The story that is about to be told takes place in a dark era, a time when humanity had been deprived of sunlight. The sky, once vast and luminous, was now covered with thick black clouds so dense that not a single ray could pierce through.

In this shadowed world, terrifying creatures known as Calamities reigned supreme.

The light of hope seemed extinguished. Even waking up alive and unharmed was a miracle—for your neighbor, your friend, your brother… anyone could unknowingly be a Calamity in disguise.

On a hill in the woods, isolated from the world, a house was in flames. The fire devoured everything in its path, illuminating the night with a sinister, reddish glow. In front of this infernal blaze, a man lay shirtless, sprawled on the burning ground. His body was covered in blood, his eyes closed, his breath ragged. And in that semi-conscious state, a voice echoed in his mind:

“Remember me.”

He jolted violently. Suddenly, he opened his eyes, panting, vision blurry. He pushed himself up unsteadily, feeling the heat of the scorched earth against his skin. The fire roared behind him like a ravenous beast.

— W-What… What’s happening…? Who am I?

He looked around in panic. Only scorched trees, the burning house, and silence. No answers. No one.

He cried out with all his might:

— Is anyone there?!

But only the crackling of flames replied. Even the wind seemed to ignore him. He was just a stranger in a devastated world.

He looked at the blood covering his skin. His hands were trembling. He had no visible injuries.

— This blood… It’s not mine… So… whose is it?

A fleeting thought struck him like a dark flash:

— Did I… set this house on fire? But why? For what reason?

So many questions. No answers.

Then, instinctively, his gaze fell to his left. There, in the grass, a weapon. A simple one, yet heavy with meaning. He stood up with difficulty, pain radiating through his chest as if his ribs were shattered. He picked up the weapon in his right hand and used his left to support his broken side.

Barefoot, vision hazy, he ventured into the forest. Every step was agonizing. The earth was cold and damp. Strange sounds surrounded him: rustling leaves, flapping wings…

Above him, bizarre flying beasts fought in the dark sky, tearing each other apart savagely.

— Probably… just a giant chicken, he thought, dazed.

He continued on, short of breath, and soon stumbled upon a pile of corpses. Rotting, mutilated bodies stacked together.

— Must’ve been an animal… he muttered, trying not to vomit.

Further ahead, he finally spotted a figure. Someone, kneeling, eating. The person was partially hidden behind a tree. He approached slowly.

— Bon appétit, he said out of sheer politeness.

The answer was a low, guttural growl. The man frowned.

— He must be really hungry…

Not wanting to disturb the scene further, he simply asked:

— Do you know where I can find other people?

Without a word, the figure pointed in a direction. Toward the city.

Still weak, he resumed his walk. His vision grew blurrier with each step. At the forest’s edge, he saw a bright light. A massive blaze. And in that light, a silhouette stood tall, a black briefcase in hand.

The man approached, legs trembling. He couldn’t make out the figure’s face, but it spoke in a calm voice:

— Are you okay?

At those words, he burst into tears. Though taller, stronger, and armed, he cried like a child. He didn’t know this man, but his simple gesture, his composed voice, shattered the last of his restraint.

The man wore a black jacket, pants, and simple shoes. He comforted him the best he could.

— Everything’s wrong, sir… I don’t know who I am… or what I’m doing here…

— Calm down. Don’t cry. I’m sure everything will come back to you, he said softly.

— You’re the only person I’ve seen who looks normal…

— First, calm down. I can barely understand you, he replied with a smile.

He took a deep breath, pulled himself together slightly, and said:

— Do you know someone who could help me? There’s a house… burning… up there…

The man burst out laughing.

— You must still be in shock. There’s no fire on the hill.

He paused.

— But it’s okay. A little humor helps.

They both laughed, despite everything.

— You should head to the city festival. They're electing the new city leader today. Maybe you’ll find some answers there.

He left him, and the man continued on alone.

When he arrived in the city, his vision was even more distorted. He saw an old woman pushing a stroller. He greeted her. No response. She seemed to be coming from the festival. He peeked into the stroller… Empty.

— I must be hallucinating…

The further he went, the more the light turned menacing. This wasn’t a festival. It was a fire.

That’s when he realized:

The entire city was in flames.

Screams. Children crying. He rushed toward a house where the cries seemed to come from.

— It must be… the old lady’s child!

