"I'm bored. Play a game with me."

"No. Your games ends up giving me trouble. I'm not playing with you."

"So, you don't love me ,hyung?"

"....."

"You're a liar. You don't love me."

"I..I Love You, Jungkook!"

JIMIN's POV

A peaceful afternoon and I was sleeping peacefully in my room, after being in practice studio all night. My bones been aching, back hurting and head's been thumping after overworking myself all night. After getting thing's off of my mind I thought I can finally be able to sleep after days of sleepless nights but Jungkook doesn't seem to let me work on it for now.

He came barging into my room complaining how bored he gets when no other hyung is around. They must've gone to studio or shopping since it's sunday , leaving bored Jungkook alone with me. Not like I'm complaining but he's totally a pain in head when bored and I'm not in a position to deal with that.

While rubbing my eyes with palms ,I got up leaning to the bed's headboard and I looked at the digital watch on side table, switching on the table lamp in the process.

"You won't deny to play with me if you love me."

Here he asking me to play with him and here we go again. As always, him, saying I don't love him and me, blurting my feeling out. If only he knew I love him more than a brother or a friend, if only he realized for how long I've been in love with him , if only he had seen my eyes when I look at him, if only he have ever asked what love mean to me, what he mean to me.

My heart have learned to conceal it's feeling with a smile ,but still it hurts. It hurts, when I say I love him and it doesn't mean anything to him. This might be the billionth time I said I love him but not even a first time I see something in his eyes for me.

He smiles at me , he giggles , laughs , hugs and that makes me the luckiest person on earth to witness all, but isn't that he do with other hyungs too? Will he ever see me differently? Will he accept me and treat me the same if I tell him about how I feel for him? Will he hold my hand and promise to never let go? When I hold him in my arms , will he do the same ,like he never did with anyone else? Maybe no. Maybe I think too much. But one thing is for sure, this secret is going to live within me forever. He can't know about this.

Since debut, it's been two years plus one year of my training . I saw him growing from 15 to 18 . With his growth, these three years my love for him grew strong and stronger each passing day and I became more and more good at masking my feelings. Now, I can live with hidden feelings and pain for the rest of my life but would never be able to live if Jungkook hate me. Last thing i would ever want is to hurt Jungkook and to be hated and ignored by him.

I was naive when I used to show too much love and affection towards him earlier which lead to Jungkook being uncomfortable and distant from me that time. That phase of our relationship taught me , Jungkook doesn't see me like I see him and would never want to see me more than a hyung and till now, I've been respecting that.

So I'm doing my part now, playing a role of a good hyung every day. Masking my romantic feeling by brotherhood. Trying best to live in this moment with Jungkook, wanting nothing else than to see him happy.

"Hyung~?" I saw Jungkook waving his hands infront of my face as he set comfortably on other side of my bed wearing black loose t-shirt which seems larger than usual and faded blue denim shorts up to length little above his knees.

Traces of natural rays of sun seeping through the window and golden light of the table lamp perfectly spreading and highlighting his face ,neck and his half chest which is exposed by his loosely hung black T-shirt and making him look hot while angle of lights on his face resulting in creating shadows of his eyelashes, making them seem more fuller, longer and beautiful and eyes bigger , rounder and alluring. His cute nose and puckered up rosy lips adding glory to his face and I couldn't help but think he looks etheral.

He keeps making cute face at me and I finally realized I'm zoning out again.

I don't even remember what were we talking about. Why do I have to be such a day dreamer? "What?" I asked and I swear, I saw a mischievous glint in his eyes.

Just what he wants me to do this time? He knows, I always lose against him so he do it for fun while I do it for love.

"You said you'll play with me because you love me." He said grinning but why do i not remember agreeing on playing?

"Kookie, I don't-"

"Okay, so we're playing truth and dare." This brat didn't even let me complete my sentence.

He's adorably annoying.

"That's nonsense, Kookie. We all live together, we already know everything about each other. I'm not play-"

"Then dare or dare. How does that sound ?" I swear to got ,if he doesn't stop cutting me off. Only if I could shut him up by kissing him senseless but alas.

"No. Truth and dare is less bad." I replied facepalming.

" You mean , 'more good' but okay, whatever, let's start. I'll ask first, Truth or Dare?" He giggled happily now showing his teeth that I love the most in this world. His facial features when he's smiling are pure bliss to me. And If it takes my participation in playing with him to maintain that smile on his face then maybe I can play hundreds of times every day.

