Chapter 1

“Are you going to kill me?”

“Huh?”

The man who was bowing down in front of me looked up as if he was taken aback. However, he lowered his head again.

‘Ah, the top of his head is golden, but I guess I can worry about that later.’

“Can you kill me without hurting me?”

I meant everything that I said. I wasn’t terrified of dying again, but I hoped I didn’t have to go through any suffering. I was hauled here with no recollection of feeling pain, either.

“Why do you keep saying that as if I’m a killer? I’m your loyal servant.”

‘Really?’

I ignored his words. How could a loyal servant betray his master later? This character is unbelievable.

Perhaps anxious about the meaningless prolonged silence, the man in front of me lifted his waist and sent a glance in my direction.

“If you betray me, you’ll lose your tongue.”

His face turned pale in an instant.

‘Ah, I’m sick of that expression.’

***

It was a few days ago when I opened my eyes inside the novel, .

It was a third-rate romance novel that I read to my brother, who loved novels, but everything about it, including the style, flow, and narrative, was a disaster.

Before I woke up here, my brother used to be my whole world. Born as an orphan, I was adopted by a couple without any children, but soon, the couple ended up having a biological child. However, the child had a weak constitution and was frequently sick, so my parents blamed me for all the misfortunes.

They used to beat me and starved me for days on end. I eventually abandoned my own life and devoted myself to my younger brother.

I never attempted to study or find work for myself. I had no notion to pursue any interests in my past life. That wasn’t something I had the time for.

I used to despise my brother. He foolishly considered everything I owned to be his. Nonetheless, he was bedridden, so I couldn’t detest the child to my heart’s content, which made it harder for me.

Our relationship was odd, to say the least. We relied on one another, but we wouldn’t go so far as to say we adored each other. It was difficult to explain.

Unexpectedly, my brother died before he reached the age of 20. My life’s purpose was quickly lost, and my parents kicked me out. They forced me to live on the streets, but I had no intention of living any longer.

No matter how old I was or how much money I made, everything was always done for my brother.

‘So, what should I be doing now?’

I was stuck in a small room, didn’t go out, and kept thinking about it. Life was becoming increasingly vexing and annoying. I didn’t even know who I was… I didn’t want to be this way anymore. I was quite exhausted due to the fatigue that came with numbness.

My younger brother’s face came to mind. He always had a pale complexion. Oh, that was the only face I could recall. If I had sacrificed myself to live for him… shouldn’t I at least be able to recall his happy face? He should’ve shown it to me.

I had enough. So, I hurled myself over a dilapidated building. Surprisingly, it didn’t hurt. My body lacked strength, yet I didn’t feel any pain. Was death supposed to be like this?

Then, I opened my eyes.

‘I wonder, is this what the afterworld looks like?’

Suddenly, some faces came into my view. It was strange, and it was oddly bright for the afterworld, too.

‘Is it supposed to be this bright? What’s happening?’

When I fully opened my eyes, the people looking at me made a noticeable fuss. While I was puzzled about what was going on, someone shouted out loud,

“Lady Selena!”

At this rate, my eardrums would’ve ruptured. I couldn’t bring myself to open my mouth, so I blinked instead. I wanted to talk, but my voice couldn’t come through clearly.

It seemed like I fainted for a few days. My voice seemed to be hoarse. As a result of being unable to talk while lying still, I took the time to become more aware of my situation by eavesdropping.

Lady Selena collapsed after falling down the stairs four days ago. But once she woke up today, it turned out to be me inside of her body instead of her. The people who surrounded me in tears were my brothers and my parents. Was this a dream?

My head became dizzy as I organized my thoughts.

‘So I committed suicide and came to Selena’s body. What about Selena, then? Oh, I’m not sure… I’m too exhausted.’

I was sprawled on a bed. It was a really comfy bed. I lived like this for a few days while quietly eavesdropping on the people’s conversations around me. Those maids talked a lot, I really couldn’t imagine Selena’s suffering before.

