***How can you lose something you never have? ***

**I****was born without love. My mother had been a lowely tea maid who schemed her way into Marquis bed. Through one union she had me and became a lady maid. A greedy women by nature, my mother continues to scheme for higher status. I was simply the collateral to her schemes. **

***When your own mother poisons you to gain pity from others, how should you feel? ***

**I was seven when my mother sprinkled white powder into my morning porridge. Like an experiment, she started with small dosages, testing to see the limits of my small body. In the beginning, there had only been stomach pains. The more I ate her porridge, the sicker I would get, until I'm bedridden for days. By the time I was ten,my mother upped the dose of the poison because she realized my body had grown accustom to it. **

She needed me forever frail and weak in order to gain pity from the household - from my father.

**No one cared enough to find the source to my illness. Instead, everyone stayed further away - not wanting to catch  the disease they believed I have. **

**My mother is the disease I have. **

**Mother stopped poisoning me when she finally had what she wanted - a son. With a son, she finally got the status as the fifth concubine of Marquis Li. At the fifteen, I found peace. Everyone has forgotten my existence, while my mother was too busy protecting her son to remember me. Everyone else focus were on the new baby boy to realize that I no longer sick. **

**I became a ghost that no one sees. **

But it no longer matters as I continue to live in my small courtyard, reading to pass the each day peacefully.

**The days of peace soon ended when a maid came into my room and told me the Marquis wanted to see me. For sixteen years, I have seen my supposed father only a handful of times. Because I was always sick, mother does not allowed me anywhere public. Because I wasn't favoured, the Marquis never cared to know if I was well. So to be called suddenly, instinct told me that it will not end well. The feeling intensified when I came into the main hall to see everyone there - the Marquis, his main wife, all of his concubines, grandmother, and my half brothers and sisters. My mother was holding my baby brother with a dotting smile to spare me a glance. **

**My instinct was proven correct when the indifferent man ordered me to get ready for marriage. I was the youngest daughter and by far, the plainest of the Marquis infamous beautiful daughters. My oldest half sister was the most beautiful and was not married yet. **

Why was I, the youngest, being married off?

**I noticed the delighted smiles on my half - sisters faces. When the Marquis told me my future husband was Duke Haijin, I realized why. **

**Duke Haijin is also known as Prince Jian of Wu Xi. He is the most favoured grandson of the Great Emperor Wu Huizhong, the ruler of the most powerful nation Wu Xi. At Twenty three years old, the man have commands over 500,000 soldiers and 200,000 forces he calls " BLACK MASK " The Title Duke Haijin had been bestowed to him five years ago with Intention for him to help the young Emperor Pizhi stabilise the country of Milong. **

**It was no secret that Prince Jian had over 2 dozen concubines with no official wife. They say he use women like paper - used once before he discards them like trash. The Marquis had said I was lucky. He ensured me that I was going to be married as the official wife of Prince Jian. I didn't know his true intentions, but I understand I was the sacrifice. **

**When everything was said and done, I was dismissed back to my room. **

**There was no way for me to escape. **

WARNING : The following content may contain sexual content

The day I turned 17,I was placed inside the red grand carriage and send off without any goodbyes. On my wedding night, I was left alone in bed waiting in complete silence. There was no celebration - no laughter - no smiles - no tears. It was just another day - like any other day. 

All through the night, the groom didn't come to the bridal suite to lift the red veil from my head. I knew the cruelty of the man when I heard moaning of a woman. Through the thin walls,  I could hear everything. When the moaning got louder. I understood it had been intentional. I was treated as a joke - nothing more. 

How could I care about something that was never mine?

Even as the sound got louder and the thin wall were shaking. I calmly removed the veil to see that I was in a room no different than my own in the Marquis estate.

I went to the small vanity table at the corner of the room and begin to remove the heavy crown and jewels from my head. They say a woman is the most beautiful on her wedding night, but in the mirror's reflection, all I saw was a ghost - skin so white and pale. My lips were just as pale when I removed the red stain. 

Even though it was spring, my hands skin, and blood were cold. My mind grew empty while the moaning continues pound against the thin walls. Once I cleaned my face and removed the heavy crimson red bridal gown, I went to the window, further away from the bed - from the pounding walls.

There was no moon...  No stars in the sky. 

