***

The blade struck the hard flesh, embedding deeply inside. The opponent no longer made any noise as tears and blood flowed like a rivulet. Nevertheless, the blade, which was raised high once again, shone bright in the dark.

I have waited for this moment for a very, very long time.

Yes, it was something that he had been preparing for a very long time.

As I was bowing to the man who had already stopped breathing, I could not tell whether I was laughing or crying.

Are my emotions fading away?

There was nothing left for him to say.

I still have my reputation to keep.

I opened my eyes slightly while dragging back the feeling of entanglement like a spider’s web.

It was obvious that the man’s body temperature, which is warm, was slowly getting cold quickly.

Even if he held his breath and listened carefully, he couldn’t hear a living person’s heartbeat.

I couldn’t believe it, so I checked several times more, but nothing changed.

He’s really dead.

When I finally engraved the reality that resonated in my mind, nothing came out of my mouth. I was pale with a mixture of feelings. I didn’t know whether it was relief, contempt, or guilt. I rubbed the back of my hand against my wet eyes as I watched the lonely world crumble down. I thought tears would ooze out, but strangely enough, the back of my hand was dry with blood marks.

I’m the cause of your death.

He murmured, groping the cheeks of a man he had never touched before, and a light flashed out from below.

There was not a single number stored in the old 2G phone that you could throw right away. It was only natural that they disposed of it as soon as they finished their work.

“……”

It was just like me.

Nothing was saved, no meaningful number pops up even when a call comes.

So he moved his feet without even looking at it. There was a plop and the thing that was tucked under the bed would no longer be used. Not knowing what expression he had made, he hesitated, spat on the man, and turned away. Because that’s the greatest insult he can afford to show.

Leaving the blood and the weapon that was littered with fingerprints behind, he left the disgusting place. The morning air was still chilly, the sickening noise above the dirty streets… It felt like a quiet town might have been killed by someone, unlike the morning.

The tight shoes left a red mark for a while.

The people walking around at this hour have no facial expression as usual.

Is it because all men are of the same race, that a blood-soaked man wanders the streets and the others pretend not to know?

I don’t want to think about it any more.

With a feeling of near exhaustion, all the strength trickled down his fingertips. Like a fairy tale, if you look back on the past, it seems that you have left traces behind.

Walk along the narrow, foul-smelling alley and you’ll see the crossroads.

The street lights that went out are still not fixed even after a year.

There was no hesitation in his walking pace even though it was a place he hadn’t come to for a long time. It was natural to hide in a dark corner when you see a building under human control.

I walked a little more, reached a familiar place, and finally quietly climbed over the high wall.

Landing without a sound,he approached the entrance and searched around his neck.

When he pulled the chain around his neck, a key hidden inside the T-shirt came out. It was quite awkward to open the door slowly while looking at the silvery-white, glossy surface.

He pulled out the door-knob and slipped inside without saying a word. The interior without a single piece of furniture or a single ray of light looked more dreary than the darkness outside.

But he didn’t turn on the lights.

Passing through the living room, he stopped in front of the door of the innermost room, opened the door slowly, and a smell of oil drifted up his nose.

Something is wrong, he walked in thinking it was a strange idea. He lightly stroked the paint on the table. It was dusty and rough, but everything seemed serene.

Finally, fatigue came to him at a rapid rate.

He looked around the poorly outlined studio, barely enduring the drooping down of his body as if his whole body was a sponge, soaked with water.

I finally found the canvas knife through a high-quality raw wood easel, a dry palette of paint, an empty canvas and a wooden drawing board that had not yet been primed with gesso.

[T/N – Canvas knife: A thin blade of varying flexibility set in a handle and used for mixing colors or applying them to a canvas]

The canvas knife that I used was quite sharp. It bends well, although the material is poor but this is sufficient.

Sit in a nearby armchair and hold it slowly.

I have no regrets about the hand I raised. Take a breath, close your eyes and just do it.

Just grab the blade and put it in….

“Ah.”

