Katie read the hot pink note stuck on the refrigerator three times before pulling it off and tossing it to the counter. She lowered her head, knowing the fate that lay ahead. The worst part of it all was that she had to wait another two hours before her roommate, Sarah, came home.

We need to talk…

History told Katie that those four words never ended well. And that didn’t just mean in a relationship with a man. Katie scoffed at that idea.

A man.

Katie didn’t want to think about her last relationship, an alleged steam-filled weekend that started with Sarah’s begging her to go and ended with Sarah apologizing during the three-hour car ride home. Sarah set Katie up with one of her boyfriend’s co-workers and the only time Katie saw any attention or action from him during a three day weekend was when he was drunk.

Peter.

That was his name. Katie never liked the name Peter but she would never come out and say it. But Peter had no problem telling Katie about her size. He also had no problem talking to Sarah and Nick about how fat Katie was and that without wine, he wouldn’t have been able to perform. This talk all came after Katie offered herself to Peter.

That was six months ago when the possibility of snow was every night and the last few claws of winter tried to stick into the ground but eventually gave away to spring and summer. Katie had hoped the season and weather change would bring other changes, but it didn’t. She was still living the same life. Still working a dead-end office job that paid her next to nothing, leaving her with the separation to go back to college and get her graduate degree she swore she’d get three years ago.

Instead of going back to college, she and Sarah (who were dorm mates in college) decided to splurge on an expensive apartment right on the edge of the vibrant city. They were lucky enough to get on the top floor, giving them a light show of the city. The mix of lights looked like stars. However, it all came with a giant price tag. Three years ago that price was justified the simplest way both women knew how… by splitting it, it was like getting the apartment for half price!

That theory only worked if both women stayed there.

We need to talk…

Katie lifted the sticky note from the counter and crumbled it in her hand.

As she threw it towards the trashcan, of course, she missed.

She always missed.

“Look at her hands… her fingers are fat…”

Katie turned and caught the blurred reflection of herself in the microwave. It wasn’t a good way to judge yourself, considering the microwave was black and the image looking back was always distorted. But Katie took it to heart, even though she never told anyone how much she learned.

Just like with Peter’s words.

She told Sarah to stop apologizing for the way Peter acted. That one some people are just mean.

But the words still hurt, once in a while.

“I just turned her around, man, and turned off the lights…”

Katie stepped from the small kitchen and froze. She looked over her shoulder and realized she was hungry. She touched her stomach and spread her fingers, wincing, as though she were touching something disgusting.

Well, I am, she thought to herself.

When she closed her eyes, all she could feel was the soft extra skin. Ten years ago, Katie could joke about it. She could stand up for herself and explain that if she wanted to eat a meal, she would. Nibbling lettuce wasn’t a way to live life. And it wasn’t as though Katie was unhealthy, she just wasn’t paper-thin.

“I don’t know man, you fucked this chick… she’s a big one…”

Katie’s heart ached a little more than she wanted it to at that moment. She moved back to the kitchen as tears started to flood her eyes. She hated the way memories like that stuck so close to her. It was like a curse, a silent curse that could strike without warning. Up until she read the note on the fridge, her day had been normal.

Now…

“Katie, I am so sorry about Peter… I had no idea…”

“It’s fine, Sarah, I promise. Please. I just want to go home.”

“I know. We are. Nick is going with Peter. It’s just us. Okay?”

“Yes.”

“I can’t believe he said those things.”

“Some people are just like that.”

“You should prove him wrong.”

“Prove what?”

“Oh my gosh, Katie… imagine if you went and, like, lost a ton of weight and then flaunted yourself in front of him… how amazing would that be?”

“You want me to lose weight?”

“NO! I mean, no, not like that. To make Peter… you know… jealous…”

It was the same thing all the time. Everyone always had a way to hint at Katie. She wanted to be proud of herself and pretended to be, but her size was nothing but a piece of a much larger puzzle. A puzzle that had a couple of pieces missing, a couple of pieces used, bent and ripped. A puzzle that Katie didn’t want to see the result of.

We need to talk.

The door opened and Sarah came rushing in holding bags from an evening of shopping and a smile on her face. She first looked at the clock, then quickly dropped all the bags on the floor.

“I’m sorry I’m late,” she said.

“You live here,” Katie replied. “There is no late…”

“Did you get my note?”

Katie nodded. “What do we have to talk about?”