After a few days, I was finally able to open my mouth. The condition of my neck had significantly improved.

After lunch, Selena’s mom and dad came into the room to see my condition.

“How are you today, Selena?”

“I’m fine.”

When I spoke out for the first time since I came to this world, Selena’s parent’s eyes were filled with excitement. But soon, it dimmed.

I didn’t want to call these strangers my mom and dad, so I spit out the ultimate line in every tragic soap opera.

“Can you tell me where we are…? And who are you, exactly?”

My, no, Selena’s parents were taken aback and started reminiscing about her whole life, down to the littlest things.

They told me about my name, childhood memories with my brothers, and so on… listening to their stories reminded me of something and somehow, their stories were familiar. When I heard the maids’ stories, I also felt the same way. Did I read this from somewhere?

Oh, yes. I indeed read this information from somewhere. It was from that ridiculous novel, , and I must’ve been the time-limited villainess, Selena. That’s how I learned about the world that I lived in.

Since that day, Selena’s parents and the people she knew had been visiting me in my room, hoping that I would recover my memories as soon as possible.

Today, a man with golden hair, who was said to be my loyal servant, was in front of me.

Despite the fact that this man claimed to be my loyal servant, I knew the truth. His words didn’t contain a shred of sincerity in them. Even though I only skimmed the novel, I remember certain facts about the characters because I read it aloud to my brother.

My explanation was certainly not completely accurate, but…

In the story, Selena picked up a beggar on the street, and she was kind enough to make him a servant in her mansion.

That very man was the so-called male lead, who would later betray Selena.

After I brought up his betrayal, the man’s face turned pale, and he shut his mouth firmly.

Though he didn’t make a sound, I could see his eyes, which seemed to be asking, ‘How did you know?’

“Get out of here. I’m going to sleep.”

He bowed down and left the room anxiously. I instructed all of my maids to leave the room as well, then went to lay in bed as I looked around the empty room. Oh, the bed felt really comfortable. I wanted to spend the rest of my life lying down in it.

Selena White, whom I possessed, was a greedy woman.

She despised her older brother, Aaron White, and aspired to inherit the duke’s title. She put forth a lot of effort to achieve that. However, she wasn’t as capable as her brother, so she stayed up all night studying a variety of things.

In short, Selena was a hard worker, but her talent was lacking compared to her brother. Her resentment for her brother grew and she began to commit wicked acts to achieve her goals.

Her wicked acts eventually involved the female lead, Ariel, who loved Selena’s brother. She succeeded in separating the two, but the male lead and supporting characters, who were fond of Ariel, joined forces and imprisoned Selena.

Selena died in prison because of her sickness at the age of 23, with little left in her hands. She was so lucky.

I tossed and turned in bed to find a comfortable posture.

‘Ah, I think this situation works for me. I’m not greedy and I won’t try anything.’

I didn’t have much desire to live to begin with. This unusual situation was somewhat intriguing, but that was it. My senses were already far too numb to feel the thrill.

I got on my feet. I don’t know why God intended to let me live longer when I wanted to die. This was all pointless.

Yes. I still didn’t enjoy living, and all I wanted to do was rest. As a result, I slept for the majority of my time here and dreamed. In my dream, I could see my younger brother in my past life. The younger brother I can’t hate. We were intertwined in a strange relationship.

The day he died, I didn’t shed a single tear. My only thought was that I was no longer useful.

It was strange that I randomly started to reminisce about my past. I blankly looked at the passing scene in front of me and suddenly, an image of Selena appeared.

She had blue hair paired with sky blue eyes. The corners of her eyebrows were slightly raised, but they did not appear fierce, perhaps due to her bright hair color and eye color. Or maybe it was because of her pale complexion.

Just before her death, she was gasping alone in an empty, narrow room. She walked over and knocked on the rusty iron door.

Knock, knock, knock.