Without a moment’s hesitation, he stabbed his neck and looked vaguely at the distant landscape by the window.

The sound of longing came from somewhere.

The body fluid that flows along the spread of the meat quickly gauges the sins that one has committed.

I promised not to forget those because there were too many.

Then it suddenly dawned on me that life was hard.

It was hard to breathe as if someone has been looking at this side without closing their red eyes .

Sorry, I realized I didn’t apologize today, so I moved my lips but only a scream came out.

Every time he breathes, he loses oxygen and collapses.

At the end, he rummaged in his pocket, but his body, which had already weakened, was unable to function properly. After a few futile attempts, he looked down and couldn’t see anything. But it was still fine.

Even if I can’t see it, I’ll still remember everything.

This is the only way to atone my sins.

The man smiled briefly at the frayed, tangled end. It was like recalling buried memories, the view was endless.

However, his stuttering eyes closed like curtains, expressing that he would never regret it.

***

One day, a white snake coiled its huge body on a vast land, curled its tail, and begged a couple who was passing by him, “I can’t find my brother, so can you find him and bring him here for me?”

The couple nodded at the request of the serpent whose eyes were glistening like platinum. After asking for the name and appearance of the brother, they set out to search for the black snake. They had searched for so long that the seasons changed three times.

At last, they approached a black snake which they found in some forest in the north and said, “I heard your brother is looking for you.”

On a cold winter day, the white snake, who was waiting for them to come back with his tail coiled around itself, could see them approaching very slowly from afar when the seasons had already changed for the fourth time.

The woman was staggering on both feet, and the man was crawling on the road like a snake.

Wondering what happened, the white snake asked them after they arrived in front of him three days later. The girlfriend had red eyes and her body was trembling when she said she met a black snake in the forest in the north.

The snake had shiny dark scales and flashing eyes.

“When I told him about you, he bit my lover and crawled away with haste.” She said.

“Tell him, you won’t kill him. So hurry up and go. Go to my brother.”

The woman who delivered the message gritted her teeth as hard as she could. “Don’t ever try to look for me!!” The woman who listened to the serpent’s request, finally exclaimed with a face like a madman.

“But my lover is dead! The man who promised to share all his joy and sorrow with me, and was like my alter ego.”

Unable to control her sorrow, the woman buried her face in her dead lover’s body crying like there was no tomorrow. The woman, who had dragged her dying lover barefooted for a long distance, had all her nails missing.

“As I scratched the floor in longing, my nails fell out with time. The beast without hands and feet dared not fathom its mind.”

***

I feel like I’m getting thirsty.

Whenever Ian breathed, he felt his esophagus scratching, forcing his eyes to open.

I felt like I was dreaming, but the hazy, spinning vision made me feel sick.

He blinked several times in a delirious state and was able to look straight at the distant ceiling.

“…..”

Why is the ceiling so high?

The high ceiling was a privilege that was not available for everyone in a city where population density is severe and land prices are absurd. If that’s the case, he would rather have another floor and get a tenant.

Nevertheless, the people who did such ignorant things were mostly the upper class, who were among the 1% of the population or the grandparents who came to possess a lot of money since a long time ago.

To support this hypothesis, the elaborate tables, with the gorgeous chandeliers and craftsmen spreading below, looked like very expensive antique furniture.

He saw it right away. He looked around quickly and grasped the atmosphere, but he didn’t know why he woke up in that place.

After following sporadic thoughts, Ian realized at one point that his whole body was throbbing as if he had been beaten for several days.

What is this? I didn’t even dare to get up, I was buried in a fluffy bed, trying to figure out what the date is.

Oh, by the way, when was it..…

“You’re finally awake.”

Disrupting his train of thoughts, the door opened and someone came into the room.

Neatly arranged and combed-back white hair and silver monochromatic monocles.

Ian’s heart smacked at the sight of a middle-aged man dressed like a butler in a well-fitting, beautifully groomed scarf.

I don’t know who you are, but you have great taste.

