...I grew up in a small village surrounded by trees and water, a fishing village where everyone fished or smoked fish or ship it. 🚢 In a tiny village like Rok everyone knows everyone and all the kids played together and the oldest watched the babies while the adults cut and canned fish. I ran barefoot and wild haired with my cousins through long grass and ran fast away from my caretakers to climb trees 🌳 and swim 🏊‍♀️ and go to the cliff where the big swing would twirl us over the abyss and back to land and together we discovered gifts....

...I could never get on the swing more than once or twice before Alex would catch up to me. He can always find me. "Ann!"...

...I let go of the rope before he could pull it from my hands. Around me the others made sounds of disappointment since the big kids at the cliff meant no more swinging. Teenagers always stopped kids fun. 🙄 😒 😑 "Ann, I don't like it when you run off. Our moms told me and Kai to watch you and your brothers. You can't play here."...

He is only 3 yrs older than me! 😠 I'm not a baby. "Max and AL are babies! They're at the park playing on the swings. Go watch them." I push him hoping to make him leave before my older cousin or some of the other teenagers come and take over the swing. If I'm forceful enough sometimes Alex does what I want. Instead Alex grabs the swing and throws it high into the branches of the old tree 🌳. "Alex!"

"Everyone go play somewhere else now." Alex is usually the teen that would play with the little kids, entertaining and making fun, but here he is taking babysitting seriously. "I'll tell your parents on you!"

The kids scatter without a thought of trying to fix the swing, some of them could. I don't get far with my friends before Alex is right behind me. "Where are you going?"

...I ignored him at first. Let my older cousin' annoying bestfriend follow me while my friend gets my bike, my annoying shadow at my back. "Sophia' house since you ruined our fun."...

"You could have fallen."

I make an angry noise as I turn around and face him. "You and Kai do it all the time!"

"We could have fallen too but I'm ok with that. I'm not ok with my soul mate getting hurt." Alex and Kai act like I will trip and break like glass and Alex always says weird things to embarrass me. I'm on my bike and gone before he can talk of marrying me someday. I'm 10 I don't care about love or soul mates or danger or change. Alex is always 3 steps behind me, my unwanted shadow and protection, and my greatest fan. I could make him laugh without trying and he would always try and make me happy 😊. I was 12 when my annoyance of him turned into like and I was 14 and he 17 when I realized how devoted he is to me. It was not a joke or him playing, Alex loves me.

I still tease and push him around even though I love him and he let me. When Alex got a job he bought me things, candies, stuffed animals, and my first camera 📷 😳 🤯💕, that I love. He treated me like I could do no wrong and enjoyed my company even when I was upset with him. I knew I love him completely too when he got his first girlfriend and I hated her on sight. A girl his age with big breasts.

"Why are you dating her?!" I hit him.

Alex laughs. "Because it's illegal to date a little girl. I want to do things with another adult that little kids like you can't do yet."

"Like what?" I snap. He thinks I'm too innocent and young. I'm not!

"Kiss." Alex leans down toward me and smacks his lips. I resent his growth spurt that made him so tall I have to tilt my head to meet his eyes. Deep hazel like fall on the Alderwood. "Caroline and I kiss 💋 😘 "

I blush 😊 " I can kiss!" I snap as I grab his face, claw it really, and press my lips to his. It is warm. It is warm and I am just starting to relax into it when his arms wrap around my waist and tongue down my throat. I am startled, out of air, and can feel his hands go everywhere. When he let's go abruptly we are both shaking as he holds me at arm's length.

"Don't ever do that again!" Red in the face Alex snaps as he runs away with his hand covering his crotch. I am left standing there stunned 😲. My first kiss.

In an ironic reverse I start following Alex around. Alex and his girlfriend. She is evil. She is a demon witch always hanging off Alex, kissing him and touching and hanging out with him. I use to hang out with him! I should be Alex' girlfriend. I tell him just that. " You're 14. That's a no for most guys, sweetie, wait for me, please? Or date a kid your age, as long as he knows his place and doesn't touch you. Treats you like I would."