Keeping my hyping emotions at side , I tried to look as normal as possible before speaking. "Truth." And followed by a sigh.

I see him scratching his head shyly. Just what on earth he's trying to ask me now? Such a troublesome when bored while I'm exhausted after spending nights in practice studio.

"Umm. What should I ask?" He asked and he looks baby. It takes my all to not praise and hug him at these moments.

"I told you it's a bad idea to play this as we already know everything about each other and what can we even do for dare because I think-"

"Do you love someone hyung?"

"W-what?"

Why , just why he had to ask this to me. Yes ! Yes I do ! I love someone and that someone is you Jungkook, can't you see !

"That's my question hyung. Answer it." He said again, shifting closer to me. Does he know about me? Is he teasing me? If he is ,then that's definitely hurting me inside and the worst, I can't even react to any of this.

" I do."

I fuckin love you ,Jungkook.

"Oh, and who's that ?"

That has always been you.

"I answered your question, Kookie. It's my turn now. Truth or dare? " I honestly don't want to play anymore. I want to be alone for a while, I'm tired ,I'm exausted and maybe that's why things are affecting me more than they usually do.

I see him curling his legs upto his chest while thinking which makes him look smaller. People are usually used to of seeing him as a stronger and giant one but for me he's fragile and tiny . He needs protection from outer world and I'm willing to protect him forever.

"Truth." He said and I wish I could ask him if he ever felt anything about me but I can't.

"Do you have your eyes on someone?" I hope he says 'no' or else I won't be able to digest the fact that he can like someone without even knowing about my feelings and someone else can have him in their life but I can't.

He giggled cutely , being oblivious how it lights up my whole day. "Yes."

WHAT!? No, I must've heard wrong. He don't even go anywhere alone, other than practice studio. Yes, I must've heard wrong.

"Yes, I have."

He have! Just what I've been running from now stands in front of me , laughing at my unfortune. He can like someone. Why have I never considered that? Why have I never thought he'll actually finally love someone someday? Why am I so miserable and dumb!

"Who is it kookie?" I smiled at him because I can never be mad looking up to his innnocent face in spite of the heartache I'm feeling.

He blushed and it broke my heart to see him being like this for someone that is not me. Some luckiest one.

"I meet Lisa often during practice. She says ,she likes being with me. She's actually beautiful and I think she likes me." Seriously Jungkook? Are you really serious? You can see how she likes you but can't you see how much I love you! Can't you see that? Or you don't want to see because I'm a man ?

Now I regret even coming back to my room from practice studio. I wish I wouldn't have agreed on playing this stupid game, it ended up playing with my emotions. I regret asking him that question. I was happy living in my own small bubble of satisfaction that Jungkook is atleast with me ,that I'm not sharing him with someone else but dumb enough of me, this brittle bubble of expectations around me had to be popped one day and today is that unlucky day.

Again, despite of being jealous and sad I have to smile and show I'm happy with that. "Who wouldn't like someone like you , Kookie." That's the truth I said.

My hands wanting to touch the beauty in front of me to ease the physical ache that I'm feeling right now so I did, I ruffled his black hairs which felt like silk in my hand then his cheeks which are feather soft and kissable.

I'm happy he lets me touch him, unlike the initial year, when he used to run away even from my presence. We've come so far if seen from my sight but seems like it is the dead end, like this is all I could get.

He giggled again at my remark and I took my hand back , placing it in my lap and looking at it for many reasons.

"My turn. Truth or Dare?" Not anymore Jungkook, I think that's enough for days or months. Let me learn to live with this new paining feeling. Let me get immune to this new heartache.

"That's it for today ,kookie."

"No! It was just one turn. One more please." He looked at me, pouting with dropped eyes. He does things to my heart that are not even describable.

"No."

"Please hyung, I'm bored." He said, sandwiching my face in both of his palms and coming closer to my face.

Lack of lighting played a great role in masking my expression just now. I'm glad he didn't switched on the lights when he came in ,or he would've seen now how I'm getting breathless being held closer to his face.

