November, 2019.

'What do you think, where does one go after death? Is that person lost forever amidst the dust of this planet? Or does the person continue to live somewhere, someplace unknown to the living? Does everything vanish with the dying one, his emotions, feelings, love and desire? What exactly happens, I want to know, yet I don't want to know.' This is the question I wished to asked Steve everytime he was being nice, everytime he made me smile, everytime he gave me hope that something better lies in the tomorrow.

I had written down these exact same things in my diary. And I wished I could ask them someday. But i was waiting for the right time. But somewhere deep down in my heart, I knew that I never wanted such moment to come because it would be troublesome. I am not even if I could gather such huge amount of courage. Because I would never want to make him sad.

I am Tracey. I lived in the country side amongst the hills near city X for almost sixteen years. A hilly area would always bring peace to anyone's heart who is living in the city and is hoping to take some time off from his busy life. But I didn't really want to live here anymore. That was suffocating. With every passing day, my desire to just leave everything behind and run away to some unknown place grew even stronger. The school where I used to study was quite big for a country side school. I did have a few friends but not really special ones. I only have someone close to heart. She is my best friend and someone who used to be my neighbour. But she left to study in the city after tenth. I missed her a lot but then I was left all alone. I took a fancy in painting and stuff like that but I was always forced to pay attention to my school studies. I talked to my mom that I wanted to pursue my dream for painting and that I wanted to leave this place. But my mom hardly ever listened to what I had to say. She works as a nurse in the nearby hospital to earn a living for our family. Our family consists of our grandmother, my mother and my younger brother. Other than that, we have our uncle's family right next to ours. They moved in a year ago after my friend's family had moved out. My uncle is an amiable guy. At least he listened to I have to say about my school life and other stuff. I lost my father when I was six. And the fault was on me. I was told that it was my fault that he died. It was my fault for running away from home without telling anyone. But everyone needs someone to talk to. Other than my best friend, no one else believed me when I said that I was being bullied. My friend did not go to the same school as I did, so she didn't have much to say about that. But even my teachers say that I was the one who provoked the bullies first. What was I to do as a six year old who has no care, no support from her family. And as that happened I just wandered off somewhere and my father got all nervous. He went out to find me and got himself in an accident. I am sorry, dad but I didn't want to take all the fault on me either.

Tears rolled my cheeks as I recalled my past sitting in my hostel room with my diary in my hand. Its the summer of 2018 and the summer rain, very often pours down all of a sudden at any moment. Its almost been a year since I moved to city X for studying. And that is also after a year long discussion my uncle had with my mother. My mother agreed to send me to the city so that after studies, I become a doctor as she heard that doctors bring a lot of money. She doesn't call me often but when she does she talks about how much money is being spent just so I could live in the city. And if I cannot bring the fruit of all these hardships back to her, then she would just marry me off to someone. I understand why she's saying that, but even I have a life and I want to do what I love.

As I thought about it all night long, I just thought to myself that I don't have much time to live anyway and I am always told that to my family I have given only hardships, so I just decided to give up on my dream and do what I am told to. And so, I took admission into this college X where someone who was going to change my life forever studied too. That is the only thing done by mother, that made me happy in the last seventeen years of my life.

'Steve..Steve...Steveeeeee! Wake up,will you?'

'Only five minutes more, mom.'

'Have you forgotten that you have to fill up your form for the college? Do you want to quit studying or what?'

'Oh my god! I totally forgot.'

I am Steve. I live with my mother in an apartment near college X. Right now I am trying to get myself admission into that college after my father was transferred dje to office work. And then we moved to this city. I have made quite a lot of friends and I am going to attend college starting next week.

I live with my mom and dad. My elder sister was married a year ago. My parents love me a lot because I am their only son. I am living quite a perfect life. I have friends, family, great academics but somewhere I feel that I am not complete.

'Hey, Steve!' Mom called.

'What mom?'

'Go get your uniform from the tailor near the station. Today's the due date.'

'Alright. I am leaving, bye.'

'Take care and take the headphones off! You are gonna bump into somebody. Be attentive when crossing the road. Got that?'

'Yesssss!' I replied. My mom's always been like that. She cares too much.