Sarah bit on her lip and bent her knees. Katie knew this routine, having first witnessed it the first day she met Sarah. Her father had been trying to leave the dorm and Sarah waited until the last second to ask for money, claiming she forgot to take money out and didn’t have much, to begin with. Katie watched in awe as Sarah’s father dished out five hundred dollars telling her it was an investment in her future.

Sarah had the money gone by the end of the third day of classes.

Her father had since lost his big insurance job and cut Sarah off from the loose ends of his wallet but that’s right where Nick stepped in. Katie wasn’t exactly sure what the hell Nick did for a living but it involved computers or software and he made a nice buck for himself… which was now being used on Sarah.

“Shopping?” Katie asked. “Get anything nice?”

“Oh, I have to show you…”

Sarah bent over and started to dig through the bags. Far from having an urge for a woman or the urge to experiment, the look Katie had as she stared at Sarah’s small, tight backside was anything but sexual. It was jealousy. She admired the tiny curves and could see how any guy would want that. Even a smaller sized guy could grip one of Sarah’s cheeks with their entire hand. Let alone, someone who was taller, stronger, bigger… they’d love to hold onto Sarah tight. Moving her. Enjoying her.

Katie looked away and felt her face heating up. She always swore she wouldn’t get jealous of Sarah. No matter how much of a pain in the *** the girl was, she was one of Katie’s closest friends. Or something like a friend. Well, they were close.

They lived close.

That’s where Katie settled it in her mind, just in time for Sarah to turn around and yell, “Check this out!”

Sarah cocked out her hip, which lifted her shirt. Flat stomach. Low cut jeans. Any man’s desire.

“It’s my new bathing suit,” Katie said. “It’s so hot, right?”

A bright red bathing suit with even brighter yellow flowers on it. Loud. Annoying. Just like Sarah.

“Perfect fit,” Katie said.

“I was so happy to find it, especially in a two-piece.”

A two-piece.

Katie swallowed hard and forced a smile.

She couldn’t remember the last time she found the confidence to think about a two-piece, let alone wear one. The closest thing she came to that was a bra and panties and even for that, she did her best to avoid mirrors. Some days she felt like herself and other days she felt big enough to be embarrassed by anyone who saw her.

“You know my body,” Sarah said, “I need a small bottom and larger top because of these damn things…” Sarah pointed to her breasts, breasts that were large for her small size. They, of course, were natural, another beautiful gift handed down from good genes and good luck. “They had the top and bottom in my size. I felt bad splitting up two bathing suits but oh well, right?”

“Looks nice,” Katie said.

“Aren’t you going to ask why I bought it?”

“Because it’s summer…?”

Sarah laughed and snorted. “I love you, Katie. No, it’s all part of my note. Did you read it? I put it on the fridge. I used pink sticky notes. Easier to see, right?”

“I saw it,” Katie said. “I read it. Just said we need to talk.”

Sarah started to shake her hips as her face lit up. “Nick surprised me with a cruise! We’re going in early October.”

“And you bought a bathing suit now?”

“Of course. Need to plan.”

“That’s great,” Katie said. She did her best to hide her emotions but knew it couldn’t last forever. “I’m happy for you and Nick. Cruises are fun. Or I’ve heard they’re fun.”

“We’re going to have a blast. Seven days in the sun… the… Katie, you don’t seem yourself. Oh no, is it because of… this?”

Sarah didn’t identify what this was, but Katie could read her roommate’s eyes. This means talking about the cruise and sharing seven hot-filled days with her boyfriend. This means buying a two-piece bathing suit and having the confidence to wear it. This means Sarah is everything Katie secretly thought she should be.

“No,” Katie said. “I’m sorry. I’m really happy you’re going on a cruise. I… I just had a long day. Work was rough. Then I got home and saw your note. I thought it was going to be bad news.”

“Well…” Sarah put the bathing suit away and went back to her lip-biting stance.

“What’s wrong?” Katie asked. “Are you pregnant?”

Katie’s eyes lit up. She hated herself for a few seconds as she quickly imagined Sarah carrying a baby. How big her stomach would get. How her perfect little body would be used up. How…

Stop it, Katie told herself. Just stop it.

“Hell no!” Sarah yelled. “Pregnant? Not even close. I haven’t even let Nick touch me without… something on himself. Are you kidding me?”

“Just asking a question,” Katie said.

Sarah walked to the couch and sat down next to Katie. Her knees instantly started to jump. She stared straight ahead. She looked guilty and suddenly Katie felt like she was a parent, trying to pry something stupid out of a teenager.