Normal people live a normal life. " That's what people used to tell me. Everyone says I have a normal life.. But I never calm to be a normal person . I always thought that I was not too fat or not too thin, but my parents always had a body shame me, saying that I was fat. I have a perfect younger sister (lucy). A" PERFECT " She is loved by both of my parents . She has many real friends .It is a perfect boby and respected by everyone .

My parents keep comparing me to her . In all aspects in grades, activities ,etc. On my 12th birthday, they told me to start losing weight and be more like lucy.

They said, " You know, sweetheart, we love you, but we are embarrassed with you, so it's better for you to lose some weight. " I had got my period after some days of my birthday.

That's when everything changed . I was promoted to grade 6 . I heard my friend talk shit about me . Everything led me to self-harm .

When I reached home and told my mom about everything, she said, " it's your fault if you were more skinny, then these things would never happen. " I didn't know what to do. I was devastated . Even my own mom said this thing.

later on that night they told me to be ready for party . I thought they had brought me a lady like dress to were for a party . But I was wrong . They have brought Lucy a nice dress and they gave me Lucy's shirt and pants. At that time, I realized that they had never let me wear what I wanted.

Then, with all the courage I had, I asked them, " Do you even love me ?"As I asked them if they loved me . They began to scold me, saying, "Have you gone nuts. Of course we love you.But you are fat and those kinds of dresses don't suit you anyway. "

As she says that, I realized that she doesn't know anything about me .She doesn't know the things I am interested in .

I somehow hold my tears. Later on, my sister gets ready to put that fancy dress . She was looking very beautiful. I truly envy her.

On the other hand I was wearing pants and a shirt. I was the ugly person at that party. A lot of people approach her . And the people who had approached me had also bullied me saying "you are the ugliest member in your family."

I ran to the bathroom and cried out without a sound . When I left the bathroom, my eyes were swelling. After taking a few steps, I bumped into Jack. I had a huge crush on him . I didn't want him to see me in that condition.

As I try to escape from him. He held my hand and said, " I need to say something to you. Can you spare a minute for me."I said ok. We sat near the fountain and started talking about anime and manga. It was a pretty fun conversation until Lucy showed up.

The way Jack looked into her made me jealous. Then he left me there and said, " I will tell you that thing later .

That time, I felt abandoned by everyone around me...

After that incident I moved in with my grandparents. I never knew what Jack wanted to say to me nor did I try again to meet him .

Now after 10 years, I still remember that incident like it was yesterday...

Now the there's alot of things that I starve for like being successful, maintaining my weight, being a goddamn role model and soon. One thing I'll never be eager to have is love. That shit is down in drain .