At the locked door, too weak to break it down, he smashed a window with a stone, picked the lock, and entered. The crying was fading. He ran upstairs. And there… he saw her.

The old woman… was devouring a baby.

He immediately vomited, paralyzed by horror. The flames were rising. He slowly raised his weapon. The old creature, sensing his blood, turned around. He fired. She vanished in a puff of smoke.

But suddenly—rushing footsteps. Another creature, feminine, burst in. The two collided, crashing through the floor.

Still upstairs, he saw charred bodies, remembered the corpses in the forest, the man eating… and vomited again. The feminine creature and the Calamity clashed fiercely—fangs against claws.

The feminine creature lifted a table and threw it, but the Calamity crushed it with its jaws. It crawled up the wall like a spider, leaped, and both burst out of the house.

He, in the flames, grabbed the baby and fled through the back, running into the woods.

— Don’t worry… I’ll get you to a doctor…

He refused to look at the baby. He just ran, never turning back.

And again… that voice.

“Remember me.”

The feminine creature and the Calamity had broken free, triggering a fierce battle. The two colossal forces clashed with brutal intensity. The Calamity delivered a powerful blow, hurling the feminine creature toward the city’s central fountain. The impact shattered part of the stone structure.

Without hesitation, the creature grabbed a massive chunk of debris and hurled it with all her strength at the Calamity. It let out a piercing shriek and leapt aside. But it was only a distraction. The creature, with perfect precision, launched a second stone block that struck the Calamity’s legs. A sickening crack echoed—bones had snapped.

The Calamity screamed in rage, then, in a savage act, slashed off its own mangled legs with its claws. In a terrifying regeneration, its flesh writhed like worms beneath the skin, rebuilding its limbs. The two enemies roared and charged each other again, their cries echoing through the ruined city.

On all fours, the Calamity lunged and slammed into the feminine creature. She was hurled against the fountain, which exploded on impact. Water gushed across the plaza, but she rose once more—shaky, but alive.

Something shimmered beneath her feet, submerged in the murky water. A sword. Buried there for years. She grasped it. This ancient blade had been forged by madmen—blacksmiths who crafted cursed weapons possessed by hate and darkness. The sword she now held was none other than the Blade of Darkness, a black weapon radiating an oppressive aura.

She raised the blade before her. Her gaze, sharp despite the blood on her face, locked onto the monstrous creature before her. The Calamity charged at full speed. In a flash, the blade came down… and the Calamity’s head was cleaved clean off. It collapsed without a sound.

But it wasn’t over.

The battle had not gone unnoticed. More Calamities were already approaching. The feminine creature, sword in hand, stood firm before them. Exhausted but resolute, she faced the fight.

Meanwhile, I was still running, the child in my arms. Heart pounding, breath short—I suddenly saw a Calamity appear before me. With a precise shot, I blew its head off. I couldn’t stop. I had to survive. I had to protect this child. Every monster that dared cross my path was gunned down without mercy.

Finally, out of breath, I realized I was no longer being followed. So I stopped.

And then, I saw her.

The feminine creature.

She was standing before me. Exhausted. Covered in wounds and Calamity blood. She trembled. She was in pain. But she looked me straight in the eyes.

I raised my weapon.

I loaded a bullet.

I was about to shoot.

She opened her mouth, with a breathless whisper:

— Eden…

And bam—the bullet was already fired.

The bullet flew toward the feminine creature, who sliced it in half with a swing of her sword, before collapsing to the ground.

Still in shock, I finally opened the cloth in which the baby was wrapped… What I saw was a horror beyond words. I immediately closed the cloth again and dug a hole to bury it. After doing so, I knelt down and said a prayer:

— May God have mercy on their soul…

I didn’t know if the man I used to be believed in God. But if not, then in that moment, I became a believer.

I headed back toward the hill. When I arrived at the house, the flames had gone out. I went inside. Everything had burned.

My eyes landed on a table. On it, an envelope. I approached it, opened it, and inside… a letter.

> “Dear Eden,

I hope everything is well on your end.

I’m expecting a child, an heir, and I wanted to surprise you.

Since you know his father so well, I wanted your opinion on the name.

Personally, I’d like to call him Kim, in honor of my father.

Thank you, and take care of yourself.

— Anita”

The man I was became deeply troubled. Even more questions than usual filled my mind.