“You didn’t regain your consciousness for two weeks. It was such a big accident that it is only natural. Is your throat okay?”

Come to think of it, I think I woke up with a sore throat. It’s been that long. I have many questions in my head, but I think I should ask where I am first. Fortunately, it is not an atmosphere where guns can be pointed at immediately.

However.

“Oh, my God.”

What he said was not a pleasant voice, but an unpleasant stabbing one. As if the wind were leaking, great pain came with a whooshing sound. A sharp blade seemed to pick the esophagus without hesitation.

I clenched my teeth and held my breath until I saw the man looking down at me with a frowning face.

“Don’t push yourself too hard. Your vocal cords are so damaged that it will be difficult for you to talk right away. It is a great pity that the wagon was attacked. It happened before we entered our territory.”

Wagon?

He didn’t know where to start, but there were many incongruous words everywhere.

In today’s world, only Disneyland or famous tourist attractions have wagons, and they have no scruples about saying things like “attack”.

My voice became like this for other reasons.

“…..!”

Ian frowned as he recalled his vague memories. It wasn’t a long time ago, but it was a long way off.

That’s not the reason but because I strangled myself…

Ian quickly grabbed his throat, only then did something come to his mind. He felt goosebumps with the sensation of being wrapped carefully in a bandage.

Although the pain was severe, the memory of cutting open his airway and pushing the canvas knife in is still vivid. Even if it wasn’t for excessive bleeding, it would have been polite to have tetanus on a day when you got rust and paint everywhere.

[T/N – Canvas knife: A thin blade of varying flexibility set in a handle and used for mixing colors or applying them to a canvas]

It was even more noticeable when I remembered the red puddles on the ground. First aid was also impossible. I calculated up to that time, and then I went there.

Then how on earth did I live after what had happened?

When I stared at the man in front of me with a blank expression, I wondered what he meant by this smile. It was an ideal smile that would only appear in movies, but I instinctively felt that it was only natural for his appearance.

“Oh, I greeted you lately.”

The man with his head down introduced himself as Edward. He is the butler of this mansion, so it is okay to call him “Ed”, and what should I say to the person who speaks his duty as a butler? In the first place, I was not cut out for the role-playing of chaebols.

Or is this a dream?

[T/N – Chaebol: (in South Korea) a large family-owned business conglomerate.]

It was strangely devoid of a sense of reality.

It was the first time I had such a dream, I am not an imaginative person. Since I had never slept comfortably, I never dreamt. It would be different if I had slept forever.

My head was a little dizzy.

Come to think of it, I had a dream before I woke up. A very bright white snake appeared…

“The Lord is out of the office at the moment because we cannot delay the schedule any longer.”

When the man noticed the employer’s title, he smiled gently and lowered his voice as if to tell a story that would be a problem if anyone heard it.

“I’ve been waiting for you to wake up. It is also the master, who gave you the holy water which is hard to get. Without it, it would probably be difficult for you to wake up as you are now.”

Every tone of his voice had a note of concern for me. I seem to have identified that in words.

Are you Catholic?

I pondered if the holy water is the one I know of, but then I shook my head right after.

I think it’s terrible to spray holy water on people who are dying.

It is not known how he accepted Ian’s unresponsive behavior.

After a while, someone came into the room with a knock. It was a woman with orange hair that was tied up beautifully, wearing a maid’s uniform.

Such noble interests.

“It will relieve the sore throat a little.”

There was a tea set beautifully carved with unnamed flowers on the tray.

Ian was just staring at the man, pouring something into the cup with his elegant movements.

He doesn’t eat or drink what others give him. He shook his head as he reached the cup in front of him, then stopped and looked down.

He was still smiling but something seemed off.

As he looked at the man with a fixed expression and a steady mouth, Ian continued to think bitterly.

It can’t be helped if I am forced to eat this.

The windows were covered with opaque curtains so I couldn’t see outside but I could feel a crowd near the door.

There seems to be no one near the window. I don’t know which floor this is so it will probably not be a good attempt. In the first place, it is reckless to break out of an unknown place.

