Jimin hated the pudgy face the sat before him in the mirror, the face he cannot run from no matter how hard he try's. Black hair fell in his dark eyes, sheet marks from the nap he took ran up the left side of his face, not that it was an uncommon sight. Jimin had been taking a lot of naps lately, not that he slept he just lay there stuck in his own thoughts. He couldn't find a reason to get out of bed for anything other than practice anymore, well practice and date night. If there was anything in the world he wouldn't miss it would be date night. He loved spending time with his boyfriend Jungkook. But lately Jimin had been keeping his distance from the maknae not wanting to burden him with his presence.

He eyed the razor on the bathroom counter with a pointed look, dark thoughts running through his mind. Lately he was having trouble finding a meaning to his life, and it made him feel even worse than he already did. He knew he was a part of BTS and had many fans, he felt selfish knowing these people looked up to him, but he couldn't shake the feeling that he wasn't truly needed in the group.

A knock on the door interrupted those thoughts "

Jimin, are you ok? It's been thirty minutes."

Jimin's voice came out as a horse whisper almost making his response impossible to hear

"I'm fine Tae, just finishing up." Jimin shoved the small razorblade back its hiding place in his toiletry bag. He could never let Jungkook or anyone find it, he hated the thought of pushing his suicidal thoughts on his group, they were all stressed enough with the tour and other things going on in their lives they didn't need his pathetic feelings to deal with. Jimin felt sick as he left the bathroom, not eating more than 600 calories, or sleeping more than 7 hours in the last four days was starting to catch up to him.

His mood darkened when he got to the living room. Jungkook stood with his coat and shoes on standing by the front door, beaming

"Let's go, I'm taking you for dinner. We haven't eaten since lunch and I'm starving."

"I'm not hungry." Jimin looked down, not wanting to see the disappointed look on his boyfriend's face.

"What are you talking about, of course you're hungry. You barely had a snack while the rest of us ate." Jungkook reached out to him and something snapped

"Don't touch me!" He swatted Jungkook's hand away from him. His outburst caught the attention of the members still in the dorm, Taehyung and J-hope left their rooms and stood in the hallway, Jin was watching from the kitchen, But Jimin couldn't bring himself to care. Anger coursed through him "

You never listen! All you can think about is what you want!" "Jimin I was ju-" Jimin pushed past him before he could continue grabbing his coat off its hook "No, I'm going for a walk." He opened the door

"don't wait up"

The small man slammed the door behind him and made a break for the staircase, not stopping till he felt the cold Seoul air hit his face.

Jimin stuffed his hands into his pockets a mask inside, he could have sworn his phone was in the poket. he put the mask on. He felt relieved that his phone was back at the dorm, the last thing he needed right now was a call from one of his Hyung's, just to scold him. He just walked, let his feet take him wherever they wanted to go. At least an hour had gone by when he reached the studio, though without his phone he really didn't know. It seemed that Yoongi and Namjoon had gone home, his mood sunk. Jimin wanted to go home, but he was embarrassed by his outburst. He wanted to talk to Taehyung or Namjoon, even Jin about how he was feeling, yet any time he got close a voice held him back. The voice told him that they would look at him with pity, that they would be disgusted with him, that they would want nothing to do with him. As much as he wanted to go back to the dorm, he couldn't. He decided to crash on one of the dorm couches and deal with the consequences when the other members arrived the next morning.

--- --- --- ---

Jungkook stood in shock and hurt watching Jimin leave the dorm, anger evident on his face. Every part of his body screamed at him to chase after Jimin, but he knew trying to talk right now would make this much worse. He sat down on the couch ignoring the stares of his concerned Hyung's and pulled out his phone dialing the number of the restaurant he had made reservations at, Jungkook had planned on surprising his boyfriend with a dinner date at a nice place. He canceled the reservations quickly and headed to his room.

Jin came in within a minute, just as Jungkook had guessed he would.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"There's nothing to talk about, Jimin just didn't want to go." Jin sighed

"You and I both know that there is more to it than that. I'm here if you ever need to talk about it." He got up to leave.