“Please… someone… help me… help me! No, please… someone save me. At least someone stay by my side until the moment I die… please… dying alone like this…”

She coughed out blood as she desperately spoke her wishes. Then, she stopped for a while. Perhaps out of rage, or terror. But soon she started shouting again.

“No, no! No! I… I… no! It’s my fault! No, you can’t. Oh, no! Please, please, please!”

After shouting so loudly, Selena fell on the floor and stopped moving.

No, it was because she could never move again.

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Chapter 2

Selena’s back, that stopped moving, looked pitiful. She died without her last wish being fulfilled.

‘So, Selena. You wanted to be with someone at the moment of your death? That’s why I came to your body?’

A miserable person like me, who also died alone like you? You should’ve chosen a better person to make your wish come true.

Or did she call me because I didn’t seem to have any lingering feelings about life, and wouldn’t act recklessly? So that she wouldn’t die miserably like before?

It didn’t matter what her motive was.

I was going to live in Selena’s body now, and I was going to die at 23 years old. Those two things wouldn’t change.

I opened my eyes and saw candles, not light bulbs, lighting up the room. This made me once again realize that this was Selena’s world.

Then I saw the final scene of the original Selena dying pitifully.

“Well, just one time…”

‘Let’s fulfill her wish.’

***

Nevermind. I canceled my plan. I was, in fact, too lazy after thinking about it.

‘What a nuisance.’

After that day, I resolved to get out of bed and try to live a better life in my own way, but everywhere I went, I got unnecessary attention and whispering, and also some worried looks.

‘Why are there so many people here? It’s crazy.’

“Ah, that’s enough. I’m sorry, Selena.”

I laid down on the grass behind the sparsely populated promenade. Then, I heard footsteps with rustling noises around me. However, I didn’t want to open my eyes.

‘Let’s just pretend to be asleep.’

But the person near me didn’t seem to have noticed me sleeping, judging from the rustling noise.

‘Alright, you won.’ I struggled to get up.

I crawled on my knees, pushed the bushes with my hands, and poked my head out. I saw a man there.

He was swinging a sword, his long hair swaying. There was only one thought that came to mind when I saw him.

‘Wasn’t there a place for training in this mansion? Why is he here?’

I didn’t want to get intertwined with annoying people, so I just quietly moved to another place and released my tangled hair that was in the bushes…

But it wasn’t as easy as I thought it’d be, since my hair got tangled in the branches and wouldn’t come out.

Ugh, this stupid novel. The keyword ‘accidental encounter’ must’ve also been applied to the villainess.

There was nothing I could do.

“Excuse me…”

The man stopped after hearing my shaky voice and looked around. Soon after, he tilted his head and swung his sword again. Apparently, he hadn’t noticed me yet.

“Hey…”

Once again, when I spoke, the man stopped swinging his sword. He was looking around with his fierce eyes, then slowly approached the bushes that I was at.

‘Oh my God, it feels like we’re filming a drama.’

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I had no choice but to look carefully at the man approaching me. Finally, the man who came this way found me.

‘Haha, I know it’s weird, you don’t need to have such an expression.’

“Help me. My hair is stuck.”

The man looked at me with wary eyes.

I opened my eyes wide as I realized who that face belonged to.

The man turned around and laughed at me. I couldn’t berate him because I knew who this man was.

He was the male lead of this novel.

‘Lukaf, Lukaf, Ba… what’s his name again…’

“Excuse me, Lord Lukaf?”

“It’s Lucas.”

Lukaf… no, Lucas gave me a dumbfounded look. But what was he going to do?

“Oh, yes, Lord Lucas. Please help me. My hair is tangled and I can’t get it out.”

Lucas came one step closer. He looked so elegant with his head down that I couldn’t believe he was the one who laughed like that earlier.

“I’d be happy to help you, Princess Selena White.”

Lucas didn’t say anything while he helped me, and I didn’t have anything to say, so I didn’t say anything either.

