It is a bright sunny day, a beautiful day indeed. I opened my eyes just a little to grab a hold of the sunlight peeking through my thick window curtains. I face palmed at my lazy *** brain making myself realise that this is not a day of weekend to curdle in my cozy bed. So I mustered the strength to leave my super comfortable af bed and drag myself to the bathroom to freshen up then get ready for the school. I brushed my teeth and took a quick refreshing shower and went to my wardrobe to pick up today's outfit. I decided on a dirt white colour shirt with a black sweater to pair with my light washed jeans. I never bothered to brush my hair so kept it styled untidy. Oh baby I'm ready to rock I said to myself.

As I got down the stairs a saw my mom making pancakes and my dad reading his daily newspaper and drinking coffee. When they say me they both greeted a good morning at the same time. I kissed my mom on the cheek and gave my dad a side hug while returning their greetings.

Mom quickly gave me my pancakes which I flooded, literally flooded with maple syrup. Yummy! I ate and then grabbed my backpack and left for my school while saying my parents good-bye. My mom called me back,

"Honey, let me give you a ride to school, I'm almost done here" , she said.

" Okayyy" I replied back.

She took her bag and car keys and we sat on the car while she started to drive drive towards my school. We chatted about lil things about my school life.

"How's your day going in school? Are you attending your classes properly?", mom asked.

" Yessssss mother. You know I'm a good kid, right?" I replied making a puppy-dog face.

She smiled a bit relaxed.

" You know baby that you can share anything you want with us. We'll appreciate it. Tell us if you get into any trouble or need us", she assured me.

I smiled brightly enough to convince her. Only that she or no one else not a single soul can know what I buried inside my chest... My sexual orientation, my true self - I'm gay.

Don't get me wrong. My parents are super nice and they have supported me in every decision I made so far in my life. But this is my thing, I couldn't gather up the courage to tell them yet. I dunno why but I just couldn't.

We pulled up to the school driveway dragging me out of my thoughts my mom elbowed me signalling that we have arrived.

I grabbed my bag and kissed my mom goodbye and started my way to the entrance of my school. My friends were clattering near my locker - Our gossip place. I have two buddies who I referred as two lifelines - James Jefferson and Tomas Brown.

"You gotta see her, man!!", James said

" Nah.. bro I'm alright without her. It's been enough. I need my time", Tomas clarified.

I understood what they are discussing about and that is Tomas' breakup with Celine. They were together for 2 months but Tomas caught her cheating with some random dude. She apologized a thousand times, cried and kinda begged for Tomas to give her another chance.

You know Tomas is actually quite popular among girls. He has that bad boy gentleman kinda vibes for which girls are crazy about. Tomas is really a good man and that only adds to this long list of qualities.

But here I'm a quite nobody. Not popular at all though my both friends are quite popular guys in the school but I am just the 'other friend' in the school. My friends never mind that and they protect me from any harsh comments that often come from school bullies. Don't get me wrong. I love them and never thought of them any different than very good friends.

I joined them in their so interesting chit-chat "Hey, guys what's up?" I said. Their faces lit up a bit seeing me. We started to talk when the class bell rang and I headed towards my literature class while James and Tomas went for their mathematics class. We do not share a whole lot of classes together but we fulfil that time in breaks.

I entered the class and took my seat near the window. This is my favourite seat. Then HE entered the class. I felt like my heart is going to stop any moment. I feel like heat is rushing through every part of my body. This is generally my regular normal reaction when I see him.

He is the school jock best friend of the soccer team captain - Steven Smith. One of the hottest male crush of the entire school. My 'Secret Crush'.

It's always like this whenever I see him. Sometimes I feel scared that other people may have understood something but they don't seem to know about my crush for Steven. What am I thinking myself so highly for. Pffttt... I'm just a nobody for them so why would they care about what I do or like. Lol. Wake up Evan, get yourself together.

He sat on the seat next to me as usual. It takes a lot to not stare at him all the time. But I'm kinda habituated in such situation after hiding it for such a long time from eventually the whole world.

I like him a lot really a lot, but I know he can never be mine. He's like an angel whom everyone try to reach but cannot. Too much to ask for. His dark brown hair neatly styled, not too much just perfect. His dressing sense is not too extravagant neither too shabby, just the type which suits him perfectly. Am I too crazy about him? Do you think so? Nahhh... It's just him being too perfect. Oh! my eye candy Mr. Steven Smith.

He's both good in class and sports. Teachers like him and students love and respect him. He's kind and gentle, always help others with assignments and practice. Oh my god! I can write a whole essay about how good he is.

On the other hand I don't care about hus bestie so much. I don't like that dude. He's kinda a bully. Not too big of a bully but yeah he's kinda one. I wear glasses and one time somehow he bumped into me in the canteen and he called me a four-eyed as*hol*. So yeah I don't like him.

The literature class went quite smoothly. I get out meet my friends who were waiting outside my classroom. We walked towards my locker. With James rambling about how he liked a girl in his maths class. But he can't get himself to tell her.

" Man! I like her but I'm scared of being rejected dude. I can't bring myself to tell her that. Life sucks" James wryly said.

" Go man up bro, trust me no one will reject you. You are a good man and everyone knows with good looks and money. Tell her your feelings." Tomas added.

" Yes, bro you should tell her. Get her a rose and confess to her" I chimed in.

" That's kinda cliche." Tomas laughed.

" So what! Girls like this kinda stuffs." I said.