"It's just...He never wants to be around me lately. And when he is it's like he's not there. Like he would rather be anywhere else. It feels like he doesn't love me anymore." Jin whipped around and gave the Maknae a hug.

"Jungkook, Jimin loves you more than anything, you should know that. He would never want you to feel unloved." Jin sat down next to him on his bed

"Jimin's just going through something right now, I don't know what it is, but I know sooner or later he'll get past it and I'll be like this never happened."

They sat in silence for a minute

"Hyung?" "yes?" "I think we're going to break up." Jin gasped, Jungkook pretended not to see the disappointment on the elder's face

"Why would you say that Jungkook?" The youngers response was immediate

"I don't think he loves me anymore. I think I'm holding him back from happiness."

"Jungkook…"

Before Jin could get his thoughts out J-hope ran into the room, grabbing Jin's arm "you left the heat on, and whatever was in the pot is boiling over!"

"My chicken!" Jin bolted up and ran out of the room, taking J-hope with him, leaving Jungkook to his thoughts.

Later they all sat at the table, apparently one of the others had filled Namjoon and Yoongi in on what had happened earlier, because neither asked why Jungkook was still there or where Jimin was. It had only been twenty minutes, but Jungkook was already worried, what if something had happened. They ate in an awkward silence. After dinner Everyone except Yoongi sat in the Livingroom, Namjoon and J-hope talking about the choreography for one on the upcoming songs, Jin and Taehyung were taking turns with just dance, and Jungkook wanted to be in the living room when Jimin got back. Almost three hours after the incident Taehyung spoke up "Jin, it's been three hours. I'm starting to get worried, I'm gonna call him." Everyone looked up at him as he put the phone on speaker. It rang a few times before going to voicemail. They brushed it off as Jimin just not wanting to talk.

They did NOT brush it off as Jimin not wanting to talk when it was 12:00 in the morning and he had left the house at 6:00. The house was in chaos Jin, Yoongi, and Namjoon had gone to check the studio. Taehyung and Hosek were hysterical and Jungkook sat staring at the door ignoring the "what if's" posed by Taehyung and Hosek.

Another forty minutes passed, and the front door opened revealing Namjoon, Jin, and Yoongi, all sporting worried faces, Jiminless. "He wasn't at the studio, and I found his phone on the ground outside our door."

--- --- --- --- --- --- ---

Jimin had given up on trying to sleep around 11:00, not that he knew, he never bothered checking the clocks. Getting up and deciding to go for another walk, wanting to get through all of Seoul. He walked for what felt like hours, till he felt like his feet would give out. He stopped in front of a small 24hr café, one he recognized as being a few blocks away from the dorm. He could sit have a cup of coffee than head back home, everyone would most likely be asleep by then, he could just sneak in and try to catch an hour or two of sleep. He checked the clock in the café, it was 2:00 now, everyone would be asleep. Jimin took his time, savoring every bitter sip of the black coffee.

He reached the dorm and opened the door as quietly as possible poking his head in. Tae and Hosek had fallen asleep snuggled up on the couch, Yoongi in the chair. Jimin smiled at his sleeping friends heading to the closet and grabbing two blankets covering Taehyung and Hosek, then Yoongi. He snuck back into the hallway not paying attention and ran right into a strong chest, Jimin would know that strong chest anywhere. He felt the familiar large hands pull him into the nearest room which didn't happen to be either of the boy's rooms.

Jimin looked nervously at Jungkook's face. It was the angriest he had ever seen the beautiful face.

"What the ****?! Do you know how worried we were? You were gone for hours Jimin! We couldn't find you…" Jungkook's voice had cracked on the last word, he looked close to tears it broke Jimin's heart. Namjoon and Jin were out looking for you, I already texted them that you're here and safe." Jimin felt immense guilt

"Do you have any idea how selfish you are?!" Jungkook was yelling now, probably waking the rest of the dorm up

"Jungkook I-" He was cut off "Jimin, I…I want to break up."