I felt sleepy because it took longer than I thought, and my eyelids slowly went down.

***

Lucas looked at the woman dozing off.

Selena White, the duke’s daughter, was 19 years old this year. She was famous for her bad personality. It’s strange because the duke, duchess, and young masters were all well known for being gentle…

The princess coveted the heir position.

There would have been no problem if she secretly acted behind the scenes, but the problem was that she started whining the moment she heard that her brother would be the successor.

Adding to that, she picked on her brother’s lover, Ariel. If they got married, Aaron’s position as successor would be stronger.

It was a childish kind of bullying, but the people of the duchy weren’t so stupid that they didn’t even notice it. It would be too trivial to say anything, and Ariel said she didn’t want to do anything about it, so she kept her mouth shut.

Lucas glanced at Selena’s face. But she seemed different now, her way of talking and aura was unlike the rumours now that she lost her memories. But how could a person change just because of that?

Still, even though he had such thoughts, he should respect the duke’s daughter, so helping her would be better.

***

“It’s done.”

I opened my eyes due to the man’s voice.

“Ah, thank you.”

Lucas smiled brightly. I fixed my eyes on Lucas and thought about the contents of the novel in my head.

When Selena became 19 years old in winter, Lucas fell in love with the heroine Ariel. He saved Ariel, who was deceived by Selena and had been waiting for a long time for Aaron in the snow.

‘It is still spring here, I still have a few months before winter…’

Therefore, this man had not fallen in love with Ariel yet.

‘Then I think I can make him a person who will grieve for Selena at my funeral.’

Though it was clear that Lucas, the duke’s exclusive knight, had a reputation to keep, so he couldn’t mourn at my funeral.

‘Still, let’s do this.’

I’ll make sure the male lead would come to Selena’s funeral. Quality over quantity, right?

‘Selena, are you satisfied?’

I nodded at my own plan.

“Excuse me, Lord Lucas.”

“Yes, princess?”

“Will you be my friend?”

However, there was a fatal loophole in the plan. Unfortunately, I forgot for a moment that I didn’t have that much experience in socializing.

In my previous life, I always had to run to the hospital room as soon as school ended to take care of my younger brother, and the same was true when I was in college. My parents also didn’t want me to have friends, because it would be bothersome.

My poor younger brother, who was lying in the hospital room, personally told me that he wouldn’t forgive me if I had a friend. ‘Let’s see, how was I as a child…’

I really didn’t have any personal relationships except for my co-workers and homeroom teachers. I had no choice but to learn how to date and treat people through books I had read. And so I acted according to that.

‘Be my friend! Yes! That kind of feeling…’

“I’m sorry, but I can’t.”

But again, a book is only a book. As expected, I couldn’t learn about the world from books alone. I was heartbroken to see Lucas rejecting resolutely but politely.

‘Then, there’s nothing I can do about it.’

“Oh well, I can’t help that.”

“You don’t want to ask me why?”

Lucas looked at me. But I had already given up, since it was a virtue to give up quickly. Frankly, it was annoying to ask why.

“Yes.”

I said so and stood up. I went my way without looking back.

The place I went to was the bell tower. While heading to the place, each servant I encountered bowed their heads nervously. I nodded slightly because I was too lazy to react. As I stared blankly at the bell tower, I remembered my parents’ words about my friends.

“You can’t go out with people. Look at your brother. Don’t you feel sorry for him? He doesn’t even have one friend, does he?!”

“I’m sorry, Mother…”

“Yes, if you want to call us mother and father, do as we ask, okay? Otherwise, we’ll throw you away.”

“Yes, Father…”

I still used the title ‘parents’ when I thought of them, even though they abandoned me as soon as my brother died.

The stupid idea I had earlier made me laugh.

‘Ah, as expected, living is bothersome.’

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Chapter 3

When I was very young, I used to play games without my parents knowing. I had gotten sick of my classmates chattering that they played it since the game was tremendously popular at the time.

