To Love Again (Taegi) (Jikook) (Namjin) (Sope) (Vhope)
To Love Again 1
𝑻𝒐 𝑳𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝑨𝒈𝒂𝒊𝒏 ~ 𝑻𝒂𝒆𝒈𝒊
Disclaimer~
from taeseok/sope to taegi
~
character death
𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐢𝐬 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐫𝐭, 𝐅𝐨𝐫𝐠𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐢𝐬 𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐠
Taehyung
I brought snacks and movies so we can watch them all night.
Taehyung
and before you complain, your doctor said it's okay.
Taehyung smiled brightly as he stared down at his boyfriend, it was not easy seeing him like this, weak and fragile, deep inside he was breaking, and he wanted to just cry all day and let his worries take over but he couldn't, Hoseok didn't need that. What he did need was someone who would have been strong when he couldn't have, someone who could reassure him that he would be okay, even if that wasn't the case.
Hoseok gave him a sad smile before he tried to sit up, Taehyung moved forward to try and help but Hoseok shaked his head tellin him he could do it himself.
Sometimes Taehyung would over stepped and is too protective, but it was just because he was scared, he didn't want the other to be in pain or anything and it just made him eager to always try and help.
Hoseok
This is all sweet but...
Taehyung's smile fell, he knew exactly what Hoseok was going to say.
Hoseok
You need to...*cough*
Hoseok
I'm fine, I'm fine. It's just a cough.
Hoseok
anyways...your art exposition
Taehyung
no, I don't. I want to be here with you.
Hoseok
I know, and I want you to be here with me too but Taehyung this is your dream.
Hoseok
You've been talking about showcasing your art for as long as I've known you.
Hoseok
I won't let you miss it because of me. I'll be right here when you get back.
Taehyung took a seat on the hospital bed and rested his head on Hoseok's. He let Hoseok's cold, pale hands cup his cheeks as he tried his hardest not to cry.
He looked at the other, straight in the eye and he could practically see the love in Hoseok's eyes, He could feel it, every touch, every glance but he also saw something else. He saw the dullness in the eyes that looked back at him. It worried Taehyung a bit more than it should have, the doctor had said that Hoseok had a little less than a year left to live and it's been 6 months since then so he had a few more months, hopefully he could push through to years because how would Taehyung survive without Hoseok, his precious Hoseok.
Hoseok
I want you to go, you want to go.
Taehyung
but I can't leave...what if...
Hoseok answered as if he knew exactly what Taehyung was going to say. and maybe he did know.
Hoseok
I'll be right here when you get back. I'll always be with you.
Taehyung feels the first set of tears fall from his eyes.
Hoseok
now go and show them how talented you are.
Taehyung chuckled a bit before Hoseok slowly connected their lips, it was soft and passionate but there was something different about it then, the level of intimacy, and feels being oozed into the one kiss. It felt like their last. Taehyung should've known it was their last
Hoseok was the first to pull away, he smiled brightly and looked up at Taehyung with watery eyes.
Hoseok
You'll meet someone one day.
Hoseok
Take care of him for me, okay? make sure he's happy. and make sure you're happy.
Taehyung
Stop talking like that, okay? who ever this is you'll be the one to show me. right?
Hoseok only nodded and smiled sadly at Taehyung.
Hoseok
I love you so much.
Hoseok
now go. hurry so you can get back to me.
Taehyung's face brightened at that.
Taehyung
okay. okay. I'll go but I'll be back as soon as I can, okay?
Hoseok nodded and Taehyung leaned forward and placed a soft kiss to Hoseok's cheeks before he sped out of the room.
At that moment he had ran, so fast, from hospital straight to his home. His heart was beating out of his chest but he just wanted to get the exposition over with grabbed, he had wanted to be next to Hoseok, and maybe if he had been there, maybe things would be different than it was now.
He grabbed the art he had so badly wanted to showcase, He had still wanted to showcase but just not now, not when the only thing on his mind was if Hoseok was okay.
