Sometimes I had a dream. In that dream, there was a man.

The man and I were inside a large room. We sat on the bed, bathing under the warm sunshine that came through the window. It was completely quiet. The only sound in the silence was our breath. Just making eye contact with him made me feel hot.

After a while, the man reached his hand out to me and we exchanged the warmth of our bodies for a long time.

 “Are you sure you’re gonna be okay?”

The man holding me asked carefully.

I answer right away.

 “Yeah, I’ll be alright.”

The man grabbed my hand with sudden vigor. Even though it was a dream, the way his fingers felt was very clear. The man’s fingertips trembled as he quietly placed them on my back.

I stared at the man’s flushed face.

When our eyes met again, the man leaned forward and kissed me. His lips touching me in places where no one else had touched me…

I kissed him on the scruff of his neck as if to answer his kiss.

 “…….”

The man let out his hot breath, calling my name. I hugged the man for a while longer.

That dream was over.

It was the same dream I’ve had for the past five years, but when I woke up, everything was hazy.

I couldn’t remember the name the man was calling me nor could I remember the man’s face.

The only thing I remembered was a man’s voice.

It was a good, smooth voice that was fascinating to hear.

… … …

My legs were heavy, like cotton soaked in water.

After each step, my stomach made a loud noise. Move one step and my stomach would growl for the next two… When was the last time I ate something decent? I couldn’t remember. I recalled I’d never had a meal on time ever since I was kicked out of the restaurant I worked in a few days ago.

A pretty nasty smell irritated my nose.

Ah, I’m starving.

If I’d kept walking like that, I’d have starved myself under the harsh sun. I sat down flat on the floor because I had no energy whatsoever.

Where can I get some food?

I felt slight thumps on the floor I rested my hands on. Slowly, the vibrations grew louder and later footsteps could be heard as well. The footsteps grew faster and louder without any sign of stopping and soon came nearer.

I looked up and saw someone was approaching me.

Were they going to feed me?

 “…….”

It was a little sweet boy, about five years old. The Scarlet boy with chubby cheeks sported a touched look on his face as soon as he saw me. It was as if he finally found the toy that he had been looking for all day. I observed the child’s face—he was beautiful. The clothes he was wearing looked smooth as if my fingers would run through the fabric without any resistance.

Maybe he was a noble boy.

The little sweet boy wore a kind expression as he looked at me. Suddenly, he jumped r into my arms. The boy who fell into my arms smelled very good but I was afraid of the child smelling my odor.

 “Hey.”

I called out to the child carefully.

“Ma…”

The child replied cutely. It was so lovely that I found myself smiling. I’d always wanted a son like him. The child hugged me tightly as if he had no intention of getting away from my smelly arms.

 “Who are you, dear?”

I spoke to the child again, and the child who was leaning against my chest shouted a very strange name…

Mammy? I wasn’t able to say anything for a while. Did I ever have a baby? Did I lose my memory related to this boy?

However, the little sweet boy was way too unfamiliar to say that. At least, if he was my child, something would have come to mind. I couldn’t recall any memory with him, no matter how hard I tried. So I tried to comfort the child.

“Looks like you’ve got the wrong person, dear… I’m not your mom.”

I tried to pull away from the child. After all, it was not appropriate for an aristocratic child to be sitting in the arms of a beggar. If the real Mammy or father of the child saw this, I might be put to death.

 “No.”

He shook his head.

 “You’re my Mammy.”

The harder I tried to get rid of the little guy, the closer he leaned towards me.

Why did this child mistake me for his Mammy? Does his real Mammy look like me?

It was then that another sound of footsteps was heard. This time, the pace was a little faster and heavier, like the footsteps of an adult man. The footsteps stopped inches away from me.

I looked up and saw a new figure…

 “Arthur! I told you not to touch dirty things!”

The man’s deep voice scolded the child who was hiding in my embrace.

Arthur.

It was probably the name of the boy hugging me.

No, wait. By dirty, did they mean me? I laughed in amazement. It wasn’t wrong, but somehow I still felt bad. The more I tried to accept the truth, the worse I felt. And I was indignant because I did not hug him first. He just suddenly came running and caught me by surprise.

Then the man’s eyes fell onto me.

It was a surprise.

Since I was already looking at him, and our eyes met.

The man had redeyes. They were beautiful, yet they carried a sad emotion. Looking at the man’s gloomy eyes over and over again, I felt sad too. Strange thoughts appeared in my mind.

Who was this man?

Is he Arthur’s father?

I tried coming up with an excuse, ‘The child ran up to me first and hugged me,’ was what I was going to say but I couldn’t say anything at all.

The man’s eyes were shaking noticeably. An unknown agitation pooled up in his eyes.

“……Sara…?”

The man’s charming lips spat out a name.

Sara.

The man’s voice was dripping with sadness. He grimaced as he muttered.

“No, that can’t be…”

He looked away from me and asked the little guy named Arthur who was still in my arms. “Arthur, why haven’t you moved away from her yet? ”

The man’s voice was quite heated. It was a far cry from the faint voice he used when he said the name ‘Sara’. The man’s tone changed so rapidly that I wondered if I had heard it wrong.

“No! How can I leave when my Mammy is here?”

The little guy, Arthur, said.

The child snuggled deeper into my arms. There was not the slightest bit of hesitation in the grasp of the child that hugged my waist. I couldn’t push the child away, nor could I say anything to the man, so I looked at them one by one.