" I thought I was your soul mate?" I'm so angry even as I snuffle back rejection tears 😢. Alex always gives into my tears. "Break up with Caroline."

Alex sighs. "If you want to date me when you are 16 I will marry you and never let you go. I want that. You, Annamarie, are my soul mate and I love you very much. You just turned 14 and I don't think you understand my obsession. I promised your cousin Kai, my bestfriend, that I would wait until you grew up before I threw myself at you." Alex ruffles my hair. "Even with how I feel your still too young for me."

Too young. 😱

I'm stubborn, I ignore him and walk away from his every attempts at being my quirky older brother figure. I stayed mad at him for 2 yrs, I ignored our friendship and any gifts were tossed into the closet. I didn't care that it made me seem childish or made people shake their heads and click their tongues. Why should I be alright with Alex being with someone else?

...He and Caroline dated, get serious, and got engaged 💍 😐. I thought he was obsessed? Soulmates! I felt like such a fool for waiting and wanting from a distance still hopeful. In such a small village like Rok engagement meant party 🥳 🎉 for the people and everyone is there. I went to glare. Why did this stupid boy make me fall for him? I hate him!...

People are laughing and talking, drinks are being passed around and even the underage like me is getting drunk. I'm kissing 💋 the cute boy from my math class when I'm pulled away by strong hands. "Are you drunk?"

"Are you drunk?" I snap back. I push Alex away and look around, we are alone in his bedroom 🛏. I look at his bed. Caroline's bed. "What do you want, stupid jerkface?" I slap at his chest.

When did he lose his shirt? 👕 🤔 "Never meant to get engaged to her. She's wearing your ring. 💍 "

"My?" He kisses my mouth quiet. 👄 😋

"I got that ring for you the moment I figured out I wanted to marry you." We are on the bed. "Sapphire for your birthstone and has soulmate written inside the band. It' not Caroline' fault she thinks it's for her." He kisses me deeply as he climbs between my legs. "Remember what I said? If you let me have you I will never let go." Alex' eyes burn me as he rut our hips together. I gasp then grasp at him tightly.

"Yes. I want you."

A switch has been flipped and over me is no lovesick boy but a determined man in need. My clothes tear, his too as I pull, and we are half ***** as we fall flat upon the bed. "Marry me, my Ann?" Alex growls in my ear as one hand goes for a ****** and the other down to my belly to cup me. I jolt.

"Yes." I yelp the word not use to such touches. Alex grabs my head and kisses me deeply, peppering kisses on my neck to collar. My heart is just starting to rabbit with what we are about to do when the door slams open.

It is Caroline and she is angry. "Caroline!" Alex covers me with the blanket and goes to her. Caroline is yelling and throwing things and trying to get at me but Alex won't let her. She looks crazed and she is holding a knife.

"What about our families? The money? How could you prevent the merge! I like you. You$####№##-----‐-'!!!!!" She gets violent, she screams, and then she flees out the door. There's blood on Alex ' hands.

"I have to fix this. I will see you tomorrow at our spot. Promise to wait for me?" He gives me a soulful look, kisses my lips, then gives chase.

"I promise."

I should have went with him, or told someone, or done something beside get dressed with shaky drunk hands and leave. I feel guilty, I feel excited, and all I can really think about is being with my soulmate. He will come to me with a ring, marry me, and we will live together in the fishing cabin giving to him by his grandparents. Our spot. This cozy cabin Alex inherited will be our first home 🏡 ❤. I lay on the loft bed and wait for him.

Night comes and he does not.

A day and a half passes when someone knocks frantically at the door. Alex is missing.

I am full of anxiety and anger and blame Caroline without proof. She acts like she never saw us, she acts like the worried fiancée and treating me like the Lil kid missing her big brother. No one will listen to me. "Find my fiancee" she weeps.

