...I remember it all started on the day of his father's funeral....

...It was my first time watching tears in his eyes. I never saw him crying....

Our fathers were good friends, I remember every Saturday either my father will go to uncle's place or his father will come to our place. They were like siblings, they always shared their thoughts laugh aloud, which gives me a sense of happiness. Watching my father laughing was so great as he was always cold at home and I don't even remember when he last talked to me, when he last smiled at me after my mother's death.

I was so young when she died.

As a 6-7-year-old little girl, I watched my happiness and childhood fading away with my mum's death.

His father's death reminded me of all the memories I had after my mum was gone. I was all alone, there was a made who always stood by my side, comforted me all the time I cried at night. Soon after, my dad got married again. His new wife, I never called her ‘mom'. Although she never mistreated me, I don't know why but I couldn't accept her as mum. She had a boy with his first husband, so she took him to our home.

Somehow, I Loved him being around me. He was a little angel that brought my life back. He was almost 3 years old back then.

His Lil paws soft like a teddy bear, cute little eye' he was angelic.

Soon after he started to talk, walk and now was time to enrol him in school.

I always walked him to school and walked back to school together. Now he was the only reason I smile often.

...Other people must have thought that we were a happy family but there was always a sense of chill in our home there was no voice other than Evan (my Lil brother). My father was always cold to us. Although he loved us yet he was never as warm anymore as when my mum was alive....

...That day at Uncle's funeral, I watched him (uncle's son) crying....

...I was standing behind him. I saw his sorrow. I didn't like him but I wanted to comfort him cause I could feel him. It was just like my mum died....

...A sunny day but it was chill all around. I also wanted to cry aloud but I have made myself strong long ago and this time it's his turn. He was like the sunshine since we were young, I always gave him cold shoulder yet he always tried to befriend me. He was silly (haha) but he was popular among kids. His warm smile was enough to fade one's sadness, he was cute when he was young and now he's the most eligible bachelor. The one marrying him must be lucky. But he was a pure and innocent kid. He was pure as a melody, he never would have made any mistakes he was a perfect guy since Young....

...But I guess with our family background now he will have to take over his position at their company. The business world is a battlefield without bullets. I don't know if this pure soul can handle that. I silently wished him luck and returned. I was looking forward to watching him in the business world. I was curious how would he handle everything there. He was 1 year elder than me but as he was pampered so there was a kid inside him who needs to grow up now. This is the actual start of his adulthood....

...But we never knew what was about to pop up & change our lives wholly....

Uncle left a letter to him and my dad.

...I was behind the door listening my dad talking to my aunt (my step mum) about uncle's letter....

...Uncle wanted his son ( ROY) to marry me within a month after his death....

...Of course, I could deny that. But I don't know how to say no to my Dad....

...He seemed quite satisfied with this marriage I just want him to be happy anyhow I was doing everything that can make him happy. I had already taken over our company. I just wanted my dad to relax and stay calm now. So how could I reject this marriage now, which gave him enjoyment and satisfaction....

...He called me over the next day and talked about the marriage arranged by them....

...Although I knew it was going to happen but this was so sudden....

...I was speechless. A lifeless statue standing in front. My tongue was freezed. I just simply nodded to his question....

...Then suddenly my phones ring made me come back to sense....

...It was a call from the company. There was an important negotiation going on I was not free for the time being....

...The call ended I talked to dad that I need some time to complete this project then they can arrange the wedding as they like. He agreed....

...He agreed and wished me luck with the project. He knew I was running away so I guess he also gave me a chance to calm down....

The project thing was just an excuse to run away a Lil bit from this whole sudden situation. I knew him since childhood but there was an uneasiness which I don't know how to explain. All in all, I was not prepared for this. I never thought a single day will change my life like this. I'll have to leave my dad, my brother, behind. I don't want to apart from them. My heart is aching, is it what we feel when dying?

why am I feeling like this? I know him well.

do I know him well??

then why am I having this feeling?

he will keep me happy, right?

we have known each other since we were a kid but I don't want to apart from my family.

How can I calm myself, I need peace.

what can I do? what should I do?

I had to grow up early as my mum died. I lost my childhood to mature up as my dad was never with me after her death. I longed for his love his embrace. I watched every kid around me holding their parent's hand.

Somehow now I had dreams to make my Lil brother happy my dad happy. And now I have to leave here why???

what did I do wrong? what was my mistake? why do I have to take all this?

Is this all my fate.....

Will I ever be happy.......

Do I always have to kill my feelings to adjust like this...

do I always have to make plans according to others, live the life that others gave me?

always???

Will my fate ever change?

Anyway, let's just run away for a while......

hope there will be new sunshine tomorrow.