When I didn't reply he came more closer to my face, placing his knees between my spread legs. His thighs touched my inner thighs ,making my skin tingle and burn at same time. Still not replying, I placed both of my hands on each side of his waist unconsciously, holding him on place while rubbing smooth small circle by thumbs. His tiny waist feeling perfectly in my hands. He shifted his palms from my face to the my nape gently, making me feel goosebumps around the area and if only he could see, how my eyes got closed at this feather touch. My heart beating so loud that making me anxious if he can hear it. And before I could contain my composure he exhaled out hushedly, releasing his hot breath on my lips which sent me over the edge. My lips quivering to feel his lips, to test how he tastes and how his lips fits on mine. Thinking about that, unconsciously, I held his waist more tight and securely , pulling him more towards me, his hot breaths still fanning my face making me daze in this moment.

"Are you playing?" He asked in hushed voice, making me shiver without even concentrating on words he voiced. And I nodded being lost in his eyes and this feeling. Darkness can't stop me from gazing in his eyes , I can always make out his face in darkest of places.

Suddly, he backed away sitting in his old place flashing a proud wide smile while my body felt neglected at the loss of his warm tender touchs.

"Truth or Dare?" He asked and tried calming down first. Then, I realized he made me submit to play when I didn't even realize.

"Dare." I said with disappointment and he smirked. I knew he planed something!

He intertwined his hands with each other and plastered a smug face before speaking. "I saw you writing secretly in a diary. I want to see it."

Not in a fuckin millions of years I would show him that diary. Not in this life. Everything of me belongs to him, he can have anything but that. He'll hate or worst he'll leave me forever if he finds out what does that diary hold. I can't let him win this time.

"No Jungkook! You can't." My voice came out more panicked than I wanted to, but I don't care, he can't see that.

He snickerd at my denial while narrowing his eyes at me. "You chose dare. Rule is rule, you have to comply with that."

Why am I making too much mistakes today? Who knew I could mess up this badly. What do I do now?! I feel trapped.

"Kookie, try to understand. We can't show everything to each other. That's my personal stuff that I don't want to share with anyone."

He still looked at me with stern look, no matter how stubborn he gets. He won't win. "You said we know everything about each other ? Then why are you hiding that from me. Let me see ,hyung, I will not tell anyone. I promise." He said and I shook my head in denial.

Nope. Still no , Jungkook. I don't care about others if they see it ,I care about you and only you.

"Fine. I was just asking. I know where do you keep it. I'll get it myself." With that he immediately stood up running to the door and took out my diary from a secret camouflaged drawer above the door.

I couldn't process how and what happened just now. I froze on my place with wide, horror evident eyes. My heart stopped for a while and then started beating at abnormal pace while brain felt dizzy due to the lack of dissolved oxygen supply to my nerves after fast heart beating.

"NO! JUNGKOOK!" I shouted but it was too late as he already hurried towards hallway while laughing loud. I immediately threw my blanket away and followed as fast as I could but he already entered his room , shutting the door on my face.

"Listen to me Kookie. Don't read it. Please Kookie! Listen to me just this once, I won't ask for anything else then." I pleaded while knocking on his door but didn't hear any response back.

" Can you hear me, Kookie? Please don't scare me like that. Open the door!" I tried again but again, silence.

"I won't talk to you ever ,if you don't come out!" Again. Nothing. He's ignoring me completely. I know there's no way he can't hear me.

"GO REST, HYUNG. I'LL TALK TO YOU LATER." He screamed from inside followed by a laugh.

That means he didn't open the diary yet, I can still stop him. "Listen Kookie, if you care about me even I little then don't read the diary and open the door. I'll cook you your favourite ramen or anything you want." I continued reasoning , getting impatient and panicked every second.

"I'M PUTTING ON MY HEADPHONES NOW. SEE YA IN EVENING, HYUNG."

"No no no no.. jungkookie please! For ****'s sake don't read it ! PLEASE!! OH GOD, ****!" I kept hitting the door repeatedly now. Not caring what will he think of me ,if he's still listening.

It's been 15 minutes since I'm pleading and knocking non-stop on the door but all I can hear is ticking of hallway wall clock and my own cries.

So I decided to drag myself back to my room with heavy heart and aching head.

Reaching inside the dim room ,I locked the door and sank to the floor pulling my hairs. I held my knees closer to chest and buried my face into it, still straining my scalp.

Please Jungkookie, don't hate me after this. Get angry at me, yell at me, curse me but don't hate me.

With that I didn't realize when my eyes starting getting heavy and soon enough all of the strength in me drained out of my body and my weight dropped on the floor resulting in a hit on my head which caused a sharp pain but the exaustion in my system took over my body and I passed out.

