My name is Isaac.

I'm 21 years old.

I wanted to share what happened to me two years ago.

I found out that I'm a gay at the age of 16.

I was scared to come out as the person I loved was my best friend.

We were friends since childhood.

We had a group where we were five friends and I was more closer to him..

His name is Chris.

He is so handsome.

His starry blue eyes, golden hair, straight lined nose and dark rose lips were always so beautiful even now it's so beautiful..

I was nervous to lose him and the friend circle.

So, I kept silent.

I thought I would only wanted to stay with him, that was enough for me. But the desire inside me kept asking for more.

I wanted to walk beside him, locking our hands together.

Looking at each others eyes smiling. Just like the other couples. But it was like a dream for me, a gay.

When I was eighteen years old, everyone were busy celebrating our graduation from school.

I got good grades even though I'm not that much of a genius. And I had been admitted to s college. I went there just because he was applying for it too.

During the celebration, I only had my eyes on him.

He was talking and laughing with our other friends.

He got drunk.

He wasn't himself, when he came inside the room where I was staying.

I knew it.. Even though I didn't stop him. It was what I actually craved for so many years.

Next day when he woke up, he said he was sorry and he did wanted to make up for his mistake.

That's how we started dating.

I still hadn't told him that I had a crush on him for years.

What if I told him that? Will he walk away from me saying it was all my mistake?

That's what I thought.

We dated for one year.

It wasn't known by anyone else.

He wanted to stay low.

He..

He wasn't even sure if he was a gay or he loves me.

But still I wasn't ready to let him go.

So, I just gave him time.

One day,

It was a Christmas Eve.

I thought we will spend it together.

But he had to go back to his house.

I said ok.

Even though I didn't wanted him to go, I can't be clingy. Right? What if he dumped me because of it?

My insecurities were just killing me.

He called me.

Said he was driving.

I said ok.

Then he said he had thought it for so long already.

I was nervous because what if he decides to dump me?

I said "its ok, you don't have to reply now".

What was in my mind that even if he don't likes me, I.. I can stay little longer with him.. If he didn't say 'NO' right now. Correct?

But for my surprise he said, he loves me.

At first I couldn't even believe in my ears

"What?" I asked.

"I love you Idiot! For all this time I spent with you was awesome".

he again repeated. Now I completely got what he said. I was really happy too.

I gave a small gap before I spoke.

"I-"

Before I could say "I love you too" I heard a loud sound of car crashing.

I didn't knew what was happening.

Until I was informed that he got in to an accident and is now hospitalised.

When I went there, I saw his family and our friends.

I called him.

"Chris -"

But he asked me "Who are you?"

What a...

I don't know what did I do in my life that bad to receive this punishment from God.

Doctor said he lost his memories.

He doesn't remember any of us then.

He doesn't even remember my name, then what will happen if I say we were lovers?

No one except us knew that we were lovers..

No one knows it.

Even if I tell him that, what evidence do I have to give him?

I began to retire my self from our friends group.

Slowly and slowly I made myself distant from them.

I even stopped going to college.

I went back home which was in the village.

My parents...

They were really angry at me first.

But slowly they also started to know that something was wrong with me.

I was going through depression...

I...

Sometimes I even thought what if the things that I think I have done with Chris haven't even happened?

What if I'm being delusional?

What if it was all my wishful thinking?

Because there wasn't anyone who could agree with me in the case that I have been dating Chris for an year.

Not even Chris.

Now, I'm being discharged from this asylum.

Mom said, my friends were coming to see me.

Will...

Will Chris be there too?

Will he recognize me? Or have he already got a lover?

I don't know anything.

Car sound is heard.

I think they are here.

I looked at the mirror.

I saw the young me in it.

The me who was still sixteen and realised that I was a gay and I loved my best friend.

I'm just the same... Even though years have passed.

The one who changed is you..."Chris"...

If it's possible,

I would like to lose my memories about you too..

If it's possible...

I would want to be in your place..

Like that, I won't have to be this sad...

-End

My name is Chris

I'm 21 years old.

I have a friend named Isaac.

When I was 19 years old, I had a car accident in which I lost my memories.

When I was still in my hospital bed, so many people came to see me.

Some said they were my parents, some where saying they were my friends.

But I couldn't even remember any one of them.

Then, he.. *long pause*

.

.

.

Isaac came in.

He was panting.

His voice was shaking when he called me "Chris".

I don't know why but I asked him "Who are you? "

Maybe...

Maybe I shouldn't have asked him that..

.

His face turned pale after hearing me, his eyes began to tear up.

Even before I could ask him why he was like that or console him, he ran away out of the room.

Some of the people around me introducing themselves as my friends ran away after him.

.

"Who is he? "

I repeated the question to those people who introduced themselves as my parents.

"He is your childhood friend."

That woman replied.

Childhood friends? Then why did he act as if I have done something bad to him by asking who he was?

Is it necessary for him to have that much of reaction? Aren't we just friends?

.

Those thoughts were lingering inside me.

.

I decided to ask them all to him, when we see each other again.

But when we met again, he ignored me?

.

.

WHY???

Him ignoring me.. made me feel my heart ache.

I didn't knew what was going on with me.

But it really did made my heart ache.

Slowly he began to fall apart from the friend circle.

He stopped going to the college?

We were just starting our second year in college and he already had dropped out.

Moreover he hadn't told anything to any of us his "Friends" about his dropping out of college.

No one knew why he did that.

.

.

.

