*Most people say a silent place is the best place for thoughts or idea. It calms the mind and puts you at peace, It makes you feel free. I always said to myself that I wanted to die peacefully without feeling any pain or sorrow but, how can I die peacefully when I don't feel a thing? I can't express myself because I don't know what are emotions, I don't know what it means to feel anything.

I am nothing but an empty shell.........**

"k.C!"

"k.C where are you class about to start?!"

I raised my hands so my friend London could see me. she was practically my walking schedule, she tells me where to be at what time and what to do or say at a certain time. over time it really started to bug me but I can't just tell her to leave me alone because she was send by my mother. So, I hide her out every chance I get and try to avoid her at all cost but, still she finds me.......

"So this is where you've been hiding?" She says hands on hips. I hummed at her and continued to sketch in my sketch pad. I suddenly had this feeling and I could tell she was glaring down at me, I simply ignore it because I was use to it by now.

"K.C lets go, class's about to start." She whines folding her arms.

"The bell hasn't rang y-"

Suddenly the bell went cutting me off and I could feel her smirking. I sighed before packing my things back in my bag pack. I slowly got up from off the ground where I sat with my back against the tree.

"Hurry up you snail were gonna be late." She grabbed me by my arm and ran off pulling me along. I didn't even bother to object because this was our normal routine, I would disappear during lunch time and she would find me before class. it's basically a cycle.

"Yes! We made it in time." She pants resting her hands on her knees. I walked past her to my seat and got my things ready for class.

"Okay class get out your literature book." I followed his instructions and took out my book, we were doing Chinese poetry.

Oh how fun..........

I hate poetry. Well......its not that I hate it I just don't understand it. Poetry deals with emotions and feelings and I.......well you get the point, I don't know anything about that so I always end up failing English literature.

Time went by and class was over I could finally go back to my tree and draw until it's time to go home. I quickly packed my books back into my bag and got up from my seat, the students from my class bid our teacher goodbye before going their separate ways. I don't talk much so I usually don't say goodbye, I placed my hands in the packets of my jacket before heading towards the door.

"Um Clarke." He addressed me by my last name and I turned my head to look back at him.

"Can I talk to you." I nodded before walking over to him, standing infront of his table.

"It's about your grades."

ahh here we go again......

"I know that this not our first time or the second time talking about this but this time it's more serious." I sigh under my breath and held my head down but only for a second. "Your grades are extremely low I've talked to your other teachers and it seems that my class is the only class your failing at. you need a 65% average for each class to graduate, I'm afraid that if your grades don't increase you won't be able to graduate high school." I made a face of shock and clenched my jacket packet.

Are you telling me that I've worked hard for nothing?! No I won't accept that!

"Um Mr Lee isn't there anything I can do to bring my grades up?" I asked with pleading eyes. My mom as done so much for me and all I want to do is make her proud in return.

"Well, I can tutor you."

What?! I asked for help not a death wish!

Do you know what will happen to me if I say yes? all the girls in class would kill me.

**Imagination:

"Mr Lee why can't you help us with our assignment?"

"Sorry ladies but I have to tutor Clarke."**

angry and deadly glares from all the girls in class

nope. I can't do this.

"Ah I'm sorry Sir but I can't." I lied.

"Oh okay, we'll I guess I have you for another year then......anyways, enjoy the rest of your day-

"Wait!"

What I'm I doing? digging my own grave? But what other choice do I have?

"I'll do it." I said with hesitation.

"Good." He smirked and I flush for a second.

"Safe journey home."

"Same to you."

I totally regret this!😭

"I'm home." I took off my shoes, closed the door behind me and walked over into the kitchen.

"Welcome home sweetheart, how was your day?"

"Same as always." I said taking an apple from the fruit bowl on the kitchen counter.

"Sister!" A familiar voice called.

Is that......

"Long time no see Kiki." I turned around and came face to face with a young man a few years older than me. his brown hair was caught up in a short ponytail and his seaweed green eyes sparkled like he was looking at cute kitten.

"Bro-

"Brother!" A girl ran up from behind him. It was my little little sister, kayece. She was the exact replica of my mother well she and my brother was except for their hair, it was was brown like our father's. I got my mother's hair; red and eyes like the sun. they were the exact same as my father's.

"kay, you grew up so fast already wearing the 8th grade uniform." she laughed at his comment and I heard my mother scoffed from behind me.

"It doesn't matter if her uniform changed she's still a little girl."

"Mom!"

They started to bicker and I used the opportunity to escape to my room. Don't get me wrong I love my family but ever since I was diagnosed with Anhedonia I've never been able to experience the love of family again and I can't even say I'm hurt by it because I don't remember what if feels like to be hurt. I threw down my bag pack on the floor then immediately groan afterwards. I forgot that I add an art piece to bring in tomorrow.

Well.... better get started..... sighs....

................

Finally after 2 hours I'm finish!

"K.C! Dinner is ready!" I push myself up from off my desk and got up from my chair. I putted on my flip flops and headed down stairs, the smell of chicken capsule filled the air and my nostrils were pleased with the smell I add to restrain myself so that my mouth didn't watered.

"Were you asleep, you've been locked up in your room all evening?" I pulled out a chair and sat across from my brother I was about to answer him but my sister spoke up.

"She always does that it's nothing new." kayece has a grouge against me ever since we were little. She thinks every body loves me more because they pay so much attention to me but it's because no one have ever told her about my illness.

"No more talking time to eat." mother said taking her usual seat beside me.

"Yes."