I walked out of the house… and came face to face with the feminine creature again. She looked me straight in the eyes and said:

— Eden…

That name again… Could it really be mine? I asked her if she could understand me. She nodded:

— Yes.

I then asked her name, if she remembered it. She replied:

— Alya.

I stepped closer, grabbed her shoulders, and asked several questions all at once. But she couldn’t tell me anything more...

Still, I thanked her for saving me from the Calamity.

From that day on, we fought side by side, united by the same goal: to bring Alya back to her normal self.

Battle after battle, we made a name for ourselves: the Calamity Hunters. Or sometimes even: Doctors, because we healed whenever needed.

One day, while wandering in search of a town called Happy, hoping to resolve a Calamity issue there, we came upon a sign.

> Welcome to HAPPY!

Eden and Alya, smiling, followed the road leading into town.

Before they even reached the first houses, a man came to greet them:

— Greetings, travelers. Eden, Alya… We’ve been expecting you. We’re the ones who sent you the letter. The Calamity you’ve heard about… it’s here, in the town of Happy.

Eden stepped down from the cart, shook the man’s hand, and asked:

— Can we get more details on the situation?

The man suggested heading to his quarters, since “the hour of the Calamity” was approaching.

On the way, Eden observed the surroundings: the town seemed almost deserted. Once inside the sheriff’s home, he explained that a Calamity had been wreaking havoc for some time.

— What kind of Calamity? Eden asked.

The sheriff, visibly frightened, replied:

— A Calamity you never forget… It has forked teeth, claws as long as swords… a real demon.

With no more details, Eden asked:

— Can I see the death records, testimonies, and talk to the residents?

The sheriff began to search through a great mess.

Eden and Alya stepped outside.

— We’ll go to the quarters he gave us. If he finds the documents, he can send them to us, I told the sheriff.

— No problem, he replied.

We headed to the house nearest to the sheriff’s place, hoping to gather some information.

When we arrived, I knocked on the door, seeing light inside.

— Hi! Can we come in? We’re Calamity Hunters. Just wanted to ask a few questions, said Eden.

— No way! It’s almost time for the Calamity hunt! And you want us to open up? So we can be next? Never! I’d rather die!

Eden calmly responded:

— Whether you open the door or not… you’ll die someday anyway.

He then muttered:

— Oops…

The voice inside resumed:

— You want us to open? Come back after the Calamity’s made its choice! Only then!

Annoyed, Eden stomped on the porch floor.

— Is the Calamity really that scary?

— I’ve never seen it, but the others have… and that’s enough to freak me out!

— Alright. I’ll come back later then, said Eden, walking away.

And with a smirk: — When you do see it… say hi from me.

With Alya, we went to the house the sheriff had provided for us.

Seeing the apartment, Eden said:

— Nice place. A big change from the old stable. Just the smell gives me chills...

We went to wash up right away. Alya did the same.

Upon entering his room, Eden saw the registers he had asked for earlier. He flipped through the pages.

— I see, I see... he said seriously.

Alya watched him silently. He added:

— That’s what serious people do, right? Pretend they understand...

She got up to head to her room, but tripped at the top of the stairs. Eden caught her mid-fall.

Their eyes met for a moment. Then he gently set her upright, and she left without saying a word.

Eden returned to his room.

In his sleep, a voice called out once again:

> Remember me.

He woke up with a jolt.

Downstairs, someone was knocking on the door.

— Sir, sir Hunter!

I quickly got ready and opened the door. A breathless woman said:

— Sir… the Calamity struck again. A body’s been found.

I grabbed my gear and went. It was the house I had visited earlier.

But the sheriff told me the chapel had already taken the body. The nuns there had a strange look in their eyes.

So I went to the chapel. Inside, a large room filled with worshippers, nuns, all praying.

At the center, the head nun, kneeling before a white sheet stained with blood.

I knelt beside them and prayed too.

Once the prayer ended, the nun asked me:

— Are you a believer?

I replied:

— Just by existing… we all end up believing, one day, that something greater than us exists.

She smiled.

— God never forgets a child who thinks of Him.

I politely asked:

— May I see the body?

— It’s normally forbidden… but just this once, Eden, I’ll make an exception.

After viewing the body, the nuns proceeded to cremate it. I asked if it was their first victim.

