I look at the clock on my wall, 5:30 pm dad will be home shortly. I look down at the note cards in my hands, rereading them over for the third time this evening.
The silence if broken by the sound of the front door opening and the sound of my father's voice echoing through the halls
"Bella, Atticus, I'm home!" He calls out. I sat up from my desk chair and left my room forgetting my note cards in the process.
By the time I get to the kitchen it's too late to go back now. I sit at the table while my mom serves food onto my dad's plate. While he reads the newspaper even though we had a TV to watch the news. Mother hands me the bowl of mashed potatoes before sitting herself down. I take a deep breath my hands were already shaking and sweating.
"Mother, father, there is something I have to tell the both of you" I speak in the most confident voice I can muster. My mother's gaze turns to me and my father folds up the newspaper setting it off to the side. My dad is the first to speak.
"What's on your mind son?" He asks in a calm manner. Mother chimes in seconds later.
"are you struggling in a class? We can get you a tutor for it," I quickly shake my head. I always hated when they jumped in without letting me finish. I clear my head before speaking again.
"No it's- nothing along those lines. I'm doing just fine in my classes." My heart seems to want to explode out of my chest, fall into the floor and shrivel up into a deformed raisin. "It's more complicated than that," I finish before having to take another breather. My parents look at each other then look back at me. When I look up at them I can see the concern in my eyes. This dose t make it any easier for me.
"You have our full attention Atticus," My mother begins. "Tell us what's on your mind" I take another deep breath. (You can do this Atticus just get it over with)
"I wanted to tell you that... I like guys," I say with a shaking voice. My dad gets up from his seat walking over to me, getting down on his knees and hugging me tight. My mother soon follows hugging me from the opposite side. I feel tears stinging my eyes and I start crying. My mother then speaks up.
"Atticus deary why didn't you tell us sooner? Is this why you were so shaky?" I'm nodding violently still crying and then I hear my dad speak up.
"Atticus no matter your pronouns or your sexuality you are our child and we love you" I smile through my tears before my dad speaks again. "Are you still our son or would you prefer something else like daughter or just child?" This causes me to laugh and I shake my head.
"No, I'm still your son," say through sniffles. Both my parents give me one more light squeeze before pulling away and sitting back down. I serve myself some potato and chicken before beginning to eat.
About 12 minutes into eating my mom asks,
"Just let us know when you see a hot boy. Mamma will help you get him," she says with a wink which causes me to laugh again.
"Thanks mom I will," I say then go back to eating.
After dinner I return to my room flopping onto my bed turning on my phone. I pull up my contacts and text the contact name "Conner"
Me: I told my parents, and they accept me!
Conner: Congrats man. You'll have to tell me all about it tomorrow in school
Me: Will do man!
I shut down my phone placing it onto the charger on my nightstand looking up at my ceiling. Coming out had been a lot easier than I imagined it would be. There are some kids that are not as lucky as me. I'm grateful for my parents. I only wish it was this easy for everyone...
TW: Unsupportive parents do not read this episode if that will make you upset or uncomfortable!
I was born in 2005, into a wealthy family. My Mother had given birth to a “handsome young boy.” I grew up with action figures, race cars, and a personal soccer field in the backyard. There are some boys that can only dream of those kinds of things. Although I was never ever interested in playing soccer with my dad, even if he did let me win. I always found myself watching my mother put on makeup. I was so fixated at the vibrant red lipstick, or the fake lashes it was all magical in my eyes.
I remember my first day of kindergarten as if it were yesterday. Brown Khaki shorts, white button down and the coolest light up sneakers. Most of the boys in my class wanted to be my friend. (Probably because of the shoes). However when it came to recess, I was playing house with the girls, and everytime I would be the little sister. At first they said I can be the dad, but for some reason in my 5-year-old brain that made me feel weird.