...‘*Hope there will be a new sunshine tomorrow'...

...I ran away for a while. It was quiet....

...A new place, just for a little sum of time....

...To calm me down, to give myself a thought. Let myself live fullest for a while, being alone, at peace watching the sunrise. The breeze blowing through my face asking me to forget everything for now. Standing on seashore feeling that calm, warm but cold hug of wind....

...She's being my friend for now letting me forget all. Where was she all the long, it seems if I had this hug before I'd have been happy long ago*....

...So, after that talk with dad, I left for the neighbouring city by road. My assistant was with me, she was the daughter of the maid that always accompanied me and also a great friend of mine with whom I shared all my feelings, all my thought, every moment of my life....

...She knew my mind needed rest. So she planned something other than a project meeting....

...Our meeting was at 2 pm the next day but we set out to reach the destination at night. It was a journey of 3 hours only, yet my assistant asked us to set out early which was a bit weird. But I didn't ask her anything, I followed her arrangements....

...11 pm: The car started, It was a long way to go. I just closed my eyes and took a nap....

...Although I closed my eyes, my mind & heart were on a duty....

...Seems like they won't let me sleep this time....

...They were teasing me with the continuous flashback and feeling that I had faced today. They don't want me to forget all these feeling. The scene in which my dad was reading the letter, the scene where I saw him happy, the scene where everyone cried at the funeral, my mind replayed all at once....

...My mind and heart teamed up against me. They wanted me to feel everything at once....

...‘Why are you being like this? I asked'....

...They just laughed....

...‘Look at her, she thinks she is strong' they synchronised....

...‘Can you please stop it, let me rest or let me rest in peace...please' I asked....

...They said ‘If you can't face just a little problem how are you supposed to live a better life. We are your part, You made us stressed with your overthinking. We beg you to stop. You want to live happily then why don't you try to do so. Why do you always think of the negative part of your life? why can't you try to look for the positive side even just for once? Ain't you the only one responsible for your happiness & sadness. You know, there is a secret to be happy and that is “you should be the only one to influence your feelings, thoughts, moods. Don't let anyone other than you, affect your feelings, your decisions and You."...

...Of course, you can ignore us this once but We want you to see the happiness, positivity and liveliness around you....

...We want you to make them yours. Why don't you want to give it a try?...

...If you agree, then let's do it together, let's live....

...You are the one holding your heart & mind. Let's just live a happy life....

...Let's leave everything behind, for now, be you, be a child again for once and let's leave all the worries behind....

...ok?...

...They made me speechless....

...Am I the one, making it hard to live happily....

...Here I am, Once again, confused and thinking hard with my eyes closed & then a sudden jerk made me come back to the sense....

...Car stopped. I looked at my phone, it was still early to arrive destination....

...“Are we taking a rest here? it's 1 am we haven't reached why do you stopped." I asked....

...Eva (my assistant) replied “ it's been 2 hours riding a car, let's take some rest the view is great here and there a beach you can take a stroll for a while, Anyway I know you can't fall asleep so let's just kill the time and have some Rest. I heard the breeze here is cool and soothing that can revive you. let's try to relax our mind it will be good for negotiation."...

...“Huh!! who said I can't fall asleep, I'm all good to sleep tight and I was having a sweet dream, you messed it." I tried to cover....

...“haha! okay, my miss brave I am the one who needs rest. Please allow me. And I am afraid of being alone so please accompany me." She caught me....

...“Amm, if you insist then..... okay I'm in" I have a big heart. haha...

...The room was already prepared in the resort as if it was all planned to stay here for a while....

...I jumped to the bed. It was so comfy. I was trying to listen to my heart and mind. They told me to leave all the worries behind....

...‘*Am I doing it right? isn't this how kids react after they see a comfy bed?...

...“Haha never mind you're at least trying this is enough keep going there is a bright life ahead, we won't let you keep us in dark anymore" my heart and mind (the duo*) replied'...

...I'm gonna live fullest. I'll keep myself free from everything in past for now....

...Even though I'm trying my best but I can't fall asleep. I'm helpless. Anyways I'll just relax my body for a little bit....

...It's so comfortable....

...Soon an alarm rang. It was Eva's ring....

...She woke up, It was 4 am....

...She told me she has prepared something for me....

...Haha, a surprise....

...She always prepares surprises for me to make me happy and her efforts are worth every time....

...I'm really curious about her surprise. “looking forward" I replied....

...At 4 am, Eva's alarm rang and she told me that she had a surprise for me....

...She gave me some snacks and called housekeeping to bring something to eat....

...As always, She ordered my favourite dumplings. She knows me the best....

