In some way, the world is hard. In some way, the world is generous.

Someone once told me: “Life is beautiful, look at it for what it is, not for those around you”.

I never lived for anyone, nor did I get carried away by the feeling that someone caused in me. That set me free, and I allowed myself to meet amazing people. Life with them was beautiful.

I sigh sometimes and remember those strange and beautiful days. That summer feeling...With the sky clear, without a cloud in sight, the sun is pleasant but it does not burn, you feel energetic but you do nothing, the wind is delicate and it is silent, although you can hear the trees shaking by the wind and some animals like birds, no human voices are heard but the world does not feel empty, just comforting.

I am a fan of the world, I am a fan of children who are carefree and innocent, I am a fan of teenagers who continue to do crazy things and live to the extreme despite not always feeling well, I am a fan of those elderly couples in the parks who, despite time, continue to love each other and do together what they did for the first time since they were children.

I am not alone, because I have friends and family, but the calm that constantly presents itself in my days makes me feel frozen in time. It's nice, but somehow I feel sad, because one day it's true that death will separate me from everything I love, yet I'm not afraid of eternal rest.

I'm still young, how funny it is to think of the end even just starting everything. Maybe it's because I'm bored. I would like to do more interesting things, at least music gives me great ideas and feelings.

I am not looking for love, I consider that I already love myself enough; I am not looking for peace, I know that the noise of my playlist fills me with security and tranquility; I'm not looking for friendship, because wherever I go, I do not lose the memory of my dear friends from the past who continue to leave today. I suppose I am looking for a future, although I have no idea what to look for nor do I feel excited about doing so.

Oh God, there are so many things I want to say. I want to say them no matter what they will answer. In my mind, I found what I never said.

A lost "I love you", an ineffable "I forgive you", a modest "I love you brother", and a hidden "thank you, mother".

I live in a desert of memories buried in the burning sand of my heart, without tears capable of crying, without a way to find a direction without being erased by the wind, whom I consider my own life.

I do not live with the heart or with the mind, I can fly with my soul higher than the eagle.

I'm free, and I'm glad I can be, thank you.

When we were children, we said many things to each other, I fought with my brothers, we even hit each other. The truth is that we didn't feel any of that, we didn't mean it. We had to say it, we believed that the one who did the most damage to the other would win, and like every child, we wanted to be champions.

When we were teenagers we separated, each one went our own way, to discover who we were, what we liked, what we wanted in life. Each one broke down in their way, we cried, we smiled, we were terrible. And we learned.

We found dreams, dreams to live for. To be parents, to have our own family, to make things right and be better than our parents. The trades that crossed our minds were many: presidency, medicine, teaching, science, even just being revolutionaries. The road has been long, and it is not close to ending.

We found friends, you've never had something like this, we made them our brothers. We forget our own family and create another without taking into account each other. But we were happy, and as dad used to tell us: just be happy no matter what. We got selfish in a way...

But for my part I did other things, I read the dictionary. I know the concept of many words, and putting them together I learned to describe many things like how I am.

I am carefree, not indifferent.

I am romantic, not unrealistic.

I am free, not selfish.

I am patient, not mute.

I am humble, not weak.

I am complicated. I am sometimes told, I am sometimes serious, I am sometimes loving, but even if I don't hug my brother, I will kill whoever hurts him. I am like this, a work of art with bright and gray colors. And that is still beautiful.

Finally, we become adults. I must admit that we become adults at a young age, the world sometimes forces us, and perhaps we missed out on certain things that others had and we did not. But I know that I would never change what brought me here, because then I would no longer be me, and what I know would be the unknown abyss that the rest of society would make me hate.

Was I ever as innocent as a child? No. Did I ever do an exciting crazy thing as a teenager? No. Do I get up early? No...

Haha but my innocence was not ignorance, it was curiosity, and even being guided by it, I didn't stop being innocent, much less curious. My follies did not consist of escaping from home, traveling, or going to a concert, but of my writings, my humor and the way in which I decided to live. Why don't I get up early? The bed seduces me hahaha

But anyway...

You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.

He was good, he liked music, he liked it too much.

He was bored in just a minute, he said he had goals, he was not interested in simple conversations either but I couldn't introduce him to new and long topics, because he would get bored. His expression of boredom and disinterest in the subject made my hair stand on end. I was afraid to upset him or get tired of me.

In front of him I laughed at what he said, his faces and comments were quite funny. I secretly thought he was adorable...

I never knew how to introduce myself to him, he always made me nervous. What made me see him differently, for me he was strange.

Aah, I loved watching him play basketball, or walk away from the kitchen so easily, at least that way he avoided burning it. In one round of questions, I asked him a lot of questions, his answers were "yup" or "nope". When it came to asking me a question, he didn't have any. Wow, I got in trouble with him several times. But he just said, "don't be sorry, it wasn't your fault". I never understood this boy.

Well, disappointments and adversities ended up separating us, as time dictates. It was good, at least.

I didn't know much about this guy. But I always saw him mature, intelligent, he claimed to be cold but it didn't seem to me that he was at all.

About his music, deep at times, scandalous at other times, it was never bad.

About his thoughts, I don't know, I never got to them.

About his humor, I can't think of anything better.

About his head, it was a mess but he won't admit it.

Why did he look adorable? Because…I found the way he defended his friends adorable, his faces touched me as well as their tastes and habits, it was funny to me every time I could predict one of his next responses. Yes, he was good.

I never knew the way he fell apart, I'm glad I never saw him that way, but I worry about not being there when that happens and not being able to calm him or stop his pain. I never saw him in love, but it would be funny to see him all stunned by someone. I never saw him smile, but I certainly saw his beautiful eyes that could never lie.

He did something and said no, he was so clumsy. I was amused by his nonsense, how crazy those to which he dragged me. He was slow to understand things, he had to repeat everything in three different ways, in the end, he never understood.

Oh, he, yeah, him. Nothing was better than him.

They separated us, it was someone's fault. And if I ever find a way to let you know that I still love you, don't be surprised if a call comes in at one in the morning haha

I love you, my silly little younger brother. My little Daniel.