He picked up the painting he had made with his own two hands, and just stared at it for a few seconds, He felt tears welling in his eyes but he blinked them away.
He wanted to go to the exposition but his mind told him to go back to the hospital. To make sure Hoseok was okay, he had felt like something was wrong, from the way Hoseok was acting and just the way he feeling. to think of it now, he should've known.
but Hoseok told him to go, nd he was just doing what he thought was the right thing, what he thought Hoseok wanted.
He brushed the thought of the hospital off his mind and made his way to his University. He smiled brightly trying to convince himself that this was the best decision.
and the certificate goes to...
He gained so much at the exposition, so many people wanted to see what else he had to offer, many people were impressed with him, so many people were praising him. He shouldn't have been crying. He gained so much that night.
But he also lost way more.
no, that night he lost everything.
Taehyung ran into the hospital, He couldn't wait to tell Hoseok everything, about the scholarships and all the people who wanted to see more of his art.
Hoseok was his biggest supporter, half the art he had done was finished because Hoseok would constantly motivate him to finish after he would give up multiple times but Hoseok always knew what to say, so in a way, that had been their win. In Taehyung's head it was always their win. His and Hoseok's.
His smile grew bigger as he approached Hoseok's hospital room. Taehyung remembers how happy he had been at that exact moment, thinking he would've seen Hoseok laying on his bed, waiting for him to get back....but how wrong had he been.
He stands there looking pathetic as he looked around the empty room. He ran over to the empty crumpled bed. He looked around, barely able to control his breathing as he fumbled with the sheet.
What had he even been doing? It was obvious Hoseok wasn't in the bed but he couldn't think straight. His mind was a complete mess.
He turned around so fast his neck hurt, but he didn't care.
Taehyung
What did you guys do to him?
Taehyung
Where did you take him?
There were tears streaming down his face non-stop, he tried to wipe them but once he did they only came even harder.
Doctor Lee
Calm down, Taehyung
Taehyung
What do you mean calm down?
Taehyung
Just take me to him. Please.
Doctor Lee
Taehyung, I can't...
Doctor Lee sighed and walked up to Taehyung pulling him into a tight hug. Taehyung tried to pull away but he struggled against the strong man's grip.
Taehyung
J..just tell me...w..here he is....
Doctor Lee
He's gone, Taehyung
He knew, He knew the moment he left. He knew but he chose to ignore it. He chose to believe Hoseok and now he's the facing the consequences. He's the one who has to live the rest of his life without him. Hoseok left him.
authorssi⁷
I always wanted to do a taegi story and i had this prompt laying around so i thought why not.
authorssi⁷
hope you'll like it as much as me
To Love Again 2
𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐞,
𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧 𝐚𝐬 𝐚 𝐬𝐡𝐚𝐝𝐨𝐰,
𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧 𝐚𝐬 𝐚 𝐝𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐦.
Boss
Taehyung, make sure you scrub those tables until I can see my reflection in them.
Taehyung rolls his eyes but doesn't respond.
His life has changed in the passed 2 years, how? well. see, He's changed. He couldn't care less about anyone or those around him, he barely even cared for himself, that's why he works in this shitty restaurant, where he barely gets paid and when he does it's hardly enough. So why does he do it? He's not even sure himself. It just feels like what he's meant to be doing. like what he deserves.
He gave up art, hasn't touch a paint brush since, and he tries not to leave pens or pencils lying around as they bring back too many memories. He can't say he didn't try, he did and everytime it would just remind him of Hoseok. Remind him of how he left him to die alone.
He hasn't stopped beating himself up over the incident, despite having everyone tell him that there was" nothing he could do" but he could've been there.
He shakes his head and tries to collect himself, this was not the time or place to think about this.
Wait, why was he even thinking about Hoseok? for the past couple days at random spoutes of time he just thinks of the other and what happened and then he'd cry...but why?
2 years ago today, that's when it happened.