I started the game nervously while hiding. I couldn’t understand the game, nor where the strong monsters were at.

Ultimately, my character perished after a brief encounter with the monster in the game.

I blankly stared at the 0-star result on the computer screen, and my feelings and interest towards the game cooled down after I quietly turned it off.

That moment perfectly described what I was feeling right now. It felt like everything had cooled down.

My steps felt light as I walked up the stairs of the bell tower.

There was a legend that when a person died, they would ascend the stairs that lead to heaven. How did the people who climbed those stairs feel?

Right now, I felt okay in my own way. I had climbed these stairs in my previous life, so I was used to them.

When I eventually arrived at the top of the bell tower, there was a huge bell greeting me.

‘If I ring the bell here, will everyone jump out of surprise?’

What a joke.

However, imagination was just imagination, and nothing more.

‘I’m sorry, Selena. I don’t think I can make your wish come true.’

I honestly didn’t have the confidence to make people grieve at my funeral. Even more so when those people cried uncontrollably when I was in the center of the room. I really couldn’t.

Did you hear that? I rejected her without a second thought, so I think she got a little wounded from the impact. Oh my.

Anyways, why should I have been bothered by her affairs from a long time ago? There was a time when I struggled in my previous life, yet nothing changed.

‘But, Selena, your resentment was basically about your miserable death, right? I’ll do the best I can so that your death won’t be as miserable. At the very least, your death won’t be as miserable as before.’

After I spoke for a long time in my heart, I took long steps. Walking to the rails, I was able to see the grass below after passing by the bell that was bigger than my body. I slid my hand off the railings and closed my eyes. The sun felt nice and warm on my skin, and the wind was cool and pleasant.

I was currently wearing a luxurious one-piece. Up until now, I received the care of some people from Selena’s family. I felt like she received worry and affection from people because she’s the duke’s little princess. Hence, even though everyone might leave her, at least Selena’s family will cry once I chose to die…

That was good enough, maybe even excellent. Selena was far better off than me.

My body became more relaxed. With my eyes still closed, I took a step forward. I felt the empty space without any road as my body leaned down.

It will be my second death which I chose for myself.

As my body tilted, someone grabbed my arm and pulled me back at the same time. As soon as I felt the unfamiliar sensation, I opened my eyes wide and looked at the person who pulled me.

“Sir Lukaf?”

“It’s Lucas.”

Lucas who answered me was breathing heavily and shaking. His face became distorted as if he was angry.

“Did you follow me?”

***

Lucas was dumbfounded, to say the least.

‘Is that all she has to ask?’

Even though this woman was about to die, she was so calm.

Except for the slight surprise in her eyes when she saw him, she remained calm again.

“Yes.”

Lucas actually saw the princess heading for the bell tower and just went on his own way. However, he felt that something was strange.

After suffering from the accident and losing her memory, the princess’ personality changed and she locked herself up in her room for several days.

But why was she here alone? And why did she ask him to be friends?

He refused to be friends with her because he knew of the princess’ original temper. However, she was too indifferent to his refusal.

It felt something like, ‘Ah, I’ve been rejected. Oh well.’

‘Just what is up with her…?’

It felt like he swallowed something rough, or he swallowed something undercooked. Of course, whatever just happened could’ve simply been a joke if he threw it out without any meaning.

Lucas turned around and looked at the bell tower. What was in the bell tower?

He felt uncomfortable for some reason, it was strange. It felt like he missed something he shouldn’t have missed. Maybe he regretted it when he rejected her or else he wouldn’t have felt this way, or he would’ve just passed her by if she didn’t act so indifferent like that, her face even looked like it was numb and she wasn’t alive…

‘Doesn’t look alive?’

Lucas turned to the bell tower and started running before he could connect his thoughts. How far did he run? After climbing to the top of the bell tower, he could see Selena’s back at the end of the railing.

