turn and glance at my mother, she's on her chair, rocking, as i see her cry. Its a shame she has to end up this way. Picking a stone from the ground, i stand and aim at the birds at the chestnut tree but i miss. 'Screw you!'I imagine,personifing the birds raging at some sad human as me. I head straight to where she sits and i cup her with my arms all round.

'Mommy, don't worry too much!I can't bare to see those wrinkles round your eyes!'I tease.

'It's okay K.d.' She smiles shallowly. Soon all this will be over.' She mutters.

I give a blunt smile and kiss her cheek and hold her hand.She is used to calling me K.d which exhumes me with strings of joy. I watch the birds which i tried to hit fly high above, wishing i could share the same joy they have.

The winds are calm now as the fireflies fly across the darkening blue,Twinkiling. It is getting dark and soon the gay skies turn. The clouds at the west move slow under the winds effect as it begins to blow slightly and the clouds Bare a yellowish tinge under its lining.

'Shall we go inside.Its getting dark.' I say.

We stand and i lead her to the house. I prepare her some gingered tea and i serve it warm to her with cookies that Susan baked in the morning.I head out again to get the chair as i hear a man's voice that i recognize immediately.

'Hey,Kodak.

'Hey!'I'm surprised but at the same time exhilarated.I watch him come towards me baring this strange feeling with chills and thrills running down my spin.'What brings you here?'I ask.

'I'm here to see your mum,how is she doing?'

For a second, i'm numbed by his body showing from his tight T-Shirt he is wearing.I could not help it!I bite my my lower lip and inhale deeply and exhale shollowly just to calm down.He's such a big guy!

'Are you Okay.Helloooo!!!'

'Uh!! Yes i'm good.Um!! I..uh..Yes,She's good.' I mumble.

'Okay,i'll check on her tomorrow. I was just passing by,popping.'He says smiling.

'Sure, it is okay.'

'See you guys tomorrow?'

'Okay.' Sounding incoherent and my voice harsh from a healing flu i had.

I watch him as he walks away.The way he moves,his back, and most of all,his scent!It smacks me. Calling, chanting,i wish i had him. How i wish his hand across my jawline,his lips on mine.So far,this day was not as dim after all.

The scenario I have is numbing. I can still sense his skin and I'm still there standing like a pole stricken by a bolt of lightening. 'Stop it K.d!'banging my head with my fist.'Man, sure he's charming.' I sign in approval. I pick the chair and I rush inside to check on my mother. Just to make sure she's okay. The last thing I want is for her to take her own life! Oh!! Sure I will die too!Over the past few Weeks I could not sleep,Neither try or wish. My eyes sticks on her, checking her breathing each and every time just to be sure. Just to be safe from another painful blow.

I watch her as she has her tea, peaceful and calm. I place the chair at the living room and I join her for some.

'Kris came a while ago mother.'For a second my heart skips and a warm sensation runs across my body.'He came to check on you to see if you are doing okay.'

'Ooh!At what time?You could have showed him in and have tea with us!'

'He'll be here tomorrow.'I smile. For that, I can not wait.I think I shall make my move and Tell him how I feel. No hide and seek this time like how it used to be like shying off to hide my feeling. It's a free world right!21st century! No one dictates me on who to love!Perhaps my Mother but it will take time for her to realise. I sip my tea and get the bread from the carbinate and smoother it with butter. I continue to eat,filling my tum with tea just so you know, preparing a meal will be a whole hectic process.

I draw my cellphone from my pocket and drag my notification bar and Oh My God!I didn't know I'm so that popular! With A couple of condolences and Sorries just melts my heart. I can feel the tears in my eyes but one notify catches me.It's Kris Donavan,as used at his Facebook Profile. 'Amusing!' I whisper.

I quickly check his profile and click on his picture. He has this gray polo neck and a nice pair of jeans and has a posture as he stands which I think it's sexy. No! Not think but is sexy. I stare at it, at his face symmetry,chest area however,lacks detail from the Pullover he is wearing and the bulge,Aww!Overally,I completely lack the words to praise this saint of mine. I check the rest of his pictures,one by one saving them at my gallery. I keep on swiping pic after pic when I catch an eye on one. A towel is around his waist and I can see the abs,he's chest and the face he makes! He's charmed me now. I can feel myself on cloud nine giving it a stare.

