"**Magic** is the power of apparently influencing events by using mysterious or supernatural forces", this is the definition one would usually get from a dictionary. It is about mystical events that Science can't explain. It is beyond any human comprehension - a domain that will always and ever be a mystery.

Though difficult to fathom the idea, people try to portray it in their own special ways to concretize the experience and become less incomprehensible at the same time entertaining. We have our modern magicians who try their best to impress the crowd by making something appear out of nothing \- pulling out a long string from their mouths, having white fluffy bunnies appear out off the hat, getting loose from metal chains without any keys.

Many writers, movie producers and directors put their effort creating a whole new magical world that people can vicariously experience how it is to live in the world surrounded by magic. A great example is the phenomenal Harry Potter series by J.K. Rowling. If you haven't read or watched this, then you're missing the enormous experience of being part of a magical society that you will never have in reality.

There are also numerous animations which theme is about magic and they definitely were well received by viewers all across the globe such as Kimi No Na Wa and Weathering with You. Watching them will make one breathless and in awe.

But as humans tend to be immersed with the experience, they lose grasp of reality and try to stay in their delusions of being part of that world. They believe that living in such fantasy is way better than the real ones; thus staying like this is the only desirable action they can do \- escapism is born. Some drain themselves playing video games for hours and days, overlooking other aspects of their lives such as family, friends, career, love, and especially health. Some tirelessly watch films that they use as a basis for the standard of finding Mr. or Ms. Perfect, a work one could ever dream of, or what a good life, if not, best life could ever be.

But what happens in the end? One always ends up being disappointed and stuck being alone not achieving a single damn thing...Is this how magic is supposed to be?

What is magic exactly? Is it just about something unfathomable and can only happen in fantasy novels, movies or games? Something that is out of league, a dream that can only stay as a dream. How would you define it? How would you conquer it?

“I’m sorry”, that was the last word I heard from the person I used to say “I love you” - not a day went by that I forgot to utter this short yet overflowing feelings I had been treasuring inside. How long had it been since I devoted my life to you? Your willful characteristics - the selfish ways you acted towards me as if you were the king who would never once admit your fault; yet, instantly you did - in the most unexpected way I could have ever imagined. I should be delighted seeing you that you humbled yourself for once. Why now? Why use it in this way? I'd rather not hear this or you could have used it more often. I didn't mind about the cliche. However, you threw it so sharply that pierced me so deeply and it stayed ringing through my brain a thousand times in a day.

It was overwhelming to comprehend why you left me standing all alone in the shadow. You never gave me a proper explanation why you left me for her. It is all so blurry that I couln't help but squeezed out every logical reason for abandoning me. I kept convincing myself that I was indeed a boring woman not worthy to be loved by you. I only caused you inconvenience all these years. I was no one for you but a burden. Why not tell me directly? I would accept any explanation. Why end it with a phone call?! Wearing glasses couldn't even help me understand it. If this was the future, I could have read your mind, seen your history and known your future actions with such a high-tech invention. I hoped somebody could be able to invent it in no time. I just wanted some answers...I just wanted to know why... Tell me...tell me...why I'd still wanted to be with you?

You might think I’m a crazy masochist, for wanting to stay even though it broke me into pieces. But if I left, what will become of me? You were my everything, but you were the one who left...Even if you didn't deserve this love, I still missed you – every single minute, hour and not a day passed by that I never recalled these bitter sweet memories. But you’re gone.

I had not heard anything from you since then. It seemed like you’re not concern of my whereabouts anymore or if I’m still breathing the same air as I did. How could those long years meant nothing to you? Have you ever forgotten our lovely childhood days when we had started seeking each other’s company? Was it just because you pitied me, so you stayed by my side the whole time? Did you love me even for a brief moment? I never wanted your pity or anything.

If I knew, you would abandon me in the end, I’d rather be alone from the very beginning. I could have gotten used to the notion of one man in an island is enough to survive this cruel reality of pain. Oh, if I had the power to predict the future or go back in time, with some kind of whatever time machine it be. Let there be a magic wand that can undo past mistakes or a magic book for creating forget-the-pain potion. But I was just another heartbroken fool wishing for the impossible…

You’re gone.