I weep when he is found in the water, drowned in dry clothing. Everyone is in shock. His death ruled accidental drowning. Accidental and drowning doesn't fit my Alex, a born human fish, but any say against the majority in a small remote village is dangerous for the minority. Calling the police 🚔 to the village got me looks and whispers of delusion. Then just before his burial Caroline says she is pregnant with Alex' baby. I hate her, I hate him, and I hate myself for loving Alex so much I can't breathe. I just want to hit him for being such an idiot and ask him how he had the nerve to leave me.

Alex is buried next to his grandparents 🙏⚰🪦 Caroline names the baby 👶 after him. Alexander.

💔

...The grave looks small for such a big guy and the box holding him. I can't believe what I'm looking at....

...Alexander Orion Grant...

...Loving son and brother....

...Good fisherman....

...He wanted to serve in the Navy, he wanted to be a fishing captain of his own boat and provide for his own family 👪 👶 👶 , he wanted many babies for his mother to spoil, and that stupid jerkface wanted to marry me. I feel numb and guilty....

...I got him sunflowers 🌻 everyone else 🌹 🥀 roses, beautiful thorny roses that look fine lined in a row on Alex' ⚰ coffin. My sunflowers are big and bright yellow, they clash but he liked them best. Sunflowers and chocolate 🍫, the bar is melting in my pocket, I'm going to give it to him after they all leave....

...Alex' mother is wailing as she holds on to her husband and the coffin ⚰, it's her gift to always sound pretty no matter how ugly a crier she is.. Caroline is close by crying into her black handkerchief, her family is wrapped around her like a shield 🛡 and I don't want to get close to either 👩 woman. i don't know what Caroline can do but I feel she is dangerous. Valerie, Alex' mother, never liked me because she never liked my mother a woman so kind she is just knows your secrets. Silly to not like someone for something they can't help....

......I wait to talk to him.......

"I hate you." That's not what I wanted to say but I'm bitter and angry. I don't want to cry so it's easy to be mad. I open the chocolate 🍫 bar and eat half and drop the rest on his freshly dug grave. "Stupid jerkface, why were you in the water? Why leave me now? Why did you leave me the cabin in your will?! I don't care if it is our spot people are talking! Did you really love me this much?"

"Ann."

Startled at my name called when I'm alone I look up at a raven. He is staring.

"Ann." It clacks.

I want to take this as some sort of significance, a sign, maybe Alex sent it with my name I think for one insane moment . . . but ravens are good at copying sounds and Ann is such a common name.

"My Ann, my soulmate." 😮

I run to the raven. "Alex!"

"Ann. Love Ann." The old raven takes flight and I watch him disappear into the 🌳 trees. I watch the trees hoping it would come back. 'Be a sign from Alex' I mentally pray, 'and not me going crazy.'

"Alex . . . " I take strength in seeing ravens.

*

...Days later I sleep a lot and everything passes in a faze. I ignore everything and my family let's me. I spend all that time building an armor to survive without my Alex shaped shadow. I grab my 📷 camera, my favorite gift from him and take my picture. I glare at the weepy girl on it. 'I will not look like this tomorrow' I promise myself....

*Kody*

...I live day by day just dealing with life and school, I try to be a happy 16 yr old and do what teenagers do. Go to the mall, go to school, run with my track team, and hang out with my friends but it's hard. I feel slow 🐌. Sofia and Kelly my bestfriends worry for me and set me up on a date. I don't want to go but do. I just keep trying to live and be myself....

...I date the boy from my math class, Kody is shy, sweet, and helps me with my homework, i should, could be happy-go-lucky with him but I miss Alex....

