“I’m not lonely” I tell myself that, but really I’m not sure. I have friends, but do they know me? The real me? I’m not sure, but there is one person that might know me, the real me. He listens to me, he talks to me, he understands me. When my guitar string snapped I thought it could never be replaced, I thought that my guitar was broken. But then Uenoyama came, he fixed my guitar strings and strummed them, hard. Sometimes I think that a guitar is like a heart. It can break and you think that it can never be fixed, but then someone will come along and fix it. Just like Uenoyama fixed my guitar and heart. That night when we performed our first concert as a band together, I sung about heartbreak, about my heartbreak; about Yuki. When we finished Uenoyama took me backstage and told me I did well, so well. Right in that moment I realized “I’m not lonely, I’m having fun.” While Uenoyama went back on stage to perform for the rest of the concert with Haruki and Akihiko, I stood there crying. I felt my tears on my hands, they were warm and I could feel the pain and sadness that I’ve been keeping inside me. “Just like how everyone laughs and cries, I just can’t do it well. I think I’m really bad at expressing myself compared to everyone else. But in reality, even if I really wanted to cry, I can’t cry properly, and it hurts so bad... It hurts so much that I just want to scream.” I was finally able to cry, I was happy! Yuki I hope your happy, I hope you’re watching me because I’ve found someone new. I’m sorry, Yuki. That day the words that should’ve never been said, were said, by me. “Are you willing to die for me, then?” That’s what I said to you, I would never forget. How could I? I basically killed you, it’s my fault. I’m sorry, Yuki. Are you happy that I’ve moved on, Hiiragi? I’m sorry, I took Yuki away from you. I tried to run away from you and Shizusumi, I tried running away from my problems. But we ended up crossing paths anyways, and even though we did I still tried to run away from my past. Did you enjoy my performance at least? Did it remind you of him? I’m sorry, Hiiragi and Shizsumi. Do you think it was my fault? Do you blame me for Yuki’s death? Was it my fault? I’ll never know the true answer. Many people say it wasn’t my fault and others say it was my fault. Who’s right? Who’s wrong? I’ll never know and that kills me the most. Where ever I go you’re always with me Yuki, you’re always there. I’m sorry, Yuki, Hiiragi, and Shizusumi...

Everyone has helped me in some way, but Haruki you’ve helped me a lot. You encouraged me to keep playing the guitar even though I was bad. You taught me some of the basics. I wonder though, was annoying? Was I just a bother? I’m sorry, Haruki. Your band was great until I joined, I almost ruined your concert. Were you mad? You didn’t seem mad, but who knows? I’m still not that great at guitar, but I’m glad I could help with my vocals. Even though nobody knew I was going to sing. I’m sorry that when my strings broke right before the concert, that you had bring me back to earth and buy us time to fix it. Were you scared that I had ruined the concert? I’m sorry, Haruki. Akihiko, you gave me a reality check when I needed it. Were you testing it out on me though? You pushed me until the very end because you trusted that I’d make it. You gave me a chance. Didn’t you? You may not know my full backstory but you still lent me a hand and helped me get up on my feet. Why would you do that? You barely knew me, so why would you help me? I can’t wait to perform with you again, I want to have that feeling again. The feeling of the rush of adrenaline, the lights piercing my eyes, the heat of the crowded room, I want that feeling. Thank you, both of you. Uenoyama, when I first met you I just saw you as another person. Another person that would probably just ignore me. You wanted to ignore me in the beginning, didn’t you?Then you fixed my string and strummed my heart strings without realizing it. Then I begged you to let me come watch your band practice. You played me a storm, it was amazing. You kept teaching me how to play the guitar and I was happy. Were you happy too? Then I sung you the melody stuck in my head and you grabbed me by the collar, crying, saying that I touched your soul. Those words coming from you were so encouraging and inspiring. Did you really mean it? You invited me to join your band after that. Was it out of pity? You wanted me to be vocals for a new song, I agreed. Were you that touched by my singing? You started to work really hard on the new song, I was amazed at how hard you were working.

Then the day of the concert I didn’t have the lyrics. I was so disappointed in myself, but you blamed it on yourself for asking me to do the lyrics, it wasn’t your fault. I was so disappointed I snapped my guitar string. We were all in shock, until Haruki came and brought us back to earth. You ran to the music store, while Haruki bought us some time before our turn. Were you running on my behalf or just so you could play? I was still in shock after you left, I was scared that I had ruined the concert for us. Were you scared, too? But then you came back and replaced my strings. We got on stage and started to play, then I felt it. I felt the feeling of the lyrics rushing into my head and out of my mouth. Were you nervous? You had worked so hard, and I wouldn’t let it go to waste. I sang about heartbreak, I sang about Yuki. Were you mad? Did you want me to sing about you? After the performance we walked off stage. You told me I did well, so well. Then you walked back on stage and performed the rest of the songs. I stood there crying I was finally able to cry, my tears were warm, sad, and filled with the pain that I’ve been holding in this whole time. “I’m not lonely, I’m having fun”

I’m sorry, Haruki, Akihiko, and Uenoyama...