I guessed the only gift you left me were these literally undying memories that kept on rewinding over and over as if it was some kind of a broken recorder that I can never fix, and the deep wound that your invisible ax cut me through - enough to make me bleed to death. Exaggeration it might be, but this might be even worse than instantly dying with a real physical wound - you cannot see it, but it's always there... it never disappears. How any amount of words can be so powerful – it can be so loving, forgiving, and heal any kind of pain at the same time can instantly break you into pieces without any way of putting them back together.

You should have never said it. We could have been together until now.

A Rose Garden does not Grow overnight

Do you believe in love at first sight? Do you think love will just blossom in an instant without knowing the person entirely? Does this kind of sentiment last forever, a long time, or in an instant as well?

It was three years ago, back in December during the Christmas eve night, when you asked me to go out and talk with you after our fight because of the guy who tirelessly courted me despite that I had you as my rigid bodyguard. At first, I didn't want to pick up your calls, since it was definite you would not apologize for your mistakes of mocking and beating him up and for lying that you were my boyfriend. You even said,

"Don't mess with my girl. No one can have her but me. She is mine. So scram!"

After professing such a lie, you instinctively grabbed my hands and pulled me away from the crowd that made it impossible for me to apologize properly to him. He didn't deserve to be treated like that. He was honest, gentle and sincere as the sun that never forgets to shine from the east after the darkness of the night. Hideki was bright. He was a walking sunshine, not just to me but to everyone around him. It was a great opportunity to experience being loved by such an ideal man.

Yet, I felt ecstatic for a while because for the first time, I felt my string of overflowing emotions reached you and you, for a moment, had a mutual desire that you couldn't contain in your bottle, at least that was what I thought.

While you kept on dragging me, I tried hard pulling back my arm to get loose from your tight grip.

"Wait! Stop dragging me around like I'm some kind of dog!!! Why are you doing this?" I clearly remembered asking you this and you defensively replied, " I'm just protecting you since you might get hurt badly because of this relationship thing. It doesn't suit you at all."

"Why are you doing this? Tell me?! We're not lovers! How can you shame him like that. He is just a nice person who I can't ignore. And if I fall in love with him, it is none of your business! Saying that I might get hurt?! Can't you see, staying by your side like this is killing me?! You don't have the right to say this, not to me!"

Out of the blue, faster than your words could come out from you, you faced me and pounced on the wall enough to feel an earthquake behind me as I timidly pressed my back against it. Before we could both process the situation, you quickly ran away and I, was left in astonishment...

The next day, you just ignored me, and I returned the favor back. You might be even more angered if you found out I would meet him, I had to make sure to apologize to Hideki after class. Hideki and I met outside the school yard around five in the afternoon. Dark clouds were hovering the sky, but I got to do it.

"I'm sorry Hideki, it's all my fault that you got hurt. I want to apologize on his behalf too". He said in a calm tone, "No, Aya, you have nothing to apologize for. It was me who was wrong. I knew you are so close, but I never thought you are in a relationship with him. I should have stopped courting you if I had known that earlier. But I want you to know that my intentions are clear. I love you and if it happens you are free, remember I will always wait for you". "Thank you, Hideki. You’re a good friend", I said reluctantly. "Life's like this, sometimes we've got to lose battles only to gain something better from it. By the way, it's getting late and it will rain soon, I'll walk you home.", he said in an obliging manner. "Sure, thanks", I replied.

He just walked me home without saying anything at all. After arriving in front of my apartment's building, we bade our farewell.

"Thank you. Take care and see you at school!", I said.

"Yeah, see you at school!", he replied in a gloomy tone. As he turned away, a sudden torrent of crystal droplets poured down from the sky.

In all truthfulness, the man was a saint! Even though I wanted to clear up the misunderstanding, I couldn't bring myself to do it. I didn't want to continue hurting him. His feelings were real, and if I accepted him, I might have had ruined him...After All, love is something you can't forcefully learn. I didn't want him to wait. Since it already belonged to someone else from a long time ago.

Days passed and you and I continued the same routine of ignoring each other. We had to endure each other's presence for the whole day almost every day in two weeks before the New Year School break started. Imagine, you were just sitting behind and didn't say a thing. Whenever I sneakily took a look at your reflection through the window, you just kept staring outside lost in your own thoughts...I held my breath and thought to myself, "What were you thinking about? Does it involve me?