"Please don't hate me, Jungkook."

...✨✨✨...

Jungkook's POV

I've been curious for this diary for so long as Jimin hyung never hide anything from me other than this. He really get very sketchy when I talk about this diary so i decided, today's the day I'll find out what he's hiding from me.

What can I do? I'm like this because of Jimin hyung. He've spoiled me with everything he have so when he doesn't give me his attention or make anything else his priority , I feel bad. Even when that priority is some non-living thing, I still feel bad thinking am I not important enough to him.

So now, I'm here with this competitor of mine, the diary. We'll get to know in a while what speacial thing this little thing holds to be so close to hyung.

'Hyung must've gone to rest by now.' I thought. I feel bad for teasing him that much. My heart was about to give up when he said he won't talk to me ,ever. But my mind said he won't and that's why I put headphones to not let my heart rule my mind and body.

I sat on the chair , placing the diary on table and turned on the table lamp.

Finally I took a close look of the diary which looks a little old. Maybe two or three years old as the color of cover started to fade from dark blue to sky blue from many areas.

Talking about the cover, here I see a small red paper heart with a roughly drew cake and a smiley in it, glued on top left side which I immediately recognized. It is the same paper heart which I drew hastily when I forgot jimin hyung's birthday and wished a lot later giving heart as an apology which he took more excitedly than I thought.

(A/N : Go at top and play the song now. Enjoy!)

Tracing thumb on it, I turned the first page by my fingers ,gently ,to not damage even a little bit of a paper. The very first was black so I flicked another page to see my picture of trainee days attached to the left page in the middle with something written under it.

"First time I laid eyes on you." I read out loud catching myself by surprise. "Me?" I asked to myself if that 'you' represents me.

Maybe Jiminie hyung wrote this diary for all of us , that's why he keep it secret, to not get embarrassed.

While thinking that I turned over to third page , already mind made up to see other member in training days. But again, all I see is, my picture again on left page with a caption.

"I was having a bad day at training today. But your laugh brightened up my day again, my little packet of happiness" I read and smiled.

Hyung is always so thoughtful.

Okay, let's head forward I thought while skipping reading some neatly written lines on right page and turned over to fourth page to see both pages filled with black inked lines.

I skipped all the reading part first and flicked all pages from starting to end, to see how many and whose pictures these pages hold.

Even though the pages are moving fastly,  I managed to recognize every single picture attached on several left pages of the diary. It was all me! All of my pictures. There's no one other than me!

I'm in dilemma how to react now. Should I be happy knowing that even hyung gave his attention to this diary still the sole reason is afterall me. Or should I be questioning this diary's existence ? questioning why it only have traces of me but not anyone else?

I'm not that dumb to not know what this means but still I'll play dumb and not reach to the conclusion.

Yes, even though the things are pretty obvious at this point still I won't believe it until I find a solid reason to believe it! Because if I do, I won't be able to look him in his eyes, so I hope. I hope things didn't go as what my mind is screaming.

I closed my eyes shut and and with pulsing heart and shaking hands, I opened any random middle page.

By opening my eyes slowly, I focused my dilated pupils on right page while biting my lower lip between teeth nervously and started reading.

...07 Aug, 2014...

..."It's been quite few weeks since I've written anything here. I've been doing anything and everything possible to keep my mind off of you, Jungkook. To get myself used to of you treating me distantly. To not get my mind involved with negative thoughts and to not break down. But guess, I've reached my limits. I'm broken being pushed away by you....

...Is it because i show too much of love? Or that I care too much? Or because I hug you and praise you all the time to show my affection?  And try to always be around you so that whenever you need me I'll be there for you. Maybe yes, that's the reason. And I'm really sorry to realize this late ,that my actions are affecting someone who's the last person I would ever want to hurt in any way. I get that I've been little too much and I'll try to be a better person from now on. I've made you uncomfortable enough, i can't risk to lose you—"...

"THAT'S ENOUGH!" i screamed, backing away while placing my face in palms to relax my spinning head.

Should I read more ? Or should I stop and return the diary, forgetting everything thinking , he wrote this because he's protective of me as I'm the youngest here.

After debating myself on the topic, curiosity of finding the truth got best of me and I collected myself to dig in further.

Lifting my head up I brought my hand back to the diary and randomly opened a page again .

...13 January, 2015...

