Episode 4

...XIE LIQIN- 谢立琴...

"Wake up! Sleepyhead" he sang, in Chinese.

My brain stutters for a moment and my eyes take in more light than I expected, every part of me goes on pause while my thoughts catch up. A moment, in which I felt my emotions change gear and girder.

Mr. Lu's smile slowly disappeared as he arches an eyebrow at me and said,

"Quit staring at me like that. We both agreed on this "

Agreed on what? - I thought. I only remember falling asleep after a terrible experience in Paris.

There's this wave of joy at the same time, sadness, confusion, and fear? That I felt after seeing him. I did want to talk to him before, not see him. Why is he here? Why am I here? Why aren't I in Paris? Was it all a dream?

These were the questions I kept asking myself. And just like that, I felt a discomforting feeling in my chest, a feeling in my brain like excess caffeine... then it sets in deeper. I felt the urge to run, escape, hide. Hide away from everyone.

My mental faculties gave way to my emotions. I wanted to jump right out of my skin and join the ether. I feel just like a child again, shaking, terrified. The constricted feelings grow as if I am strangled by just the air about me. Mr. Lu kept calling my name concerned, demanding an answer.

"Liqin! Talk to me! what's wrong?!" He said.

I couldn't reply. I wanted to, but I couldn't. It happens to me sometimes but this time around I felt as if my mouth was sealed. My lips couldn't part apart.

"Stop the damned car!!" he yelled at the driver who in return made the vehicle come to an abrupt halt. Meanwhile, I was struggling to get a hold of myself. Struggling to fight this feeling but it turns out, it was much stronger than I am. My vision blurred, voices I heard closer to me became very distant as it slowly fades away.

Everything turned pitch black for some seconds before my eyes shot wide open as I sprang from my bed, out of fear, to know where I was. Hopefully, I was still in Bullet's bedroom.

A dream?

For a second, those feelings I felt earlier gradually disappeared as it was replaced with happiness but came back once again. I ran a hand through my hair as I sat down on the bed, breathing heavily. It has been a long since I last had a panic attack. The last time I had it, I was just a child. I thought adults must be so sorted out in the head, but it isn't true at all. I am the same person I was then, just with more mileage on the clock. Those painful memories are books with chapters, deep and horrible. I want to take away the power of the painful memory for hurt, prove to myself that I could choose to move on but somehow, they overpower me.

They somehow appear from time to time. Fortunately, I manage to surpass its attempt to weigh me down by thinking positively. I believe that there's no amount of positivity that could help me now that all the memories are vividly playing in my mind.

Using both hands, I scratched my head continuously, helplessly trying to calm myself down. Stood up, paced back and forth, then ended up slamming my fist harshly, against the wall. I had no idea why I did that but I felt angry. I wanted to punch something and unexpectedly found myself punching the wall until I was satisfied. The wave of pain I felt after that, added to the ache I felt in my heart and made it complicated for me to hold in the tears. I fell to the ground, resting my back against the wall then pull my knees to my chest and rested my head against it. Tears, flowing down my cheeks uncontrollably. So, I gave in.

It is my tears that keep my soul alive in the furnace of this pain. They cannot extinguish what has been, yet only carry me forward until a time comes when that searing pain is distant enough to forget more than remembering, and maybe one day erase itself from my brain. So perhaps it may be an oddity to thank my tears and be proud to cry, yet if that's what saves me from becoming a monster, a person indifferent to suffering and sorrow, then crying is the smartest thing I can do.

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Knocks came from the door, becoming conscious of my surroundings as I woke up. I found myself, curled up on the cold-tiled floor. I gently sat up, yawning, at the same time, looking around to find out that it was already morning. I gently rose and opened the door when the person knocked again.

"Good Morning," Iris said as our eyes met. She looked vibrant with the smile she had on. I didn't even realize her hair was white until now.

After what happened last night, I didn't expect to see her at my door this morning.

"How was your night?" she asked, arching an eyebrow at the same time, looking at me from head to toe. Her face, expressing how surprised she was.

I believe she wasn't expecting me to spend the night at her house.

"Splendid and yours" I lied. It will be rude to tell her it wasn't pleasant, would'nt it?

"you're such a liar!" she retorted, putting me to shame. Damn! As if she could read my mind.

"Excuse me! " I snapped, rubbing my eyes. "and you're what? A lie detector?" I scoffed.