I ate my food quickly and was done in minutes. I took up my plate and headed over to the kitchen.

"Done already?" Kyle asked and I nodded. "I see your still a foodie." He chuckles.

"I'll wash the dishes later." I said placing my plate in the sink.

"Okay." with that said I went outside into the garden to get some fresh hair.

"Ahhh~ beautiful breeze." I inhale the air from the garden and I was greeted with a mixture of scent from all the flowers.

I get why this was my father's favorite place. it's truly amazing....

Oh father I hope you are resting well in heaven maybe one day I'll be able to meet with you in the afterlife and we can reincarnate together.

................

"Achoo!" I sneezed while washing the dishes.

maybe I should stop staying in the garden until night fall.

"K.C are you alright?" my mother asked concern.

"Yes it was just a little sneeze no need to worry." I wiped my hands in a dish towel and walk out of the kitchen.

"I'm going to my room."

"Come on it's not even 10 yet, watch a movie with us."

"Sorry Kyle I have to read up on literature." I said which was completely true.

"You still failing?"

"Yeah and by the way I'll be coming home a little late from school now."

"Why?"

"My English literature teacher will be tutoring me from now on."

"That's good."

That's good? If only you know my situation right now! Ugh why couldn't we hire a tutor? aren't we supposed to be rich?!

Wait........ I'm forgetting something.....

Flash back

First year:

"Sweetie lets hire a tutor."

"No."

Second year:

"I think you need a tutor."

"No."

Third year:

"How about....-"

"Don't even ask😒"

End of flash back

ooohh I see now....hehe

"Get your homeworks out and place them on the convass." I quickly took out my sketch pad and placed it on the convass as instructed by the teacher.

"I gave you this assignment two days ago so, I expect to see presentable pieces!" Ms Fung, my art teacher. Also known as one of the most scariest teacher in this school. She takes her work seriously and she'll hurt anyone who fools around with art, even her own son.

"Great work K.C, your works are always amazing just like you." My desk mate from science class spoke. He's also one of the most popular boys in school, they call him Romeo and let me tell you all the girls want to be his Juliet.

"Thanks Christian......... let's just hope the teacher feels the same way."

Please stop talking to me. I can feel daggers shooting into my skull right now....😅

"What is this!? Foolishness! Get it out of my class!" She yells throwing a paintbrush at a student and he runs out crying.

Poor soul...... oh wait that was her son. Eh, nevermind.......

"Oohhh Walt! You never cease to amaze me." She cried referring to Christian. "Your work, it's just unique, it should be put on a parasol." She then looks over to me.

"Oohhh Clarke!"

Here we go again.......😑

"Your work is like gold, its woth millions no- billions. It's like work from an Angel's hand........ truly magnificent."

"T-thank you Miss Fung."

"No thank you for making my eyes see the light again." She says dramatically putting her hand to her forehead.

.............

"Ahhh finally peace and qui-"

"K.C!"

What now?!

"There you are I thought you would have find a new spot to hind."

Next time I will.....

"What do you want London?" I asked with an irritated sigh.

"I heard that Mr Lee is tutoring you." She says wiggling her eyebrows.

"Yeah, so what?" I shrugged.

"So what!? He like one of the most hottest teachers in school! All the female teachers want him and all the students drool over him."

"I don't care, I just want my grades to get better."

"Okay but, you better give me all the details after your session."

"Yeah sure." I scoffed

"I'm not joking!"

"I know."

...............

Ringing sound from the bell

"Alright class that's it for today don't forget to read over your notes."

"Good bye Mr Lee~" The girls of my class spoke shyly.

"Bye~" He replied and they blushed. I thought I was gonna throw up.

Your just leading them on you idiot!

"Okay Clarke are you ready for your extra lesson?"

"Yes sir."

"Alright let's begin."

Ahh! my poor brain cells can't take anymore of this gibberish! Make it stop! Make it stop!

"Are you listening Clarke?"

"Um yes."

"Do you understand what I'm saying."

"No."

"Alright I'll go slower."

*Ahhh! This is just torture............

...............*

"I'm home."

"Welcome home!" I took off my shoes before entering the living room and was greeted by an awful smell.

"Ugh, what's that smell?" I asked making q face of disgust.

"Squids. Mom's making it for dinner." kyle said eyes focused on the TV.

"And who's gonna eat it?"

"Uhh, we are......"

"No, you guys are. I'm gonna order takeout, see ya." I said going up to my room and shutting the door.

Seriously! Mom knows I don't eat sea food! I bet this is kayece doing.

I took off my bag dropping it to the floor. My room was a bit messy so I decided to clean it up before my mom told me to, I started with straightening my night table and stumble up on a picture with me and my dad. I was about four and I was crying because I fell off my tricycle, my dad rushed over to me and did his best to get me to stop crying. Eventually I did but, it was only because he bought me icecream.

I smiled brightly at the picture before putting it down gently. My eyes landed on my paint brush and paints and I decided why not, it has been awhile since I've painted.

Lets get messy!

.............

"knock knock knock! K.C dinner is ready, I ordered takeout for you!" I was so busy painting I almost didn't hear the knock on the door."

"Hold on let me take a quick shower first!" I yelled through the door while taking off my apron.

"Okay, don't take long." I grabbed my towel before entering my bathroom, I decided to take a warm shower. My hair didn't seem dirty so I didn't wash it besides my short neck length hair doesn't really show dirt. I look to the left of my shower where a Sponge Bob sticker was, I trace my fingers over it smiling sadly.

Will I ever be able to feel happy again......?