It was after some time that Ian stopped thinking, whether it was better to obey calmly or get out quickly.

“…..”

What’s the use of all this trouble?

I used a knife to slit my throat to die.

Once again the throbbing pain suddenly dissipated.

Still looking at the cup in front of him, Ian decided to stop thinking. It’s a dream anyway. It’s even more ridiculous that he has been trying so hard to live.

When he was handed the tea cup, he could feel the man’s gaze.

He nonchalantly drank a sip of the tea which was cooled down. The bitter and sweet taste stirred his tongue at the same time.

It certainly wasn’t a healthy taste.

“Try to get some sleep. Well then…”

He seemed to add something else in a friendly tone, but I couldn’t hear it well. All I remember was tiredness that came like a flood and I closed my eyes without realizing it.

In fact, it doesn’t matter what happens.

This time Ian closed his halting eyes again, hoping it would all be over.

***

While staring at Ed, the butler, who was putting a wooden tray on his lap, Ian couldn’t hide his doubts about the absurdity of the situation.

It was a scene that had been repeating for almost two weeks.

Ed’s appearance is very friendly when he serves the warm soup and stew made with finely chopped dried vegetables at the exact time every day, but that’s the only expression he ever showed. He was the same when he heard from the doctor that my vocal cords are so damaged that I cannot speak.

Even fools can understand when someone says “It’s too bad” with an expression that doesn’t look like he is sorry at all.

Indeed, Ian, who was around when the doctor announced his condition, had the same expression without any interest, so maybe it’s the same.

It was the doctor who was flustered as Ian looked so calm for a person who was diagnosed with a disability.

Perhaps the shock was unacceptable.

On the first day, I wanted all of this to be over, but when I opened my eyes again, I was still in the room.

As the high ceiling was the same as the chandelier hanging from it, Ian rose from his bed feeling half puzzled.

If you wake up in the same place again and again, does that mean it’s the reality?

As I took a step down from the bed, the pain was everywhere and it was certainly vivid.

First of all, I have to know where I am.

And if they really tried to save me, I have to know the reason for it too.

After confirming that no one was in the room, he drew up the layers of curtains. The glass windows, large enough to exceed the height, led to the small terrace. Ian opened the door without hesitation, took a step, and looked forward.

The cold air swept across his cheeks and laid out the scene clearly before him.

There’s nothing over there.

It’s just a dark-leaved forest, forest, forest……

“……?”

Can trees be so dark?

Ian kept his mouth shut at the sight of the scene and blinked again. It was not simply an illusion caused by light reflection. If that was the case, it should have been around sunset or midnight.

But it was noon, full of sunshine.

Contrary to the bright sky, darkness fell, and the foresforest-coveredwhole area endlessly, like a black sea.

I was expecting a desolate cityscape when I opened the window, but when I did, I didn’t know how to explain the sight. Surprised by the fresh visuals, I tried to focus on the mansion, but in fact, the view of the mansion I looked down on was also difficult to see.

There was a stable that looked almost like a castle.

Not only the spacious grounds but also the walls surrounding the estate were mysteriously at a far distance.

No matter how many times I look at it, it feels so far away from where I am that I have to narrow my eyebrows to see.

When Ian bowed his head to the blatant gaze, his eyes met with the person below him. The general public would never be able to jump, but the opponent seemed to affirm that Ian would jump at any moment.

“The wind is cold, so please go back in.”

The sentence itself was polite, but there was a clear hostility in the cold gaze. But what bothered Ian more than that was the outfit that the man was wearing.

If his eyesight is normal, that was definitely armor.

In the 21st century, when he saw several people wearing those clothes casually and holding spears, there was only one conclusion that Ian could make.

As expected, you’re still dreaming.

In addition, it was unnecessarily delicate and ridiculous.

I opened the door to the hallway just in case, but there were also people there. The way they told me to go into the room without expression was not much different from the ones I saw earlier.

“You need to take a rest.”

