Chapter 1

The downpour commenced with an abrupt strong wind. I was standing in the middle of a high wooden bridge, blissing the enchanting panorama. With the moving gleamy water reflecting the hues of the falling dusk, I felt like a huge pressure building inside of me. And there were some vague memories which I had to help regain all by myself. It all felt so strange how no one could even have the least idea about where I came from. I had no record of anything. No family. No friends. No accounts. Nothing. All they said was about a fire at the boathouse. They found me there struggling for my every last breath. And then all I remember, was opening my eyes, blurred and fizzy, finding myself in a bed nursed by doctors. The rain was over. But deep inside, I was surrounded by the dark thick clouds of storm and a strange desire which I knew I won't be able to put in for long. The wind blew, caressing my cheeks, drifting up my silky, brown hair. I was occupied with my thoughts when suddenly a nurse came shouting from behind.

"Mam! I was looking everywhere for you. You...you're all wet! Are you alright?!"

"Yes. Its just.. I wanted to breathe some fresh air." "You must change. If Doc John sees you this way, he will surely replace me!" "Don't worry. He won't."

I smiled at her and went to my room. I was kept in asylum which was used to treat people with serious mental conditions. I was found by a young handsome man, whom people called Doc John. He told me that he was just passing by the boat house when he saw a huge fire at some distance. He told me that there was no one there except me. All that came from me that day was a piece of paper which said:

" I don't want you to remember me. After what I did, I don't want me to be a part of your life. But Cassie you're everything I care for. I tried, as hard as you can imagine, but it was impossible for me to get you out of my heart. I can't leave you, after all.. I got a reason to live. I just figured out that if you don't want anything to be taken from you, you should be the one taking it. That's how the world works ."

Well at least one thing I found from this piece of shit..my name..it was Cassie. Doc John gave this to me. He told me to bring to his knowledge if I remember anything. I don't get it. Why is he so involved in my case. He works days and nights for it. He spends most of the time of his duty nursing me. Well maybe that's because my case gives him entertainment. I smiled at my thoughts. There was a slight knock at the door and then came Doc John for my inspection.

"Hi Cassie."

"Hello Doc".

My eyes shone as I greeted him, watching him through the blue of my eyes.

"You look quite well today. That's good for you. You're recovering fast. So did you recall anything today?"

"No, it's just... it's so hard for me to..."

'Hey, don't worry. It will be alright. Be patient. Everything will be okay. Have courage and believe in yourself. "

He softly caressed my hand. His soothing words were the only reason I wanted to fight for my life.. and my memories. I couldn't avoid the tickling sensation that left my hand burning after his touch. He was unknown to me but deep down I could feel it like I had known him for years. But that was impossible. If I knew him from my past life, he would have told me. Maybe it was just an attraction that I would feel for any other young man who was irresistibly attractive.

"Okay now, lift up your right hand."

I did as he directed. He was trying various exercises on me to help my brain regain the past I had lost. It continued for an hour till I felt my eyes dozing.

"You're tired already. I think it's enough for today. I'll leave some time to you."

I nodded. My eyes followed his movements as he made up the door and opened it.

"Goodbye Cassie. Sleep well."

I gave him a shy smile. I was warm outside but inside, it was as cold as snow, as a thought suddenly flashed up. I have heard this! These words have the same voice. It felt as if every passing moment had happened. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I placed my hand at the side of my pillow when I felt something hard. I opened my eyes and found Doc John car keys. I picked it up intending to return it before he comes seeking every room of the asylum for his lost key. I got up abruptly and ran to the door. It was the same time as he too opened the door and I slipped!

He, at once, grabbed my feeble back with his steadfast arms, saving me from falling.. I could feel his breath on my neck as he lifted me up to my feet. The burning sensation of his touch was so intense. I couldn't move my eyes from his deep black eyes. I was drawn in closer, and as for me, I was taking in every moment for my memory, knowing it is the medication I need to survive the next few days. My heart was thumping as fast as I had been caught in a beasts claws, and not wanting him to lose me.No matter the distance my attraction to him remained constant. He could be at the ends of the earth and still I would feel pulled toward him. Chills ran down my spine as he moved me close to him and said:

"You have to train your mind to be stronger than your emotions. Otherwise you'll lose yourself every time."

