He left.

Probably should. I left him no choice.

He always looked up to me, trusted me and even m-might haved l-loved me.

But I broke it.

I isolated him every corner, stole his phone, broke it and then lied to him.

I wanted to him all alone, so I confined him to my home. Prevented him from leaving home. Trapping him with guilt of scaring me of him leaving me.

I told his roommate he was sick and wanted to live at my place.

But he believed me, believed all my little and big lies and even comforted me. Holding me in his arms.

Still I couldn't reign it in. I still deceived him. To have him all. Only mine.

I still cannot forget his face when he realised and saw through all my lies. His trembling hands fisting up, the reddened eyes and the lone tear that slipped past his cheek .

That moment I knew. I fucked up.I wanted to reach out, hold him in my arms and reassure him. But of What? Me? Heh. The One that put him through all this.

The last thing he said to me was, I really believed you, loved you. But this is what I get. He then turned his back and left.

All that was left was the broken phone that was flung by him on the floor.

These past few days have been a mess. I only remember drinking and crying and our memories.

My memories are becoming muddled. I can't stand up. I have been laying in these exact spot for two-three n-no, four days or so I think.

Suddenly the door burst open. My secretary along with my bodyguard came and looked at me astonished. My secretary exclaimed something I couldn't comprehend, only hearing the word hospital. My bodyguard lifted me up. A sudden wave of dizziness shot through me.

I woke up in a hospital bed with the IV needle stuck in my arm. I looked beside me. No One. H-huh. Then another 'bout of sleepiness hit me. Maybe it was the medicine. But I could still think about him only. About Us. Our memories.

I should not have done that. He loved me.

If I had not done what I did, would we have been together?

*Am I saying this out of guilt or regret?

Guilt of my misdeeds of the unforgettable past or regret for our missing future together?

Maybe both. Maybe I will never know. But one thing I know. I love him more than ever, more by each passing second.

Maybe this is redeemable and we can get together*.

*Maybe I truly lost him. But he deserves to be happy.

Amd I-I deserve to go to hell.

... ▪︎~fin~▪︎*...

Author's Note:

This is a short oneshot based on my feelings and imagination in a fleeting moment. If you like it, I will write the second part as another story or it can be read as a standalone story.