Ed, who brought the meal soon after, added on like a broken machine. It was a good choice of words, a rest, a virtual confinement.

“……”

It was a spacious room, but Ian didn’t have much to do in a room without anything much there.

It’s the first time I’ve ever had a good rest in such a luxurious place without working, so I think I slept soundly for a few days.

When was the last time I took a good rest without caring about anything?

I gathered my thoughts, but I couldn’t remember anything. My mind was blank.

Sometimes, when I wake up at dawn, I hear strange noises from afar.

I thought it wasn’t a big deal because it was windy, but it wasn’t long before I realised it wasn’t.

Bang!

One night, I was awakened by a loud, teary noise in the window.

I blinked hard because I couldn’t catch the blurred spirit properly, the “sound” leaked in again, squeezing through the window. It was the first time I heard it. I opened my eyelids that kept closing, again and again, confused whether it was a dream or not.

……I hardly woke up.

Ian, who came out of bed shaking his heavily sunken head, took a step closer to the window where the curtains had fallen. Squeak, a torsion came from a neatly finished window frame. Maybe it broke because of the wind.

What was that noise?

It seemed to come from the forest, but it wasn’t accurate.

It’s a place surrounded by nature, so anything strange can live there. There may be bears, foxes, or even larger animals living there.

But it’s different from animal voices.

Ian muttered to himself, raising his hand slowly.

Rather than that, it’s a little bit more…

“Ian-nim.”

Even in my dream, my name was Ian.

After hearing the voice coming from behind, Ian stopped trying to open the window and turned back. Ed was smiling gently as he came in without knocking.

“The lord will be back soon.”

It’s the same thing again.

Ian’s lips were trembling with a slight frown on the corners of his eyes as he had heard it several times already.

However, it was impossible to ask questions with the damaged vocal cords.

He shut his mouth and stared at him blankly, and in turn, Ed advised him to go back to bed.

Standing upright, Ed did not look away until Ian returned to bed and covered himself with a futon. He smiled motionlessly even when the shadow shook from the swaying candlelight.

I could feel the gaze for a while even when I closed my eyes.

After controlling his breathing and pretending to be asleep, he heard the door close a few minutes later.

So Ian lived like a shadow for the next two weeks. The fact was that he acted like he really didn’t exist because he didn’t treat anyone as if they were there.

However, as time went by, the certainty of whether this was really a dream became blurred.

Perhaps, all the thoughts that came to his mind were nonsense, but there was no way to explain the reality that didn’t change no matter how much he slept and woke up.

There was no mirror and the face reflected in the window remained the same.

If my growing hair is different, am I still the same?

It was soft and shiny as if it had been well maintained, but it was just troublesome for Ian, who had never grown his hair under his shoulders before. Even if he wanted to cut it, the tools in the room were not enough.

I thought I’d hurt myself, but all the sharp tools had been cleared away.

Ripping the curtains and hanging myself was enough, but the next day, Ed, who brought his meal, murmured, “The pins are loose.” Of course, the window has been empty ever since.

“…….”

Looking at Ed acting as if nothing had happened, Ian gradually began to have a pile of questions. It was not frustrating that he was not able to communicate because he was not talkative, but he also wanted to ask how long he would have to keep playing as the unbothered captive.

And that’s what he was thinking in the evening.

It was exactly in the afternoon 15 days later.

The quiet mansion became strangely noisy, the window frames were forced open and there was a large crowd. Ian, who was half asleep, at the sound of the trumpet was forced to open his eyes.

When I turned my head to see what the sound was, I saw vaguely that the tightly closed castle gate was open, through the curtainless window.

What could it be?

Ian, being surprised, dispelled his sleep and approached the window.

Before I knew it, there was foggy dust rising along with the overgrown trees, behind the open gates.

I have never seen that gate open before.

The distance made it impossible for him to see, but the dust suddenly penetrated and dozens of horses flew into the house. When he opened the window, there were loud noises of hoofs. The people in black Armor rode the horse shaking the ground.

At that moment the silent mansion was as if livened up like a lie.