Chapter 2

I shyly tumbled my gaze down to my cold bare feet and simply opened my hand to return his keys. He picked them from my hand and said:

"Thank you Cassie. And take care of yourself. I don't want you to hurt yourself even in the slightest."

Saying this, he left. But I stood there.. lifeless. I stared at the door for a long time and then I went back to my cozy bed, drowning in his thoughts. I know there is something between us. John. I have seen you, smiling without any reason. Tell me who exactly I am.. who resides within me. I'm broken, so broken-amidst this world.. yet you smile blind to everything. It will soon be unraveled... the truth of my existence. The thoughts soon took me to peace.

"Save her.. she will die. Please save her." I felt the smoke filling up my lungs. I was coughing so hard. Everywhere there was fire. I could see the blazing orange in front of my eyes blurring my vision. And then, suddenly it was all gone. I saw myself running as fast as a leopard. Someone was chasing me. I was so oppressed by the insufficient breathing, it was like the heaviness of a storm building inside of me.

"Mam,"

She muttered softly as she shook me by the arm to awake me from my deep sleep. I opened my eyes and found a tray full of fruits and eatables.

"Eat. You look weak. You need energy."

I got up from my bed and headed towards the bathroom. I closed the door and rubbed my eyes. It was just a dream. As I closed my eyes and splashed the warm water on my face, I again saw it happening before my closed eyes. Is it a memory? I am sure as hell. I brushed my teeth and ran the comb through my tangled brown waterfall. As soon as I was done I went out to have my breakfast.

"I shall eat that outside."

"Okay mam. I'll arrange that for you."

She took the tray outside and I followed her. She placed my tray next to Doc John's sitting. I don't know what I feel for him. Sometimes I want him to be on my side all the time and sometimes it's more like hating him for liking him that much. It's complicated. Well, of all the nerve, I thought, I must always remember what he said to me last night.You have to train your mind to be stronger than your emotions. Otherwise you'll lose yourself every time. I sighed at the thought. I must not..

"Hello Cassie."

I looked up away from my eatable that I was gazing so intensely while thinking and not even having the slightest idea of it.

"You should really eat the food with your mouth instead of eating it with your eyes. The latter will give you more energy. Trust me."

I chuckled softly and replied," Hello Doc John."

"So, did you sleep well?"

I remembered the horrible dreamy memory I saw. I hesitated to answer him. There were so many questions I wanted to ask him. What's the idea of lying. I know I wasn't alone back there in the boathouse. Then why did he told me that I was alone when he found me.Should I ask him? Well, about one thing I am sure, he knows a lot more than what he says.

"Doc John.." I called out his name, drawing all of his attention towards me.

"Yes Cassie, what is it? Is there something you wanna share?"

"Yes.. I guess. Please don't get me wrong but, I think I know you... I feel.. I have known you for a long time." I saw the outburst of emotions on his face that he was trying to control. I knew there was something and now I was sure.

''Cassie, you're in a state of amnesia..."

"No, I am not! Trust me! I saw a dream today. It was more like a memory. I saw myself lying on the floor. There was fire everywhere. I heard a voice calling to help save me."

"I think you should stop pressurizing yourself. Your brain is building up what I told you about..."

"Please Doc John, don't..." I let out a deep sigh. I didn't want to say that he was lying, but that was the truth. He was hiding something from me.

"Cassie, don't you trust me?"

I lifted up my gaze to meet his. My eyes were filled with unshed tears and I wanted to cry so hard. Who am I? Please tell me! I was unable to control the feelings I have been hiding in his presence. I covered my rosy face with my cold hands to avoid his presence but it was all in vain.

"I trust you." I sobbed hysterically. "I trust you more than anyone!"

He gently grabbed my hands from which I was hiding my warm tears and held them in between his . His mouth twitched and I am sure he was fighting for a smile. And then, he gave me a smile that just seemed so genuinely sweet with just the right touch of shyness that unexpected warmth rushed through me.The way his lips lifted upward. The way his one dimples crinkled. The warm glow his happiness gave. His smile was a ray of sunshine, and I was a sunburn.

"You can come to my house whenever you want someone to talk to. You know I can't give you much time here. I promise I'll help you to your satisfaction."

I just nodded bringing down my gaze as I brought my hands back to myself.