Jimin's brain screamed at him to rush after him and beg him not to do this to him, to them. But he watched him walk out. Jungkook was right, he was selfish, and he really didn't deserve all this he had. Jimin returned to the bathroom and took a quick shower, the warm water did nothing to help him. He looked at himself in the mirror again, he splashed some water on it then headed to his room, stopping for some paper and a pen. Then he found his way the balcony sitting on one of the chairs at the small glass table. He looked out at the lights of the city.

That night Jimin writes his heart out on as many pages as he can. Hours later he meets a figure outside the building, "And you want me to return these in exactly 10 days?" Jimin smiled "If you could.." He handed the seven envelopes to the young man in the hoodie. "Your the best."

Summary:

Jimin locks himself in an old practice room.

WARNING! THERE IS DETAILED TRIGGERING CONTENT, PLEASE DON'T READ IF YOU GET TRIGGERED EASILY PLEASE STAY SAFE.

-2 Days after the Jimin incident-

12:40 AM

Sweat trickled down Jimin's neck, his blue hair pressed down against his head. His legs burned from the last few hours of dancing. He had been at the studio since ten that night, it was now nearing one in the morning close to his decided time.He was practicing to forget, forget his talks, his fights, the good and bad of the past two days.

Loud generic pop music blared through the small practice room, he had found an old one that was rarely used anymore. If he was being honest the past forty minutes had just been him free styling it to some English pop music. He felt like he could focus better on dancing and thinking when he had no lyrics he could understand to distract him. Jimin stopped the music, opting to lay on the hard floor for a few minutes. Allowing his thoughts to catch up with him.

Familiar voices made themselves heard outside, Jimin pressed his body up to the door to take a listen. "It's Jimin again. I love that boy to death, but he can be very problematic sometimes. Not only did he pull that stunt the other night, but his live performances are declining. He is having trouble with the groups basic dance practices, he's reverting back to pre-debut Jimin..." The voices moved with the owners out of Jimin's earshot.

He felt tears roll down his face and he wiped at the furiously, he had no right to cry when everything said by the staff member was true. His hand reached to the doorknob turning the lock. He never locked to door while practicing, then again, he wasn't going to practice.

Jimin ran a shaky hand through his hair and scanned the room, the far wall across from him was completely mirror and the rest of the room was an off white. The room was small, just large enough to practice in. Since it was almost never used it had sort of become a storage area, foldable metal chairs had been stacked next to a lamp or two and an old cream couch. He spotted his bag on the couch, and felt the urge to hear someone's voice, anyone's. He sat on the couch next to his bag. He loved the feeling of sitting on it, of sinking down into the softness. That couch had been there when he was a trainee, he remembered sneaking off to sleep on that couch, or playing cards with Tae on it.

Jimin reached his hand in the bag feeling around for his phone. He immediately clicked on his most recent number, not needing to look at the name to know who it was. "Hey Chim, is this important?" Jimin's heart sank a bit that was Taehyung's I can't talk right now I'm really sorry voice. "No, it's cool sorry for bothering you." "Chim you could never bother me, it's just that me and Hosek are in the middle of this really intense Mario cart tournament. I can call back in like twenty minutes." Jimin laughed sincerely "It's really fine Tae, I just wanted to hear your voice. I'm still in the old practice room. I'll probably just crash here." Taehyung was quiet for a second "Ok. Bye Jimin, I love you man." And with that Jimin hung up.

Of course he would go and bother Tae when he was feeling upset. Jimin always seemed to get in the way of others or burden them with his problems when he was feeling down, and he hated himself for it. The alarm he set on his phone started going off signaling that it was already 1:00. Before he knew it tears were streaming down his face and a few sobs escaped him. Jimin wiped at his face with his sweatshirt sleeve and shivered, he always seemed to be cold nowadays probably a side effect of not eating. He moved from the couch to the floor sitting in front of the stacked foldable chairs. He pulled his bag down from off the couch, once again reaching in and this time pulling out his cosmetic bag. He pulled a small pill bottle and his razor from the smaller pouch. He examined the bottle of sleeping pills the label read his name and Eszopiclone, he'd been taking these pills to fall asleep for years.

