I am a girl...woman maybe...is the correct status for me. Age almost 30 and life like nun with cat at home. Work freelance... or free work kind of the same for me. Well call me Sarah.

Thinking about job, today income, today outcome, my weight, and damn acne are my routine everyday life. I guess you will say "same with me" but trust me it's so different. My life motto is "I don't need to be perfect but just be correct". So, I tries everyday to fit in society.

Live alone with my own house sound sooo perfect. Shop once a month, buy groceries once a week. It's efficiency at the same time of laziness.

Talk about friends... I don't have friends but I have someone who I know, we all know that is called acquaintance. It makes me wonder if I married one day who is the guest??? but worry none of it, I do not consider about marriage at least for 20 years from now. Coz my 24 hours life is not enough for me how can I share my time to think and care for someone else? No that positively big NO.

I am a messy but perfection too, unfriendly but can be good friend, strong at the same time kind of dumb, too much vision on live but none of it...will happen, caring but also selfish, plan but charming too. In summaries my characters are COMPLICATED that made some of my college friends said that I have double personality. Trust me I am not, you know I just very shy person who tries to fit in society, I acts after analyzing the situation. I hard to friendly in the first time you know someone or open the topic.

I do have plain and boring life, scar, shame experiences, top of life stages such as feel loved, famous, be important person. Just like every of you have been trough. Some nice and bad things happens too.

You read this shit introduction, don't you? then welcome to my life...

Wake up by the phone alarm ringing lauder and lauder while my cats keeps on sniff my nose to check weather I breath or not. Turn off the phone and at the same time turn on the internet data so I can let the massage and those unrelated informations float in my phone. Stroll the message app and social media, then my morning day arrives.

My job for now is private teaching after long longg jobless, that is freelance means for me; sometimes work sometime not. I have bad temper so it is hard to keep one job for long time. My longest job is just one year and the fastest job I can keep is a day. When the job need team work I just last for a month, for them I never good enough for me I just can do at this limit. Big ego with small luck and ability. Thanks God! I survive everyday life with cat to be take care of. I cook then eat breakfast, clean little bit of my house lastly take a bath and go to work.

"Sarah you need to please the boss, you have many things to pay with money" said my aunt who take care of me since I was kid just in front of door step.

We meet in the morning but the topic kind of the same all the time "I will not support you for whole life! you need to be independent, or at least marry someone so he can take care of you"

" How about you meet my...."

" Sorry aunt! but I'm going to be late I just have 20 minutes to ride my bike to reach my student place, will talk again later. Bye!"

Hehehe such clever excuse that I have, good to work on the last minutes to keep away from that kind of unpredicting attact.

Riding my bike in hurry and taking short cut, Yeah! save arrive on 5 minutes before due time.

There is a man happen open the gate and fastly "Hi, I'm looking for Tara, we have chatted on the phone and she send pict of her house. So.. is she at home?"

He looks at me and smile "Oh you're the new teacher? come in!" He stares at me but I don't really bother "Sarah! are you Sarah?"

Automaticly I answer "Yes I am!" while take good look of him that I didn't... do before. Hold my suprize and say his name by smiling "An...dy" oh why it is him??! scream of my thought Oh my god! Andy, clamly I greet him "Oh, Hi! Hallo! How are you?...Andi" My mouth keeps confusing me too. The small world to meet your high school friend who you think will never meet again.

Back on my high school Andy was just a boy, yes I never knew that he has a way to be someone in my life. I met him when I just school nerd, I didn't have many friends but, also not in the cool kids side or infamous side.

I was in the middle you know in MIDDLE of cool kinds and infamous kids are normal kids, my status heh...heh...he... it's known by teachers and friends in normal ways because I was a gooood girl and still I'm.

We parted in very weird and awkward way I thought.

"I never met a girl as cruel as you Sarah" while smiling at me but sad expression he said those sentence at me. I thought that was a joke because I didn't really close to him so I answered little bit anger

"Yes, I am" and left him.

"Sarah!" he shouted.

"All that I did to you, my attention, care and preference. don't you really not knowing what it means, or are you pretend to not...?". I knew where this conversation so I cut it.

"IF I already knew that should I say sorry to.. youu..?" calmly I said this words.

"Love isn't something I want for now or even later maybe, and I don't want to get involve in that kind feeling"

"Then for the closure I'll confess my feeling for you in words" I looked the desperate heard of him through his face, he said that bravely with those eyes was on me.

"I love you Sarah, and I think you are my first love and..."

"So sorry Andy I don't feel the same". Before he finished those lovely words, I once again...answered to fast.

"I can be good friend but I can't be a lover, trust me it's not just an excuse but the fact".

In high voice he said "THEN let's try going out with me, maybe it proofs you are wrong".

I turned my body, heading toward him. I faced him with smile then gently I touched his cheeck

"I really am sorry, you'll find better one soon Andy" I left this cheerful man in bright morning day with gloomy face.

Then at the prom party I saw him with his friends doing fine and once, our eyes met we just smile to each other and said nothing. After that kind of bad ending on graduation I never met him or have a contact with him until just now.