He closes his eyes as tears pool into them. How could he forget?
without much thought he drops the cloth in his hand and takes his apron off before he tosses it away and makes his way out the door ignoring the way his manager called for him to come back.
He gets to the cemetery slowly, tears streaming down his face. It's pathetic. today marks the 2nd year since he lost him and here he was still crying; pathetic.
And that thought makes him cry harder. He doesn't care who sees him, or who wants to judge he's just sad. He's been sad for 2 years and no one knows, no one cares but then again he isolated himself from everyone who knew and loved him so how would they.
He sniffles a bit before he makes his way over to Hoseok's grave, there were new roses and other flowers placed on top of it, and on top of those were a picture of Hoseok. It brings more tears to Taehyung's eyes, blurring his vision.
He lets himself fall to his knees as he tries not to cry. He hadn't even brought anything.
Taehyung
Are you happy where ever you are?
His tears finally falls from his eyes as he just hears the wind bustling in the silence, he's so fed up and there's so much on his mind.
He doesn't really know how he feels. He can't tell you what's he's been doing in this past 2 years, he's just been existing, not living, he doesn't eat unless he feels like he's about to drop dead, most of the times he's either at work or in his shower crying, he can't sleep at night, he's miserable and depressed but he's just too much of a coward to do anything about it.
Taehyung
actually I hope not..
Taehyung
I hope you're miserable...
Taehyung
just.. just like m..me.
He lets his hand rest on his face as he wept loudly, His whole chest aches, he just wants to see the older one last time, he just misses him so much that it physically hurts.
He wants all this to end, he's tired and frustrated and as much as he hates to admit it he's still so in love with Hoseok, he doesn't think he'll ever not be, but right now there's a part of Taehyung that hates him so much, a part of him that wishes they had never met, that he could erase all these fūcking memories that haunted him every night. He's just so tired of everything.
He doesn't know how to let any of this out so he just screams, a loud, jaw breaking scream that echos through the entirety of the cemetery, it works a bit, but barely. He screams again before he pulls at his roots, harshly.
is he going mad? possibly.
All of a sudden he feels himself being dragged away from Hoseok, again he feels like he did when he was back at the hospital 2 years ago, when they had to drag him out the hospital room because he was so deep in denial. That's how he feels now as he hears the screaming at him to calm down. Everything's all over the place and he can't even place the voices.
After a minute or so he just gives up, again, he's tired. He lets himself fall limp in their arms as they continue to pull him away, he just doesn't care anymore.
In this moment, he kind of wouldn't mind if they just took him to the highest building and threw him off.
At least then his pain would end...
and maybe he'd finally be with Hoseok again. a slight smile crawls onto his lips at the thought.
Taehyung looks at Namjoon and smiles flatly before he looks out the window again and the smile falls in a instant.
Seokjin
You aren't, and it's okay if you're not.
Taehyung
yeah, that's what everyone says...
Namjoon
you should've told us you were going to visit, we would've pick you up and then just go together.
Taehyung
i wanted to be alone.
Namjoon
I don't think so...
Namjoon
I feel like right now you need someone.
Taehyung
I don't need anyone.
Taehyung
I just want to go home.
Seokjin
we'll take you home in a minute.
Seokjin
Mrs. Jung wants to see you.
Taehyung looks over at Seokjin who nods.
Namjoon
Mom said Hoseok hyung left a letter for you, she said she wanted to give you sooner but you'd never answer your phone.
Namjoon
nor does anyone really know where you live anymore.
Taehyung looks out the window again as his breath hitches, A letter??
He's feels tears settle in his eyes again as he thinks about it.
He hates how he's a bit excited to read this letter when he doesn't doesn't know what I about, what if it brings up old memories, or what if I some cringy poem like the ones Hoseok used to write back then.
He can't keep doing this, otherwise he'll never move on, he'll never get rid of this awful pain.
Seokjin
we're almost there.
Seokjin
and we'd love it if you stayed the night...