"What about tomorrow?"

"Huh?"

"I can take you out for some refreshment. You will feel better. Be ready at 5.00 pm. Okay?"

"That's fine with me."

I smiled at him and watched him as he put the departing sight on me and left the space.I was attracted to him with the kind of heady trance that brings a butterfly to nectar. He was just the right blend of shy and sweet. He, quite simply, was the kindest and most reliable person I had ever met in my present state. I watched the food that I had eaten with my eyes. I chucked. I finished my breakfast and went to the balcony for some fresh air.

I still wait for the day when I can show the small beauties of life to inner me, I wanted to enjoy the same sky with the knowledge of my past. I whistle with the birds that awaken from their sleep in the trees, letting my vision be painted white, yellow, and red. I checked my watch again, 5:30 am. Perfect. I let myself into the streets, admiring my own thoughts and the little wonders I'd see if I had my memories regained.The scent of the bread dough being uncovered from its rest and then molded and baked reached me. Some stores began to open their doors. I could almost hear the sound of coffee pouring into the mugs and the soft morning smiles of those who drink it.

When we are young and intense everything is felt so keenly. Love is deep, hate is strong, anxiety can cripple, sadness overwhelms yet happiness is overlooked unless it is the kind of giddy fun that bonds you to your friends. But for me..at this time.. I had no friends except for Doc Johns. I sighed. Tomorrow will be a great day. I can feel it in my bones.

I looked at the clock, 8.00 pm. It's time when he comes for my inspection. I wanted to keep a distance from him. But I was aware that he knows me. He knows my past. He knows all the strange desires within me, and now he knows I won't quit until I find everything up to my satisfaction. I lay there on the bed with my eyes closed, trying to remember. When all at once, a sudden feeling rushed through me. I heard the voices in my head...

"Bells?! What's taking so long? Peter is here! Come quick! Well.. it's not good to keep your future husband waiting..", she chuckled. I was inside the room, getting ready for my wedding day. I shyly smiled as I heard her saying "your future husband...

Chapter 3

"Hey Cassie?"

I instantly opened my eyes and saw Doc John sitting on the chair in front of me.

"Were you sleeping?", he asked as I haven't noticed him entering in.

"No, I just got my eyes closed."

"Okay, now you need to try some exercises on". I nodded. I did as he directed, as usual. After an hour or so, I blurted out to him,

"That plan for tomorrow..."

"Oh yes.. I had completely forgotten it. Thanks for reminding me Cassie. Are you okay with it?", he asked in a sweet low tone.

"Yes, I hope it will be a great day." I said with a gentle smile on my face that made him smile too.

"It's 9.30 pm already. You must sleep now. You need to get rest."

I nodded my head and watched him as he moved out of my room winking at me as he closed the door. I stared at the door as I remembered the flashback I had before he came to my room. Now who's Bells? The girl's voice was probably referring to me. Was that my nickname? But.. who was that girl? And most importantly, I was getting married! I didn't even have the least idea who Peter was.

There are so many questions running in my mind. How can I sleep? I looked at the clock whose pendulum was moving left to right with my eyes dancing in the same way. I couldn't get over the thoughts that had occupied me and buried me under the deep, dark ocean of mysteries. I have to find them. All of the answers. I have to make Doc John speak! Slowly my deep thoughts took me to a sleep like that of eternity.

"Lizzy!" I sobbed."It's not him! It's not the guy who was with me in Paris! It's not the guy to whom I was engaged! Where is the real Peter?! I don't understand what's going on!". She looked at me bewildered. "Bells, what are you saying? He is THE Peter. Which other Peter are you talking about? Have you gone insane! Come down, everybody is waiting. Don't ruin your wedding day! You just ran away from the ceremony set! You left the guest astonished. Don't fool around and come with me!". "NO!", I screamed..

I opened my eyes abruptly and sat up. What the hell was that! I turned on the lamp and I looked up at the clock and noticed it was only 2.00 am. It was the time when I realized I was breathing hysterically and was all covered in sweat. It all looked so real! It was a memory from my past!

I got up and went to my bathroom. Locking the door, I turned on the tap and let the water run down the sink, making a grubbed sound. I rested my elbows on the sink edge and covered my face with my hands that were all wet due to the sweat. I rubbed my eyes and the memories of the dream flashed back. The feelings were so intense. Marriage?What?!