...5 months since I've stopped showing my affection to you and 5 months since I'm holding my feelings inside. This task of hiding feelings and faking my happiness is still new to me, the most difficult of every obstacle I've come up in my life but I'm still trying. Trying to fight to find that Jungkook who will return my love, who lets me hold him the way I want, who let me shower him with every positive things in this world, without running away from me....

...Don't you worry, I'm running, I'm searching....

...I'm trying to find you ,to hold you, I need you....

...Won't give up till I can't breath no longer....

...I believe, I can't stop, I won't stop....

...'cause I'm gonna find you...

...I'll find you. ...

What is this? What is hyung saying? Did I hurt him that bad? Am I the reason? Am I the culprit for all those days when he didn't eat saying he ate earlier ? For all those sleepless nights he spent saying he was just working on things and forgot to sleep? Was I the cause of his pale face and puffy red eyes when he said he just ate something spicy.

My eyes felt watery as I teared up thinking of all the days I've seen hyung in worst state ,when he insisted he's fine and I never cared to ask more. Even though when I'm unwell ,he keep asking until I accept my defeat, telling him the cause of my sadness which he always managed to replace with a smile on my face.

I focused my blurry vision back to the diary, turning random pages and reading any random line this time.

..."His doe eye lit up when he met an infant today. A baby looking at another baby, just how more perfect anything could be. His bubblegum lips puckered up in cute pout resembling same as that of infant's. Same soft petal like lips, same rosy color, same charm they're adding to their respective faces. Not being biased but exactly being biased that my baby looks more beautiful then any other—"...

I stopped reading while laughing through tears. "Why are you like this, hyung?! That baby was very cute." I said out loud even though he can't hear me, if he could he would've tried to empathize I look more cute than any baby.

I wiped my tear that was about to be dropped on the page. And continued on other page reading, which felt like a big mistake as my mind froze at the line written on the paper.

..."I LOVE YOU, JUNGKOOK!"...

......

I don't know why I bursted in tears. But I did, I cried as I've heard something I've been fearing, that I've been running from. 'What are these emotions? Why am I crying? Why am I breaking inside?' I thought as I sobbed in my palms.

..."I'm usually so strong for you, Jungkook. But today my strong side is betraying me. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH! I'm drowning, I'm falling, I'm falling deep and deeper and trust me I'm not able to stand up now. Save me, Jungkook. Only you can save me. Only your love can save me. ...

...I LOVE YOU!"...

I clutched my heart, almost tearing the fabric of my t-shirt staring at that mare paper which contains my unfortunate name and someone's heart and sorrow with visible prints of tears as black ink of letters is diffused around areas of paper , making those letter smudged.

He was crying hard while writing.

Thinking that ,tears of anger and pain escaped my eyes as I closed them shut after reading same smudged line over and over again.

"He loves me.*snifs* He loves me!" I chanted and stood up dragging my heavy footsteps to the bed and collapsed on it crying.

"Why hyung? Why me ? Among all of these people ,why me?" I talked to myself and burried my face in pillow to muffle my continue cries.

I'm not worthy of your love .I will never be. I can't love you the way you love others. I won't be able to make you laugh like you do to me.

I've been the reason of your tears till now, how will I ever be good enough to be a reason of your eye smile that shines brighter than the sun itself.

I've made you be quiet for so long , how will I ever be encouraging enough to make you talk endless, again. I've forced you into hiding your true self from world , how will ever be bold enough to agree you on showing me or anyone, your heart out.

Why would you love someone like me, someone dumb and insensitive enough to not realize how broken you were all this time. I haven't even did half of what you've done for me. Waking me up daily so I won't have to listen anyone taunting me for sleeping till late, making sure I eat my breakfast ands meals, keeping eye on me in practice room so I won't do something stupid and hurt myself, wiping my sweat off of my head after practice before I could do it by myself, making me drink adequate amount of water after sweating in practice and wishing me goodnight every night.

He's perfect in every possible way, anyone would be the luckiest one to have someone like him. And that's why I don't want him to love me, he deserves someone better than me.

I want to see him with a girl ,who's beautiful, talented, caring and loving. I don't want to see him with a boy, who's immature, dumb, uncaring and blind. I don't want world to bully him for loving a boy. I don't want anyone to look down at him in disgust.

Have you ever thought about the outcome of your love Jimin? To love someone as same gender as you? If they know, they won't let you live a peaceful life and will make you leave everything you have now.

