Does the love, in love stories or mangas and movies exist?

 does the love, we find and try to feel by watching and reading through stories really in this world ?

I guess, it is....😄

but....the paths

and the way it goes is totally different from movies

LOVE...

            gives us strength.....courage,

makes u more confident

but...

it also makes us feel.....

the anxiety,

the worry (weak)

the constant thought of nervousness of...

''what if....''

these two words makes the whole beautiful 'LOVE' into a beautiful yet dangerous word  'REAL LOVE'.

Which is totally opposite of any fairytale story that we used to watch to get yo know what love could be like,the 'ARTIFICIAL LOVE'.

In reality.....

Until when we didn't fell ......

its like being excited or confused whether we wouldn't fall or get that persom if we fall

but after truly falling....

But when we actually falls

we get happy...and nervous

that again we think

''what if its true love (what we call it.... THE LOVE OF OUR LIFE )or what if we stay together forever, how good it will be when we first see each other or confess....

''Will get blush when that person hold me?or i will faint from excitement ''

we start to build up dreams.

Dreams.... which are sooooooo beautiful for us that no fairytale love story, not a single book can describe.

But....

Every dream comes with a expiry time... we get to wake up the next day when the sun rises and face the reality.

those beautiful dreams ...slowly starts to get connected with reality as the expiry comes closer.

The 'what if' of those pure thoughts unintentionally starts to turns into.....

''what if we wanna,get together but not ppl close to us'', '' What if the distance between us obe day becomes sooo big that even if we want to we wouldn't be able to ger through it ''

''What if............''

again the 'what if'

but it would not be the,same innocent pure love 'what if'

the deeper u fall it starts to convert into the real love'what if'

Which starts to give us worries and makes us insecure and over protective to keep that word...MY LOVE with us.

We know there's gonna be thousands times more chances....of not having that love forever though we never wanna lose it....

cause its OUR LOVE

which no one felt but us....

We know when the reality of life will hit it and tries to cut the ties of that OUR LOVE with soo much more power thn that love...

But there is stilll one thing left...

''What if''

Which stilll gives us strength to stand firmly in front of that scary possibility of future...

''What if... we really did worked it out...... the dream which have only 1 or less percent of chances stilll made it.... cause no matter what , there is that 1 percent of chance for a reason''

.... that 'what if' again starts to make the reality slowly going back to dreams.

Until the time of the possibilities and dreams clashes and we both loved ones sitting silently and  shouting hearts..... watches ....the conclusion of the REAL LOVE.......OUR LOVE.

I wish it was a movie where u and i ,sitting under the same sky on the balcony of our lil palace with build together with our hardwork and love.

It would be so perfect like a dream...

so beautiful like a fairytale coming into reality.

Each time u say those small but heart fluttering words to me, a blush would still come on my face it has already been countless times u have said......

.....is a sign that i don't worry about anything now.

Which means that no matter what we both had been through to achieve this day , at last its a happy ending and we will stay ever after(just like those romance movies).

But no matter how good and beautiful the ending of a movie is, it always leaves the movie theater alone and empty.....

Each step from the dark theater room...full of emotions to the real world reminds me that ...

''it can be only a movie😌''.

No matter what ....we can't always make some of our desires true , no matter how desperate we are.

though its true we shouldn't give up until we try and do our best but the anxiety makes us loose confidence when it comes to our heart.

I know we can't be together maybe its just all in my mind , maybe you said we could make it ,

Maybe....... we could be like the couple in the movie ..... but i know ... we wouldn't be able to make it.

Noooo , its not my self esteen , its my fear and my unsuccessful life telling me we aren't meant for it.

''You may get a better one then me , don't worry u will find your bestest one , but that can be me if u want to" ......... you always say these things

But you know wht

Who will tell you that i wanna reply you that......

'' you have  always been my bestest choice anyways......... but

 i am not the one you deserve, you deserve someone better..... someone special ...someone who has the same beautiful heart as yours...... somone successful ......not.... an ungrateful selfish person like me....... who....don't desrve you''

So let me just stay selfish and broke your heart today by pushing those warm arms away which were raised to make me feel the warmth of love....... but the, me who you wanna make yours ......... don't deserve you all of this.......

So let me just make it clear with just few harsh words which broke your as well as my own heart while telling you,

'' I (i )...don't (love).... love (you)...... you (forever) leave(please don't)me alone''

Those brackets ..... maybe were that barrier between you and me which i really can't cross right now..

.... what is stopping me?...... well maybe this stupid mind which is telling me that I don't deserve a person like him while giving myself a disgusting look as always.

maybe I will regret this forever, you will hate me forever but..... no matter what the ending will be .. it will still be a happy ending until we are under the same sky.... right?

Sometimes i sit alone looking at my phone and think....'' (sigh)... is this even true?'' .

Opens my gallery and look at your pics,

'' how i get so lucky to find you''... '' are u even true? Cause i haven't touched u ever though i have seen u countless times and felt your warmth through your voice, just like i can see  those rainbows beautiful and full of colors but i can't say are they just the result of the rain or something which i can feel too? I don't know..

But whatever you are... dream or reality , I would still choose to meet u randomly in this non existent world called virtual world...

Virtual....world sounds unrealistic that we could even find someone soo special in this  world who never actually met each other... not even bumbed into each other like how we watch in some romance dramas (unrealistic right...)

Just like that

We both were just sitting on our lonely spots trying to pass times like some emotionless creatures without expecting anything from anyone just.... relaxing and passing our times,

Saw each other in and just said hi cause maybe we both were bored and didn't knew what was going on..

The moment other one replied hii too ... we had no idea that the one they just met through a single text will become the person sooo important in our life that we wouldn't be able to spend a single day without that person's messages

Or if someday we would even cry if that person doesn't text back....(cause those texts are the only thing connected us with one another)

That single word ''hi'' that we just said randomly will turn into long and long conversations until we fall asleep while talking...who knew it would be like that....

We must have thought and made judgments or images at the starting about each other...

How beautiful was it when those judgments turns wrong and the person in front of us turned out to be waaay better than what we had imagined by slowly understanding each other...

The day we had our first conversation, the first fight (that we still have everyday), a little awkwardness is still fresh in our hearts even though we have already came so far together without even holding hands once with only one hope that we will meet each other soon.

The heart is still scared to confess as we really haven't saw each other and accept that you are the reality not a dream which can be broken as soon as i wake up..

But let me just stay happy and smile while talking to you without the worry of confessing of telling our feeling to each other....

smiling that atleast we share the same sky and hoping to hold each other's hands  atleast once no matter we stay young or get old till then.

The only thing we do everyday is.... wish... wish that you were here... by my side..