‘Turkish Elvish Honey’

Chairman Jing Xi of the Columnist Party of China, CPOC, studied the jar in anticipation. He was a man of extravagant taste, and it didn’t get much fancier than this, buying honey that was worth its weight in gold. Jing smelled the honey, and the sensation took him a bit closer to heaven. He closed his eyes and Jing pictured himself on the top of the world, listening to serene music in a Tibetan temple on the top of a mountain.

The association with Tibet surprised Jing. He didn’t care for the monks and their music. Furthermore, the party that he oversaw, had brutally subjugated the Tibetan people some decades earlier. 'Am I getting soft as my age advances?’ Jing thought for a moment.

Jing brushed off the notion. He was approaching 67 years of age, but he was still a man of power, and in many ways in the prime of his life. The longest living emperor, the Qianlong emperor who had lived in the 18th century had lived until the age of 87. Jing, who had expertise in both Chinese medicine and modern medicine, strived to outlive that legendary emperor.

Jing grabbed a spoon and ingested a spoonful of the exquisite honey. It tasted as amazing as it smelled, but as the taste faded in his mouth, Jing felt dissatisfied and restless. Eating honey that cost more than the average annual salary in China hadn’t resolved the issue that kept frustrating Jing and filled him with anger.

Jing felt that the people should worship him like they had worshipped the ancient emperors. Instead, his subjects were busy slandering him behind his back. How dared the ungrateful masses treating him like this? They should deify him for his leadership. During Jing’s reign as the Chairman of the Columnist Party, China had risen to its rightful place as the centre of the world. Yet the topic of this week’s column was an insult to his person. The WeChat voters had decided that this month’s topic should be ‘How I intend to improve my character during the year of the Ox.’

The topic was nothing but dissent towards his leadership, and it was a dangerous column to write. He couldn’t admit having character flaws, as he represented the state, and the state was faultless. But he couldn’t be too arrogant either as that would contravene his promise to the people. Jing had promised the Chinese public a change when he reformed the Chinese Communist Party, CCP, into the Columnist Party of China, CPOC.

The name change of the party was Jing playing lip service to the Western world to secure international trade that was crucial for his ambitions. Nothing had changed under his leadership, but at least he had given the people the chance to vote. Although Jing had restricted the popular vote to entail the topic of his monthly column in China Daily. This cosmetic change hadn’t caused him any grief until this month.

Jing closed his laptop. He wouldn’t write that article; the topic was beneath him. Instead, he would have sex to release his frustration. Jing’s latest concubine, the 23-year-old winner of the National Chinese pageant, the stunning Min Li, had improved Jing’s life in that aspect.

Jing summoned Min Li, and she told him that she would arrive in 30 minutes. Having summoned Min Li, Jing experienced restlessness and anticipation. He was 67 years old, and he was under a lot of stress. He needed to get a proper release, and he didn’t want any violent mishaps. Covering up his violence towards previous concubines had stolen a lot of energy.

Jing took out a Ziplock bag that contained a powder. The powder was a mixture of Viagra and ground rhino horn, and it always worked on him. Jing believed in mixing the best of Chinese and western medicine, and he followed this thesis in many aspects of his life.

Min Li entered Jing’s residence, and she kneeled at his feet.

Min Li:

- You summoned me, Heavenly Master. How I can I serve you and the People’s Republic?

Jing:

- I didn’t hire you for your intellect. So, shut up and use your mouth for something useful.

Min Li hesitated. She hated the way that Jing treated her, but she didn’t dare to argue with the supreme leader. Reluctantly she kneeled next to the old Jing and unbuttoned his exquisite silk pants.

Jing:

- Good dog. Obey your master.

Having said this, Jing sighed as his young mistress gave him fellatio. If it could only release its anger, but it was in vain. Jing wanted to punch the bitch for doing it wrong, but he controlled himself. Instead, he took her from behind and he felt relieved when he came so that he could send her away while keeping his self-respect.

As he had finished, Jing, threw Min’s clothes to her and spoke:

- Wash up and make sure to look good for the photoshoot tomorrow. I don’t want any more stuff-ups!

- Dismissed.

Min Li, who struggled to contain her tears, got dressed and rushed to leave Jing’s residence.

Jing got seated by his computer. He checked if the advanced AI that he had installed to supervise the Chinese population had found any new enemies. It had. Jing cursed at himself. Of course, there would be dissenters in a country with 1.4 billion inhabitants. The ancient emperors were wise, secluding themselves in their forbidden cities. That way, they had never faced the opinions of regular citizens. Jing knew that he shouldn’t look, but he couldn’t help himself. Knowing which enemies, the AI had identified, was his drug, and he could not break the vicious addiction.