I looked up the mirror that was attached to the wall just behind the sink tap and took a decisive look on myself. I anticipated my age. I look young. Maybe I am 22. I watched my gleamy blue eyes and ran my fingers on my rosy cheeks. The girl who nursed me often called me a pretty face. I placed my fingers on my dark pink, full lips when again the memory flashed.

I took a deep sigh and splashed the cold water on my sweaty face. I looked up again in the mirror. I need to find the real me! I need to find the girl named Lizzy. I need the answers from Doc John! I was so filled with all the nostalgic feelings...

I need to calm down. My heart was racing and I could feel the sound of my heart beat. Maybe the shower will help me relax. I let the tap of the tub run until the water got warm. I undressed and socked myself by the warm water all around.

It was only ten minutes of peace when I heard a knock on the door of my room. I jumped up and dried myself, dressing in a hurry and rushed out.

"Who's there?" I said out loud.

"Mam it's me, Kate. I was just passing by when I saw the lights of your room. Are you alright?"

"Yes... I..I just got up to drink water. I am fine. Don't worry". I said standing at the same place without opening the door.

"Okay Mam. Goodnight. Sleep well."

And with that, her shadow that I could see through the translucent door left. I raised my gaze to the clock and it was 2.46 am. I headed up to my bed and closed the lamp, then sat on the couch that was placed near the window. I peeped outside the window.

Everything was lifeless,even a feather would fall without drifting one way or the other. The grass was straight and silent, the leaves dangled more as if they had been painted there. Should a person be able to feel the beating of the birds' wings - that would have been the only breeze. It was still, utterly still.

No clouds drifted in the sea of blue above. No water dripped or flowed. Not a sound could be heard either close at hand or in the far off distance. Even my own breath seemed to die as soon as it left my mouth. It was an eerie sort of tranquility, so instead of being soothed my senses became heightened. I felt like the prey even though no predator could be detected. It was as if the world were encased in a cocoon, a bubble, and there was no way out.

Often what we see outside becomes reflected inward -for me the stillness of my soul comes best in such situations.I unwound my mind and let thoughts flow. My mood can get the best of me sometimes; even in the greatest of storms I am still inside. And soon I dozed off in a soft snoring.

"Happy Birthday sweetie". He came near and gently embraced me. I looked up at him with my hands in his arms and he kissed my forehead gently. I smiled as his lips touched and stood still. " I bought a gift for you." I nodded my head showing my approval to let me see it. He sat down on one knee and opened the box in front of me" Will you marry me?" I felt an outburst of joy and with that tears covered my face. I let out a muffled cry and dashed down bumping myself into him." Hey it's okay, I love you" he said with his hands caressing my hair.

"Cassie?"

A familiar voice woke me from my sleep. I slowly opened my eyes and saw Doc John. He seemed different, as if I saw him just now. Was he.. was he the same man? I stretched my eyes as wide as I could and saw his face assuring he was the same guy. A strange tinkling sensation ran down my spine.

"Hey, are you alright?" I nodded my head and tumbled down my gaze. "I came to take you. It's 4.30 pm. Are you restless? Didn't you sleep well last night?"

I lifted up my head and just at the moment as Kate, who was standing behind him, was about to speak I bleated out,

"Yes, I am fine. I just wanted to sleep a little more, that's it. I'll get ready." I smiled and got up. He nodded and said,

"I'll be waiting outside", he smiled and left.

I went up to my cupboard and picked out a light grey frock, shorts and light brown boots that Kate has given to me. I went up to the bathroom and undressed, then put the new ones on.John, I had this feeling that I know you and now I am damn sure. I looked up at the mirror and made my hair into a pun. It's time for John, it's time for you to speak up. I won't let our union go wasted.

I headed outside and saw him standing right next to his black classy car. He looked up at me, smiling and came closer. I grabbed his hand and he lent it out to me and got me to the front seat of his car. When seated, he asked in a lively mood:

"Soo, where do you like to go?"

His question left me thinking. I don't know about any place. And I guess the same thought rushed in his mind too. He chuckled softly and said,

"We can go to my home. Or you want me to take you somewhere outside?"

"Umm.. I-i.."