Jimin picked up his water bottle and wasted no time popping handful after handful of the small white pills into his mouth. He felt the powder against his tongue, it was satisfyingly bitter. He almost gaged as some of the powder caught against the back of his throat. He coughed violently, only calming down after taking one last swig of water. Jimin then picked up the razor, loving the light feeling it ha. He ran his finger over it lightly appreciating the smooth feeling of its side. He brought it up to his wrist, not high enough to quiet reach his bundle of blue veins but not love enough to be considered his forearm he pushed it into his skin dragging it across watching as the sticky red started to run down the side of his wrist and drip onto the floor. He stared up at the ceiling tears obstructing his actual vision.

Jimin's mind wandered to his friends.

To Namjoon who had always been there to talk, who was the best leader he could have ever asked for in a group, the Namjoon who was embarrassed to act cute, who carried the weight of the groups problems even if he wasn't asked to, the Namjoon who would do any and everything for every one of his members. He loved just spending time with Namjoon, he was honestly Jimin's inspiration. He was one of the only reasons Jimin didn't quit when he was still a trainee.

To Jin who had honestly been like a father to him, the Jin who raised him. Jin could always get him to talk even if he didn't want to. Jin was always there to take care of Jimin, even when he didn't want to be taken care of. Jin who needed to spend more time doing what he loved instead of putting his energy into the kids. Jin who was always prepared to have fun and act like a kid with the maknae line but would turn around and be ready to scold them for being stupid just as quickly.

To Yoongi who had helped him through every panic attack. The Yoongi who was probably the most mature out of all of them, who pretended he didn't care, even though he probably cared the most. The Yoongi who he sometimes worried about. Who had a great sense of humor, and amazing gummy smile.

To Hosek, his perfect roommate. A ray of sunshine that could light up even his darkest rainy days. The guy who spent his free time making others smile or creating new choreography. Jimin owed a lot to his roommate. Hosek was like an older brother to him, protective and loving yet also ready to have fun with him and laugh with him to no end. He wished Hosek would slow down sometimes and really appreciate the things they did, Hosek would get so much more from their adventures if he did.

He thought until he was to lightheaded to think anymore, a teal color edged at his vision. He felt sick, he felt a large lump burning his throat. His body convulsed knocking the metal chairs behind him, they crashed to the ground loudly. He vomited on the ground. The vomit mixing with the pool of blood made him sick. A loud knock on the door caused him to feel panic "Mr.Park? I heard a crash and what sounded like vomiting, are you ok in here?" Instead of answering Jimin just vomited again. The doorknob jiggled "Sir you know it's against company rules to lock the door, I'm coming in!"

Jimin tried to stand, slipping on the blood that had pooled on the ground. The fall felt as if it was in slow motion cool air whipping around him as his eyes closed. He hit the ground and was out like a light.

----------------------- 1:40 AM

Every phone in the dorm had gone off at least once, waking Namjoon up as he looked at the caller ID. What was BangPD-nim doing calling this early. Still groggy with sleep he clicked the green answer button, his voice came out horse "Hello?"

Summary:

Jin hated hospitals, always has and always will. He hated the horrible light, the nasty food, the awful smell of disinfectant and sterilized gloves.

Notes:

To get the chapter to you quicker i had to cut it in half, So sorry if it feels incomplete.

Chapter Text

"Hello?" Namjoon's voice was horse with sleep. BangPD-nim voice came from the other end of the line "Namjoon-ah listen to me, I need you to gather everyone in your dorm up, get them dressed." A bad feeling along with some fear flooded his system "S-sir I don't understand wha-" He was cut off "Namjoon I'm going to need you to stay calm when I tell you this." A worried sigh sounded from the other end of the line "One of our nightguards was patrolling she said that she heard a crashing sound coming from one of the old practice rooms. When she got closer she heard someone vomiting, she said Jimin had been in there since about ten." Namjoon's heart sped up. "She heard more vomiting and she unlocked the door. Jimin had had an accident. She called an ambulance. He's on his way to the hospital right now, I don't know more than that at this point in time. I'm sending over a van, it should get to you guys in around twenty minutes. Namjoon listen I need you to stay calm and keep your team calm, I'm on my way to the hospital as we speak."