I'm scared. I'm scared for you , scared for me and for us. But despite of that I have to make up my mind. This needs to be stoped before it's too late.

I set back up and wiped my tears , inhaling sharply to calm down.

Thought of loving a man never crossed my mind. My parents raised me to be a man who will find a girl to marry her and have kids in future. I'll be a disappointment to my parents and the world if I couldn't live up to their expectations ,like I've been a disappointment to hyung's feelings till now.

So, I know what I have to do now. I've made up my mind!

With that, I stood up , going to the bathroom, washing and drying my face while looking at my reflection in the mirror pulling on a cold straight face like I didn't sobbed just 2 seconds ago. I came out grabbing the diary from table and hurried my step towards hyung's room.

Author's POV

Jungkook grabbed the blue diary of secrets from the table and faltered to Jimin's room with heavy heart and crying soul.

Reaching at the door ,he directly went for the door knob to open the door without knocking but found it locked. After trying few times, he finally knocked almost impatiently, already wanting to get done with everything.

By not getting any response even after knocking sufficient amount of times, he started thumping on door followed by his calls for his hyung.

Lack of response from the other side of the door made something in Jungkook's mind to panick, so he ran back to his room finding the spare key of Jimin's room in his bed side drawer which Jimin gave him willingly so that whenever Jungkook needs anything from his room, he can take it right away, without having to wait for Jimin to return home.

Jungkook came back with the key and took no time to insert the metal in the hole of the lock , turning it to right until it made a click sound, indicating, the door is unlocked now.

He then, turned the knob right with his right hand while holding the diary close to his chest in left hand and pushed it open only to find Jimin passed out on the floor few inches away from the door which made the door restricted to open fully.

Jungkook's breath hitched looking at Jimin on floor. He quickly kneeled down, placing Jimin's head in his lap while constantly calling for his name.

"Hyung! Hyung, open your eyes!" He called out with already tear filled eyes while checking Jimin's pulse which were almost normal , making Jungkook sigh in relief with still almost water pouring eyes.

He carefully held Jimin up and made him lay on the bed. (A/N We can't deny the fact that Jungkook does have a good strength which have nothing to do with being a top or bottom)

Lamp was still glowing yellow at the side table, spreading light on bed and areas around it. That is why only after laying Jimin on bed he could see his face clearly which showed the hints of his fresh breakdown. Red nose , puffy eyes , swollen lips and cheeks and tousled hairs , nothing that Jungkook haven't seen before but it hits different this time as he never tried to acknowledge the real reason behind that condition before. And now when he knows it, all of the memories in his brain which were just as basic as other random memory, started scratching themselves to remove the upper layer of fake reasons and started showing painful body of reality which actually is hurting him now.

He started stroking Jimin's hairs back to make them look more neat and while doing so ,he noticed the swollen red dent with the hint of now half clotted blood on his left upper forehead.

Jungkook hissed while examining the wound with his finger, careful to not touch the damaged area which can spread infection. He then stood up, tossing the diary on bed and went to get first aid box and other things from bathroom.

He came back with a bowl filled with normal water, a towel and a first aid box. He placed the bowl on the bedside table and dipped the towel in it, after squeezing out the access water he wiped Jimin's face and neck with it diligently.

Then he opened the box, taking out cotton ,wetting it in adequate amount of disinfectant, he started cleaning the wound. After cleaning, he made sure to put the right antiseptic on his wound, following by the bandage.

When he thought he was done he pulled blanket over Jimin and decided to let him rest properly, postponing the talk he was going to have this day.

He took bowl and box in hand , turned off the lamp and stoop up to leave.

As he walked 3 steps towards the door. "Nghhh.." He heard Jimin groaning which made him stop abruptly, thinking Jimin's head is hurting him.

"Are you okay?! Is your head paining too much?! Should I call doctor?!" Jungkook started throwing questions one after another while pacing towards the bed and turned on the lamp again.

Jimin, who was now trying to sit up while holding his head looked at panicked Jungkook and the memory from afternoon started hitting his senses again.

"Jungkook." He exclaimed in surprise and shock as he was already expecting Jungkook never wanting to see him again.

"Are you okay now?" Jungkook asked again with nothing but worry on his face, heart and brain.

"Kookie, are you mad at me?" Jimin muttered hastily instead of answering while sitting up completely which made Jungkook to realize what circumstances brought him here at first place.

"I think you're fine now." Jungkook voiced while sitting and nodding to himself as a check that his hyung is fine now.