...Everything reminds me of him. I hear the jerkface' name and I'm sad, I see the Blueberry Pearl the fishing boat he wanted to own, and cheese pizza because that's all he liked, and cola with vanilla ice cream 🍦. My closet is full of gifts 🎁 from Alex, memories that I now cherish. I want to scream sometimes. I pull a random gift bag from my room and finally open it. One of the first from when I was 14, it's a glass mouse. The stupid jerkface called me tiny or mouse 🐁, this is something he would get me to tease and expect me to throw away. I hold it instead. The next is a jewelry box. The necklace is lovely and if I wasn't so stubborn about opening these I would have forgiven him on the spot. Moon and star mounted on a cloud shaped gold nugget. That stupid jerkface used his whole paycheck on me! The jade hairpin is too beautiful for my brown hair but I put it in immediately. I look inside my closet full of cover gifts with exasperation, feeling irritated and happy with Alex instead of upset. 'I will wear these' a pretty pink dress and shoes someone must have helped him pick, '-and use all these things', I put the necklace on, 'I promise.'...

...I open them all till I get to the big box, the last, given to me on my birthday 🎂 🥳. On top a beautiful flowing black dress covered in circling white ravens, chocolates 🍫, arts supplies . . . and under all that? I blush violently. 😚 A soft white nighty and a vibrator with a note on it. "Wear this under the dress 👗 and bring this." I'm mortified, the bottom of the box 📦 is a sex shop! Stupid jerkface!!...

...I throw it all back into the closet and take back any promise to use everything he bought me. I sigh, I just want to hit him and hug him to death. 😢...

...Kody and I date for a year. It's good, great even, he's smart and wonderful and passionate. He wants more. More time, more love, more than I want to give. We break up at the Sweetheart Love Dance because I couldn't do it. I could not give Kody my virginity, I felt so silly breaking up with him. "I'm sorry, Kody."...

Kody is standing away from me frowning. He sighs. "That's OK, I guess. 😔 At least ravens will stop attacking me because I kissed and touched you.😫" He leaves swiftly. 🍃

What? 🤔Ravens attacked him whenever he kissed me?

*Mack*

Possessive and mean. The person that confirmed the ravens follow me and attack him. I don't know why I dated him at all? Mack is an A-hole with a silvertongue and beautiful face that hits his girlfriends and boyfriends. He slapped me once and I watched dozens of ravens swarm him.

We broke up and whispers of me being a Raven witch went around.

*Will*

Only dated me for the ravens and to say he kissed 💋 a witch 🧙‍♀️.

*Shane*

Shane moved to Rok in my last year of high school. 😳 Hot. 🎆

We became friends first then dated after getting drunk together at a house party by the beach. He made running barefoot on the beach and into the ocean by moonlight 🌙 seem like a natural thing to do. It was cold as it looked. So lively and happy, born annoying free spirit, Shane is a joyful guy full of love.

Too much love. 😶😑💔

"Kelly! Shane!" 🍆🍑 I wondered why he was taking so long in the bathroom. 🚻

😱Kelly and Shane got together at prom.

*Gavin *

...Graduation feels hallow. I'm looking for a face that is not there, wouldn't be there. My mom is so happy for me. I'm leaving Rok for art school, I'm going to become a professional photographer and everyone will see my work someday....

...Gavin is a painter. A painter completely in love with his art and himself. We move into a loft together and fall into a toxic relationship. I don't know why I stay with him? Why did I cook 🍳 for him, clean his clothes, shop for his vegan meals as he tries out a new diet? I couldn't do anything right for Gavin and we fought a lot. "Get me flat water, more oolong tea 🍵 and royal blue paint 🎨 from Paint town."...

No eye contact, Gavin only has eyes for the painting in front of him. "Have dinner done by 6. I will not eat late again!"

"You're new diet is difficult for me to cook. Why can't you cook once in a while? I'm tired." I was in classes all day taking tests and working on my photo project.

Gavin looks at me and glares. "Because it's your job to cook and clean while I provide money."

It takes me a week to move out.

*

...I would and do blame Alex for my problems with love ❤ I always compare them to him and any good in the relationship dries up. I stay single for a while and focus on school, it's easy when I'm so depressed or disgusted with the men that show up at my door. Friends think they are helping by setting me up but it ends up being one horror show after another and I start contemplating joining a nunnery 😑🙏😑🙏😑🙏....