Namjoon felt like he was having an out of body experience, like he was watching himself walk into Jin and Yoongi's room not doing it himself. "Joon-ah! What's wrong?!" Jin sat up on his bed as soon as Namjoon walked In, setting his book he had his nose stuffed in on the bed. At hearing Jin's concerned tone Yoongi whipped around on his office chair pulling his headphones off. Namjoon swallowed down attempting to rid himself of the lump that had formed there. Namjoon sat down and began to explain, he still hadn't quite processed it himself the words sounding foreign to his own ears "I just got off the phone with BangPD-nim." "This late?" Yoongi sent a glare at Jin for interrupting and Namjoon sent him a thankful look "Jimin, he… he had an accident at the studio, he's on his way to the hospital now. I-I don't know how bad he is or what happened." Jin gasped and Yoongi got pale "I need one of you to wake up the kids, and one to start gathering things we might need like phone chargers."

Yoongi headed to Jungkook's room where Him, Jimin, Tae, and Hosek usually hung out and inevitably fell asleep in on Saturday nights. Jin was running around making sure he had chargers and a coat for everyone. Namjoon went to Jimin's closet grabbing a change of clothes for Jimin when they released him, stuffing it in the bag along with a fluffy blanket from the hall closet.

It was pure chaos in the Livingroom. Jin was running around like a chicken with its head cut off, Yoongi was trying to calm down Hosek who was breathing erratically and panicking quietly. Taehyung was demanding more information on 'what had happened to his soulmate and bff.' Jungkook was nowhere to be found. Taehyung flipped his attention to Namjoon as soon as he walked in "What do you mean Jimin is in the hospital, what happened? Is he gonna be ok? How long is he going to be there?" A loud text notification sounded from Namjoon's phone and the room grew eerily silent. "The van is here we should head down, make sure you have everything you need. And where the hell is Jungkook?" Jungkook ran into the room at full speed holding a fluffy purple item "Wait!" he stopped handing a small purple lion plush to Namjoon "I had to grab flower, Jimin has trouble sleeping without him." Jin handed everyone a mask, phone charger, and their respective coat and everyone was out of the door without another word.

The van ride was silent, intensely so. No one spoke, tense worry filled the car. Jungkook sat in the passenger seat. Namjoon Jin and Yoongi sat in the middle, Taehyung and Hoseok sat in the back hands intertwined Taehyung's head on Hosek's shoulder. Namjoon had closed eyes head back against the seat back, beside him Jin's heart raced as he stared out of the window at the lights of Seoul. Yoongi played with his fingers, he had a sinking feeling there was more to jimin's accident than he was told. Taehyung and Hoseok found comfort in being near each other. Jungkook stared at a picture of him and jimin on his phone and twisted the ring on his finger. That picture was taken the day they got the rings in Tokyo, they were in the hotel room both bare faced and smiling, Jungkook remembered being so happy so filled with fondness and love. Blonde hair was sticking up everywhere and jimin was kissing his cheek, they had just woken up and had crazy bed hair and oily faces, Jimin had insisted Jungkook delete it that they looked horrible, but Jungkook had kept it. It was his favorite picture.

The van pulled into the hospitals parking lot, they had been told to go in through the staff entrance, so they could be escorted to a special waiting room. The hospital was famous for being very understanding of idols and had helped many idols get treated there safely, without press getting involved. A young woman with a short shiny black bob in blue scrubs was waiting for them by the entrance "Welcome sirs, I'll show you to your waiting room." She held a keycard up to A red scanner next to the large metal door and started to lead them don a long artificially lit hall "I know you all have burning questions about your friend, but you'll have to wait a little longer. I know nothing about what has happened to him but when he's all taken care of and in stable condition a doctor will come in and talk to you about what happened, and when he can come home."