"Hmm?"

He mumbled low. I don't know how he does it. His voice seems so soothing and safe. The way he mumbled the words hmm activated my systems. Hey! Cassie! Are you nuts? What's gotten into you? Push your feelings aside and just answer him. My subconsciousness pulled me back to reality and I shyly replied to him in a tone that was almost inaudible.

"Yes.. your home. I'll go there." I said it almost in my month.

"Okay, let's head to our home". He coaxed bringing out a smile that was irresistibly attractive. My mouth twitched into a giggly smile as I heard him say our home. He is so sweet!

I kept looking out of the window the rest of the whole time rubbing my fingers into each other as Doc John drove us to his home.

"Okay so here it is.. home sweet home."

He parked the car and opened the front door of his home. He walked in and I followed him. It was a magnificent house with stone walls and lavish furniture. The house paint reflects a graceful view. He led me to his room which was as classy as himself. There was a fireplace in front with an LED TV on it. The bed was cozy with a large window. The room was perfect. I was looking at the bookshelf when he said,

"Feel like home Cassie. Make yourself a sitting. I'll just come."

He went out shutting the door gently. I looked around again, choosing a place to sit and then sat on the sofa that was near the window at the end of the bed. I took out a heavy breath and rested my face, feeling bored. UHH.. what's taking him so long? Suddenly the door cracked with a light sound and he entered, with a small tray of deliciously smelling chocolate dripping cupcakes. He pulled a small table near his bed to me and placed the tray, then sat down on the sofa with me.

"I brought your favorites. Tell me do you like them?" He asked with his head tilted and a smile in a rakish angle. Wait, how does he know about my favorites? I never had cupcakes while staying in the asylum. The thought made me tingle but I have to be casual. I looked down at the appetizing food and without thinking of something else I started eating.

"Umm... T-t-There are delicious!" I **** without realizing his presence, but the sound of his slight chuckle brought me back to reality. I awkwardly look down at the plate and whisper,

"Thank you, Doc Johns. Thanks for everything you did up till now."

"2 Wrongs.."

"Huh?" I reflexed my eyebrow, confused.

"Firstly, I am not Doc John. I am not your doctor now, I brought you here as my friend, so I am only JOHN. Andd.. secondly I haven't done anything up till now. I just offered you cupcakes."

"Nope..".I chuckled softly,"I meant thanks for going back there. For taking care of me.You spend most of your duty hours with me.. and .."

"'And?"

"A-a-And also for saving my life.. that from the fire in the boathouse. Thank you so much."

I smiled at him innocently widening my blue eyes to him. He saw my face and began staring at it. His prolonged continuous gaze was now making me uncomfortable cause every move which I made was keenly detected by him. I could feel him watching my hands rubbing in nervousness that brought a small smile on his face. Then he took a deep sigh and stood up.

"Come, I'll show you the rest of my house." He said in an offering tone. I stood up and followed him.

After showing his awesomely splendid house that reflected right away that he was well paid, he got us to a balcony. He asked me about my health and my memories but I preferred not to tell him at the moment. I wanted answers from him, but me asking this way would only make him change the topic. So I continued answering him. After some time, his voice broke the silence that was now building between us.

"Would you like some coffee. I made a good one"

"Sure".

And with that, he went back indoors. I was just capturing the beautiful weather and enjoying the cold breeze, making me smile as it fondled my hair above my ear. It was more than 5 minutes after he was gone. I looked around and wandered here and there, hoping to see something appealing before my eyes.

It was when I saw a small door at the end of the balcony at the very corner. I went up to it and tried to swing the knob. Damn knob! It's so rusty. Open up, or I'll die of boredom. I turned the knob two times but the shit won't open. At last I gave a departing trail and thank God, it opened.

It was a small dark room, with its ceiling just a few meters above my head. I walked into and searched for the light switch. Luckily I found it and pushed on. I heard the sound of electric current through the bulb hanging in the middle of the room. The moment I turned around,and ... SHOCKED!

In that instant my skin became greyed, my mouth hung with lips slightly parted and my eyes were as wide as they could stretch.Leapt in the air as if a firecracker had gone off.. bewildered, hands over mouth,shaking head in disbelief. I stood as if paralyzed from the neck up.WHAT!?!!

...