"Work on your facial expressions before lying, Q-tip. Trust me, those eyes bags look very horrible, and what happened to your fist?"

Eye bags? Fist? - I thought.

And that was when I sighted myself in the mirror behind Iris. I almost screamed when my gaze met the Zombie that appeared in the mirror. The Zombie, that is my very own reflection. My hair was very messy, my face was puffy, and my eye bags were quite dark and thick. Shocked by the view before me, I was lost staring at the monster at the same time wondering how long I cried last night. My hands, inspecting the nature of the eye bag when I noticed the dried blood that covered it. I completely forgot that Iris was still standing right in front of me until our eyes met. I felt embarrassed for two things. The hideous face that stood before her and lying.

She remained silent for some seconds, staring at me with a smirk on her face. Meanwhile, I was busy thinking of what lie I could use as a backup for the first. Sadly, I couldn't find any.

"Have this." she broke the silence, handing over three sets of clothes on hangers that she was holding the whole time. I collected them, wondering why she's giving them to me.

"They're my brother's. Pick anyone you like for the interview," she explained as she began making her way to the kitchen.

"They're spare toothbrushes in the third drawer near the bed. You'll also find the first aid kid in there. Use it and come get your breakfast. You don't want to be late for that Interview, Do you?"

Before I could say anything, she disappeared into the kitchen. I stood there, wondering if she was the one who left that note last night. She's quite different from the girl I met yesterday. I later raced to the bathroom after she reminded me that it was 9:00 am. An hour before the interview. In no time, I was all dressed up and having breakfast in the kitchen.

"I didn't know you could make*Jiānbǐng," I said, breaking the awkward silence. Since when she served me, we didn't say anything to each other. Bullet was sleeping on the couch and she was busy doing the dishes.

"That's because we just met " she simply replied.

Wait a minute!

"How did you know what I was referring to?" I asked, realizing that I just called the food in Chinese.

She turns to face me and replied "I made it"

Then continue washing the dishes.

So much for trying to start a conversation. Perhaps she doesn't approve of me staying here without her consent.

And suddenly, she spoke.

"What course are you applying for?"

I took the last sip of coffee, placed the mug on my empty plate, and replied

"Fashion Design and Technology" I then stood up and walked over to her.

"Cool," she simply stated not saying anything after that.

"Well, I'll be on my way now. Thank you for the breakfast, the clothes, and for letting me stay for the night. I'll return your brother's clothes after the interview. "

"No problem" she replied, showing no interest.

"I'll take my leave now"

"Goodbye"

"okay"

"Those eye bags go well with the outfit"

The nerve! That literary stabbed the amount of courage I gathered to face the interviewer. I knew the eye bags were still there but I don't have any idea how to get rid of them.

"Why thank you. I believe you must be mesmerized by my looks" I said with a little hint of sarcasm which made her look at me, surprised and asked;

"Would it hurt you to just ask for help?"

"Would it hurt you to stop making me feel helpless?" I blurted.

I hated being treated d such h way. I hated feeling helpless and that's why she's been making me feel since yesterday.

She didn't reply immediately as she was overtaken by Surprise? Anger? Sadness? Pity?.... I don't know. I couldn't tell what she was feeling. She just stood there staring at me expressionlessly.

"sit" she said in a commanding tone. Before I could make an opposition, she said,

"And don't even think about leaving before I get back"

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I had no idea why she helped me get rid of the eye bags using makeup but I had to seize my opportunity of looking good or more like not piss her off again. But anyway, she offered and I accepted. I almost died due to the dead silence that remained constant throughout the makeover over she gave me. It made me feel guilty throughout the bus ride as well as terrified. One second she looks all innocent and cute, the next she's like a wild dog. I believe I was being a little bit harsh to her even after the kindness she showed towards me but what can I do. I couldn't take it anymore. I'm sick of being told what to do or not.

Hopefully, I got to attend the interview right on time. Things went smoothly and in no time it was over. On my way back, I tried phoning Mr. Lu but his phone was still switched off. I tried calling Mrs. Rhys too and hers was as well switched off.

It's quite strange. Perhaps it's just a coincidence.

Shortly after I stopped calling, a call came in from an unknown caller.

"Hello, am I speaking with Xie Liqin"

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*Jiāngbǐng - 煎饼 (fried pancake)

It is a type of bing generally eaten for breakfast and hailed as "one of China's most popular street breakfasts." .

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