Whenever we passed by each other, and our eyes would accidentally meet, we would immediately look away.  Whenever I saw you at the cafeteria, I would run away and not eat lunch at all. It was suffocating not to be able to interact with you normally. I wanted to approach you but couldn't. We both had our pride holding us both above the ground.

Finally, the year-end break came and we still didn't talk with each other. I was expecting Aunt Ayame to call me and invite me over to your house for New Year's Eve since it's like a tradition for us, and maybe we could sort things out. Strangely, she never did.

Christmas eve came and Misaki called me,

"Aya will you come tonight, all our friends will celebrate Christmas Eve together. You shouldn't be alone and most of all, you must have fun!"

"Will Takumi be there?", I curiously replied. "I asked Yashiro to invite him, but I guess he will come. Their best buddies anyway. Just don't think too much. You'll eventually make up, you love birds!", she chuckled.

"Stop that! You know it's not true. He was just playing around. But I still hate it!", I exclaimed. "Well, I bet you wanted that to happen anyway. I told you; Takumi acts cold and all arrogant, but he really cares about you. I feel like he likes you too."

"Impossible, he just feels obliged looking after me, ever since my parents passed away.", I replied lifelessly. "Huh, how long have you known each other?! You were childhood friends right. Despite him acting all tough, he never left you. When you're in trouble, he always rescues you. He is like your knight and shining armor. You should know best that he deeply cares about you. And hello, have you ever thought why he never had a girlfriend despite he is the campus crush...?! You know what, sometimes I feel like you are so airheaded!", she reproached.

"I hope you are right. But sorry, I don't feel like facing him right now. Give me some time to collect my thoughts." Then she replied, "You are really indeed hopeless. But I understand. And if you ever change your mind, I'll send you the time and location." "Sure, thank you so much for having such an understanding bestie!" "Sheesh, don't be so jelly now...Just call me if you need anything and I will fly to you in a flash". "Got it. Thanks"

After her call, I just lay down on my bed, I already prepared myself to sulk the whole year end break. I was terrified that I was gonna lose you if we couldn't have a proper conversation. But I could never express myself well and I didn't even know how to start. Yet, I had so many questions on my mind... Could it be possible that you were jealous and you meant what you said back then... I knew you were good at teasing me, so I always doubted your words.

Hours had passed that day until the clock hit seven in the evening after I intentionally missed your calls for a hundredth time, I gathered up my courage and decided to pick up your call. Before I could utter a word, you immediately told me to come out. Definitely, I could hear your voice coming from the outside. I quickly opened the door, and peaked down from the corridor on the second floor. You were there standing in the middle of rose garden!

" Ah!! What the?!", I was stunned in astonishment the moment I saw you all in a black suit surrounded by a garden that grew overnight without me realizing it... "Aya, would you be my date this Christmas' Eve?", you said resolutely. "What are you talking about? If this is your way to apologize, it is too much...We both said mean things to each other, but I really didn't mean it. Let's just go back to the way it was before, ok? Enough of you teasing me. I’m also tired of this anyway."

As I finished what I was saying from above, you released a deep sigh and dashed towards me and in a few moments, you were right in front of me. Without any bit of hesitation, you grabbed both of my hands and softly placed them on your cheeks and said, "Do you feel that my words are full of insincerity and lies? Can't you feel that I am real? I am right in front of you, from the very start and even now. Tell me, are my words not real enough? Is this not real enough? I can't help it anymore.... I miss you for a longest time that seems to be like forever and I think I'm going crazy if I lose you to some other guy" I love you from the start".

When I looked at your eyes, all I could see was a reflection of me desperately urging to come out off the shadow. We were standing on the same platform all along without even realizing it sooner, afraid to speak up what was really on our minds until it burst that resonated to thousand miles.

"How could we feel the same way for each other? If I can stay by your side even as a friend is enough for me. You being with me is already a consolation for a loser like me. If this was a dream, I hope it will last forever." At that moment, you surrounded me with your warm embrace that made me wanted you more than I could have ever imagined... I was so flustered that I had to bury my head on your chest for a while before I could look at you with my teary eyes, and you in the same manner, stared at me as if our eyes locked like opposite poles of magnets and it was the start of my bitter sweet nightmare.

The years I put on this love did blossom. But I wasn't expecting it would all change its color and slowly wither along with the gloomy and chilly breeze of the dead season.