Seokjin smiles at him kindly, but Taehyung just looks away and doesn't respond. He really doesn't want to be around anyone he was close with, it's not them, not really, it's just all the memories drive him crazy and it makes it harder for him to pretend he's okay when he's around people he knows genuinely cares.
it makes him want to cave, and beg for them to hold him but he can't, if there's one thing Hoseok's taught him it's that it's better to not get close to anyone, because at the end of the day everyone leaves at some point.
authorssi⁷
now tell me why I was crying while writing this 😭😭
authorssi⁷
anyways. thank u for reading and sorry for the wait.
To Love Again 3
⚠️𝐓/𝐖 ⚠️
⚠️ 𝐃𝐑𝐔𝐆 𝐀𝐁𝐔𝐒𝐄/𝐒𝐔𝐁𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐍𝐂𝐄 𝐀𝐁𝐔𝐒𝐄
⚠️ 𝐒𝐔𝐈𝐂𝐈𝐃𝐀𝐋 𝐑𝐄𝐅𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄𝐒/ 𝐒𝐔𝐈𝐂𝐈𝐃𝐀𝐋 𝐓𝐇𝐎𝐔𝐆𝐇𝐓𝐒/ 𝐒𝐔𝐈𝐂𝐈𝐃𝐀𝐋 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐒
𝐈 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐡𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐯𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐦𝐞,
𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐚𝐠𝐚𝐢𝐧 𝐈'𝐝 𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐨𝐨.
Hoseok nods as he stared up at the gorgeous, illuminated sky of the night, he should've really brought a sweater or something when he came out here after Yoongi
Yoongi
We could go in if you want?
Yoongi puts his cigarette back into his mouth, taking a deep draw before he blows out, a sigh of content leaves his mouth and Hoseok just looks away from him.
He hates how Yoongi finds comfort in those cigarettes, but there's nothing he can do about it. Yoongi was too dependent on them and because of that any time he tried to hide or throw them out Yoongi would get super angry and upset, then eventually he'd start crying, throwing tantrums and then worst of all he'd gaslight the fūck out of Hoseok.
Talking about how he would kill himself, jump off the fūcking building without any care of who he'd hurt.
That's why Hoseok doesn't try doing that anymore, because he knows Yoongi, if there's one thing he doesn't do, it's lie, every word he mutter is truthful, and he knew that when Yoongi said he would kill himself, he meant every word.
To this moment it still haunted Hoseok just how livid and tormented Yoongi had looked when he found out Hoseok hid all his drugs and pills, every thing he needed to feel somewhat okay, that's when Hoseok realized that it was a full blown addiction...
He doesn't want it, but he does need it. He can't live without popping one or two pills, living like thats dangerous but then it makes him think about what could've led Yoongi to throw his life away like this.
He knows Yoongi loves and cares for him a lot, more than others but he still doesn't share much about his personal life or past with him, no matter how Hoseok begged him.
But he guesses its alright, for a while he tried to pretend that he could live like this, that he could eventually help Yoongi, but he was a fool, a fūcking idiot to think he could help someone when he couldn't even help his fūcking self.
and also, how can you help someone who doesn't want to be helped?
Hoseok
let me have a blow.
Hoseok
thats kinda unfair, don't you think?
Yoongi
maybe, but I won't be the reason you end up like me.
Hoseok
what's wrong if I end up like you?
Hoseok
You're not all that bad.
Yoongi chuckles a bit before he shakes his head at his inability to say no to the other and mean it, he leans off the wall a bit before he puts the cigarette back into his mouth, pulling in the toxic yet igniting fumes into his lungs, before he took slow steps towards Hoseok.
Once he's infront of Hoseok, mere inches away from the other's body, he pulls the bud from his mouth, barely giving Hoseok time to react or prepare he plants his lips onto the other's soft, plumper lips. he blows the fumes from his mouth to Hoseok's before he pulls away slowly, he rest his forehead against Hoseok's, slightly letting his nose brush against Hoseok's teasingly.