Jin hated hospitals, always has and always will. He hated the horrible light, the nasty food, the awful smell of disinfectant and sterilized gloves. The sinking feeling in his stomach got deeper the farther they weaved themselves into the maze of a hospital. He felt worry and fear bubble in his mind, it killed him he knew nothing more than there had been an accident. He thought about the younger and how they'd been there for each other since the beginning. He thought about the youngers smile, how he was always there ready to help anyone, always ready and willing to give up something for the sake of another. Jimin made him feel happy, he loved his little brother. Then he felt guilt, why hadn't he been there to protect his little angel, the ray of sunshine.

The nurse finally stopped after what seemed like ages in front of a cream-colored door and unlocked it for them, turning the light on as she stepped inside, stepping aside letting everyone else in "Alright, I'll leave you to it. There are restrooms down the hall to the left, and vending machines to the right. Press the blue button on the wall next to the TV if you need assistance from one of the nurses from the front desk. Bye." She shut the door behind her leaving the group in another tense silence.

Jin surveyed the room taking everything in. It was large and square, the walls were completely white, a forest green couch stood out on the wall to his left and two black chairs were sat on the right side, one chair sat next to the door. On the wall across from him a long wood table sat with a tv on it. A stack of brightly colored magazines next to it, with a slim black remote top of it with multicolored buttons. Hobi, Taehyung and Yoongi sat on the couch, Jungkook opted to stand, Jin decided to sit on the chair next to the door.

"I know this is scary but knowing Jimin he probably just overworked himself and passed out or something. I'm sure he is just fine, and we have nothing to worry about." From the way he spoke Jin didn't know if Namjoon was trying to convince the others or himself of that.

Seconds ticked by, eventually turning into minutes which had turned into an hour. Somewhere along the way the tv had been turned on to some gameshow where people were trying to guess the ending to surprising videos, not that anyone was paying attention. Eventually a loud knock sounded at the door, Jungkook who hadn't sat down since they arrived opened it revealing BangPD-nim and a female nightguard who looked very spooked. No one spoke a word as Jungkook moved aside allowing them in and shutting the door behind them.

The small cream room was silent, the only noise was the air conditioner blasting on full power on the wall beside the couch. BangPD-nim spoke first "This is the nightguard who found Jimin, she personally wanted to speak to you and tell you what happened herself." The nightguard nodded and bowed. "Well get on with it then." Jungkook growled, much to Jin's horror. "I'm so sorry mam, he didn't mean to be rude. He's just a little freaked out and irritated." Namjoon sent a glare to the youngest. The young nightguard shook her head and spoke quietly "No, I'm the one who should apologize. I was unable to do much for your friend after finding him. I really should just start from the beginning."

She hung her head as she continued "I was about to leave for the night and giving the studio one last check. I was heading to the door when I heard a loud crash from down the hallway, when I started back down it I heard noises that sounded like vomiting coming from the room Mr.Park had been practicing in that night. I knocked on the door and let him know I was going to come in, but the door was locked I heard more sounds of distress and a loud thud and groan."

A tear streamed down the young nightguards face, everyone in the room held a breath in the tense moment. "I-I panicked and broke down the door." She looked at her fingers "It was horrible. There was blood and vomit everywhere, and he was-Mr.Park was convulsing on the ground. I think he was having a seizure." He voices cracked on the last word "I-I panicked and called an ambulance, I di- I didn't-I couldn't move. He was just shaking so much, and he wasn't breathing well, it was like I was stuck to the floor, When the paramedics got there they threw me out of the room." She hiccupped and let out a small sob "I'm so sorry, I should have done more to help."

Before anyone could say anything or make a movement, the young sobbing woman was led out of the room by their company's CEO. Leaving the boy's all alone with the weight of the situation finally hitting.