To love is to be vulnerable. There's always a risk. Nonetheless, to love is also an opportunity to gain wisdom from your mistakes.
That's what they said, that's what i had been always believe. Until the moment when my life got shuttered.
I dedicated my life for someone whom i thought love me enough.
Whom i thought love me equally.
I was wrong, To those years we spent with each other. They all vanished like bubbles in thin air.
The past came back and it destroyed the present, even the future that awaits for the two aspiring lovers.
I've been asking my self, what went wrong. What has gotten that suddenly we split up? What's not enough that i couldn't still fill the hole in his heart?
I thought, we were okay. I thought, it's fine. I thought i fixed him already, i thought he love me. Maybe he did, but not to the extent that he can let go the person who once destroyed him.
I was just a fixer huh, one you can run to whenever you need help then leave 'coz you don't need it anymore.
***She is Wyett Audelia Roan
It started with a simple Hi.
It ended with a hard Goodbye.
Waking up, I faced the mirror with swollen eyes, bright red cheeks, stuffy nose and a very messy hair. Im so messed up. Im broken and lost. The me I used to be.
I scanned my room and saw boxes of used tissues, cans of beer, left over take out foods, pillows all over the floor, and a ***** bed. I groaned at the thought of everything I did last night.
I decided to clean my room from top to bottom to take my mind off things or else I'll go insane. I tied my hair into a messy bun and grabbed a trash bag when my eyes saw a notebook at the corner of my room.
The biggest mistake of my life is writing on that notebook cause it will always remind me of how I fell inlove with a man and how he broke me.
I was in the middle of arranging things when I received a text from Flame, my bestfriend.
“Where are you right now ?”
I dropped my phone not minding her question. I was not in the mood since my room is messy and so is my life. I was done cleaning everything when I decided to take a bath. **** this life, whatever I do I always end up thinking about him, our moments together and how cruel it ended.
I sighed heavily. Damn. Get a grip self, you still need to work your *** off.
Ah i forgot i already lost my job.
While air drying my hair, my phone kept on ringing and I'm a hundred percent sure it's Flame. That girl can really be a pain in the ***. I decided to answer it since she will not stop unless her demands are met.
“What?”
“Wow, you're awake!” her voice beamed with excitement and I rolled my eyes towards heaven.
That tone from her just meant one thing. S-H-O-P-P-I-N-G and when I say shopping, the Flame Audrey Roan style. I mean, every high end shop her eyes could land on is a target.
“Obviously Audrey Roan, now what do you want?” I comb my ash brown hair into a messy bun, applied some lip balm and cheek tint. I put on my go to outfit, cropped top shirt, high waisted pants and a comfortable pair of shoes.
“Well, um. If it's okay, can you pick me up? Later, this evening. I have something to show you.”
It took me some time to respond.
“Sorry, I can't. I still have some things to do. Call King instead, he has all the time in the world. I bet you a hundred bucks, he’s with a girl right now.”
I squirmed at the thought. All I get is silence from the other line. I could imagine her rolling her doe eyes just by the mere thought of King, our cousin.
“I’d... rather not.”
“Why tho?”
“You know how annoying King could be.”
“Yeah… Just like you, right?”
“Im not annoying okay!! Im adorable. A-D-O-R-A-B-L-E”
When i finishes fixing things, i go out of my house. I didn't mind the ringing door bell cause I'm busy with what’s inside my bag, I can't find my keys! but the moment i went out from my door, I was shocked when a warm body hugged me.
“What the fu..dge? Flame!”
“Hi… hehe” she smiled at me from ear to ear
“What are you doing here?”
I eyed her grinning at me. Great!! An addition to my head ache from this morning, just came.
“Surprise?! I know you won't take me with you so I decided to invite myself.”
“Ugh! What do i even expect with you?"
I massaged my forehead But them this is fine, this little girl can divert my attention, she's good with that. I slightly smiled from the thought.