She replied that many who died eventually became chapel followers.

I learned that the town’s farmer had also been attacked: his cows had vanished.

I headed to his place. The farmer explained he had a conflict with the former sheriff, who now lived in isolation… and oddly enough, hadn’t been present when the body was discovered.

Exhausted, I returned home and reviewed the residents' registry and the town map.

Soon after, another body was found… and Alya had disappeared.

The body belonged to the farmer. At the scene, the sheriff told me it was the head nun’s assistant who had found the body.

He also confided his suspicions: he believed the head nun was the Calamity.

She was never seen before the killings, and always had the bodies cremated “for the salvation of their souls.”

He had even ordered her assistant never to take her eyes off her… and each time she did, another murder happened.

So I decided to investigate myself.

The bodies… always unrecognizable.

I then asked the sheriff to gather everyone who had been absent or alone at the time of the massacres.

In one room stood: the head nun, the former village chief, a man who tried to flee the town, and… the current chief, whom I had added to the list myself.

He seemed offended, thinking I didn’t trust him. Yet he had told me everything.

I questioned them one by one: where were you at the time of the murder?

— At the chapel, praying and cremating bodies, said the nun.

— In my quarters, looking for clues, said the chief.

— At home, away from the village, said the former chief.

— At his place too, the chief confirmed.

As for the fugitive… he looked nervous, panicked. I repeated the question.

Then he screamed:

— It was me! I killed them! All of them! And I’ll keep going! Until I get you all!

The men surrounded him and locked him in the prison.

Later, the head nun approached me:

— If there’s anything I can do… know that my chapel will always be open to you.

She asked if I had another suspect. I replied that I suspected the former chief, due to his dispute with the farmer.

But when everyone had gone back home, another body was found…

That of the former village chief. Lying at the edge of the lands.

A message was written in blood:

> You’re next, Eden.

After seeing the body, I told the sheriff to gather everyone inside the chapel for safety. He got to it right away, and everyone was rushing to pack up and head over. After one final check, I hurried there myself.

But on the way… there he was.

Standing tall, right in front of the chapel the townsfolk had just shut tight.

The Calamity.

Hunched back. Fanged teeth… He looked like a werewolf. My breath caught. I stared for a second, then bolted into the nearby forest to save my skin. With Alya gone, I was on my own this time.

He chased me. Moving at inhuman speed, leaping from tree to tree like a predator. I came to a sudden halt, pulled out a wooden stake, and there… the beast stood between two trees, just a few meters ahead.

I kept my guard up as it growled:

— You really think that little stick’s gonna stop me?

— You’re nothing but a failure. Give it up, spare yourself the pain.

— Your story ends here.

I fired a bullet and hurled the stake. The creature shredded it with its jaws, then lunged straight at me, ready to devour me.

I grinned.

— Go to hell, bloodsucker.

It fell right into my trap. A hidden wire snapped taut, snaring it. I lit a cigarette with a small electric device, then tossed the gadget onto the creature, electrocuting it. It howled, thrashing in place from the shocks.

I exhaled smoke, smirking.

— Case closed.

But then, a growl echoed from the shadows. Alert, I turned to look—only to see the wire was now empty.

The creature had vanished.

I looked around, then ran to the chapel.

Before going in, I saw the former sheriff’s son helping the current sheriff along, with a few townsfolk who hadn’t made it inside. I helped them in.

The sheriff was weakened. I turned to the potter—the son—and said:

— My condolences. It’s rough… losing your father like this.

He had a strange look in his eyes.

So I asked:

— Why didn’t you and the others leave… even after everything?

He said he and his father had lived here their whole lives. He was even born here. His mother had died giving birth to him. As for the other villagers, most were fugitives or criminals. For them, it was either stay here… or go somewhere with even more Calamities.

Then I asked:

— Why’s the sheriff so banged up?

He said the Calamity attacked them. The sheriff protected him. That’s why he was hurt.

I left him and went to see the sheriff, who looked like he’d been struck by lightning. He told me he just needed rest. I left him in a room and asked around if anyone had seen Alya.

That’s when someone knocked.

It was Alya.

As soon as we opened the door, she collapsed like she’d just fought for her life. One of the villagers shouted:

— That’s her! She’s the one who grabbed us when we were trying to find shelter!

The others surrounded her. I didn’t stop them. They were ready to kill her.