'K.d,you are so into your phone dear. Finish up the tea so we can pay dad's respects at the alter we made.'

I startle and my phone slip from my hand but luckly did not hit the floor.

'Alright.'I say. I did a few Last minute views and Tap for a friend request just incase. 'I know he'll accept it.' I tell myself as I clear the table. I do it quick and soon,join her for prayers.

'I'm I doing the right thing?Is mother going to get furious after she realises I'm turning g...g....gay?Is Kris going to like me? Does he even like me?'I question myself feeling guilty. I can not help myself. I hope my dad doesn't feel ashamed of me. I can't afford the mockery or I'm I too paranoid? I think about Kris and his name only skips my heart and pounds like ready to rip the cage.

I totally understand how loving someone feels or I'm I obsessed?I can still hear mother pray but shortly I'm in a complete daze.I just want to see him,touch him and feel his body,he's abs and kiss him.

I can not actually wait for that.......

'Amen.In the name of the father,Son and the Holy Spirit.Amen.'She Chants.

I could not believe she's even done!

By The Grace.......'She continues and I join her reciting.

As soon as we are done,I head to my room and land in bed deep in thoughts. I draw my phone and open my gallery to check the pictures I downloaded one more time before I fall a sleep.I launch my Facebook to check if he accepted my request but there's no progress. I countinue to read he's info which utters a clue in my mind. "No hiding,No regrets." As from his Bio. It lightens me. I can feel his charisma and his love for life. 'This is all I need'I mumble. A shallow smile crosses my face as I continue to scroll down.

I can feel his lips on mine,His breathing,His scent. I can feel his big hand across my back,course and hard and I love the feeling and right before the climax, I tapple and fall.

'Christ!' I groan. 'I had the most amazing dream and now this was bound to happen!Unbelievable!'I lament.I try and roll off but hit my head below and I can feel the pain to the back of my head.

'K.d.'Tina calls out as she opens my door but finds me on the floor.'Are you okay?'

'Yes,Momma.Guess I tossed and turned too much.'I smile as She giggles a bit and adds.

'Hurry cause we have a guest down stairs.We should not keep the guest waiting.'

Guest! Strange! Maybe My relatives I don't know or someone! I didn't take it serious.

'Fine,I'll join you guys soon.'

I took my time in the bathroom as always and cleansed my face and I apply a face cream to appear a bit appealing just incase the guest is Kris. I pinch myself and I realise maybe the guest is Him. I'm such a Dumb ***! He told me he'll be here today! How can I forget that! I quickly take an eye liner from my pouch to highlight my eyes and some bum on my lips.I Check myself at the mirror and now, I'm ready to rock and roll.

I slowly walk downstairs and glanced. 'Alexia!' Surprised. 'Wha...that's our guest!My mother's twisted school mate!. I walk down slow until i finally come face to face with her.'What is she even doing here!' I lament as I examine her overwhelming makeup.

'Dear,She's here on vacation and guess what,she'll be staying for a couple of days.'says Mother.

'SHUT THE FRONT DOOR!!!'I exclaim.

'Excuse me!'Exclaims Alexia.

'Um.. I meant like my mum will be so happy if you stayed a couple of day it will be....fun....'I bite my lip.

I can't believe this is happening. Kris has not arrived yet and Alexia is a complete nightmare. She has this doll face but what comes out from her mouth is raw. I just have to accept the fact.

I draw my phone and check my stats and amazingly he accepted my request and texted.Nailed it!! Now I believe thinking of someone can a times bring two hearts closer. I take my time and text him back and I send a love Emoji. I sit at the lounge waiting just to see if he'll arrive. I can feel my heart pound hard to the back of my head and so I stand and head to the pavements outside just to catch some air and wait for him. He's the only thing I can see in my very own eyes.I open my gallery and scroll at his pictures and my love for him gets stronger each day as it passes. These thoughts only makes me weaker and his slave for love From dawn to dusk. I glance the sky and the red eye will soon be overwhelmed with the passing clouds and I can feel the chills, the atmosphere going from good to bad.