Jing’s eyes got fixated on the file of Eileen Lu. Her file said that she was a 28-year-old lawyer and civil rights activist. Eileen had recently got one of his enemies, Ming Shebao, acquitted in the people’s court of Wuhan. It was unbelievable that the courts in HIS country had acquitted one of his enemies, but it was an issue that he needed to deal with. Jing looked at Eileen’s photo for a long time.

Eileen’s beauty captivated Jing, and he knew that he needed to own her. Yet, Jing’s power wasn’t absolute. While he could eliminate the enemies of the republic, he couldn’t kidnap and rape people on his whim. The rest of his party would never allow it. But he would own Eileen one way or the other and she would regret defying him. Filled with rage, Jing picked up his expensive jar of honey and threw it against the wall, splashing honey across the room.

“…and because of the disclaimer, Mary Sheng didn’t break any laws when she drew a sad bear looking at an empty honey jar.”

Eileen Lu finished her statement and she corrected her glasses. She wore the glasses as a fashion statement, and because she knew that the judge on the case, Feng Woo, liked goofy women. Eileen looked at Feng and gave him a pretence innocent-look, knowing that she had him in her back pocket.

Feng Woo cleared his throat and spoke.

- You raise some valid points, Miss Lu. I am willing to drop this case if Miss Sheng, apologises to Chairman Xi about the resemblance between the sad bear and our Supreme Leader.

“Please don’t make a scene!” Eileen thought as she leaned over to her client and whispered in Mary Sheng’s ear.

- Please take the plea bargain. I have done everything I can to save you.

Feng Woo:

- Don’t whisper to your client. Everyone deserves to hear the advice that you are giving your client.

Eileen:

- I am sorry for my insolence, Magistrate Woo. I merely recommended my client to accept your gracious offer.

Feng Woo:

- But, if that is the case, how can we be sure that the client shows remorse for her thoughtlessness?

Mary Sheng interjected:

- Please, Magistrate Woo. I want nothing more than letting the Chinese people know how sorry I am.

Feng smirked at Mary and replied:

- Good. How lucky that we have a camera in this courtroom filming the proceedings

- Read these lines. We will record until you get it right. I want to see heartfelt remorse on the video. I don’t want to see a woman who is lying to save her life. Can you do that?

Mary nodded, and one of Feng’s aides handed Mary a note. Mary read the note a few times, and she started crying. Mary

- I am ready to film.

Feng clapped his hands and he replied joyfully:

- Excellent. Get ready, team. Let’s produce a new masterpiece.

An AV-crew entered the room and they rigged a video shoot. A few minutes later, Mary was ready to film. Mary looked into the camera with her teary eyes, and she spoke

- I want to say sorry to all the people of China who I offended with my talentless drawing. Being a true patriot, I cannot stop thinking about Chairman Xi and it influenced my drawing. The empty jar symbolises how poor China was before our saviour, lifted our people out of poverty. I am truly grateful for how merciful the court has been towards an old woman like I.

Feng:

- Cut!

- Such terrible acting. But I cannot back down on my word. Get out of here you wretched cow! Dismissed!

Eileen acted decisively and pulled Mary out of the room to avoid a confrontation. When they were outside of the courthouse Mary shouted at Eileen.

- You destroyed my legacy, Eileen. I should have stood strong and taken my unjust punishment. Instead, I looked like a snivelling coward, praising Jing Xi and this travesty of a court.

- I’d rather spend some time in prison, but you stopped me. Why?

Eileen:

- I saved your life. While the court sentence wouldn’t have killed you, you would have had an accident within the next year. As is customary for people that anger Jing Xi.

- Faking an apology was to only way to save you.

Mary Sheng calmed down and she covered her face with her hands. After a while she spoke:

- You’re right, Eileen. Thank you for saving my life.

Eileen smiled and Mary and replied:

- That’s my job. As your lawyer, I am here for you.

Mary:

- You were the only one. Of the millions that saw and liked my drawing on WeChat, you were the only one who protected me when things got tough.

Eileen:

- That is, unfortunately, human nature and the reason that Chairman Xi can continue his tyranny.

- What are your plans now?

Mary:

- I’ll go home to Suwan. I’ll delete my online presence and spend my last year’s nursing my grandchildren.

Eileen:

- Best of luck to you. I’ll come to visit you, Suwan is beautiful in spring.

Mary:

- Don’t worry about this old hag!

- Focus on yourself, Eileen. Find a rich handsome man, and raise a happy family.

Eileen didn’t reply and Mary entered a cab that took her to the train station.