We got to the canteen where I grabbed my tray with sandwich and a hamburger with some juice. There I instantly spotted him. My eyes always search for him but when I see him I can stare at him directly because that will be a problem. It pains me how school is my only place where I can see him but it is also the only place which gives me the sinking feel about how I can never tell him that. Sometimes I think about the consequences. What will happen if I tell him. Will he laugh at me? Will I be bullied for being gay? Will he hate me? Will I be suspended for any absurd reason because of prejudices? I dunno I'm scared.

Steven looked at me and passed a kind smile. I returned it back. Oh my heart! If I could ever be his boyfriend. Shessssh! Thats a wild dream. Sometimes I have these hot dreams about us kissing and doing stuffs. You know couples do. But it's just a dream.

I sat with my friends and rambled about stuffs. Kinds of gossips and other homely stuffs.

" Hey guys let's have a small party with us at my house. My parents will be gone on a business trip so I'm all alone." James suggested.

We both agreed. That sounds fun. We don't have such times together because Tomas used to hang out with his girlfriend all the time. And I used to focus on my studies. But now Tomas has broken up and exams have ended. We are basically free. So party whole night with only us sounds kinda relaxing. Let's have it.

Days of the week in school rolled on with me daydreaming about Steven then slapped back by reality, back and forth. We often cross paths in canteen and hallway and yeah we have some same classes. To tell you the truth we never spoke to each other actually. I realized it not too long ago but that's weird but true. I know, I know what u all will say that Evan how can you fall for someone with whom you have never talked to. But love is blind my friends. I like him and it's not that I don't know him. We have been to same school for years. I follow him in Instagram also. Yayyyyy! That's an achievement right?

Anyways, what I didn't know that fate will take its turn and in different ways I can anticipate. Slowly but steadily day of the house small party arrived. I waa getting ready for the chill night we are going to have. We three besties with lots of gaming, chatting and booze. Hey! that's what dudes do when they are left alone. I got in my comfy sweat-shirt and joggers, got out of my house and started to walking towards James' house. He lives just two blocks away from my house so it is a short distance walk.

I put my headphones on and played my fav playlisted songs. Oh this song! I love Adele and every time I listen to her song 'Easy on me', I think about what will happen if I come out someday. Will those people who love me will turn to hate me? Will I be left alone? Will they go easy on me? Random thoughts aside I reached James'. I rang the door bell. Tomas opened the door. He reached before me that's unexpected but ok. We both got on the couch in front of TV which was playing some sort of sport channel where soccer commentary and discussion is going on. I guess that's Tomas kind of thing. James came out from the kitchen with two big bowls of different flavored pop-corn, one of which is my fav plain caramel. Yum! He knows me aww my bestie.

Tomas was quite and the reason I assumed was he was chatting with his ex-girlfriend, Celine. He was not in a good mood. Ok that can ruin our night as well.

" Hey man, why that grumpy face? I ignored you and gave you some time to chill but now that Evan is here please can you not make that face?" James quite annoyed said to Tomas.

I felt the urge to tell him directly that this mood can destroy our long lost chilling relaxed night.

" Tomas you know right that we three rarely get time to hang out like this. We haven't have this kind of nights since ages. So please put that mood and mobile aside and relax. For us please?", I said.

" Okay fine. She is constantly nagging me to get back with her. I don't know whether I want that or not. I don't think we are that made for each other couples. Sigh", Tomas wryly added.

" It's ok bro. You can always come up to us. We will get you through every decision you make", James said and I agreed.

" You guys are the best. I love you. Ok now let's enjoy our night", Tomas chimed.

We selected a horror movie from netflix and started our night with it. We gradually got a bit drunk with alcohol as the night progressed. We decided to play some random card games then truth or dare.

" So James, tell us how many times you got laid?", Tomas asked.

" Dude I don't count. Still may be 3-4 with different people", James answered.

" That's lame. I got laid once with this cute girl that was awesome bro. We still are in contact but long distance kinda friendship thingy", Tomas said.

" Ok ok now turn the bottle. Let's see who is it this time", James twisted the bottle and it rolled towards me. So yup I'm next.

" Truth or dare?", Tomas asked.

" I guess Truth is it then..", I answered.

" Okie. Sooooo tell us who's your crush in our school? You don't tell us much about your crushes.", James asked, Tomas agreed.

Oh god! I can tell them that I have the hugest crush on Steven. The Steven. But you know when your tongue gets all twisted and slippery when alcohol rushes through your blood stream and make you say those things which you should not. Yeah that was the situation. I forgot what to say. I kept thinking and thinking but it was difficult when you have eyes on only one person and you rarely know the faces or names of others beside him. I have to think and quick.

" What's up Evan? Tell us come on. You are looking like we are demanding for your kidney or something. Its not a big deal we are bros.", Tomas said.

" Yeah... Actually you know... Umm.. I.. Really have.. Umm.. This girl, Emma. Yeah yeah. It is Emma. I have a hugeeee crush on her. She's so cute, kind, cool, smart. Good with everything. She has a great personality. I really really like him." I said unknowingly.

" Him? " James asked.

" Yeah him. I like him." I dreamily said.

" You said you like Emma. But she is a girl. Evan what are you saying ", Tomas frowned.

Oh shit! What the fucking hell alcohol. What did I just said?!! Oh no no no no. This can't be.

"I mean her yeah her. She's in my literature class. Not him not him. Of course its her." I tried to rectify. They were both glancing at each other and trying to process what I just said.

"Evan...", before James got the time to finish his sentence I jumped into the bed and said " My head is spinning I'm sleepy. Good night".

Holy moly I don't know what will be the repercussion of this small mistake.