My heart was feeling heavy when I returned to home that day.

I still remember.

I went to my room and took a long cold bath.

My mind was filled with his pale face and trembling body.

I don't know why I couldn't forget that look of him.

He didn't told me anything too.

I wanted to hear him calling my name again.

Because I don't know why, him calling me "Chris" felt so blissful to my ears.

But, he hadn't talk one word to me after that day in the hospital.

.

.

Two years have passed.

I got a phone call from Jerome, who is one of our friend. (Both Isaac's and mine)

He said, Isaac will get discharged from the asylum today and everyone else in the friend circle was going to visit him.

I said, I will go with them too.

What happened?

Why he was send to an asylum?

I was confused.

Maybe something is still missing.

Is it my fault?

I kept asking myself.

Is it my fault what he is facing right now?

But I didn't do anything at all.

I lost my memories.

It wasn't my fault to start with.

Even if I lost my memories, he could still fill it up for me. Right?

Why didn't he do that?

.

.

My mind told me, every question I have for him will get answered today by himself.

As the car stopped in front of the asylum, my heart began to rise it's rate.

I don't know, why am I feeling really nervous right now.

Isaac, I'm coming for you.

I have lots of unfinished questions which only you can answer.

Who are you to me?

Why am I being this restless towards you?

You owe me an answer.

I hope I can get all my answers today itself.

-End-

When I went inside there...

I saw a beautiful man sitting in his bed and looking outside of the window near him.

I don't know why I called him beautiful.

His dark brown eyes, black soft hair, Pale skin and... And the rose tinned lips were so pretty.

I have never seen a human this beautiful.

He was looking like an angel.

His body was shorter and smaller than me.

I felt as his waist will fit inside my one hand.

.

.

"Isaac"

Jerome called out for him.

Then only I realised I wasn't alone there.

He looked at us.

His eyes were blank.

His lips curved a smile but it was fake.

"You are all here! Thank you for coming".

He said with a polite tone.

I felt as he shouldn't have used polite words with us.

We are his friends.

Why is he being polite to us?

Maybe no-one else felt it as me.

They smiled back and went beside him.

"How are you doing? "

One of the friend asked and he was replied with

"I'm alright. What about you guys? "

.

He sounded as if he wasn't tiny bit at all interested to talk to us.

This made me mad and I went outside of the room.

I didn't knew why I did it..

Amy, one of my childhood friend who I thought she have a crush on me came out of the room chasing after me.

.

"What happened? Why did you come out this quickly"

She asked me and I replied

"Didn't you saw how he was replying? He felt as if he is doing some favor to us by answering to our questions. He is making me go mad."

"Don't be like this, Chris you know that he is not alright. He is not in his right mind. And we should be more considerate towards him. He-"

I was getting sick of her boring speech of glory. I was getting more and more mad after hearing her all pitiful words aiming at Isaac. He is our friend and why would we pity him? We should support him that's what we should do.

Suddenly she kissed me on my cheek. Maybe she wanted to cheer me up and listen to her boring speech.

"What the-"

I was about to wipe my cheek and go inside to join everyone else.

But...

But then I saw Isaac standing in front of me.

That look again...

His pale face and trembling body was in front of me.

He made a fist..

Without saying anything he went inside to his room.

.

.

"You guys go and see my mom. She was waiting for you all. I will join you guys after sometime."

He said this to us when I went inside following him.

I had to leave his room again as our other friends asked me to give him some space and we all went outside..

.

.

All the other three had been helping Isaac's mom to pack his stuffs from the asylum.

I was just strolling around when one of the staffs there came near me and gave me a phone saying me to give it to Isaac.

I opened it out of curiosity and saw a picture of me laying down in Isaac's lap.

It was probably took by myself from the look at the angle I thought.

.

.

I was shocked to see that picture.

It didn't felt like an intimacy between friends.

But it rather felt like the intimacy between couples.

I ran back to his room.

I wanted a clarification from him.

I stopped when I heard him talking to himself

.

.

"It's ok. He forgot everything. He lost his memory. You shouldn't drag him back, Isaac."

"Amy is a good girl. They are a perfect match. Let them be a perfect couple. You shouldn't interfere, Isaac."

"He lost his memories about us. There is nothing left. Don't.. Don't.. try to change anything. Let him have a normal life, let him be with a girl and like that he and she can be a normal couple who can walk hand in hand in front of others without any fear."

"But... But why thinking them together makes my heart aches? "

.

.

He was talking to himself for the whole time.

I was hearing this all, hiding behind the wall.

I got that there is something more between us than being friends.

From his words, was we... Was we a couple?

I went inside mustering up my courage.

"Oh! Why are you here Chris? "

He asked while wiping his tears without letting me see.

I didn't knew what to do then.

I hugged him all of a sudden.

I think he was shocked because of my sudden action, that he stayed still.

I couldn't stop myself from kissing those rose tinned lips.

I was kissing him as if it was our last kiss.

To my wonder, he responded to my kiss with the same passion.

I could taste the saltiness of his tears from his lips as he was crying even during our kiss.

.

.

I parted my lips from his and looked at him.

His trembling lips, which was trying to breath was again got pecked by me.

I cupped his face.

He looked at me with those innocent eyes.

His eyes weren't dead anymore as when I first saw him today.

His eyes were glittering as if it got alive.

I decided ...

I told myself....

"I don't care about the forgotten memories anymore. I'm going to make new memories with him from now on."

- Official End of Memories (BL) -