*Meanwhile*

'Hello? Alison? I have reached the station. Where are you?'

'Ahh! Tracey, just wait for five minutes. I'll be there in no time.' She hung up. I thought to myself if five minutes and no time meant the same thing. I had just reached the new place where I decided to live a completely different life. I walked out of the station to feel the summer winds hit my face and it was pleasant. The traffic was kind of light on that day. I walked towards the coffee booth and was relieved to see that there wasn't a queue because I was too exhausted after a 9 hour long train journey. I approached the booth only to find a young boy trying to convince the tailor to give him his clothes. And as for the money, he was saying that he wpuld bring it from home. 'If not today then tomorrow for sure.' He said. I was wondering if city folks had the same IQ level as village folks. Nevertheless, none can trust someone so easily. I stood there to see what was going to happen next, only to be approached by that guy to pay for his clothes.

I wondered if he was new there, like me. If he was lying about not bringing his wallet or he really did forget. But the way he was dressed up with wires all around his neck, connecting his mobile to his ears, I could assume that he cared less about important stuff. Someone raised with love, affection and care.

I showed him the little amount of money in my purse and said 'This, I need to get a taxi for going home.' I noticed that his clothes were the same as my uniform and somehow figured out that he was attending the same college as me or was going to.

He left without taking his clothes, with an annoyed look at his face, saying that he would never cone back.

After that I just remember that what I said was '...going home.' But where was my home?

And then I heard someone calling 'Traceyyyyyy!'

It was Alison. But she was not alone..

'Tracey!'. It was Alison.

'How are you my buddy. I missed you so much. You've got so thinner.' She said with a look on her face which clearly showed that I was missed, at least by one one person. But there was someone else with her. They were holding hands. Matching shirts. Is that her boyfriend!? I asked without any delay. 'I missed you to Ali, but who is this guy?'

'Haha..He's my new boyfriend.'

'What do you mean new? How many have you had so far!?' I said a stunned look on my face. 'Haha..Don't mind me. Let's go.' She joked it off and then the three of us started walking out of that place. As I was thinking that she had changed a lot, but she didn't fail to give me the warmth I always longed for.

We talked out how things had been us in the previous years and after about five minutes her boyfriend left because he had his part time job. Then she took me to a small cafe near the apartment she was living. 'Let's sit here for a while and freshen ourselves with some cola.' She winked. We went inside and sat on a table near the window. The cafe was small but very beautiful. There was less traffic and it was very peaceful. As I continued to stare in the nothingness thinking about how different that place was from the village, Alison suddenly broke the silence and asked me if I wasn't even going to ask her about how she got tangled up with that guy. I suddenly remember, I almost forgot for a while that she came with her boyfriend to pick me up. I asked her all those things that she wanted to share with me, but not unless I asked. His name is Aiden. I found it really cute that both of their names started with 'A'. I saw the happiness in her eyes as she talked about Aiden. It meant that she really did like him. She met him in college. They were both in the same class. She didn't have much interest in him until he confesses his love to her. And then they started going out. It's been almost half a year.

'Anyways, how is your relationship with your family? You don't feel bad about moving here, do you?' She asked. The more she loved to answer questions the more she loved to asked them. That was one of her traits. But I didn't have any fear or shame in sharing all those things to her. We have known each other since childhood. Only a year of not being able to see each other wasn't enough to create distance between us. She was still very nice to me. As I answered her, in my mind I made it very clear to myself that I wasn't going to feel bad about leaving. Not even once. I would try to live a life as quite as possible and search for a part time job. 'After I earn enough money to make a living for myself I will just try to cut off all ties with them.' I said to her with a determined yet sassy look on my face. 'And what if they ask you to pay for all those years that they looked after you, then?' She questioned. 'Then I'll just tell them it was their fault for giving birth to me.' Our conversation turned into a comedy show. She got my point and said 'So you will remind Aunty of her deceased husband? She won't feel very nice.' She added more to this comedy.

She showed me a tall building at the end of the street. It was the place where she was living, alone. After a while we left the cafe and started walking towards the apartment. It was a moment of awkward silence, then she suddenly said ' Take rest for today. And tomorrow we shall go and meet a new friend.'