Eileen went home and she poured herself some herbal tea. She felt empty. While she had won in the sense that she had saved her client, she had destroyed Mary’s sense of pride and bowed to the tyrant Jing Xi. Most of all she felt shame. Like everyone else she loathed and feared the dictator. Yet she did nothing and instructed her clients to bow the tyranny. Eileen wished that her time to brave would come, but for now, she could only focus on her life and finding that prince charming!

Jared Pond was pulling his hand through his long blonde hair while sipping his Espresso Martini. Jared’s expensive brand name tuxedo was getting tight and he knew that he would have to go back to Australia for training and detox soon. It didn’t cut it, to be an agent for Royal Australian Kangaroo Intelligence (RAKI) while being unfit.

It came with the territory. Jared’s greatest strength lay in his sharp observation ability, and poker skills. His assignment here at Royal Casino in Monaco combined those strengths. While the poker playing was a way to pass the time, Jared also had a mission in Monaco. He needed to investigate if the leader for the Global Health Association (GHA), Theodore Ahmadi, took bribes from the Chinese government.

Jared got distracted from the poker when his latest fling, the Italian femme fatale Celeste Florentino tapped him on the back.

- Hi Jared, how nice to see you again. Are you winning at the table today?

Jared:

- I think I just did.

Jared turned towards the others, gathered his chips, and spoke:

- Well played, gentlemen. I need to focus on the lady now.

Jared got up and smiled at Celeste:

- Would you like some Dom Perignon to celebrate the occasion?

Celeste smiled seductively at Jared and replied:

- Of course, there is no better way to get a woman excited for the evening.

‘I wish there was,’ Jared thought to himself, but instead he replied:

- Come with, Celeste.

“Keep the change!” Jared said as he paid for the exquisite champagne with a 500-euro gambling marker.

Celeste:

- That’s a very generous tip, Jared.

Jared:

- I can’t bring money to the grave, and in my line of work, one never knows when the grave is due.

Celeste:

- What exactly do you do for work, Jared?

Jared:

- Shh, we are too early in our connection to ruin the mystique.

Hearing this, Celeste grabbed one of the strawberries that came with the champagne and bit it seductively.

- I agree. You know how to behave yourself, Mr Pond.

Jared reflected over why Celeste addressed him by his last name, but he soon found a more pressing matter. His target Theodore Ahmadi, entered the casino, and he got seated by a table occupied by a Chinese businessman.

Jared had seen the same procedure take place several times in the last week. Theodore got seated at a table and won a large sum from a Chinese man, who subsequently left the casino. Since it had happened five days in a row it was not a coincidence.

Jared decided to observe the transaction while sitting at the same table, he handed Celeste his room key and spoke.

- I got to work, honey. Meet me at my room, 407, in one hour. Keep the champagne cool and everything else hot.

Celeste:

- You can’t treat me like that. I am not a **********!

Jared pretended to drop and 1000 euro in chips and he replied:

- Oh, how clumsy of me. I just dropped a thousand Euros. They are yours if you pick them up.

Jared looked at Celeste in disappointment as she got down on the floor and picked up the chips. She had failed both his tests, and he realised that she wasn’t the one for him. On the bright side, her body was delicious and she would keep him busy tonight. This wouldn’t have happened if she had splashed the champagne in his face and taken off.

Jared walked over to Theodore table where Theodore had won 50,000 euros from the anonymous Chinese businessman who was getting ready to leave.

Jared approached Theodore and spoke:

- Do you mind if I join you?

Theodore:

- I was about to leave.

Jared:

- Don’t be like that. You just arrived and luck is favouring you tonight.

Jared said and glanced at the Chinese man who was rushing to get away from the table.

Theodore seemed hesitant, but at last, he decided to stay:

- Very well, Mr?

Jared:

- Pond. Jared Pond.

Theodore:

- Ahmadi, Theodore Ahmadi.

- I will play you, Mr Pond.

Jared:

- May the best man win.

Jared and Theodore played for a while until Jared started missing Celeste’s warm body and decided to lure his Ethiopian adversary into a trap.

Theodore flustered when he realised that he had lost 100,000 Euros.

Theodore:

- ****. Well played Mr Pond. I shouldn’t have overextended my luck!

Jared smirked at Theodore and replied:

- I am sure that money will drop down from the sky for you again. If not, you still have the 200,000 that you won from the other Chinese gentlemen. I bid thee farewell.

Jared got up, collected his chips, and bowed theatrically as he walked towards the cashier to deposit his winnings. After that, he walked up to room 407, for a steamy night with Celeste. She had failed his tests so far, and she was unlikely to win his heart. But with a body like hers, she had won his body for the night!