“Oh, you smiled! That means let’s go shopping”
“We don’t have to worry about the spending. I have a great solution to that.” She added.
“And what is that?”
She then showed me a golden card.
“That's!”
“Yup! It's King Espresso Moreau card!”
“Does he know?”
“Of course not but he will after wemax out his credit limit”
Im sure this is war, if there's a literal saying Cat's and Dog's. A real life example is King and Flame. Ever since childhood, these two always bicker despite the huge age difference and I, Audelia is their referee.
King is the oldest Grand son of Family Moreau He's the first born and me, the oldest Grand daughter of the ROAN for 3rd generation then Audrey is the youngest.
Our abuela which is Granny Kreme, she was a Roan before she married Abuelo Krispy who is the heir of Moreau clan way back.
I know, their names are weird.
“Hey, what are you thinking? let’s go, Shops await for the queens.”
“Okay. Let me grab my things first”
I went to get my bag and car keys when my eye caught a glimpse of the –notebook\-. I had a feeling that i can't just leave it be.
We went to different shops and tried on clothes. Knowing how rich King he won't mind, i mean he will but this is just a piece of coins in him. Audrey went to the fitting room to put the clothes she wanted.
I scanned a few racks for my style of clothing when I saw a familiar figure outside the shop and i wasn't wrong.
I got stunned at first but when I was about to call him, a girl went near him. That moment i realize it's still there. I thought my feelings were gone yet again i was wrong, and that's the biggest mistake of my life, not being able to forget our past.
“Audelia…"
I heard Flame called me but i did't respond.
"Hey, why are you crying?” She touched my shaking shoulder.
I cant answer her question so I ran outside the mall leaving my things except for the notebook that I have been carrying with me. When I saw him with another girl it fucking hurts. I didn’t think he’d find another and my world seemed to crush. In the first place, I shouldn’t have thought that our relationship would last. She came, that's why the person who stayed by his side when things fell apart is now left behind.
To be continue..
Note: Disclaimer this story is about broken promises, bad break up, fallen career, unrequited love, destroyed chances and havoc feelings so i do not want to trigger any unwanted emotions, this is a fair warning.
All characters are base on real life but their names are purely out of the author's imagination.
Life is ironic, you gotta accept that. It's the only constant in life anyway.
It started raining and just like the stories I've read and movies I've watched the rain kept pouring as it blend the tears in my face.
The weather matches my emotion, it partnered my pain.
It's cold and I'm shivering yet I didn't mind. My eyes is focused on the notebook I'm holding.
'Hey, Book. How did we end up like this?' I asked this little notebook as if it was him.
I sighed heavily and laugh. Damn, I so fuckin love that man.
They said love is like suicide, looking at me right now. I guess its true. I qmade a stupid action, a stupid negotiation with a devil.
Its either i let myself fall to that deep magnetic hole or put all my bet to the demon.
In my case, i took the risk. I took the devil's offer not knowing that having that kind of deal is way more painful than what i expected.
When a human is in love they do all crazy stuffs, even if they'll look like a fool and stupid mofos.
Have you ever beg for someone's affection?
Have you ever plead to someone so they could love you the way you love them?
I was staring at the ocean blankly when a warm jacket envelope my body. I look up and saw my cousin with his knitted brows.
"If only I could punch that guy's face multiple times without you getting mad at me? Damn, that would be heaven"
I gave out a loud sigh, not minding his words.
"How did you find me?" I asked.
He sighed before he answered my question. "You know I can easily find the two of you whenever I wanted, Audelia. My connections are endless."
He wrapped his hands over my shoulders ''Let's go, its so fucking cold here. How the hell did you manage to stay at this creepy place anyway?" He didn't ask me more like he's asking his self.
My body is shivering and I couldn't stand nor manage to walk properly so he decided to carry me.
And then moments later I saw Audrey standing meters away from King's car, holding an umbrella as she cries silently.
I shut my eyes and lean on King's chest.
Am I that broken that even the people around me felt the pain Im feeling?