Yoongi's nose wrinkles in disgust as Hoseok just starts coughing in his face. He snaps his eyes shut before he takes a step back.
Hoseok smiles at the pain it leaves in his throat.
Hoseok
it burned my throat. is it suppose to do that?
Yoongi hums, before he puts the cigar back into his mouth, a crooked smile on his face.
Hoseok
how do you like this stuff?
Hoseok
but it's not good for you...
Yoongi
and I'm not good for you either but here you are...
Hoseok rolls his eyes, before he chuckles. It's a fair point. He should stay away from Yoongi but as said before he's a fūcking idiot.
Am I being too rough on him? Is the hate I have for him showing?
Hoseok is the type of person everyone loves, he has the smile that draws you in, a smile he's practice for years, and trust me. I would know given the fact that I am him.
why am I telling you all this? well, I have nothing better to do and hating on myself seems like the perfect pass time. it's sad isn't it? how out of 7 billion people someone can hate themselves the most?
I'm selfish, that's it. I crave attention, love and hurting myself brings me joy but most of all I'm a pretender. a damn good one, because for as long as I was alive no one really knew me.
Hoseok
it's funny how we've known each other for what....? a year now and I still don't know much about you.
Yoongi
you know my name, my age and that I'm a pathetic pill popper. there's nothing more you need to know.
Hoseok
when did you start doing drugs?
Yoongi
2000 and something...
Yoongi grins before he looks over at Hoseok who glares at him a bit.
Hoseok
gee, can you be any less specific?
Yoongi
why don't you just tell me what's on your mind?
Yoongi
you've been tense ever since you got here, what's bothering you?
Hoseok smiles awkwardly before he scratches his head.
Hoseok
I guess I can't beat around the bush any longer.
Yoongi
just tell me...what is it?
Yoongi looks at Hoseok waiting for him to answer, Yoongi looks so relaxed, so calm and peaceful. Tired obviously but still he seemed...happy.
In that moment, the other part of Hoseok...the other part of me wanted to ruin that, it bothered him that Yoongi was happy or a bit happy yet he wasn't the reason.
He looks away as tears pool in his eyes, like fūcking little coward.
Yoongi urged, Hoseok'd laugh, sometimes he swears Yoongi had 2 personalities, this minute he acts like he couldn't care less and the next he's the most caring thing in the world. He knows it's mainly because Yoongi has issues with being vulnerable but sometimes he just simply forgets.
Hoseok
I'm moving to America.
Liar. Coward. Just idiotic all round, those were the things his mind chanted at him as he stared out at the empty road waiting for Yoongi's response.
Yoongi's voice comes out a little softer everytimes he speaks.
Hoseok
I have an...I got a job and so I'm leaving for there in 2 days....
Yoongi
and you're telling me now?
Yoongi blinked multiple times trying to understand what Hoseok was trying to tell him, At that moment I tried stepping closer, I wanted to comfort him because he just seemed so small and fragile and I just wanted to protect him. that was all I've ever wanted.
Hoseok
I...I just...I wanted to I just...I didn't know how.
Hoseok noded and Yoongi scoffed before he drops his cigar, he stepped on it harshly before he looked up at Hoseok with venom in his eyes. A raggedy sigh left Hoseok's mouth before he looked trying to force his tears away.
Yoongi
when will you be back?
I'll admit, at the time I never thought he'd ask that question, and I never had an answer for him. I was suppose to be admitted in the hospital 2 days from then, the fucking cancer was spreading and my doctors were worried. said I had 6 months left to live, and they didn't trust me enough to be by myself, which was probably the right call, I mean I just inhaled fumes from a fūcking cigar while having stage 3 lung cancer, probably if I hadn't been admitted then I'd have died way earlier, not that I necessarily care.
I wasn't living for anything. I was just bitter, and alone.
I still remember the hurt laced with that laugh, to this moment I still feel bad but this all was out of my control, it's not like I asked to get cancer; (not that Yoongi knew) though I do deserve it.
Hoseok tried to move closer but what Yoongi said made him stop.