In that dangerous situation, he could see her sky blue hair fluttering on her back. And her body slowly tilted.

Lucas rushed and grabbed her. It was such a close call and his heart was beating wildly. However, the woman was still calm after her pratfall.

***

“Princess, no way… do you want to die because you were rejected by me?”

What was Lucas talking about? I had been thinking about this for a while.

So, he assumed that because he refused to be my friend, I tried to die out of heartbreak?

How did he come to that conclusion?

“Um, it’s not like that, though.”

Of course, his rejection felt like a blow to me, and it was the second time I felt something like this after the 0-star incident, but that didn’t mean I wanted to die just because I couldn’t be friends with him.

Even if it was not Lucas who rejected me, I would’ve still climbed this bell tower. Even if I was rejected by an uncle who was passing by near the mansion, I would’ve still climbed up the bell tower.

Despite my firm answer, Lucas stared at me doubtfully.

Come to think of it, he was a man who was talented in many aspects, so he should’ve known better than that.

He was a man who was known for taking advantage of people in any condition. He was a talented man and was full of confidence.

He was that kind of person, so he should’ve understood my action. But then again, it was also my fault that I directly went to the tower after being rejected by him.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

“Then why did you want to die?”

‘That’s a bold question.’

It was a misunderstanding caused by his egocentric thinking and my timing, but this question was a bit presumptuous.

Earlier, even though I impulsively asked him to be friends, Lucas rejected me. Isn’t that the end of our relationship?

I didn’t want to tell a story to someone unrelated to me. I didn’t think he’d believe me.

“Are we close enough to talk about that?”

“It’s not about how close we are.”

I didn’t want to hear any more of the strange man’s words. I didn’t want to have a useless conversation with him. Actually, just opening my mouth to reply was tiresome.

I just wanted this man to leave me soon. Because my body was pulled back hastily, my butt started throbbing on the floor.

“Sir Lucas, it’s not because of you, so you don’t have to pay any attention or feel guilty. I didn’t think much about what you did. I’m sorry to make you misunderstand. Please get going.”

Lucas scrutinized my movement as I stood up. I stumbled in the middle of doing it, so he flinched.

‘It’s because of you. You made my butt ache. So please just leave me alone.’

“Are you going to jump again if I go?”

“You won’t do it twice a day?”

I was tired twice a day too. It’s not easy to prepare for death. I made the choice, but sometimes I was hesitant when it was time to go.

If death was that easy, I would have already died by the age of 15.

This was embarrassing. I already said to Selena I would die in a grand way.

I hobbled past Lucas, who still had his eyes fixed on me.

‘Ugh, my butt hurts so much.’

I didn’t have the confidence to go down the stairs easily. That’s why I wanted Lucas to go down quickly. How could I walk down on all fours when Lucas was there?

I glanced back at Lucas.

“Sigh.”

Soon Lucas came to my side and lifted me up. He did that without my consent…

“You’re going to take me down?”

“I don’t think you’ll arrive until night if I leave you behind. So why did you come up here?”

“You saw it earlier. I wasn’t going to use the stairs when I went down.”

I certainly didn’t mean to. But because of him, I decided to let him carry me down to the bottom.

Lucas looked at me and sighed again. He started to take a step. Why does he keep sighing like that?

By the way, this man’s transport skills were great. It felt like I was sleeping on a comfortable bed. A well-trained knight can move a person or luggage without much movement like this…?

My eyes were closing because of the comfortable feeling.

‘I really need to sleep.’

***

Lucas looked down at the sleeping woman in his arms. He was absolutely dumbfounded.

Her hair got stuck in the bush and she asked him to help her, then she asked him to be her friend, then she was about to die, and now she’s sleeping?

The duke’s dignity would be gone when he knew his daughter acted like this.

The former princess was better. She was honest, even though she had a mean personality. But now, Lucas couldn’t even guess what she was thinking.

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