“I don't want to be the dad! I want to be the little sister!” I would complain. They would look at eachother begrudgingly and let me be the little sister. Although it took them a bit of time, eventually I was the little sister of the house. I remember Jullia (The girl who played mom) loved having me use the fluffy tutus on those headbands with a bow on top. Quite frankly to the girl’s surprise I liked it too.
I realized how “different” I was on the week of my upcoming 10th birthday when I finally asked my parents for some barbie makeup kits, and barbie dolls for my birthday. My parents looked at me with bewilderment and disgust.
“(Deadname) honey, wouldn't you like one of the new minion toys that came out a few weeks ago?” My mother had asked me while putting her hand on my forehead as if checking if I had a fever.
“No mom, I want a barbie makeup kit please!” I said cheerfully. My dad quickly jumped in with a stern voice.
“(Deadname), your mother and I will not buy you a Barbie makeup kit. Think of something else you might want for your birthday,” In that very moment, the dreams of almost 10-year-old me were crushed. For my birthday I had gotten a new baseball set, and some toy trucks that year.
The next major event, and ironically the last with my biological parents was in 2018. By then I had told only a small group of very trusted friends that I preferred she/her pronouns, and I went by Charlotte. One of those friends being Amy. We had a small school dance in October in celebration of halloween. I went over to Amy’s house that night and she gave me an old halloween costume. Her older sister (who graduated in 2017) Wore one year that in Amy’s words “fit me perfectly” and she was right. That school dance had to be the best dance of my life at the time as it was the first time I truly felt comfortable.
It tragically all went downhill from there. I was supposed to spend the night at Amy’s house first to change back into the halloween suit my parents had bought me, and secondly to have a break from their harsh lectures. I was walking out with Amy, and my heart dropped the moment I saw my parents in their 2018 Genesis G80. My dad hopped out of the car, and grabbed my arm dragging me over. On the way home I got an entire lecture about what I was wearing was not appropriate for a man like me and I should be very ashamed of myself. For some reason I had been given a burst of confidence for who the hell knows why and I had shouted at my parents for the first time.
“But I don’t WANT to be a boy! I want to be a GIRL” I had heard my mother gasp and my dad had slammed on the brakes of the car in order to look at me. He was furious… his screaming only got worse and when we got home I was told I had the night to pack, I would be leaving tomorrow morning. “To where?” I asked as my eyes filled with tears. My father turned to look at me. His eyes seemed to burn with hatred.
“You’ll go live with your aunt and her,” he had to force himself to finish his sentence “Her girlfriend.” That was probably the only time I felt happy my parents were making a decision for me. I had heard stories during family gatherings about my aunt being lesbian. From my dad’s side of the family, his reactions and opinions were all the same. On my mother’s side, they either agreed, or they kept silent on the matter. My great grandmother was one of the silent ones.
The next morning I had my bags all packed, and they started driving me to Michigan. It was only a 2 hour drive but that 2 hour drive felt even longer with the cold silence from both of my parents. The 2 hour drive later I was let out of the car and they drove off. I would probably never see them again. I walked up the nice concrete steps of my Aunts house and knocked on the door to see a beautiful young woman in front of me. I had seen pictures of my aunt and by her looks I was guessing this was her girlfriend. Her vibrant green eyes gave it away.
My Aunt was a tall and muscular woman with hazel eyes. And although she could look and act tough, I learned very quickly she had the heart of an Angel. Her girlfriend who’s name I learned was Mia was a short feminine female who loved dressing up.
“My baby I’m so sorry this happened, come give Aunt Oliva a hug” My aunt had embraced me in a bear hug and that's when I finally let all my tears go.
The year is now 2021 and I happily live with my Aunt and her girlfriend which I have grown accustomed to calling Mum, and Mother. They got legal custody of me in the late of 2019, and a little less than a year later adopted my little brother Max. Although my parents don't accept them sometimes I still think about them, and in truth, I do miss them. Truly and honestly I can see them again. I want answers and to embrace their love one more time...
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