Yoongi
why are you still here
Hoseok
wh...what do you mean?
Yoongi
that's not going to fūcking do Hoseok. I'm tired
Yoongi
of you and everyone. of myself
Yoongi
I can't believe I actually believed you when you said you were here for me.
Hoseok had thought Yoongi was quite selfish given the fact that what he knew at the time was that Hoseok was going to work some place in the US, some place that for all he knew could've been great for Hoseok , but he gets it. Yoongi loved me, he wanted me all to himself and the idea of losing me after he had already lost so much terrified him. He can't penalize someone for that. especially not Yoongi
Yoongi
when you said you wouldn't leave me.
Hoseok
I...I didn't know this would happen back then...
Yoongi
it doesn't really matter now, does it?
Hoseok moves closer to Yoongi despite the older trying to move away he grabs his wrist, stopping him from running away.
Hoseok
I really am sorry, but this is what's best for me right now.
Yoongi
is this what's best for me too?
Hoseok
maybe, who knows but we'll see each other again.
Hoseok
I'll make sure of it.
Hoseok smiled a bit, as he looked up at Yoongi who refused to make eye contact with him.
Yoongi
sure, that's if I'm not dead by that time.
Yoongi tried to pull away from Hoseok but his grip tightened around the other.
Hoseok
yes. because you'll stay alive for me.
Yoongi
You're unbelievable.
Hoseok
I know, I don't mean to be.
Hoseok
I'll be back before you know it.
Hoseok
don't act like you don't, just wait for me, okay?
Hoseok smiled at Yoongi who glared at him, He pulled Yoongi closer a bit before he kissed his cheek lightly.
Hoseok
you'll wait for me, right?
Yoongi nodded slowly, but not before he rolled his eyes.
Hoseok smiled before he placed a kiss to Yoongi's chapped lips, it tasted like cigar, it's spicy and harsh against his tongue but he doesn't mind.
I remember crying myself to sleep that night in Yoongi's bed, feeling completely defeated, I didn't have anyone who would stay up with me when I couldn't sleep, who would be there whispering little things to me, but it's my fault, I didn't want that, instead I wanted to be what I didn't have for others, well to be specific, I wanted to be that for two people.
I liked being lonely, I liked the way it would trick me and make me hate myself more, but I knew Yoongi didn't like it, that's why he buries himself in his drugs so much, to keep himself from thinking about being alone, that's why he didn't want me to leave, so he'd have something or someone to make him feel less lonely, and that's why Taehyung buries himself in his art, why he starts one and then can't finish it because he convinces himself it's not good enough, his overthinking always got the best of him, but he didn't have to worry much, he didn't have to worry because he had me, they had me like a little sponge that just soaked all their problems away, I liked it, I liked the pressure and I liked the way it tore into me everytime I disappointed them, I liked the pain and baggage that filled me everytime.
but that's far too much about me, when Yoongi's battling so much.
After I left the next day, he changed. not for the better, just solely for the worse, why? well, in hopes that I'd come back to him.
-----{ 𝐏𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐃𝐚𝐲 }-----
It's what...? maybe 4am right now, perfect time to sneak away and do the shīt he wanted, well more like needed.
He's sober, supposedly, everyone thinks he is, and they're stupid, because the moment you take one look at him you'd see that he was on hard drugs but maybe I'm just too smart for my own good.
Yoongi slowly crushes the pills on the counter of his brother's house, He's pretty sure Jimin was asleep and he took several doses previously but he still can't stop thinking, the thoughts just keep coming and eventually they circle back to me, He can't let that happen so he's willing to take the risk of being caught.
as soon as he finishes crushing it, he bends and sniffs it all up, it doesn't even faze him, not in the slightest, he's just become so use to doing this now after so many years.
not long after the drugs starts doing what it's suppose to, everything is a little more jolly and gleeful than it needs to be, the colors around him are bright he could go blind just from staring too long, but that sense of bliss he feels coming to him, that's why he keeps doing it, the moment his mind clears and his thought aren't about how he's still waiting for Hoseok to come back, how much he misses him and how much he just wants to die. that's when he truly feels like he's walking on clouds.
this is when he feels the most alive, when he's actually willing to live.