I sat in a small wooden chair leaning out on the open window sill to look up at the dark night sky. There was no wind - no sound of cricket or frogs. That night, I slept leaning against the window sill. 

No desire, no hopes, or dreams - just the reality that I am once again, alone.

My days at the Prince's home were no different than my days at the Marquis. No one paid attention to me - not even the maids or servants. I was left alone in the small empty quarter to live in solitary. To pass my days, I read the few books which I've managed to take with me. When meals were served, I would find it outside my door. A maid would quickly come and go like she was afraid to see me. I never tried to talk or ask for her name. To be honest, I'm not sure if it's the same maid each time the meal are delivered. I only see a shadow rushing in and out. 

It was clear that no one wanted to deal with me and I was fine being left alone.

Weeks come and go, and I thought my life will continue on quietly just like that - forgotten. Just when I've gotten used to the quite life, a maid told me behind the closed door that the Price had asked for my presence in the Main Hall. She left as quickly as she came. I was confused but knew I had to go or else there would be troubles.

I only wish that he'll allow me a peaceful life - even if there was no one but me in it. 

Somehow, I managed to find the main hall. Because no one guided me there, I was lost for a while, therefore, made the Prince waited. When the servant announced my arrival, my body shook to the sudden loud bang. A fist smashed against the stone table and crashed it. I never got a good look of the tall man in the center of the room when I bowed my head low. He was angry because it took me so long to get there. My mother was the same way when I kept her waiting. 

I heard soft giggles and glanced up to see several beautiful dressed women - the Prince's  concubines. One was trying to calm the angry man as she pressed her whole body to him while stroking his chest sweetly. My eyes were on the bottom of his dark red shoes and robes that had gold embroidery of a dragon. 

"You're quite bold to make me wait " 

His voice was deep and fierce like the heat of the sun. I knew better to speak so kept silent. I learned as a child to never speak when the person is angry. If you can take the insults and the shouts, they will eventually be tired and dismiss you. But everyone was different. The Prince saw my silence as defiance, when he suddenly grabbed my arm, I held back a cry at the sharp pain. 

Forced to look up at him, I saw for the first time his dark gray eyes - color of the rain storm. Then to my confusion, as quickly as he grabbed me, he let me go as if my skin had burned him. Looking down at my trembling arm, I knew that a bruise was left behind.

" The Prince is talking to you. Speak little sister or you'll angry him further "

**One of the concubines spoke gently but I could hear the falsness in her kindness. Her voice was just like my mother.

"Ruyi apologize for making the Prince wait... The mansion is large and Ruyi didn't know where the main hall was..."

I kept my explanation short as possible. No one likes to hear excuses. When there was nothing but silence, I lifted my head carefully and was confused to see the man was just looking at me with an expression I didn't understand.

Then a soft giggle broke the silence. I turned to look at the stunning women in red who sat nearby with a fan against her lips. She reminds me so much of my mother with the same glint in her eyes. When she stated casually that the maid must be punish for having not guide me there, the Prince immediately ordered to have the maid beaten and toss out the mansion. He didn't need useless people who didn't know who was the servant and who was the master.

The maid begged for forgiveness only to be dragged out by two guards. I've seen all my life how maids and servants were treated like a trash. It was the very reason my mother did everything she could to change her station. While I hold no hatred for my mother, there was no affection either. My heart was empty when the maids pleaded me to help her.**

How can I help her? And why would I when I did not know who she was?

"Leave us"

I bowed my head and took my leave at his commands. When I was grabbed hard again, I look up to see dark eyes.

"Not you"

I felt afraid to be looked at with such intense eyes.

"Leave!"

His voice was sharp and loud making it difficult for me not to flinch in fear. Once we were alone,  he let go of my arm to look at me. He stood so much taller and bigger than me. The Thought that he could easily break me in half like a tree branch made me feel nervous. When he continues to stare at me intently, I wondered if my appearance displeases him. The Marquis is well known in the province to have the most beautiful daughters. The Prince must be disappointed to find me incomparable to his gorgeous concubines. He must think how he was tricked by the Marquis who boasted about his beautiful daughters.

"Why are you so pale?"

I couldn't stop the trembling when his hand touched my cheeks ever so lightly.

***OK bye everyone and Thanks for reading this novel.

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In the next chapter we will see how Ruyi was born and her fear from her Husband, the Duke.