I graduate 🎓 😌

I become the wildlife photographer I always wanted to be and capture beauty in still images. Wolves in Alaska are my favorite to photograph since it's just me and them in the wilderness. I let a handful of peaceful years pass this way and forget about love trouble.

Above my head ravens circle.

*

Rok feels small. I've been gone so long home is distorted. At the store so many new faces and more buildings being put up. I'm buy groceries for boiled fish and rice when little arms stronger than I think a child should be wrapped around my thigh and hold tight. I look down into hazel eyes like fall on Alderwood. "Hey, kiddo, where are your friends and babysitters?"

Even with the changes I still see adults working hard and teens watching the babies. The boy points at a group of kids throwing rocks over the cliff into the waves. The rocks getting bigger with each throw. "Right. Who is watching all of you?"

The boy 👦 doesn't answer just hugs my leg tighter. I look for the caretakers and find them in the bushes screwing and inform the one of the three I knew of that her little brother threw their groceries in the ocean. The other girl fixes her bra and calls for the boy attached to my leg. "Xander, come on. It's pizza 🍕 😋 night!"

Xander shakes his head no against letting go and even kicks the girl trying to take him in the stomach. "No. No, my Ann, my soulmate! I gave you that!" From my neck he takes the moon and star necklace, the one made of gold the Stupid jerkface should never have got me. "I knew you would forgive me when you seen it."

The boy 👦 smiles brightly.

I don't know what to say but I know I need to get away.😳😳😳

...This is Alex' son. I pry the kid off and plop him into the girl, 'Windy, my name is Windy.' arms as he fights like the devil. Around us ravens gather and just watch as if unsure whom they should attack....

...I run like a coward back to my cabin, our special spot, and lock myself in. That didn't, doesn't happen! life is not this. My Alex is dead and his kid is playing tricks on me with his gift....

...i avoid the groups of children and rarely see the strange kid. I thankfully leave for work and have little interaction except staring contest with ravens. Since I'm a photographer I take a picture of that stoic look for a 5yr old that stares at me with unnerving intensity, his little face old beyond years....

..."Ann." The ravens caw my name soft at the windows and in the trees by my cabin. Always reminding me like a curse of Alex....

...My plane out of the village can't come sooner....

"Ann, my soulmate."

*

I return to Rok and my cabin to find the kid on my couch, eating my cereal, and wearing my Nightmare before Christmas t-shirt. "What the hell are you doing here and how do you know where I live?"

He chews. "My cabin. Our special spot."

It's like Alex shrunk! "I'm taking you to your home!" I pick him up and he happily snuggles into my hair.

"It still smells like orange 🍊."

...I take Xander to his grandparents since I didn't want to see his mother, Caroline. Valerie hates me more now that we had to work together to get her only grandchild to let go of me, but that ok because I'm delusional child free....

*

...After getting drunk at the only bar in Rok called Bar I'm under the swing tree 🌳 making out with the bartender Newton. He unhooked my bra to suck and tongue between my boobs and the fabric when a young war cry accompanied by raven caws cut the air. Xander is hitting Newt with a stick and ravens are attacking. 😳 😒...

How? 😑

...This boy and these birds ruin every single date that I've been on since returning. Rok is a small village but I should be able to live here without a small child controlling my life. Ever the young gentleman Xander covers my chest with his jacket. "He was trying to bite you but I saved you! Don't worry he ran down the hill screaming."...

"Yes, I saw."😨

..."I'm strong! Don't worry! My Ann is safe with me forever." What are they telling this kid about Alex? Caroline must be getting a kick out of this, laughing at me. Someone or something is laughing at me somewhere, amused at my lack of love....

I get the kid home.

*

Danny

*

I'm 25 when I meet Danny Chase.

...Dating a coworker should be a no-no but I immediately get caught up in Danny. Broody and sweet, how does that exist? 😍 He is my guide in the wilderness and we are under the stars together sharing a tent. A pure provider and clearly loves caretaking since he served me my meal and placed a blanket around my shoulders to keep the chill away and won't let me help even though I've camped many times....