"Kooki—"

"There's your diary, you can hide it now." Jungkook cut him off and spoke glumly while pointing his index at diary on bed.

"You read it?" Jimin asked anxiously and Jungkook nodded after being silent for a minute.

Jimin's heart stopped for a while looking at now silent Jungkook sitting in front of him, looking everywhere but his eyes.

"Are you mad at me?" Jimin asked again, this time with softer voice while extending his hand to touch Jungkook who backed away making Jimin to take his hand back in his lap with pained expression of rejection on his face.

At this point, Jungkook wanted to leave but he felt his body frozen at it's place so he couldn't. Something in him wanted to stay and see what Jimin has to present now.

Jimin saw how Jungkook set there with his gaze fixed on his fisted palm in lap. "Won't you talk to me, Kookie?!" Jimin tried again, voice getting soft and softer with every next sentence.

First Jungkook bit his lower lip to pause any sound to come out of his mouth unwillingly then inhaled sharply. "Stop lov... Stop loving Me!" He said while shutting his eyes tightly closed and fists gripping on his shorts.

His state showed he knew how bad this is going to hurt Jimin, he knew it's hard for Jimin to stop everything ,he knew this is a hollow demand which won't be accepted ,despite it will cause a dent on Jimin's heart but still he let it out of his mouth.

After not getting any response from Jimin, Jungkook opened his eyes to look at Jimin who was looking right back at him with somewhat darkened orbs and unbelieving look on his.

"You know I never says 'no' to any of your demands but isn't it too much to ask, Jungkook? You really thought it's that easy? You think I've loved you all these years just to stop loving you abruptly when you want me to? That's not your place to tell me whom to love or not! " Jimin spat each word laced with anger and irritation. Jungkook really hit the twitching nerve in Jimin which resulted in Jimin's reversed mood and aura.

"But! But I don't want you to love me!" Jungkook debated , trying to maintain eye contact with Jimin which seemed hard for him as Jimin was practically diving into Jungkook's soul through his eyes.

"Jungkook! That's enough! Do you have anything else to say other than that? Because that's my right, do you really think you're capable of snatching something like that from me huh ? If you do ,then get over that thought already, Jungkook!" Jimin snickered while coming close to Jungkook's face to emphasize every word loud and clear for him to note in mind while Jungkook shivered at this new way of Jimin's tone and lack of his nickname engagement.

Jimin , who was now close to his love's face examined the tension and frawn on his face and sighed while holding his composure. "I love you and that's what gave me reasons to wake up and do better everyday, to be a better person everyday ,to be able to smile and laugh despite of hardships in life. So please Kookie!" That nickname made Jungkook to finally gave strength to look in Jimin's eyes again.

"I know kookie, you don't love me. And it's fine. Just don't ask for impossible." Jimin said softly while smiling and stroking Jungkook's hairs which he didn't reject this time.

Jungkook slowly relaxed in the touch and forgot about all the tensions for a minute as he leaned closer to Jimin which took Jimin by surprise.

He knew there must be bunch of thoughts going into Jungkook's mind which was shown in his actions, one second he was demanding impossible with stern look and this second he's being silent with surrendering look.

Getting the mind free from the future and outcomes Jimin made space for this moment and opened his arms for Jungkook ,not even sure if Jungkook would still let Jimin hold him.

But to Jimin's surprise, Jungkook did surrender himself in Jimin's arms while shifting close enough for their body to feel each other's heat.

Jimin took no time to encircle Jungkook's tiny waist in his strong arms while Jungkook wrapped his arms around Jimin's shoulder while pressing face in his neck.

"I'm still your hyung." Jimin ensured while massaging Jungkook's back to calm his turmoil of emotions down so that he can think straight.

Jungkook nodded, his face still burried deep in Jimin's neck. Jimin felt happy when he saw Jungkook actually listening to him and kissed his hairs.

Jungkook was constantly thinking, he was doing the opposite of what he thought of doing. His emotions took over him and now he's here, in Jimin's arm, making all the things more hard and tangled for himself.

After spending some peaceful time in Jimin's arm, thing's started getting real again. The breeze of reality hitting hard directly into Jungkook's mind. So he did it, he pushed Jimin with all he could and the look on Jimin's face was something Jungkook would want to erase from his memory.

"WHAT AM I DOING!?" Jungkook shouted , trailing his hands to his own head while breathing unevenly.