...Around 4:30 she asked me to follow her and took me to the seashore for a stroll. It was still dark....

The soothing breeze at the beach took me to another world where there was no one around. As far as being seen, just the green field with small beautiful flowers, Starry sky, cold but soothing breeze.

Am I in heaven?

I wanted to stay here for my whole life.

Let's make a little house to live beside a cute small pond. As in fairy tales. Full of fresh pure air and warm surrounding.

I stretched my arms and felt the sweet melody that the wind was singing to me.

...Eva took me to a place and asked me to close my eyes and just feel the melody of nature, the birds humming, waves' rhythmic flow....

...Time passed as fast as the wind as if they both were in a hurry. Even if it was short, This was the best surprise I have ever got....

...Soon it was around 5:15 am, she asked me to open my eyes and take a look at the real surprise that she prepared....

It was a sunrise.

...She told me “ Look at the sky, it's all red as if it's burning. But it is so heartwarming, right? This is a part of life. Sunrise every day makes the sky look as if it's burning, still, the sky welcomes the sun warmly every day. After sunrise, the sky gives the sun a clear blue sky to enjoy. It's like a mother to the sun who supports it all along and even provide a home and a bed to the sun at night to sleep peacefully. Even the water in the sea helps the sun to enhance its beauty by reflecting its light....

...This is the nature of life but also essential for life on earth, right?...

...You know why the mighty sky shares the sun's heat and let the sun burn it too?"...

...“Amm, Why?" I asked...

...“Because the sky knows if he became selfish even for once, all the life, happiness, everything around it will vanish at once. Sun, water, trees, work together for us living creatures so that we can survive And mighty sky and earth make it possible by supporting them" Eva replied....

...“Hmmm, But why are you telling me all this?" I questioned....

...“ Because we all need A sky in our life, you have always been burning yourself like a sun without any rest. Just stop here and find your sky to share your burden, find someone to support you. It's time to let go of the past and move forward, move to the next step, it's time to let someone in, open the door that you have closed for so long....

...‘Jennie' Give him a chance to make your life better." Eva said...

...“But I don't need anyone I have you, I have Evan, Dad, Aunt. You guys are enough. there is no place anymore for anyone. You all are my sky." I replied....

...“Oh please! can you stop it. How long are you planning to make things hard for yourself? is it worth it?...

...Why don't you want to come out of the dark shadow?...

...I understand that you can't forget your mom, but if she was here she also wanted you to live a good life....

...She's is somewhere watching you ruining your life. Do you want this?...

...Why are you so stubborn?...

...You know what, My dad says ‘ An ostrich hides its head inside the mud whenever he finds any obstacle or danger, thinking as if it can escape the problem just by closing its eyes'...

...You are just the same." said Eva....

...“Me?...

...ostrich?...

...Oh common! I never do that I always face everything and also I'm not that tall." I tried to avoid it....

...“look your actions are denying your words....

...Just now, you're saying you don't avoid situations and another second you just tried to avoid this topic. Think it over once again give him a chance it's not a bad deal. Try to find your happiness with him in the further journey of life. I'll leave you alone for now. Think hard. Everyone has to go through this and now it's your turn. You may think it's not the right time but there is no such thing as ‘Right Time'. Just make the time right yourself " Eva said and turned around to leave....

...“ Would you like to marry someone you don't love or someone who doesn't love you?" I suddenly asked....

...She replied to me, turning her back to my face “No, but if I were you, who doesn't even have a boyfriend, I'd have given it a try. If I were you and had to marry him anyway, I'd have given all my care to him and tried to love him with my true heart rather than drowning myself in thoughts. And I don't believe there is such a person who would not fall for a perfect guy like Roy. You should be happy, with your cold and rude behaviour to others he's the only one willing to marry you. I have to make preparations for the meeting, I'll be in the room, don't stay here for too long we have to leave soon. Give me a reply by the end of the day"...

...And she left after saying this....

...“ Wait am I so bad?" I murmured....

Give it a try.

Should I?

He......is.......a good guy. Yeah!

I have known him for a long. But why am I so against this marriage?

why am I hesitating?

is it because I don't wanna leave my dad?

Talking to Eva is great therapy. Somehow I am feeling much better.

I'm still a bit confused but it's still better than before.

So, should I listen to her?

The sun came a bit higher than before and the sky turned pinkish than red. I guess now the sun has let its heat calm down. The sky and the sun, both were somehow at ease now.

This new morning brought ease to them. It was because the sky had patience and the sun wanted to change itself a bit. Seems like the sun will be happy today.

I wish him luck. Hope it will change for the better day by day.

But.......

It was better at sunrise 'cause sun heat-ups more after it reaches the mid blue sky.......