Or they can't just stand the fact that their cousin is being pathetic as she fell in love with someone who can't love her back?
This is so cliché isn't? Just how many women have been hurted, left, and cheated on? with one sole reason, 'Not enough'
I gave all of me didn't I? To the extent where i couldn't even prioritize my self.
Ahh, yes maybe it wasn't really enough. That maybe just like what he said he's at fault. Because you won't be left if they truly love you, need you, care for you.
Right now, i want this loneliness gone. That's all i want.
~
Mute.
So this is it.
This is the end.
I thought it would sound like the screeching of tires
Or the splintering of glass
I never expected this quiet hush.
A whisper of silk
As your hand drops from my waist;
A whoosh of air
As my heart exhales.
No more finger pointing,
The business of blame is done.
How did it come to this?
How does love unravel with no sound?
(The Heartbreak Diaries page 28)
I am Wyett Audelia Roan, I’ve read in someone’s book, “Writing things down, letting the words bleed onto paper and take shape like a personal Rorschach test helped me sort out and articulate the feelings I couldn’t seem to say out loud.”
This is my story of love, sacrifices and moving on.
"I want to go home" I said when i notice we're taking the wrong way from home.
"We'll go to the nearest hospital Wyett. With that state, you might catch pneumonia" King commanded with dark voice, he even called me by my first name.
I'm not really paying attention because my head started to ache and I'm feeling dizzy.
"Audrey, give him to me" I took her hand and squeeze it, a sign of my desperation. I heard King cussed. I don't know what has gotten to me and I said that. No regrets, I really do want him beside me right now.
Just this once, maybe he will feel sorry for leaving me if he saw be being like this?
"Call him A-audrey.. just this once,by" Tears started to fall, my heart ache so much.
"NO, don't fucking call that dimwit Flame. I will kill that bastard if I ever saw his face, you know me. Don't fucking call him" King's voice, echoed the car.
"Don't listen to him Audrey, you love me right? Please do me a favor by, please." I close my eyes and held her hand tightly.
Audrey was about to get her phone when King shouted... "If you dare call that Motherfucker you can never use my card ever again, Flame Audrey Roan! I dare you!"
"Oh God! Why the hell did God gave me a cousin like you?!" She exclaimed.
"And I'm not calling him, Asshole! Don't threaten me!" Audrey then looked at me.
She Stared at my body from gead to toe. I'm soaking wet plus the fact that I'm shivering made her whimpered.
''Oh God Audelia, When will you stop?
How can you move on if you keep asking about him? If you keep on thinking about it?"
I choked my sob, neither i cousin, I had been asking my self the same question. When will this heart stop beating for him? When will I move on? I wanted to shout those words, say out loud my frustration but still no vague.
I couldn't because it sound so stupid.
I hugged myself in fetal position as I lay my head on Audrey's lap. I felt her brush my wet hair.
"You'll get through this, you will" She said.
I smiled pitifully, i shut my eyes. I hope so.
**
"She's fine. I'll check her from time to time to monitor her fever. Don't worry too much man, pneumonia is not dangerous when prevented."
"Whatever, leave now fucker"
It was King's voice, and he's talking to someone. I heard the man laughed before he bid his goodbye. Slowly I opened my eyes.
The white ceiling welcomed me. Hospital.
Then bits of memories sink onto me, i bit my lower lip.
Pathetic.
You are so damn pathetic Audelia, when will you learn. Whe will you keep your head straight?
So fucking pitiful that you suddenly became like this.
"You're awake" King noticed me and he spoke.
I nodded.
"Dizzy?" he asked, i only shook my head.
"Good"
We stared at each others eyes, He gave up and sigh.
"I'll leave you here, call Flame if you need something. She's now t the cafeteria"
"Okay" i simply said.
So much happening, I'm getting tired with this.
But before he leave, King stopped on his track.
"Wyett" he called. I look at him.
"Just so you know, i won't give on you" after that he shut the door leaving alone.
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