He laughs as he lifts himself off the island, he's seeing things, things that just make him want to laugh and galivant.
He takes a couple steps making his way to the fridge and he pulls out some water before he makes his way back over to the sink, he took way too much just now, that thought makes him laugh.
He wonders if he'll go into cardiac arrest soon, heck maybe even an overdose. he laughs thinking about just falling over and dying on the spot, wouldn't that be funny?
ha, his sense of humor is so fūcked up, but he doesn't care.
He shakes his waist before he pulls a cup from the cupboard, then he pics up the water and starts pouring some into the cup.
But then he gets a better idea, it would be more fun to drink it straight from the jug, wouldn't it? ah, he feels like a child again.
He forgot the thrill of breaking rules.
He sets the jug to his head, before he just starts gulping down the water, but most of it just ran down his chin and onto his shirt, soaking him wet.
He throws the empty carton away, making a loud crash as it hits the refrigerator. oops, he might wake jimin up.
Yoongi
ah, I'm so silly...
He laughs before he takes the water in the cup and drinks it too.
He puts a hand over his mouth as a loud belch leaves his mouth. His face distorts in disgust as he shakes his head.
Everything around him was spinning, his eyes struggle to stay open but he still continues moving around, dancing in tiny and his mumbled song lyrics from those little songs he used to hear on the radio alot in 2014- 2015 there about.
These days he doesn't really listen to music anymore, he doesn't see the point really.
Jimin
Why the fūck are you making so much noise while I'm trying to sleep?
Jimin groans as he rubs his tired eyes.
Yoongi
the question is, why are you trying to sleep while I'm making noise.
It's probably the lamest joke in the entire world but something about it just makes Yoongi crack up, he laughs loudly making Jimin eye him weirdly before he looks back into the messy kitchen.
Yoongi
come dance with me.
Yoongi lets out, ignoring Jimin's question.
Yoongi
I can't sleep, not now.
Yoongi
because I wanna danceeee
Yoongi does a twirl before he makes his way up to Jimin, He grabs the older's hand pulling him over the the spacious living room before he twirls him.
Jimin
Yoongi, What the fūck?
Jimin
Are you high, or something?
Yoongi
wouldn't you like to know?
Yoongi boops Jimins nose before he moves away and continues to dance.
Yoongi
ah, if I knew dancing was this fun I would've done it with you back then.
Yoongi
but then again you never liked spending time with me so who am I kidding?
Jimin
Yoongi, what are you talking about?
Yoongi
Am I that embarrassing?
Yoongi giggles before he sits in the couch staring up at Jimin with vicious eyes.
Jimin
You're really high, aren't you?
Yoongi
just answer my fūcking question.
Yoongi
do you still tell people you're an only child?
Yoongi fakes a pout before he looks up at Jimin who looks away with a groan, he runs a hand through his hair before he turns back to Yoongi.
Jimin
You said you were going to quit.
It kind of breaks Yoongi's heart at how he can hear Jimin struggling to not cry, but with this must drugs in his system it's kind of hard to really care, or have any empathy
Yoongi
no, I said I would try.
Yoongi
there's a huge difference there.
Jimin
don't you fūcking try to sass me right now.
Yoongi
ah, you're cute when you're mad.
Yoongi
ah, now I remember why I love getting on your nerves so much.
Yoongi
and you make it so easy too.
Jimin throws his hands above his head, he's angry and upset but the disappointment he gives off is all that Yoongi sees, that's all he ever gets from Jimin, disappointment and anger but it's all his fault, he's the one who took the older's love for granted.
Jimin
this is so fūcking stupid.
Jimin
I told mom to just send you to fūcking rehab, now look.
Yoongi
Rehab doesn't work.