So I said:

— Lock her up first. If I find nothing… you can do whatever you want with her.

A villager added:

— This is all your fault. Before, only one person was chosen. Since you came, their numbers exploded!

— The Calamity chose you! If we don’t hand you over, it’ll kill all of us!

I listened silently, lighting another cigarette.

He continued:

— We should hand him over to the Calamity!

I answered, calm but firm:

— Unlike you, I didn’t come here to die.

— This will be settled. Fast. Don’t worry.

— That’s a lie! You don’t even have any proof! he snapped.

I stared him dead in the eyes.

— Why settle for proof… when I KNOW who the real culprit is?

Then I told everyone:

— Two hours. That’s all I need to get rid of your Calamity.

But just then, it appeared.

I pulled out my gun and fired. The bullet hit its arm. It fled.

I turned to the villagers. After more shots rang out, the sheriff stormed out yelling:

— Where is she?! That fake nun! I swear I hit that damn Calamity!

We rushed to her quarters. In the cremation room, she was bandaged.

The sheriff pointed:

— See? The Calamity gets hit… the nun’s the one who’s injured.

I asked the head nun why the bandage.

— I burned myself putting bodies in the furnace, she replied.

I asked to see the bodies. She refused. The sheriff snapped:

— If she’s got nothing to hide, why not cooperate?!

She shouted:

— I won’t let you insult me in my own home! I broke every rule to keep you safe—and this is how you thank me?!

I tried to calm things down:

— Please… just so people will stop suspecting you…

She showed the bodies. They were in the furnace, indeed. But she still wouldn’t show her arm.

The sheriff had her locked up.

Things were getting murkier.

Then, another appearance. Another body was found. The nun was still in her cell. And finally, she revealed her arm—it was indeed wounded.

The sheriff was now being watched by the former sheriff’s son… and his wife.

So I smiled.

— Release the nun. Call the sheriff back. They’re NOT the culprits.

Then I shouted:

— CASE CLOSED!

Everyone was gathered in one room. Him, at the center, pulled out a gun… and shot the nun in the head, then the sheriff.

Both collapsed.

He froze.

— Oh no… crap. I think I messed up.

The nuns screamed. The townsfolk, enraged, began to chase him down to kill him.

— Three… two… one…

The sheriff and the nun began to change… into Calamities.

Their true forms revealed. Chaos erupted.

— Just a little longer… and they would’ve been perfectly ripe! We were going to feast! said the nun-Calamity.

Eden asked:

— Why wait so long to attack?

— We love humans when they’re about to snap. When they don’t understand anything anymore… that moment… we LIVE for it, she said, spreading her monstrous wings.

The woman added:

— It’s your idiot brother who ruined everything.

— No way, it was totally your fault, Sisterette. You sucked as a nun, her brother replied.

— See? she said, turning to Eden.

Eden replied:

— He’s right. He did ruin everything. But you, as sheriff… impressive. Real dedication.

— Wanna know my secret? asked the Calamity-sheriff, flattered.

— I’d love to, said Eden, pulling out a notebook.

Sister Alya arrived and smacked him.

— Stop bonding with the enemy, idiot!

The chapel was filled with screams. Everyone was trying to flee.

The brother, now a Calamity, blocked the exit. I didn’t hesitate—I fired a shot that snapped a ceiling wire. A heavy wooden stake dropped, pinning the monster to the wall. The villagers rushed out.

I ran toward the chapel’s staircase. She chased after me, relentless. I fired a few shots to slow her down. Reaching the rooftop, I slammed the door shut… but she shattered it with one hit. The impact sent me flying.

Lying on the balcony, breathless, I watched her approach.

— Before I kill you, she said, tell me… how did you catch us?

I smiled, back to the edge.

— Alright. Since I’m about to die, might as well tell you everything.

I took a deep breath.

— First, when I asked the guy closest to the sheriff, he said he’d never seen any creatures. But I found his name in a testimony record…

My smirk widened.

— …a record that doesn’t exist. I made it up. Just to test your reactions. And it worked.

— Then, when I examined the farmer’s corpse, I noticed five sets of prints in the grass. I could tell four: the sheriff’s, his assistant’s, the nun’s, and the farmer’s. But the fifth?

I looked her in the eyes.

— And then… you called me “Eden.” I’d never said my name. Neither had Alya. Yet you and your brother both said “Eden” and “Alya.”