 “Ha…”

With a long sigh, the man came closer and bent on his knees. Soon the hands of the man were up in the air, reaching out for the child. He seemed to be trying to take the child away from me himself. The face of the man who faced me was threatening to explode with anger.

I had a hunch that the man would soon explode, but before the man was given a chance, my stomach exploded first. It was growling loudly, like thunder in the dry sky.

The child looked closely at my stomach, the source of the sound and the man curled his lips in dismay.

 ‘I can’t help it’

I wanted to say so.

 “Mammy, are you starving?”

 “I’m not your mom, but I’m starving.”

No, I’m not telling you anything. However, when I saw the smiling child, I felt obligated to answer him quietly.

  “Maybe I am overthinking this.”

The man thought.

Then he grabbed the child roughly and pulled the child away from me. I could not take my eyes off him. With his hands stretched …

 “Mammy! Mammy!”

He cried.

It was heartbreaking. The child’s eyes looked so sad. But I couldn’t help it. I was not his Mammy, so I ignored the child’s desperate eyes.

I’m sorry, child. I thought the sudden and embarrassing situation would end just like that but the child shook his hand and sank to the floor. Then, he started crying more sadly than anyone else in the world.

“Uhuhuu…, Daddy is bad… It was not enough to leave her on the street, and now you won’t even feed Mammy. Daddy is very bad….”

The child with a small body cried with an incredibly loud voice. People walking along the side of the street began to leer and stare at us. The handsome young man was the father of the child, and then the starving Mammy…

Do they mean me? I didn’t know how I became a starving Mammy, but they were right.

“Arthur! Get up right now! Or you’ll get in trouble with Daddy when we get back to the mansion! ”

The man’s voice grew louder and louder, his forehead wrinkled in anger.

Arthur, when you get back to the mansion, you’re going to get punished!.

The man’s angry voice did not scare the child at all. He let out an even louder noise and threatened his father.

“If Daddy leaves Mammy here, I will stay here, too.”

“What the hell are you talking about? ”

 “She’s there! ”

Arthur pointed to me with his small hands.

Well… I’m not your starving Mammy, but I am starving…

“Your mom is not here!”

The man shouted.

“She is right there!”

“Arthur… That dirty thing is not your mom. ”

“She only got dirty because Daddy didn’t take care of Mammy! ”

“Arthur…”

The man sighed heavily and didn’t speak for a long time…

The little guy was a bold fellow. He didn’t budge a single inch from his stubborn attitude.

I felt like I was going to get tired of interfering in their argument. I hoped the man would take the child and disappear quietly. For a moment I hoped so, but I was suddenly proven wrong by the handsome man, as he began to come towards me again. The man’s fair face was distorted into an expression of disdain.

“Hey, beggar.”

A beggar? Who was he calling? I looked around and realized that no one but me could be called the beggar. I might have looked like a beggar, but I was not a beggar. I bit my lips, unable to say that.

“Yes, the beggar answers.”

“Do you work?”

“No, I just got fired.”

“Yes, it would be strange for someone like you to work.”

“What? ”

What was this man saying? The man answered brazenly, with no change in his face.

“Don’t you want to try a new job?”

“What is it?”

“For now, let’s go to the mansion and talk. The child isn’t calm.”

The little guy’s cries continued. The man was becoming increasingly impatient, although not intentionally. The man looked nervous when I didn’t answer right away. The number of people who stopped walking and watched us began to grow. It wasn’t intended either, but it was a feeling of involuntary attention.

“Why aren’t you answering?”

The man complained to me.

I tilted my head with a blank face.

The only reason why I did not answer readily was due to the small doubt I held towards the stranger. Was it OK to follow this man? I looked at him with suspicion. A man with good looks was never seen as a swindler, but that didn’t mean he could be trusted.

“Are you doubting me?”

The man spoke as he noticed the suspicion in my eyes.

“Yes, the beggar suspects you.”

I answered with a nod of my head.

The fact that I was called a beggar only fueled me.

The man spat in anger.

“I am Charles Lancaster.”

“What?”

“….”

Charles. It was a familiar name for some reason. I tried to recall where I’d heard the name before, but to the me who was wandering about the streets with no memory, nothing came to mind.

“Well, that’s a good name.”

Kirk!

The man touched my forehead with a serious face and spoke, “That’s fantastic. Listen, I’m the youngest person to inherit the title of Duke and I have a lot of accomplishments. There is also a title that was given to me by the King himself. Do you know who I am now?”

So he was just a big, powerful guy, right? I wasn’t that interested in whether he was the youngest person to become a duke or any such merit. The only thing I was interested in was… growl….

There was another loud noise in my stomach.

 “Was that a horse?”

Charles asked in a silly tone.

“If you come with me, rice will be served.”

“Okay, let’s go.”

“Where?”

 “To eat rice.”

“I won.”

He laughed disappointingly.

It must have been such a disappointment for him to go eat. I stared into his dejected smile. His laughter and voice were still ringing in my ears. As I dwelled on his voice, it suddenly felt strange.

It was because I felt a sense of wonder.

I feel as if I’d heard the good voice of this man before.

Where did I hear his name before?

“Ah! ”

Fortunately, I remembered the source of the voice right away.

“Are you sure you’re gonna be okay?”

The voice of Charles and the voice of the man whom I had often heard in my dreams. It was strange. I asked him the first thing I knew.

“Charles Lancaster. Have we ever met each other before?”