it was a dark day as usual, as dark I am not referring to the weather actually if was a very sunny and warm day ,personally I like a rainy and cold day because it helpes me cover the scares on my wrist. as I was laying in my bes wondering what my day is going to look like and if i am going to go over this pretending thing over and over again, I wanted to cry ,I wanted to cry my lunges out until my mom(step mom) comes and hug me (although she doesn't care), I wanted to wet my face with the tears coming out out of my eyes , generally I wanted to fell something, I stopped felling.i stopped felling and being able to cry when I was 14 .I remember that day .it was the day my mom told me she was leaving me .she was seating intro of me wearing her long white dress, she puted her bag on her thig , she was wearing white sneker, her higab was white as snow , some of its part was leaked by her tears and she said to me

"prima (that's a nekename she gave me)I am getting married "

I was devastated it was my birthday and I was so excited to see her after 3 months. my eyes were filed with tears, I wanted to bage her ,I wanted to get on my knees and ask her not to do it but instead of that bad words started coming out of my mouth ..... I said

"you are a bad mother ,you deserve to die , take your cake and get the hell out of my house , I hate you "

that's what I said ,and I could see her broken eyes looking into My eyes deeply. they were saying to me

"please my daughter don't say that , I love u I am doing this because I can't do it any more,please understand"

while I was Yelling my lunges out she responded very calmly .

"emmmm and......... I am 3 months pregnant"

when she said that ,I didn't had the courage to respond I just started crying very loud I knew it was the final I knew my wish, my dreams is never going to be fulfilled. I cried for three hours straight, and my mom ,well she left basically I told her to but she left me all alone, with empty hands, a broken heart, a heart that will never be filled. every since that day I have never cried, thier were plenty of times I wanted to cry my eyes out ,scream talk to some one and fell better, but no I preferred silence, I lost feelings .this morning was one of those days ,those days where I wanted to cry , those days I wanted someone to huge me ,those days where I wanted to scream but,there was nobody, nobody to hug ,nobody to talk to . it was just Helen (my stepsister)banging on my door shouting

"get up you are going to be late get up bich"

😘hey readers this is my first book ever I wish you would like it and enjoy.. their is more to come

some of this novel is true story.

Good luck ❤❤❤❤❤❤

👉Amanda

i reached my phone and I looked at the clock she's right it's late I rolled of my bed and sat on the ground and looked around my room. my room looks like a trash cane , the dirty clothes and shosses ,the dirty dishes that was seating there for months and more . if my stepmother fatuma was abou to enter my room she would end my life .After seeing around I stood up there was a mirror infront of me , I started at my self ,every time I started more and more their was a soulless a cold hearted girl staring back at me . I don't recognise my self any more ,since it's been three days since I ate ,I have lost some weight . I was trying to figure out what a person would see through my eyes, would they see the tired gir that has lost the will to leave , the tired girl that has lost and missed the felling of love , the tired girl that used to be so sweet, so lovely or will they just see the mask I put on every morning, why would they not notice the black circle on my eyes , the crispy lips and ,the eye that is calling out for a help. they won't because I will not allow them to see it ,I will hide until my darkness eat me alive, while this thought's were running in my mind another bang knocked on my door, it was my dad and he started talking

"hey Amanda it's me dad you was sleeping when I came last night and this morning you were late as usual, me and my family are going to a trip to hawi this evening and we are going to be gone for two weeks so take care of the house , ummm I figured u have work so I didn't invite you , bye bye um and here is the house key ,I puted on the front gate come out and get it "

muh I was not surprised it was not there first time leaving me . I looked at my clock I have been standing infront of the mirror for about 30 minutes, I gusp oh shit I am late again . I fixed my self some outfits from the ground ,picked my bag and left . I picked up the house key from the ground and started walking towards the door . I saw Helen running towards dad's car she has grown . when she was little she used to be the sweetest thing alive . she used to be so kind to me, but as she was growing she became more like her mom , we grew apart from each other . she lookes more like our dad ,unlike me I looked just like my mom I guess that's why my dad hates me so much . I opened the door and started walking towards the bus station. I plugged my music on and started walking fastly (what would the world be without music ) while I was rushing towards the bus stop I heard someone calling for my name . I thought to my self

"wait this voice is very familiar"

the voice called again

'Amanda '

this time the voice was getting closer. I turned my face to look after the voice that was calling me it was scarlet I freezed.

👉 Amanda's messy room

scarlet was my best friend from high school, we used to be bestfrien goles. all the students in school used to love us ,we even got a maching tattoo. she jumped and huged me and said_

"oh my God Amanda, its so nice to see you"

me and scarlet mate when we were six years old . our mom's used to work for the same company. they put us at the same school and we continued to be friends every since. scarlet was the kind of girl that was shy and quiet, as the opposite, i was very active , talkative a kind of girl that will get into a fight by just staring at me . this mach was the perfect mach ,while she got bullied and cast out I would stand for her even kick other kids and when I am sad and in need of any advice she will always be their by my side . we loved each other so much . as we grow older our bond started to grow deeper. while our mom's were busy working , they would live as at the house by each other to play and study . that was the best time ever . we would study a little and play for hours we were also very good students in school .we used to get all A's in every subject the teachers and the students in our school used to call us the ' foravers ' we were unbreakable. we planed plans ,planed our future wedding, we even named our future kid's.

while squizing me thigtly she said-

'How have you been I missed u '

I was at the edge of telling, at the edge of saying

'no, i am not OK, I am suffering in silence , I need someone to help me , someone to drug me out of this darkness, please help me scarlet please '

I wanted to say it , but instead I answered with.

'I have been well how about you'

she stopped huging me and stood infront of me and said.

'have you noticed I have lost a couple of pounds '

I looked , she was right she has lost a couple of pounds. After that I started looking her from toe to head , she is wearing a very fancy looking purple suit , her long black hair is laying in her back like a beautiful black silk and with a very cute bangs , her face is cute as always, she is waring a little bit of makeup and her lips are red as roses, she smiles like an angel and in her right hand she is holding a bunch of paper with a binder, and also a car key . generally she looked great. I fealt happy for her .

'ummm yes you look great '

I answered with a shaking voice

'you also look great '

her eyes filled with tears when she said that. she was probably shocked by the scares that she saw in my hand or the fact that I have the look of a scaleton since I have lost some weight . I smiled I knew she didn't mean that

'thank you'

I replied with a dry smile

👉scarelt