I looked at the bus window, at the water droplets on the glass,it was raining hard,just like that day when everything changed in my life:

I held the test results in my shivering hands and zoomed on one word-positive....

yup I was pregnant and what's worse I wasn't even married or in relation,infact i lost my virginity to a stranger maybe not,the man was my best friend Nora's ex...

I passed out in the morning and here iam finding a child in my belly right now ,who is two weeks old!

what I was going to do....it was all my fault ,I made a great mistake that night,that devastating night.

one month back night: I got a handful scholarship and I planned to go to Germany for higher studies in psychology, however for that I had to gain my father's approval,he was a pious honest old man and was insisting me to stay and marry.I was 23.

we planned a party and booked a hotel.we found out that nora's ex nathaniel was there too with other boys.Nathaniel was a white boy with natural light brown hairs, handsome and had a job.I was surprised by how such a playboy got a job so quickly, perhaps some people are really lucky!

it was the first time I drank and the other girls also brought their boyfriends, however even with the new guy beside her,I could catch nora peeking at nathaniel.it was already five years ,when we were teenagers she was madly in love with him,however he always broke her heart,after that the two never got together and she always said I wasted my purest feelings on him.

I have never been with anybody ,cause none of them felt like the one I needed.

I felt nathaniel looking at me,maybe he was looking at nora who was beside me,yeah he must be crazy to look at me,a girl with a simple face,even a bit ugly instead of nora who was truly beautiful pictures!

-drink Adalyn

+no nora,you know

-c'mon just one,we never know when will we die,you'll never get the chance to drink ahead,you know...

......................

my head was dizzy and I was hot,I got drunk with only one glass,what was it? it made me so high.I got up and went to washroom to get sober...

the world seemed rolling around too fastly to me.I turned around to close the door but bumped into a man's chest,I looked up but couldn't see his face, it was all blur and his scent; it was addicting enough for me who was already drunk.

-hey!you okay?

I moved back

+s.stay away

I replied slowly...

he came closer,bent down and looked into my eyes,but I couldn't clearly see if his eyes were black or brown.

+I don't know you,please mister go

tears rolled down my cheeks,I tried to push him but couldn't, I was weak!

-i'll help you...

he came closer and I suddenly found us kissing each other roughly, I moved back.

+iam sorry,go away whoever you are

but he didn't listen...

I opened my eyes and met another eyes glaring at me, found myself sleeping ***** in a man's arms.what's more shocking he was none than nathaniel!

+you!

I pulled him

he smirked

-morning Adalyn

I wanted to get up but couldn't because I was *****.

he laughed lightly.

hearing his laugh and seeing the red sheets,tears stormed through my eyes.

-hey

he came and held my shoulders.

I pushed him away shouting: don't touch me.

+so it was you in the bathroom.I was drunk I told you to stay away but you!I was a ******.

-I was drunk too,I didn't knew you were untouched....

I ignored his words, covered myself in the sheets leaving him *****.

I got up took my clothes and entered the bathroom.he said nothing but I could feel his heavy gaze all the time.

he was sitting on the bed with the clothes on.

I left the hotel and went straight back home.

everybody was asleep.

I was feeling guilty,like a sinner ,regretting with every cell on my body,I was in pain.

in our town X even though the people were aware of the developments around the world and changed in the way we think,still it was a shame to lose your virginity before marriage,and for me whose father always advised others, it was too bad.second thing if a women got divorced no matter how young she is,no unmarried man would marry her,there would always be old men or already married men with children marrying her,and the case was same with the widows,no one cared what actually they want and no parents would let their son marry a divorced woman or a widow and in my eyes it was completely cruel.there were stories of young men falling in love with such women but the society never let them together,no matter what!

I decided to forget that night although it was impossible.next day an unknown number called:

+yes?

-im nathaniel.we need to talk.please.

we met the next day.I thought he'll suggest me to forget everything, but surprisingly he was taking responsibility of my virginity. he knew what will be my future if the world finds out about it.he wanted to help.

-lets marry,it will be the best way.

+I know we have committed a sin but I don't think marriage will be the solution.

-so do you want to go to a doctor?

+no,I lost it,I don't want to make a fake one.

-but you'll have problems.

+I won't. i'll marry somebody who would understand me with all my faults and still want me.

+nathaniel

he looked into my eyes.

+I want us to forget everything.

-I don't think I can.he smiled.

I really didn't understand what he really meant.

+I don't remember what happened after the washroom.

-but I remember everything you did to me!

he smirked.I felt embarassed.I looked at him.

(he looked really handsome)I thought.

-call me if anything goes wrong.

+ok.and let this secret be just between us.

-hmm...bye.

he got up and left.

some days later I was able to get father's approval, so I went to the city I studied and started packing things back to our town.

I had no breakfast and I passed out, found myself in the hospital bed.fortunately our neighbour got me there.

and I was pregnant...the baby was two weeks old.

I paid the hospital bill and returned home.I was stressed why? why I have to sleep with nathaniel and become pregnant when everything was in order and ready for me to go to Germany?why nathaniel,what I was going to say to nora?I cried complete two days....

I kept thinking and at last I decided to abort the child without letting nathaniel or anybody else know it.

I sent all my books back to our house in hometown and took time for the abortion for which I had to pay a huge price as it was illegal.the doctor tried to persuade me saying it could also result in losing my uterus too.however I was confident on my decision.when I was waiting for my turn infront of the operating room,I remembered others saying how hardly after eight years mother had me.there was a life inside me and I was abandoning it with no pity.me who was always afraid of being deserted was deserting this innocent baby so cruelly...

it was then when I realised I cannot throw one of my own blood and flesh away,I realised the attachment between us,it wasn't its fault,coming to this world wasn't a choice for it,it was innocent and pure.

I decided to give birth to the child no matter what.

two days later I went back and called him to meet.

-so do you had a change of mind?

+yeah.its important.

-so say it,im listening.

+iam pregnant.

he was motionless for an instant.

-no way,it can't be possible.you said we'll go our separate ways.

I took out the test results and put it infront of him.it exactly showed the date of that night.

+I have no choice,I have nobody to tell,I don't know how im going to face nora...I was going to Germany but everything's ruined....

I was crying infront of him,in short I was begging him....just for the child,because of the motherhood love inside me,maybe....

+at first I decided to abort it,I even went to the clinic that day.

he was listening wholeheartedly.

+but couldn't, at the last moment I realised I cannot just throw it away like a trash.

-what now

+I want to give birth to my child.but it has to have a name,I can't let it be fatherless.I can't just hide in another city like in stories.I wanted to go to Germany but I stayed.

-I understand.

+I wanted to ask if you're still on your word or I should try to find another way.

-you know I can't let my child with the mother live with other man.

+so.

-we'll get married.

+hmm...

+I have some conditions.

-go on

+no sexual contact.

-agreed.

+divorce once the child is born.

-agreed

+the child shall stay with me until two years,after that you can take it sometimes.

-agreed.

-I have a condition too

+say

-I will continue my affairs.

+fine but till we're married it shouldn't effect our life,I mean keep it completely away from the marriage.

-agreed.

-about the marriage your father

+he'll agree when I don't go to Germany.

in a weak we got married so quickly, we held no ceremonies and there was only a family dinner,so simple.

nathaniel's mother was also dead just like mine,and we both had stepmothers.he had an older brother only who wasn't married.I found his family wasn't satisfied with this marriage, ofc they wanted a rich beautiful girl instead if a poor ugly one....but I had no choice too!