Her eyes widened slightly.

— That was enough. Alya had found you before me. And you got rid of her.

I slowly got up, standing at the edge. The Calamity froze, curious.

— Next time, she said, we’ll be more careful.

— Any last words? she asked.

I raised an eyebrow.

— Yeah. You look like you suck balls, brat.

She roared and lunged.

At the same time, I fired a signal shot into the air.

Down below, the former sheriff’s son pulled the tarp off a massive handmade crossbow.

— FIRE!

The projectile tore through the sky.

It pierced the Calamity mid-air, impaling her against the chapel wall. Her brother, now free, smashed through the wall and caught her. Together, they flew off into the sky.

— You win this time, Eden… but next time, we’ll kill you all! she shouted, slapping her brother.

— This is YOUR fault, idiot!

Eden watched them fly away, lit a cigarette, and smiled.

— I’ve never let prey get away before…

Then he whispered, like to an old friend:

— Your turn, Alya.

Alya dashed forward, sliced through the balcony rail, and at lightning speed… shredded the monsters into pieces in a flash of thunder.

Silence returned.

It was finally over.

Eden glanced at his watch and sighed:

— Thirty minutes. New record.

Back inside, the villagers had gathered. Calm returned. Then… the former sheriff stepped out of the shadows.

He was alive.

Everyone turned toward him, shocked.

— He owes us an explanation! one shouted.

— You made a deal with monsters! yelled another.

I raised my hand to silence them.

— Calm down. If he hadn’t… none of us would be here to complain.

A heavy silence fell.

So I explained:

— One day, the Calamities came to this town. They made the sheriff an offer: play their game, or watch his son get eaten. And like any father would… he chose to play.

I paused.

— The deal was simple: one person per season. That’s what the farmer told me. But over time… the Calamities got greedy.

“They even asked the former sheriff to write me a letter to lure me here. An offer I couldn’t refuse, as they said.”

“He and his son hid the real bodies in the underground chamber of the chapel.”

I turned to the sheriff’s son.

“And you… You were the one who helped the Calamity escape into the forest. When you did, you tore your clothes.”

“The same ones I noticed when I found you in the chapel. Your footprints were right next to the corpse we found in the woods… I recognized them too.”

He lowered his eyes.

“So, when I spoke to his son back in the chapel, I had already caught them. I told him that if he wanted to redeem himself for what he and his father had done, he had to cooperate so we could all survive. I asked him to grab the weapon as he left the chapel—otherwise, I would’ve died.”

“So… thank you, kid.”

“But if you really want to make amends… now’s the time.”

The former sheriff stepped forward with his son, took off his hat, and said:

“I’m sorry. It’s all my fault. I can’t even forgive myself.”

The townsfolk, enraged, tried to attack him. I stepped in.

“Enough! He made a terrible choice… but he did it to save lives. And today, thanks to him, you’re all still here.”

“If he hadn’t done what he did, you’d all be dead since the Calamities arrived.”

The case was coming to an end. Alya and I resumed our journey. We were now riding through the desert, on our wagon, back on the road.

Along the way, we came across an off-road vehicle. Inside sat a muscular man with a metal arm.

“Lamar!” I said with a smile.

“Hey, Eden. Long time no see.”

“What are you up to these days?” Eden asked.

“Starting a new job. Decided to stop fighting Calamities.”

“Wasn’t it your wife who made you quit?” I said, laughing.

“You know me too well,” Lamar replied.

He looked at Alya.

“Still as beautiful as ever, I see.”

“Mind giving us a lift? We picked up a signal. We need to go.”

Lamar thought to himself:

If I don’t hurry, Elena’s gonna kill me…

But before he could even say a word, Eden and Alya had already jumped into the vehicle. Eden said:

“You coming or what, Lamar?”

As they drove, a figure appeared in the distance, waving at them. Lamar squinted, trying to read their lips.

“Wait… did they say, ‘Watch out… there’s sand in the sea’?”

“No,” Eden laughed. “They said, ‘Bless you. There’s a Calamity in the sand!’”

“We really suck at this game…”

Then they froze.

A massive jaw burst from beneath the desert, charging straight at them.

And both of them screamed in unison:

“WATCH OUT, THERE’S A CALAMITY IN THE SAND!!!”