I was walking just like a normal pedestrian would do on a normal working day. I had to cross the road and waited for the signal to turn for safe walking.Standing on the crossing I recall my decision, "am I right ?" The signal turned green, it was time for me to make the move and cross , but why was there such a torment in my heart. I stood still in ambiguity, "should I cross...?" Looking at the other side of the street with a sense of righteousness I felt a row of cool gushy wind brush against myself bruising my hair to fall all over my face and my skirt to swirl with the flow at the sides and was plunged onto the ground. I was facing the ground, "ouch!...what on earth did just happen!" I rose in panic not understanding a single twig of the nested situation. A car with high speed had just raced breaking the signal. My eyes widened and my hands trembled. It was so close that if I had decided to cross, I would surely have been trodden down. Clearing my face with all shaking hands and terror striken brain I thought to myself, "this time...but was I right even before?!"

The cell phone in my purse which had fallen off my shoulders onto the ground started ringing. I received the call and heard my friend yelling over the phone. Turning my hand I saw the time on my mother's delicate watch that was placed at the underside of my wrist. The gift was an advanced birthday present but the time that it showed was delayed by fourteen minutes. My friend and I had planed a lunch at our favorite restaurant to chat and have fun. I was on my way before this unappeasing moment. Hurrying to prevent further delays I thought how I was going to make up to her. I entered the dine hall and found Anna hanging over my shoulders. "Hey, Sia" she said "come with me over here, our table is over there. " She pulled me along all the way to the table as her natural born habit. She was restless to tell me about her whereabouts these days and I was calm to listen to her fantasies. "What happened Sia, you look a bit distressed, is everything alright? " said Anna. I narrated the jaw dropping incident that had followed me and smiled helplessly just to relieve her from tensions and seriousness. "Are you fine... come let's go to see the doctor", she cared. Her friendship meant a lot to me. She was worried for me and I was happy for her. The way she cared made me feel the warmth that was scarce in my life. " Don't worry Anna, I am good." If I can feel such warmth and care by this incident, then believe me I am ready to go for much greater dangers everyday.

After satisfying her need to talk and stuffing my stomach up to the fullest, I walked back home with my emptiness that made me survive. The never ending void that surrounded me made me desperate for completion. In spite of having almost every affordable luxury in the world, there was something missing in me.

"What do I still long for ?"...The answer is unknown. It is like this question has been dangling onto me since ages. It felt like a burden to me, but now it has become my faithful companion. The first ever friend whom I wish to leave. The further I go, the more closer I am drawn to it. The more I try to forget it, the stronger it rebounds creating a greater pain beyond any sense of endurance. I want to find out the truth behind my emptiness, but I am scared of the impact that it would leave on my life. "Will I be able to have vengeance on behalf of my sufferings, revenge on all those things that were meant to cause the braking of a star into shatters?...The priceless tears that merged with the ground, wasted unnecessarily, will they be avenged? "

Reaching home, I cleaned up the small wounds on my hands and legs that were caused due to my falling during the accident. I should have done that before, but having a meet with my friend was my only priority then. The blood around them had now clotted. I applied antiseptic liquid from the first aid box that I had taken out from the vanity before washing off the dust from the cuts. Their colour had a tint of blue due to soreness and red because of the clot. It should have hurt, at least a little, little enough to be called a bruise but it didn't. May be the pain was nothing compared to all that I had suffered a long time ago. I wrapped a white medical bandage around my arms at places which were the most bruised. " This should be enough ", said I referring to the bandaged hand of mine. I was actually just trying to defend my ideology of not visiting a doctor. Since young age I disliked going to the hospital for medical check-ups. It was just when I accidentally broke my arm when I was in first grade, and my knee which was detected of juvenile arthritis in 8th grade that I willingly visited the hospital.

Everytime I went there, the doctor instead of looking into the real problem used to stare at my face and make unwanted predictions, "do you not eat anything? You are pale... I've never seen eyes as white as yours... you don't have blood in you?" "No doctor... she eats just fine,...she is not a picky eater and also we don't have meals outside that often", used to be my mother's ready reply. The doctor no matter how young or old he or she was blindly scribbled some things on the white prescription paper in an alien language unreadable by most of the humans. Even though my genius in chemistry was always lower than the other fields of sciences I tried to recognize the letters. No matter how hard I worked, the words made of alphabets always seemed far from understandable. While leaving the medical cabin filled with irritating disinfectant smell "you should smile a little more...why do you not stay happy " was the only thing I could hear from the mouth of every doctor that examined me. I felt like delivering quite a disrespectful speech on their scornful face, but all I could really do was show them how beautifully I smiled and my grace as I bowed down to thank them for their least needed help.

I don't mind being called a "savage" in situations like that. In fact this name was one of the few sobriquets given to me by my high school classmates. If showing one's true self and honestly being what you are, is what people consider as being lacerate, then I would be proud of my name. Let the world call me as the queen of demon because I am brave enough to follow my hearts will. I'm matured enough to know that most people are crabs. Just like a basket full of them...when one crab dares to escape, it is pulled down by it's fellows. Same is case with humans around us. They themselves don't have the strength to rise above the crowd and so they do not let others to flourish. Making filthy comments about people whom they don't even truly know and trying to bring them down is now a general trait these days. It's better to shut your ears and show them the stopping hand on their face rather than wasting your time thinking of their disrespectful language.

It's not just my problem... every girl in the world is a victim of such judgements. We are judged on our physical appearance. The way we dress, our talking style, our way of action seems of more importance to people around us than ourselves. It is time that the "know it all" people, learn to mind their own business and cut off their poking nose. We won't do things favoured by you but are against us. This incident makes me so angry because of the doctor's notion of recommending without thinking...I mean who would tell about their health problems with a smile on their face. Just imagine me grinning continuously while looking at him. There will be a point when he would send me to either the neurological department or the cerebrovascular department for a brain check up. At that moment they would say that the girl has gone nuts. It's crazy dealing with people like that. Whatever you do, all you get is a dozen of ancient ideologies, ugly comments and inappropriate judgements greeting at your doorstep that makes you nothing but miserable.

It does gives a rebellious kind of feeling against the society but having a somewhat libral mindset, mostly proves helpful in every aspect of life. You may not everytime brake up into a verbal fight...of course creating nuisance out of nowhere does no good to anyone. Sometimes according to the atmosphere around, keeping quiet and playing with expressions is a great deal. I remember once me and my guys (the group I used to hang out with in my high school days... yeah... I used to call them guys or sometimes buddies, though all of them were girls) during the break were having lunch together like normal as always. We were having a merry time sharing humor with a pinch of sweetness before being interrupted by unpleasant behavior. A classmate whose name I feel unworthy of being shared over here, approached us. Apparently all the members of her group were on a sudden leave that day so she wanted to join in. The rest of the year, we were pure strangers, she never used to see our faces or talk to us, but now she was in need of company. This is a kind of selfish attitude yet we stretched out our friendly arms to enwrap her (metaphorically, please don't take it literally). Even though the warmth that we encircled her with should have been enough to drive off her self-obsessions, it felt like she was deliberately holding on to her ego. We never wanted her to be thankful to us but we did expect of her to uphold some basic public etiquettes that were usually missing in her. With all due amour propre, she shamelessly mocked, " Sia you are quite slim...if your parents are not feeding you enough you could always come to me...I'll be there to provide you with necessities." With this she burst out into a series of high pitched giggles that made her appear like a witch. I felt flames in my body. I heard everything but pretended not. I kind of ignored her completely, so much so that she started doubting her existence standing among us.