"goodnight," that's the last text of the day I receive from my girlfriend. I'm smiling like a fool as I scroll through our just had conversation, I know she's tired so I won't bother her any further. I slowly drift off to sleep as my brain dances to the sounds of guitars, drums and human vocal cords playing through my earphones.

I get a text at about nine in the morning from my girlfriend saying she's off to fetch her degree, I try to hide the discomfort in my voice for I fear I might ruin her big day. Before you misunderstand my discomfort let me explain, I'm currently in my first year of university and yes I started later than she did, I did not pass my second semester hence couldn't make it to second year so in truth I feel like a failure when my girlfriend hails me with tales of her accomplishment at the age of twenty three. I'll be repeating my second semester I'm much more confident now than I was back then, I've been studying more and going out less an action which she ofcourse has noted and now claims we spend too little time together clearly voicing her discomfort. I know she's right but how do I tell her I just want to be seen as somebody not headed for doom by society, our friends and family and most importantly by her.

I am a jerk I know, I've been consciously ignoring most of her calls for about a week now and I barely respond to her texts but when I do respond my response is usually along the lines of "sorry I couldn't speak I was in the library" or "sorry I was busy with an assignment" sometimes even claiming I was asleep at the time. I've been actively getting headaches now and then they never really last long, I've simply made a mental note that it's all due to stress and spending to much time on my books and PC screen. We haven't spoken for close to three weeks now which makes me really nervous and in turn takes me straight to her door for a conversation, she's happy to see me but I can tell she's being protective of her being, it's like she's trying to ask me what it is I want without actually putting it into words.

A few hours go by we're back to our old selves all cheery and high on emotional bliss, "ew" she playfully words as she points at a red stain just above me lip "what are you, some ravenous hungry beast........who gets ketchup up their nose" at this point she's almost falling out of her seat laughing at me as I take a napkin to wipe the sauce stain of my face and get back to enjoying the burger and fries before my eyes. We exchange a number of words some happy some sad all in all it's clear she's having a good time and so am I, we keep at it for a time and I notice she keeps staring at my lips which ofcourse makes me think it's a kiss she desires but before I confer my thoughts she grabs a napkin saying "come here you big baby" and winds up wiping just below my nose. She looks back and forth between me and the napkin to which she looks straight at me and simply says "I think your nose is bleeding it's not ketchup."

"Hey........" "morning........" "good evening......." "you've been quiet what's going on......." those are just samples of the texts I've been sending a female friend of mine I haven't spoken to in a while, not that it's been that long it's just she's been busy with her studies and rarely comes to the phone. Most of my friends are in university or found jobs to sustain themselves, I consider myself the odd one out as I'm still trying to do something with my life which in my eyes looks like it's hanging by a thread. I've been in and out of exam rooms trying to make up for some of my shortcomings, it's being going good I guess, not great but good enough to get me into university seeing as I applied and was accepted soooo I start my life of girls partying and assignments in about six months from now.

it's August, well to be precise today's the ninth of August and it's officially been six months so I'm currently standing before the university gates, I got all my formalities done online but I still have to visit the library to get my student id card a prospect to which I'm not entirely inclined to do for the thoughts in my head are leaning towards me being asked all sorts of questions about why I'm here today when I was done with school some years back. I know I'm kind of over exeggerating my situation but I can't help it, from my perspective it seems everyone and everything keep staring at me and quite frankly I'm currently not enjoying the feeling, the walk to the university's library was uneventful with the only noteworthy thing happening happened to be asking for help with the directions. I opted for a single room, I guess you could say luck was on my side as one just happened to be recently vacated at the time of my arrival, of course it meant a bit more on the top but I couldn't care less, I honestly enjoy being alone ninety percent of the time. I unpack my things after having some help from some of my cousins bringing in the rest of my stuff and after saying our goodbyes I look through my class schedules making note to adjust my alarm clock and ofcourse after a hearty homemade meal my mother so lovingly packed me my heavy eyelids and foggy brain drift off to the land of dreams.

I never got the chance to properly appreciate the university's layout yesterday but with all the self-induced paranoia I was having honestly I'm the only one to blame, the place is quite big there's a variety of beautiful women everywhere I turn my head, honestly I'm loving the beauty that's gracing my eyes but it also does make me quite nervous. I'm not sure if I'm too early for my class, if I'm in the wrong room or if the lecturer and most of the students just happen to be late and ofcourse the few people occupying the room with me isn't really helping my unease. I'm about to turn around and ask if I'm in the right class already having mentally prepared myself to be ridiculed not with words but with that look that simply asks if I'm an idiot, if I can read or better yet what took me so long to ask, but before I turn and mouth my concerns the echoing clicking sounds of shoes knocking on wood draws my attention to the door and it is at this point I see a fairly tall quite good looking middle aged woman in stilleto's walk to the front of the class. Good morning to you all and welcome, my names are.........well never mind that, you can simply call me Ms Grace, I'll be reponsible for your Biology class.

It might just be my mind playing tricks on me but I think I'm being watched, I don't exactly know how to explain in but it's like.....ah.....you know that feeling you get when you fall into a body of water, that all encompassing all enveloping feeling,that weird peaceful dread you feel even though you know not what to fear of......it feels somewhat similar to that, it's making my neck hairs rise. That being watched feeling hasn't left me yet so I'm guessing whoever's boring their piercing gaze into my being shares all my classes with me, it's either that or I'm just really paranoid. The sound of rolling laughter brings back memories of old, "what's up bro you good?" "I'm just trying to get used to this versity life how about you guys over there how's the cold for you missing the scorching heat back home already or what?" we all burst out laughing wholeheartedly, "huuuh" I sigh, "it's good to hear from you guys, been a while since we've all hang out, when will you guys be flying back?" "we still have like a year left before we're done with our majors so i guess you'll be seeing us in a year's time, hopefully by then we can call up the gang crack open a few cold one's and just toss them back as we brothers used to, just make sure your tolerance is high cause when we get back no one's walking home" I palm my face as I listen to the same old joke about being a light weight when it comes to holding my liquor. My friends and I talk about everything that's happened since the time they left, they introduce me to some friends of theirs we crack some jokes, I'm sitted on a bench looking like a fool laughing out loud and grinning to myself. Iam now thoroughly convinced that taking video calls in a public place isn't that great of an idea, before the call ends I'm lastly introduced to one of my friends love interests, she.....she's quite the lovely specimen, she's a beautiful young lady with a strange pull to her that keeps drawing my attention back to her eyes. Her eyes are quite hypnotic if I do say so myself but then again that could just be the side effects to being a single and lonely being for as long as I have, oh well the call ends shortly afterwards and I'm currently headed to the library who knows I might get lucky or something Hollywood can't all be a lie right? all those romantic comedies I've seen are bound to amount to some truth in the real world right? I guess we'll find out soon enough won't we. I don't know why but it suddenly started to pour heavily, I guess the library's mine till the clouds break.