"Jimin! This is wrong! You can't love me! I'm a boy ,you're a boy. This is so wrong, you're out of your mind! " Jungkook kept blabbering and Jimin tried to hold him to calm him down.

"What's wrong in that? We both are humans. I can love anyone I want" Jimin explained back carefully to not trigger Jungkook more.

Jungkook looked at Jimin unbelievingly with large eyes and mouth agape open. "Do you have any idea what will be the consequences if people get to know about your unusual love? What will your parents think of you? Are you fine being nothing but a disappointment in every of your loved one's eyes? " Jungkook fought back , breathing heavy after completing his sentence which he didn't re-think before letting out.

Jimin couldn't lie that it hurted him so much, he was never affected by what world says or thinks but listening it all from Jungkook's mouth made him believe those were not other's but Jungkook's thoughts which came out of his mouth in flow, being caught up in emotions.

"I don't care about the consequences as long as we love each other. We'll get through any deprivation if we want and try." Jimin answered first question while smiling painfully. "If my parents love me they'll accept whatever I am and whomever I love. It sure will be hard for them to accept the unusual truth but in the end they'd never hurt whom they love." He answered second question while looking deep in Jungkook's eyes who looked back with amused face. "And, yes. Yes I'm fine being disappointment to world, to that world who never fails to bring any other human down only to feel self satisfied by other's struggles. Yes, I'm fine because the one who ever loved or loves, won't feel disgusted or disappointed in me for finding the love and happiness in life. I would trade anything for my loved one without thinking twice what world has to offer for me. " Jimin answered every question calmy,  his words came out secured with devotion and passion.

Jungkook couldn't believe Jimin is that hard to break. The level of irritation and anger starting rising into him and he stood up hastily. Stepping back a little.

"Maybe you're too blinded by your love to think straight. But I'm not! I don't love you and I don't see any reason to make my life miserable for myself, like you're doing to yourself." Jungkook spat out venom filled words which broke Jimin as he also stood up to get on Jungkook's level.

"Don't say that Kookie." Jimin plead while taking Jungkook's hand in his, which Jungkook snatched right away with disgusted look on his face.

"Stop calling me that!" Jungkook almost ordered and Jimin looked at him with open mouth as he couldn't process what to say.

"And I'll be very obliged if you don't spread anything about your unhealthy love among other hyungs." Jimin's heart dropped listening to that, he had never thought his love would be insulted like that by non other than his love himself.

"JUNGKOOK!" Jimin warned.

"Here you are, raising your voice at me now. That's how you fight from the world when you can't even listen a simple word from me, huh? You're fake, Jimin. Stop with that poor act of yours already! It was fine until I was oblivious about all of this but now that I know, I can't stand it. I can't stand you!" Jungkook continued spitting venom, continued aiming arrows on Jimin's heart and soul, leaving him injured by his own lover.

"You don't mean it. You don't mean anything you're saying baby." Jimin assured more to himself while trying to not look broken.

"Don't fuckin call me that!" Jungkook grumbled in anger and Jimin realized how everything has changed now. He never took Jimin's endearment word for him in wrong ways ever before as it was usual for members to call him 'baby' as he was literally a baby in the group.

"Don't make me hate you ,Jimin. You've already done enough of damage. And if you tell hyungs about this, you'll get that hate too." Jungkook warned last time before marching to his own room, leaving shocked, hurt, broken , rejected and sorrowful Jimin behind.

Loud thud of door shutting brought Jimin back to his senses and he immediately walked, practically ran to follow Jungkook.

"Jungkook! Listen to me!" He called but Jungkook was done with his talk so he kept going, ignoring the plea of being heard by Jimin.

As Jimin reached the hallway, the main door clicked open, tearing his gaze from Jungkook to the door. "AHH! JIMIN–AH! COME HERE FAST!" It was Jin, with lots of grocery bags and other packets in his arms, making it difficult for him to enter the hallway.

Jimin ignored being flooded with thoughts to stop Jungkook as he kept walking.

"AISH! JIMIIIIIN! COME HERE ,I SAID! IF THIS GLASS JAR FALLS AND BREAK ON MY FOOT, YOU'RE GONE! " Jin yelled in speed of light while trying to hold a glass jar of pickles between his arms and chin.

Jimin stopped and sighed looking at the direction of Jungkook's room and ran to help Jin before he drops anything and injures himself.

...✨✨✨...