Jimin
no, it's not rehab that's the fūcking problem Yoongi, it's you.
Jimin
You dont want to get better, it's been at least 6 or 7 fūcking years and you're still going strong on drug addiction. You make no actual effort to get better.
this makes Yoongi's blood boil. he couldn't be serious could he?
Yoongi
Don't you fucking dare! I tried!
Yoongi
I've always tried, do you think I enjoy all your fūcking judgemental looks?!
Yoongi
from mom, dad...and especially you!
Yoongi
you have no idea how much it hurts to have you look at me with so much...so much hatred and disgust and disappointment!
Yoongi
and so I tried to get better because for once I just wanted to see what you'd look like if you were proud of me!
Jimin didn't believe any of that for one second.
Jimin
You're fūcking unbelievable you know that, how many times have we sat down with you, begged you to quit and you didn't?! you lied and lied and lied about being sober and then only to find out that you were just lying, that you didn't really want to get better!
Jimin
I lost faith in you Yoongi, and I'm sorry that you don't like when I look at you disappointedly but it's your fault, your the one who constantly let me down!
Jimin
I'm tired of watching you fūck yourself over because at the end of the day it's draining me, I'm the one it's hurting and you don't give a fūck!
Jimin
everytime you overdosed in the past couple of years did you care? did you? huh?
Jimin
when I got on my knees and begged you to stop, did you care?
Jimin
when I cried with you? everytime we fought about your addiction? everytime I said I was done with you because of it? did you care?
Yoongi stays silent, not because he wants to but because he realizes he can't feel his heart, he could laugh. No thud, no nothing.
Jimin
I said did you fūcking care??!
Jimin
you didn't. if you did you would've stopped.
And with that Jimin goes to walk away.
Yoongi
I'm...I..I think I'm...going into..... cardiac arrest.
Yoongi laughs a bit as tears fall down his eyes. maybe this is where he dies.
At that moment, Jimin couldn't fight his tears anymore either, it's painful to see his only brother like this, can someone really want to die this badly? was drugs that good? he can't understand it, he doesn't want to but he guesses he has to if he'll ever understand Yoongi. At least this one.
often he wonders what he could've done to stop Yoongi from becoming like this, he doesn't mean to make it sound like an abomination but he's just fed up and tired of all this shit, he's tired of having those moments where he has to wake up in the middle of the night in fear that Yoongi might not be alive and breathing in his room.
Yoongi slowly tries to keep himself awake, as his breathing slows, and his throat gets clogged.
His eyes falls shut for a second before he opens it again, but each time it closes it gets even harder to open again, he doesn't know why he doesn't just let go, why is he fighting? he has no reason to.
He wishes he could say it's for Jimin, he wants to but it's not really and that's makes him selfish, unbelievably so and he knows, what makes him keep fighting is the one thought that he'd get to see me again someday, if he just held out a bit longer he'd finally meet me again.
poor thing doesn't even know I'm dead.
His eyes falls shut, he wasn't going to open it again until he felt cold hands grab his mouth and a frantic Jimin screaming at him to open his eyes as he banged Yoongi's chest, repeatedly.
Then there are fingers in his mouth shoving something in.
He swallows it, he knows what it is. Adderall, he's used it way too much.
Jimin's voice breaks as he watches his brother slowly regain consciousness.
Sometimes Yoongi wished Jimin would stay true to his words, wishes he'd just disown him and mean it, It would be better for Jimin, he wouldn't have to worry like this, wouldn't have to constantly be in pain, wouldn't have to waste his tears like this on someone as pathetic as himself anymore.
but that's what Yoongi doesn't understands, it's just that unlike everyone else Jimin cares for him.
authorssi⁷
hello, so yes for this story Hoseok is the narrator and jimin is older than Yoongi.
authorssi⁷
thank you so much for reading and I hope you're enjoying ♥︎
authorssi⁷
if you have any questions or if there's anything you don't understand feel free to ask, I'll gladly answer.
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