...Everything is wonderful. We hike deep into the snow, talk, kiss, and touch with intentions to do more and he laughs at the racket the birds make. "I'm a hunter and photographer, a bunch of protective ravens won't stop me from loving my girlfriend."...

...On his birthday I wait in our tent in a nest of our sleeping bags with a Lilly white slip on. I feel sexy and can't wait to see Danny. 'This is it', I think, 'finally I'm going to be with a guy I like.' I thought for sure, tonight, I will lose my virginity....

...I'm covered in the thick wool blanket when Danny comes in so he noticed nothing different until I dropped it. He drops the food he brought to his mouth and stares. "Babe?"...

...He's staring at my breasts. "Like it?" I ask sweetly....

...He loves pink on me, said it made me look soft. He's mumbling as he stumbles towards the nest I sit in. "Like it? Loooove it!"😍...

...I don't tell Danny I'm a ****** as we start to touch. He's on top of me, rough hands all over the soft fabric of the slip, and mouth over a ****** until it is tender. I keep his head in place til I can't stand it. "Danny, get the condoms." I moan as he pulls away and scrambles for one. Normally graceful Danny is clumzy when rushed. He makes a rackets with his eagerness....

...Danny is hard, his **** is out, and he's having a difficult time getting the rubber on. I'm just reaching out to touch it, to help, when a bird dives between us dead. 💀 ...

...Then more. So many birds 🐦 not just ravens pelt down in a rain of bodies and blood, but pigeons, bluebirds, and eagles too. They make such awful sounds as their bodies hit. So many birds.😱...

...I always thought my gift 🎁 was not getting hurt. Ever since I was small danger missed me by inches or miles and I never got hurt in accidents or mishaps. That's me, lucky enough, someone that is clumzy and falls on a cushion or misses a kicked ball by finding money 💰 on the ground. Cursed birds are not mine. They are not mine....

...People of my world are gifted . . . or cursed just a little, something that nudges them through life, like a poke to stay on track 👣 or productive. I think . . . maybe . . . I'm curse with birds to stay a ******. 😨😱...

...Getting his *** pecked by an eagle and friends from angry birds had Danny running. "This is crazy! Crazy, Ann. My gift is sunlit! It's always sunny when I'm around! YOU KILL MEN WITH BIRDS!" He says as he points a finger at me covered in blood and feathers. I am perfectly fine and clean, these A-hole birds even brought me snacks. ...

...I'm alone again. I'm used to it, I'm am, i should be fine.🥲...

...I don't feel fine. 💔...

...My soulmate is dead and what is left of him is haunting me for sure! "My soulmate is dead." I tell myself firmly. "And this just happened." A raven lands in front of me with a chocolate bar 🍫 in its beak and offers it up. I take it. At the fire 🔥, I'm too tired to look but I think 3 more evil birds are making me 🍵 tea. ...

*

...Danny is now afraid of birds 🐦 I take enjoyment out of it, the great hunter photographer is afraid of bluebirds. I don't need men and I don't need to live in Rok. I decide to move to Seattle where gifts 🎁 and curses like mine are normal. My apartment is amazing, the roof of an old 15 lvl building I share with two great roommates. Molly and Hal, two ladies in a long term relationship. They are so lovey and stuck in honeymoon haze. They joke that my curse only works on men and I should try the better sex. They are light laughing people and I feel lighter here away from the strange kid, that damn cabin, and Rok with its history so I don't want to ruin things by covering them in blood and feathers. ...

...I thrive in Seattle and learn more about gifts 🎁 and curses. The birds will always follow but as time passes and I forget relationships fewer are around. The whispers of Raven witch 🧙‍♀️ dies down to nothing and I can feel normal....

...I don't return to Rok but Rok finds me....

...My life is good, pleasant, when a knock on my door rattles me....

...Knock, knock, knock ...

Knock, knock, knock

Knock, knock, knock

😶